Chapter 20
HARPER
My one suitcase sits fully packed in front of me as I wait at the bus terminal to go back to my parents’ house.
I wish I had another place to go, somewhere else to run to, but there is nowhere.
I need to go home and explain to them how I managed to throw my entire life away.
Every chance of a successful career, gone.
How am I going to go to college now? No money, no home, and now a child to take care of?
I can’t even take care of myself. This is… a nightmare, a true, living one.
How could I have been so stupid? How could I have trusted him again? How could I get pregnant by a monster?
Why don’t you get an abortion?
His words hurt more than anything else. What would compel him to say something like that? Warren can be a horrible person, vicious and mean, but never did I think he would say something so dark and cruel.
Especially not about something that is half his, and part of both of us. What would make him ever think I would get an abortion and kill a life that belongs to us.
The sound of the bus approaching fills the streets, and I turn my head to see it heading toward me. Getting on my feet, I pull out the handle on my suitcase, so I can pull it behind me. I take about two steps toward the curb when I hear someone calling my name.
What the—
“Harper!”
I twist around to find Warren running down the sidewalk, his arms raised, his hands waving back and forth as he tries to get my attention.
Bitter anger pulses through my veins. Shaking my head, I turn back and start walking to the approaching bus.
It’s too late. I can’t and won’t talk to him. Maybe someday, but not today.
“Harper,” he yells again just as the bus stops, its doors opening.
I’m about to step on, but my foot has barely left the ground when someone pulls me back.
I try to shrug him off, but his hands are firm on my shoulders.
I can feel myself melting into his touch.
I want to give in, to let myself fall for anything and everything he says, but he doesn’t care about me.
He doesn’t want me. It was all a mistake.
“Please, just let me explain. I’m so sorry, I fucked up. I thought you cheated on me and got pregnant by someone else.” He pants.
Turning to face him, I can’t hide my anger and sadness from him.
His eyes are bloodshot, and though he smells like a liquor cabinet that’s been spilled over, he seems sober.
“Are you fucking serious right now? When the hell was I supposed to be with someone else? We’ve been together day and night for the last few weeks. ”
Warren shakes his head, his chest is rising and falling so fast I worry he might be having a heart attack, “Not now, then… three years ago. I saw the doctor’s bill with your name on it.
It said abortion, and I thought…” I try to digest what he’s saying, but I’m too angry, too sad, my give a shit is busted. Nothing can change what we’ve become.
“You thought I cheated on you and got an abortion? What is wrong with you? Do you know me at all? Why didn’t you come talk to me?
Why did you believe it in the first place?
You should know that I would never do anything like that!
I loved you, and you treated me like I was nothing to you time and time again.
” The words pour out of me. I struggle to take a breath in between.
“I’m sorry…” The words fall from his lips with ease, and I can see the guilt and shame in his features, and still, I don’t care.
“I’m sorry is not good enough. This is not something I can just forgive.
I can’t forget the words you said to me earlier, and I don’t know if I ever will.
I would never get an abortion, but don’t worry, you don’t have to be a part of our lives.
I don’t want your money, and I certainly don’t want you. ”
He staggers back like I just hit him in the face. “You don’t want me?” He blinks as if he’s unsure of what I just said.
Swallowing down the pain in my chest, and the thousand and one other emotions, I nod. “Right now, no, and maybe not ever. You had your chance, and you destroyed me, us. You took something beautiful and ruined it.”
“I’m sorry, Harper. I’m so sorry. There is nothing I can say, nothing I can do. I can’t take back the things I did. I can’t rewind time. If I could, I would do it in a heartbeat. I would right all my wrongs. I would erase all the pain I caused you, everything I did to us.”
Well, you can’t...I almost say, tears stinging my eyes.
It’s time to end this for good. Time for me to let go.
I’ve held onto him, and this thought that he would be mine forever for far too long.
It was nothing more than a fairytale wish.
Warren isn’t a prince. I’m not a princess.
