34. Impossible
CHAPTER 34
IMPOSSIBLE
I sabella
I’m doing this. I am losing my virginity to Raf tonight. I’m done waiting, I’m tired of making excuses for why this is such a bad idea. I already know it is, but I’m willing to take the chance. Because as infuriating as this man is, I want him. Like I’ve never wanted anyone else.
And after waiting all this time, I don’t want my first time to be with someone I have lukewarm feelings for. I want the fire, the overwhelming attraction, and the deeper connection I’d never get with Massimo or Jeff. I want Raffaele, the man who makes me feel safe and even adored.
I’m not stupid enough to think my bodyguard is in love with me, but there’s something there beyond the jealous, possessive streak. I’m certain of it.
So before I can think better of it beneath the light of the romantic Roman moon, I press my lips to his and kiss him with the same fiery passion that he devoured my pussy at the restaurant only an hour ago. He groans against my mouth as I walk him backward until we hit the ivy-covered wall.
The scent of flowers fills the air, the trickle of the nearby fountain only adding to the idyllic atmosphere. I only hope the deadly oleander with its deceivingly innocent pink blossoms isn’t nearby. Raf’s hands move to my ass, pressing me harder against him so that our bodies are flush, and I can feel his rock-hard, enormous cock at my belly.
A shudder rolls through my body at the thought of it invading my virgin vagina, but I push back the fear, reminding myself it is made to stretch. A baby is way bigger than any dick, right?
Right.
The rumble of an engine vaguely registers in the back of my mind, but I’m too busy matching Raf’s tongue stroke for stroke. The man can kiss, and that is a highly desirable trait in my opinion. Most men are more concerned with getting to the good stuff than taking time to properly kiss a woman.
So I bask in every sweep of his tongue, of the feeling of his fingers digging into the hair at the back of my nape, and I try to imagine what it will feel like to be fucked by this man. I briefly contemplate telling him about my virginal status before I decide it’s a bad idea. I don’t need him freaking out on me.
“No, I can handle my own luggage, Nicky.” The familiar female voice echoes from just beyond the gate, and I jerk my lips free from Raf’s. He immediately stiffens, back in bodyguard mode.
I would know that voice anywhere. “Serena?” I call out from inside the courtyard.
“Surprise!” She leaps out from behind the oleander bush on the other side of the wrought iron gate with her designer duffle bag slung over her shoulder.
“Oh, my God, what are you doing here?” I squeal as I hit the buzzer to let her in.
“I came to surprise you, of course!” She races in, tosses her bag at Raf and jerks me into a hug. “I’ve missed you so much!”
I squeeze her so hard my arms begin to ache. “Me too!” Tears start to threaten, and I blink quickly to keep them from spilling over. Control yourself, Bella . It’s barely been a month since last I saw my best friend and favorite cousin. “How did you know where to find me?”
Papà has been so paranoid he forbids me from telling anyone my new address. Obviously, I would have had to tell Serena eventually, but I had yet to figure out how since he was worried someone could have tapped my phone. Which is insane but part of him agreeing to let me come here meant following all his stupid rules.
“Oh, that was easy.” She smirks. “I bribed Vinny to break into your dad’s office and find the address.”
“Not that I’m not enjoying this happy little family reunion,” Raf grumbles, heaving Serena’s enormous duffle over his shoulder, “but why don’t we take this inside?”
“I see Rome hasn’t done anything to improve his mood.” Serena tosses my bodyguard a cheeky grin.
“Nope, not really. He’s as grumpy as usual.”
“You didn’t seem to mind that a minute—” I shove my fist into Raf’s stomach before he can finish his sentence. And yes, it was absolutely worth the momentary discomfort and likely bruised knuckles.
I motion toward the ancient building at the opposite side of the courtyard and loop my arm through Serena’s. “Come on, let me show you my new place.” I steer her around the fountain, the lanterns hung around the lush courtyard casting the area in a warm glow.
“It looks so charming,” Serena croons. “Milano is nothing like this.”
“Let me guess you got something super sleek and modern?”
“You know it, girl.”
Raf marches ahead of us with the duffle swinging across his back and opens the front door.
