Chapter Thirty-Five
Mindy
It's a lazy Sunday morning.
Last night I had a performance at New York High, my first one since leaving Maron's mansion. It felt strange to be back on that stage, singing for a crowd of strangers as if nothing had changed. But I powered through it, ignoring the empty feeling in my chest from knowing that Maron wasn’t there in the front row. No striking blue eyes watching me with an emotionless expression, despite the sexual turmoil that’s going on under the surface.
Kevin had organized a small gathering after my performance. It was a welcome distraction, a chance to temporarily forget about the emptiness that had been gnawing at me since I sent the goodbye message to Maron.
I roll over in bed, my body still heavy with the lingering effects of last night's event.
Kevin really outdid himself with the food. Every bite was like a party in my mouth. He even brought his new boyfriend along and introduced us to each other. The guy has this great personality that just lights up the room. Seeing them together, so happy and in love was amazing, but also bittersweet. Sure, I am happy for them, but I was also reminded of the love I walked away from.
Love?
Is that what you want to call it, Mindy?
You don’t even know what it was!
I shake off the thought and stretch, not even trying to suppress a big yawn. I'm feeling lazy, but maybe a shower would help. Followed by a coffee. And then a plan to start putting the pieces of my life together.
I sit up in bed, trying to fish out my flip-flops from under the bed, when a wave of nausea crashes over me. The hollow feeling in my stomach is all-consuming.
I stumble out of bed, my feet carrying me to the bathroom on pure instinct. By the time I reach the door, the feeling of nausea is overwhelming. I barely make it to the toilet before the contents of my stomach come rushing up. I grip the sides of the bowl and vomit violently into it.
"You okay, Mindy?" I hear Betty's voice from the kitchen, but I can't bring myself to respond. I slump down onto the toilet seat, my chest heaving as I try to catch my breath. The cold porcelain feels soothing against my skin.
What the hell is going on?
Maybe it’s the food from yesterday. I wasn’t exactly careful with what I ate.
I close my eyes and wish for the bathroom to stop spinning. When it finally does, I quickly discard my pajamas and turn on the water, eager to take a long, calming shower. But as the soothing, vanilla-scented body wash hits my skin, something feels off. I hate the smell of it. Which is strange because I always enjoyed its scent.
I wash myself clean, wrap myself in a robe, and head to the kitchen where Betty is puttering around in her pajamas. I'm greeted by the rich, pungent aroma of fresh coffee. My friend looks up and smiles as I walk in, but her expression quickly turns to one of concern.
"Mindy, are you okay? You look pale."
I open my mouth to answer, but an unexpected wave of nausea hits me again. This time it's like a freight train. The smell of the coffee, normally so comforting and inviting, is now unbearably strong, making my stomach churn and my head spin. I don’t even stand a chance.
I clap a hand over my mouth and make a beeline for the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before I'm violently sick for the second time. I retch and heave, my stomach clenching painfully as I empty it into the bowl.
A soft hand gently rubs circles on my back, comforting me. "Mindy, are you alright?" Betty expresses concern. "Did you eat something that upset your stomach?"
"It must be the crab from last night," I gasp. "I never did well with seafood."
Betty launches into a barrage of questions, "Oh, so you went out to dinner last night? With whom? Did you make up with Maron?"
"Not with Maron,” I interject. “Kevin made seafood at the bar."
Betty looks confused. "Oh, Kevin, then. Damn, girl! There are more guys in your life than I can keep up with!"
I stifle a laugh. "It’s not like that, Bets. Kevin has a new boyfriend. And they're madly in love."
Betty's jaw drops, "Wait, seriously? Kevin is gay?"
"Yep, and he couldn't be happier.”
I suddenly retch again as my stomach twists violently, but nothing comes out this time. The bitter taste of bile still lingers in my mouth, and my body feels as weak as a newborn kitten.
"Come on, Mindy. Are you sure this is the seafood? We’ve had crabs many times and you never had this reaction."
"Allergies can develop at any time, Bets. Maybe mine did last night."
Betty’s expression shifts from worried to stunned. Like she’s suddenly come to an important realization.
"Mindy, do you know what I'm thinking?" she asks with a frown.
"Sure, Bets. I can read your mind, no problem.”
She shakes her head, her face serious. "Stop it, girl. What I think is that you're pregnant. With Maron's baby."
I flinch at the mention of Maron’s name and my heart clenches in my chest. The memories of our time together suddenly flood me - the passion, the intensity, the way he made me feel alive in ways I'd never known – all at the same time. I want to push it all down and forget the whole thing, but I just can’t bring myself to it. Maybe I did fall for him during our short time together. But a pregnancy? That’s impossible.
