7. Marissa
SEVEN
MARISSA
You never realize how small an apartment is until all you want to do is pace. I'm getting dizzy going back and forth in such a little space, but it's either this or worry about what's happening downstairs. Although Cain and I are separated, I still worry about him. It's not as if I can turn those feelings off.
Seeing him squealing tires because he's rushing toward where I needed help was eye-opening. I assumed he wouldn't answer a call that I made. How wrong was I?
There's a knock on the door. "Ris, it's me."
His voice calms the butterflies in my stomach. I rush to the door and fling it open. "Is everything okay down there?" I'm terrified for him, but I don't want him to know, so I project about the store.
"They broke the window on the door, but it doesn't look like they did any permanent damage. The business insurance should cover it. Before I leave, I'll board it up for you."
I swallow hard. "I don't want you to go out of your way."
"Nothing I do for you is out of my way. I'm happy to help you. I just never thought that you wanted my help."
This is a different man than the one I left six months ago. I miss him, but I don't know how to tell him. "Thank you, I appreciate it."
"Goddamn it, Ris."
Folding my arms over my chest, I tilt my chin up toward him. "What? What's that for?"
He puts his hands on his hips. "Don't tell me that you appreciate me, Ris. I fucking hate it. You haven't spoken to me in six months, and you tell me you appreciate me? Fuck off."
Those words hurt. In all the time we've been together, he's never told me to fuck off. "I wish you hadn't been the cop who responded. Anybody but you would've been preferable." I turn away from him.
He growls, before crossing the threshold and slamming the door. "I've been patient with you, Marissa, done everything you wanted me to do. When you gave me the divorce papers and the ultimatum, I didn't argue."
"Maybe I wanted you to." I throw the words out like they taste bad.
He raises his eyebrows. "Is that what you wanted? Me to react? Did you do all of this because you wanted me to fight for you?"
I've thought about this. I don't know what I was hoping for when I told him I was leaving and gave him the papers. "I don't know what I wanted." I throw my hands up in the air. "All I know is I wanted something different from what we had, Cain."
He dips his chin into his chest. "In what way? You never told me what way. How am I supposed to fix it if you don't tell me?"
My heart is pounding in my chest, nerves rattle in my stomach, and I'm not sure how to say the things I want.
"C'mon Ris, I'm giving you carte blanche to tell me about all the ways I sucked. All the ways I failed you as a husband. Go ahead, give it to me. I'm a strong man. I can take it."
The smirk spreading across his face pisses me off, and that anger gets the better of me. "Do you know what I wanted, Cain? I may not have asked you, but I gave plenty of hints. You couldn't seem to figure them out."
He sighs, running an agitated hand through his hair. "I'm not a hint guy. After six years of marriage, how could you not realize that?"
I groan loudly. "I wanted you to take the hints, Cain. You know I'm not good at voicing what I want."
"And I can't read your fuckin' mind."
"I wanted excitement." I yell. "I didn't want missionary again. I wanted you to flip me over and yank my hair in your fist. To treat me like I wasn't your wife. Instead, I wanted you to treat me like someone who you couldn't get enough of. That was never the case." I roll my lips together, trying to keep my emotions in check.
He pulls his bottom lip in between his teeth and licks the dryness away. Those eyes of his hood in a way I haven't seen in years. "You want me to fuck you?" He hitches his chin up. "To do all the things I've imagined. Not worry about the fact that you're my wife."
"Yessss..." I sigh with relief, because he finally seems to understand. The distance between us doesn't seem so far now. Not when I feel like he's ready to meet me in the middle.
He unhooks his duty belt and walks over to set it on the counter. "I'm 10-96, so we have some time."
I eye him as he strolls over. "How much time?"
"They know I was coming to check on you. I have a few hours left, but no one is going to say anything if I disappear for a while. So we have all the time you need. Fuck it, hang on one second." Grabbing his radio, he keys the mic. "Dispatch, requesting personal leave. I need to make sure my wife is okay."
