37. The First Time
CHAPTER 37
THE FIRST TIME
R affaele
A twist of red-hot anger and toxic fear pummel my insides as I slam the apartment door shut behind Isabella and Serena before sliding the deadlock closed. I’ve already informed all the guards stationed outside to be on high alert for my brothers, not to mention the fact that I had Sal drive around half of Rome before returning home to ensure we weren’t being followed. The pair of typically chatty cousins move silently into the kitchen, and fiery guilt jabs at my chest.
Of all the damned clubs in Rome, how the hell did we end up at one my family owns? This is exactly why my rules are so important. If I’d done the recon as I typically do, I would have known the place was owned by the Ferraras. But merda , Isabella has me in such a chokehold, I’m letting things slide. She bats those long lashes at me and puckers those pouty lips, and I become a useless, spineless coglione . And it could have cost me her life.
I have to end this.
I cannot allow my feelings for her to cloud my judgement any longer. And as much as I hate the thought of it, I need to find my replacement. The sooner the better. Staying with Isabella only paints a larger target on her back.
And Dio forbid if my enemies discover I’m back in town. My own family is bad enough but the Sartoris, Mercurios, and DeLucas... My thoughts flicker to the shooter at RiverBar and invisible claws tear at my lungs. Could that attack have been because of me? If Antonio’s sources had confirmed my arrival, maybe others had to.
Fuck .
I move around the apartment in a fog, securing windows, shuttering up panes, locking up every inch of the damned space.
“Raf!”
I spin around to find a pair of blazing sapphire irises. From the irritation puckering her brow, my guess is that was not the first time she called my name.
“What?” I bark right back because I already feel shitty enough for both of us.
“I waited for the entire hour-long car ride. I was way beyond patient, and now, it’s time to tell me the truth.”
Serena moves into step beside her cousin, nodding aggressively, with a glass of wine already in hand. “Yes, what she said.” A smirk tugs at the corner of her lip, and her eyes begin to sparkle. “Also, are either of your brothers single, because damn…”
“Trust me,” I snarl cutting her off, “you want nothing to do with either of them.”
“Please start explaining.” Isabella glares up at me, arms pressed against her chest as if she’s trying to contain the anger. I recognize the motion well.
I have no intention of spilling my dark past to my current client, let alone her cousin. “I haven’t spoken to my family in a decade,” I huff out. “And that’s exactly why I was so hesitant to return to Rome. My father and I had a big falling out, and he essentially disowned me. My brothers took his side. Shit happens. End of story.”
“And that’s it?”
“Yes.”
“That standoff outside the club seemed like something much bigger than a little falling out.” Serena takes a sip from the glass, swishing the red wine around her mouth.
Isabella inches closer, her eyes searching mine for an answer she will not receive. I would never—could never tell her what happened. The wounds are too raw, scars much too deep to ever see the light. Especially not now with the barrage of feelings my new client is eliciting. She finally diverts her gaze to Serena. “Will you give us a second, Sere?”
“Really?” Her eyes are wide as she stares at her cousin as if she’s never been dismissed from a conversation in her life. Did they really tell each other everything ?
“Yeah, I need to talk to Raf alone.”
“Okay…” She spins on her heel and saunters toward the kitchen, topping off her wine glass before sinking down onto the couch in the living room.
Isabella’s hand threads through mine, her long slender fingers fitting so perfectly between mine, that the gentle touch is actually painful. Because it’ll have to be the last. I have no restraint around this woman. My entire life of control and carefully constructed policies and procedures go to hell around her. And that’s not fair to her.
Lust is one thing. That I can control, but this has gone so far beyond lust…
She tugs me up the stairs, her footfalls quickening with each step closer to our bedrooms. Which one would she choose? The thought is so pointless, but still, it crosses my mind. If she selects her room, she’s searching for comfort, a familiar surrounding, if she chooses mine, she’s seeking to comfort me. The subtle difference is something most wouldn’t account for.
Isabella turns at my room, and my heart quickens its pace. As pissed off as she is, she’s more concerned about my state of mind than the fact that I lied to her all these months. Interesting and unexpected.
She backs me into the room, then pushes me down on the mattress. “It’s just you and me now, Raf, and you owe me this. Tell me the whole story.”
I blow out a breath, attempting to buy some time to come up with a decent version of the truth. All lies must be centered around a truth in order to be plausible. “I already told you,” I mutter. “I did something unforgivable in my father’s eyes and so he banished me from the family, from the whole damned city.”
“And what was that?” That inquisitive gaze roams over me.
“I betrayed his trust.”
“By doing what?”
“Siding with someone he considered an enemy.”
Her dark brows furrow as she regards me. “Raf, I’m not an idiot. I know powerful men when I see them. What kind of business is your family in?”
I figured it wouldn’t take her long to connect the dots once she saw Antonio and Giuseppe and their troop of guards. “Nightclubs and restaurants.” I give her my most charming smile.
“Money laundering?” she retorts.
“Among other things.” Dio . Why not offer more incriminating information, you stronzo ?
She hisses a curse then drags her hand through her silky hair. “That was definitely not on your perfectly pristine resume, Mr. Ferrara. How could you not tell me?”
“Because it never would have come up if we hadn’t ended up in Rome. I’ve never had anything to do with the family business. I never wanted it.”
“And that’s why your father disowned you because you wanted out?”
I nod slowly because it’s partially true. “I’ve always wanted to protect others. Whether that meant in the Carabinieri, the Army or in private security, it’s my calling. It’s the only way to mete out some justice, to tip the scales toward the right side in this dark world.”