I weakly shake my head, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. "You know well I can't get pregnant, Bets."
But even as I say the words, a niggling doubt takes root in the back of my mind. My periods have always been irregular, because of my hormonal issues. And with everything that's happened lately - the stress, the chaos, the earth-shattering revelations about Maron - I can't even remember when I had my last one.
Betty frowns, her eyes searching mine. "Are you sure?"
"Positive," I say firmly.
Of course, it's a lie. Knowing I couldn’t fall pregnant, every time Maron and I had sex, caution was thrown to the wind. The only thing that mattered was the feeling of his skin on mine and his length moving inside me.
Betty's expression softens and her hand comes up to brush a strand of hair from my forehead. "Alright, hun. But if there's even a slight chance... don't you think you should take a test? Just to be sure?"
I squeeze my eyes shut. Ugh, another damn test. The thought of peeing on a stick and waiting for those stupid lines to show up brings back memories of my hormonal imbalance being treated. Testing, testing, and testing, hoping for the best possible outcome. My hormonal issues never went away, I remained infertile, and my libido is still off the charts. Dealing with this was always a pain in my back and a constant reminder of how my body sucked at being functional.
I shake my head vehemently, my stomach churning at the mere thought of taking a pregnancy test. "It's pointless, Bets. You and I both know that I’m infertile. Why do you think we were planning IVF with Maurice?"
But Betty is relentless. "Come on Min, just to be on the safe side. You can't just ignore these symptoms and hope that they’ll go away. If there's even a slight chance that you're pregnant, you need to know about it."
I click my tongue and shoot her a sarcastic look. "And if it comes back positive? Then what?"
"You tell Maron, of course," Betty says.
“You know well Maron and I are not on talking terms,” I fire back.
“All the more reason to start talking again.”
I take a deep, shuddering breath, steeling myself for the confession that's been weighing on my soul. I still didn’t tell Betty about what I witnessed that night in Maron’s mansion. I didn’t want to put my friend in danger for no reason. All she knows is that things didn’t work out between us. "I don’t want to get back together with Maron, Bets. I have good reason not to.”
Betty heaves a sigh. “You know, girl, sometimes I just don’t understand you. You dated the hottest man alive who also happens to be a billionaire entrepreneur and you suddenly decided to break up with him. We both know that you’re never going to find someone like-”
“Remember when you warned me about him, Bets?” I cut in, interrupting her rant. “About the rumors that he may be involved in something shady?"
Betty nods and furrows her brow. “Yeah, why?”
"Because you were right," I say softly. "I saw something, the night before I broke up with him, Bets. Something horrible."
Betty’s eyes suddenly widen. I know her gossip sensors are alert and that every cell in her body is eager to hear what I’m about to say. This is exactly why you need to be careful with gossip around Betty.
So, I tell her about what happened that night, leaving out the worst details. Namely, the fact that I saw Maron kill someone. But I tell her about wandering the darkened corridors of the mansion and stumbling upon that awful scene. I tell her how the man was being interrogated and tortured while Maron watched with a cold, impassive expression like it was just another day at the office.
As I speak, Betty’s complexion drains of color and there’s horror in her eyes. “Holy shit, Mindy. That’s... that’s horrible. I can’t even imagine.”
I wipe the unwanted tears from my eyes as I nod in agreement. “You see now? I can’t be with a man like him, Bets. I bet you would have done the same in my shoes.”
Betty reaches out and squeezes my hand tightly. “Oh babe, I’m so sorry. I know this must be a lot to deal with. I just wish you’d have told me earlier."
"It just…” I sniff. “It hurts like a bitch, Bets." I have fresh tears welling up in my eyes again.
My friend comes in to embrace me with a comforting hug. "Of course it does, babe," she says. "Still, you did the right thing by leaving him. That was the only sensible thing to do after this."
I really want to cry now. I try convincing myself that Betty is right, but the tears flowing down my face suggest otherwise.
"Ssshh. I’m here for you, girl,” Betty continues to comfort me. “I’ll help you get through this, I promise." she lets go of our embrace and looks at me with concern. "What's your plan now?" she asks.
"Take one step at a time,” I answer with an exasperated sigh. “And even if by some miracle I'm pregnant, there's no chance I'll be able to carry the baby to term. According to the doctors I’ve seen, my body wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
Betty lets out a sigh. "Too bad, babe. You would make a wonderful mother." She gently pats my cheek. “But now, let’s go buy you a pregnancy test.”