“How are things going with you two?” she whispers.
“Eh, you know, the same.” Guilt stabs at my insides at the blatant lie. I’ve never kept anything like this from my cousin. I always tell her everything. I can’t even fully explain why I’ve kept whatever this thing between Raf and me is from her. It’s not like she wouldn’t understand or that she’d give me shit for it. Serena has made more than her fair share of bad decisions when it comes to men.
Raf leads the way through the apartment, pausing at the quaint kitchen and cozy living room like a good tour guide before heading upstairs. At the top of the staircase, he turns toward the guest bedroom which is at the opposite end of the hall from our adjoining rooms.
“Um, hold up, Raf, you can just drop off my stuff in Bella’s bedroom. We always sleep together, right, cuz?”
My guard’s eyes chase to mine, something like panic setting in. I freeze for a minute, having completely forgotten about my desperate plea for him to fuck me less than fifteen minutes ago. Serena’s right though, even in her own apartment in Manhattan, we’ve always stayed in the same room whenever I slept over.
“Yup, that’s right,” I finally mutter.
The tendon in Raffaele’s jaw feathers before he spins on his heel and disappears into my bedroom with her bag. Serena follows him to the doorway, peeking inside. “Cute.” Her curious gaze immediately finds the adjoining door, and a mischievous smirk curls her lips. “You did not tell me about that.” She points at the door, then back and forth between the two of us.
Luckily, Raf is too busy situating Serena’s stuff in the closet to notice.
“Yeah, it’s just a safety precaution.”
“So no late night visits?”
“Nope.” I pop the P because I know how much it annoys my cousin. As she grimaces at me, I weave my arm through hers once again and tug her down the corridor. “Come on, the tour isn’t over yet. You have to see the rooftop. It’s hands-down the best part of the apartment.”
“Oh, I love the sound of it already. We should totally throw a party up there! We are going to have so much fun this weekend.” She takes a step before stopping at the bathroom in the hallway. “Oh wait, just give me a quick sec, I have to pee.” She dips behind the door, and the moment it’s closed, I tiptoe back toward my bedroom.
Raf is still inside, Serena’s luggage neatly tucked away. He stands by the window, staring out into the quiet night. His posture is stiff, the strain in his broad shoulders evident through his tight black tee.
“So…” I creep closer, crossing my arms over my chest. With the arrival of my cousin, I feel like something has shifted. I’m not sure if it’s him or me, or maybe both of us. Seeing Serena brought reality back in a rush. “Maybe Serena’s arrival was a sign or something,” I whisper.
He steps closer, his dark hair gleaming beneath the dim lighting. “Is that what you think?” His voice is deceptively calm given the wild flutter of the tendon in his jaw.
“I don’t know. Maybe.” I step back and he traps me against the window, his tattooed, muscled arms caging me in. My breath hitches when I feel his cock, still hard, pressed against my bellybutton.
His midnight irises lock to mine, the surge of emotions beneath the glassy surface startling. “Do you not want this anymore?”
“No, it’s not that?—”
“Because it’s all I can think about, Isabella. You are all I can think about from the moment I stepped into that boardroom all those weeks ago, hell, maybe even before. I can’t get you out of my fucking mind. I’ve tried so damned hard to get past this obsession, but every moment near you pulls me deeper, and resisting feels more impossible each day.”
I heave in a breath because my lungs have suddenly forgotten how to pump. My heart, too, seems to have given up on life.
“I’m not strong enough to fight this anymore,” he whispers, his musky scent all-consuming. “And more than that, I just don’t want to.” He jerks the hair tie he’s been wearing for weeks off his wrist and tosses it onto the floor.
“Bella, where’d you go?” Serena’s voice filters from out in the hallway, and Raf jumps back, freeing me from the confines of his muscled arms. His lips twist, but he doesn’t say another word. In all honesty, that confession was more than enough.
My heart is a mad battering ram as I shout, “In my bedroom, I’m coming!”
A devious grin tugs up the corners of Raf’s lips. “No, you’re not,” he murmurs. “But you will be soon.”
With that, he turns on his heel and walks out, leaving me way too flustered for my own good. Cazzo , this man will be my ruin.