I wait, holding my breath to see if he's approved.
"Supervisor approved. Taking you off the rotation," dispatch says.
"Thank you," he says, his eyes locked on mine. He throws the radio down on the counter next to his duty belt. "That's taken care of. I'm yours for as long as you want me."
I nod, swallowing hard against the lump in my throat. "Okay."
His eyes heat when he moves across the floor, erasing the distance between us. They travel along my body as if they're mapping what I look like now. We've both changed physically since we separated. I've lost weight because money has been tight, and Cain's bulked up a lot. "Tell me a word. One that you'll say if I do something you don't like."
"A safe word?" I ask, brows furrowed. We've never had one of those before, never even discussed it. Immediately, my body warms.
"Yeah." He licks his lips. "A safe word. I'm always going to be a man of the law, and I'm gonna need that word. If I let my darkest thoughts out of the bag, I'll need a way to reel them back in, if you don't agree."
His words are surprising. What has he been hiding under that good guy image and badge? Has he been who I wanted all along, but he didn't feel comfortable enough to show this side of himself? Rolling my lips together, I think about what I'll use.
"I'm waiting, Ris. Give. Me. The. Word."
A smirk works its way across my face. "Pages. That's my word." I don't add that the reason I have so much confidence in myself now is because of what I read in the pages of the books I love.
He scoffs, tilting his head back, before bringing it forward to look into my eyes. He inhales, his nose flaring. "I'll give you one more chance to back out of this."
"I don't want to back out of it." I shake my head.
His finger rubs at his lips. "Do you want me to take care of you one more time? For the two barely twenties kids who had no idea what they were doing, but desperately loved each other?"
Taking care of me sounds like something I want him to do. I nod, pulling my lips in between my teeth. "Yeah, take care of me, Cain."
I watch as his eyelids drop into hoods. Those eyes of his roam all the way down to my toes, and then back up to my face. He widens his stance so that we're looking at one another directly. In a way we haven't for months. My chest pumps up and down as I wait for him to make a move. Nipples tighten against the material of the shirt I'm wearing, and my pussy clenches. I've never been as turned on as I am right now, and he hasn't even touched me.
Leaning forward, he digs a hand into my hair, pulling my head back so that I'm looking up at him. "Remember that safe word, because I'm going to push your boundaries tonight, Ris. The way I've wanted to for a long time."
The heat in his eyes is this side of dangerous, and I want this more than I've ever wanted anything. "Please..."
Dropping his lips onto mine, he takes this kiss. He owns my mouth as he slants his over mine. Pulling my lips apart, he slides his tongue against the roof of mouth. I reach out, gripping his uniform shirt in between my fingers. Holding on for dear life, because I feel like I'm about to swoon. The kiss is aggressive, with some anger attached to it. Which is understandable. He didn't want the separation or the divorce. It was all me.
Moving his hand down my neck, and then to my back, it takes a leisurely slide to the globes of my ass. Those fingers of his grip the material of my shorts before lifting me up into his arms. I gasp, hooking my arms around his neck.
Cain pulls back. "How sturdy is this counter?" He tilts his head to the side.
"Pretty decent. I put a bunch of boxes on it when I moved in."
He grunts, head nodding, before he walks me over to the other end, away from his duty belt. Before I can react, my ass meets the cold formica.
"Spread those legs for me. I've missed this pussy," he whispers.
I do as he asks, impatiently waiting for him to do something, anything, to me. Those eyes of his lock between my thighs, and he licks his lips before dropping to his knees. He's so tall that even on his knees he's eye-level with the counter, which means he's right in front of my core. Glancing down at him, I notice that he licks his lips, then dives in, heard first. Pushing my sleep shorts and panties aside, he flattens his tongue against me, and then pulls back.
"You're bare?"
"Surprise." I tilt my shoulder up, a shy smile spreading across my face.
With a growl, he goes right back, pressing into me. All I can do is grab hold of the edges of the counter and hang on for dear life.