“And that’s it?” She inches toward me so that her bare legs brush my knees.
“That’s the gist, principessa . I don’t believe all the dirty details are truly necessary, do you?”
She slowly shakes her head. Her eyes remain locked to mine, as if she could somehow ferret out the lie. “Then why did you seem scared?” Her brows pucker again, expression gone completely serious. “I’ve never seen you like that, Raf. Not even when we’ve faced a hailstorm of bullets.”
I reach for her, my hands wrapping around the backs of her thighs before I can stop them. Drawing her closer, I loose a long, suffering exhale as I tip my head back to meet her worried gaze. “Because you’ve done something to me, principessa . You’ve stomped all over my rules, pitched my procedures to hell, and cracked open the fortress I've built around my heart. You make me feel vulnerable, and that scares the shit out of me, more than any bullet ever could.”
Before I can stop the insane blathering, the words are out. I regret it instantly, but I can’t even focus on my own stupidity for long because her lips are on mine before I can force my tongue to take them back.
Isabella straddles me, sinking down across my legs as her mouth captures mine, fierce and insistent.
“I’ll never let anyone hurt you,” I mumble against her lips, even as I remember I’m supposed to be finding my replacement. This is wrong.
But Dio , it feels so damned right.
She grinds against my cock, her mini skirt hiked up to her thighs as she nibbles on my bottom lip. I grab handfuls of her ass, kneading the firm but supple flesh. She’s perfect and mine . I’ve never wanted—no, needed anyone more.
Especially after the brutal reminder that came along with running into my brothers.
I’m ready to toss it all to hell for her. To risk the wrath of Luca Valentino, to lose my job, hell, my damned life just for one taste of redemption.
My fingers latch beneath the waistband of her thong, and I drag the lacy thing down her legs, my mouth never leaving hers. I run my hand up the inside of her thigh and feel her already dripping for me.
A groan rumbles my chest, likely vibrating against her own as I press her flush against me, so her pussy soaks my jeans. I love seeing how wet I make her. I’ve barely even touched her yet. My cock is so damned hard it strains against my jeans, almost painful. I move her hand between us so she can feel my hard length. She grimaces, cheeks growing rosy, when she notices her wetness on the denim.
“Don’t be embarrassed, principessa, ” I whisper against the shell of her ear. “It’s so fucking hot. It drives me absolutely feral how drenched you are for me.”
The blush fades as she nibbles on her bottom lip and begins to stroke my dick over the jeans.
“Trust me when I say it’s taking all my willpower not to come just from looking at you.” I curl my hand around her cheek and stroke her soft skin with the pad of my thumb. Her eyes glisten, pupils blown with desire.
“Raf, I?—”
I cut off her words with my eager mouth, too hungry for those swollen lips. As I devour her, her hand slips beneath my jeans and closes around my cock. She’s not the only one who’s wet, her hand easily glides down my shaft, and I release a hiss. “Mmm, that hand alone is lethal.”
I thrust against her palm and precum glistens on the tip. Fuck, I’m like a teenager, ready to blow. I really hope she’s on the fucking pill because I want to feel her warm pussy clenching around my dick. But after the last time, I wait, biting my tongue. I don’t want to spook her by saying something stupid again. Just when I’m certain I’m going to explode in her palm, she releases me and makes quick work of my zipper.
Stepping out of my jeans and boxers, I flip us around so she’s flat on the mattress now, and I stand between her legs, my cock thick and ready. Her gaze drops between my legs, and that same expression sets in. Fear? Horror?
I just don’t understand…
“Are you okay?” My voice is so ragged I barely recognize the rough timbre as my own.
Her head bounces up and down.
“Are you sure you still want this?”
She snags her bottom lip between her teeth and parts her legs for me, placing my hand at her apex. A thrill surges up my spine as I kneel between her thighs and glide my finger through her wet folds.
“Oh, fuck, principessa , you do want this, don’t you?” I find her clit, rubbing slow circles and her head falls back on a groan, eyes closing. I want to fuck her so badly, I’m going to come in seconds once I’m inside her. Shit, which reminds me… “I need to grab a condom.”
“I’m on the pill,” she murmurs as I continue to tease her clit. “Serena made me.”
Thank Dio for the fiery little blonde. The idea of feeling all of her without anything between us only makes me harder.
“I’m not seeing anyone else, obviously, so I mean, unless you are?—”
“Fuck no,” I hiss. Even if I had a second to myself there is no one else. There hasn’t been, not really, not since her .
As I continue to circle her clit, I wrap my free hand around my cock and run my head across her slick entrance. Her eyes snap open, that fear flashing again, and I can feel her pussy tense around my finger. I pause, fiery heat racing through my dick which is just inches from burying inside her. It’s the moment I’ve been dreaming about for months, but, cazzo , something feels off.
“Isa,” I growl, my voice still laced thick with desire despite the confusion. “What’s going on?”
“Just go slow, okay?” The faint line between her brows puckers, something unreadable streaking through those expressive blue eyes.
And then it hits me, like a mother-fucking freight train. How tight she feels around my fingers, how she panicked last time right before we got this close, how controlling her father is… No, it can’t be. My heart cracks against my ribs, louder, harder, faster.
I fix my eyes to hers, capturing her in what I hope is a reassuring gaze. “Tell me why I should go slow, principessa .”
Her cheeks heat, an intoxicating stain coating her cheeks.
“Isa, please.”
She squeezes her eyes shut and grits out, “It’s my first time, okay?”