20. Cain
TWENTY
CAIN
I jerk awake when the annoying sound of my alarm permeates the peaceful sleep I've been lulled into for the past eight hours. Beside me, Marissa makes a noise of protest.
"It can't be time to wake up, right?" She groans.
"Unfortunately, it is." I stretch and yawn loudly. "And I can't be late today. There's some shit going down." Fuck, I didn't mean to say that. Since she left, I've volunteered for the more dangerous SWAT team, and while I love it, I'm not sure how she'll feel.
"What do you mean?"
This was the part that was nice about me not having to answer to anyone. I was able to do anything I wanted to, and didn't feel as if someone else's feelings mattered as much as the need for the community. In losing Marissa, I found I loved community policing, and doing it for myself has been the best gift. It's not fair to her though, if I don't come completely clean with what I've signed up for. "I want you to let me explain before you say anything."
She raises her eyebrows and turns so that she can give me her full attention. "I'm going to listen, but please don't lie to me. I might not like what you have to say, but we have to be open with one another."
Those words hit me right in the chest. There was so much we didn't share before, and it killed us. That's why we're living in two different homes right now. "After you left, I was lonely. I didn't want to admit that to you. There wasn't any way I was going to try to date someone else. You're the only one for me, Ris, no matter what we've gone through. You're still the only one for me. To keep myself from being bored as fuck, I joined the SWAT team."
She closes her eyes and speaks slowly. "You know, that scares me. I've always been supportive of anything you wanted, but that?"
"I know." I nod, holding up my hand. "It was one of those situations where they came into the squad room, said they needed some new members. I took the test and passed."
Watching Marissa, I'm worried. The old her would hide her feelings if she thinks it's something that will upset me. More than anything, I hope we've moved past who we used to be.
"How dangerous is it?" She finally asks, her voice small and soft. "Is there a chance you could be injured?"
"I could get hurt every single day that I put that badge on, Ris. Being a part of the SWAT team doesn't make that much of a difference."
"You've got a point, but it doesn't mean I'm going to worry any less."
Wrapping my arms around her waist, I pull her close. "Worry is what keeps me alive. It's not as if I go out there assuming things are going to be great. I expect the worst, but hope for the best. Knowing that you're at home waiting on me is why I take such care."
She sighs heavily, blowing out her breath. "But if you're promising me that you're going to take care, you're going to make sure you come home to me, then I'll trust you, and hold you to it."
Dipping my mouth into the hollow of her neck, I take a kiss. "Get your cute ass up. I have to get ready to go."
Wyatt sits next to me in the armored vehicle we use to approach subjects we're about to apprehend. "You've got a smile on your face."
I haven't been able to wipe it off since I left my bed. "Marissa spent the night last night."
"So things are going well between y'all?"
There isn't an easy way for me to explain this to anyone. Really, I don't want to put a name to it, or assign it a timeline, but I know people will be interested. "They are. Can't say I expected it to happen the way it has, but I'm grateful. I've never wanted to live without her, and I didn't plan on it, and I'm being given a second chance. I'm taking it with both hands and not letting her go."
"I'm happy for you."
Before I say anything else, the commander asks for everyone's attention. Turning to where he's at the front of the vehicle, I give it to him.
"We're going after Cord Halfway today. Here's a picture." He holds it up so everyone can see him. "He's wanted out of Iowa for murder, drug possession with intent to distribute, and there's a feeling that he could also be trafficking in humans. We'll know for sure once we get into the house."
My heart pounds against my chest. This is why I enjoy working with this crew. I never know what the day is going to bring. There are so many unknowns when we breach, it gives me the adrenaline rush I've been looking for most of my life. It's akin to the type of high I get from doing all the naughty things with Ris I've only thought about. That we're living the life I never thought we would is enough to blow my mind.
"Okay everybody, look alive."
My attention moves from Ris to the job at hand. I do a mental checklist of everything I need in order to make sure I'm safe. Once the armored vehicle moves into place, we stand and get in formation. Before we move off, I send up a little prayer. One that requests we get done what we need to, and I, in turn, make it home to Ris in one piece.