And this isn’t a fairytale. It’s a nightmare, and I need to wake up. I’m going to save myself from it.
“My bus is leaving, I need to go,” I tell him, grabbing onto the handle of my suitcase a little tighter.
“At least let me drive you,” he offers, holding out his hand to me, but I can smell the booze from here.
“You smell like a distillery, and you shouldn’t be driving anywhere, let alone with me.”
He drops his hand and lowers his head in defeat. “Okay.”
“Okay,” I echo his words. My heart feels as if it’s being ripped from my chest. I take a step away from him.
“I want to be in your life and the baby’s life. Don’t… don’t end this forever. Don’t let this be goodbye,” he pleads, but in my already fragile state, there is no determining our future.
“I don’t know… I really don’t know if I can.”
“Ma’am, I’m about to leave without you,” the bus driver calls from inside the bus.
“Goodbye, Warren,” I whisper as I once again find myself walking away from the man I love. The only difference, this time, I’m the one choosing to leave.
A few days have passed since I left Warren standing at the bus stop.
Being home with my parents is nice, but every day is a struggle.
They took the news much better than I thought they would.
They are not happy about it by any means, but they don’t hate me, which I was most afraid of. Mainly they are just worried about me.
All I want to do is sleep, cry, or both.
My mother does what she can to console me, but I know it’s futile.
The only person I need and want is the one person I refuse to see right now.
I just can’t get over what he said to me, the words hurt me too deeply.
Not to mention that for the last three years, he thought I cheated on him.
Why didn’t he just talk to me? All he had to do was ask, and I would’ve told him the truth.
I absentmindedly cradle my stomach, like I’ve been doing ever since I found out.
I haven’t been to the doctor yet, but I did take three pregnancy tests, and every one came back positive.
Curling up a little more on the couch, I think about what it will feel like when my belly grows, what it will feel like when the baby kicks for the first time…
“Hey, sweetie,” my mom’s voice drags me out of my daydream. My head snaps up just in time to catch her walking into the living room. I sit up, pulling the blanket a little tighter around me. I can’t seem to stay warm these days.
“What’s up, Mom?” I ask when I see a stack of papers in her hand.
“I just printed out some information you might want to look at,” she shrugs, before taking a seat next to me.
“What is it?” I take the papers and start to look over them, quickly realizing that these are applications for grants for colleges.
“This one is for a grant specifically for single moms.” She points at the top paper.
“The next one is an application for financial aid at the local community college. I know it’s not Blackthorn, but you can still go to school, honey.
Your dad and I will help you in any way we can.
Being a parent doesn’t mean your world has to stop. ”
My heart clenches in my chest. Damn you, Mother. Looking up from the papers, I say, “I know it doesn’t stop, but I should be working and saving for when the baby is born. College is still an option, but not until the baby is older.”
“Harper,” my mother starts, and I already know what she’s going to say, so I politely cut her off.
“Mom, I’m not going to take any money from you and Dad. I’ll figure out a way to make things work, but it won’t be by taking from you.”
Even though I know she wants to say something, she doesn’t. She just presses her lips into a firm line and puts the papers on the side table next to the couch.
The awkward silence that follows is interrupted by the doorbell ringing.
“I’ll get it,” my dad calls before my mom even makes a move.
A few seconds later, he pops back into the room, but he’s not alone.
Valerie is hot on his heels, a desperate look in her eyes.
Dear god, what happened? I feel the question burning at the tip of my tongue.
Valerie never comes to visit my parents, which means she knew I would be here, which means…
“Hi,” she squeaks, and my mother jumps up to greet her, a wide smile on her face. Wrapping her arms around her, she pulls my cousin into a tight hug. “Hey, Aunt Marie. Sorry, I haven’t come to visit in so long,” Valerie admits shamefully.
“It’s okay, I know you’re busy with work and stuff. Come in, sit down. Do you want some coffee? Something to eat?” My mom bombards her with questions while my dad disappears into the other room quietly.
“Just some coffee would be great,” Valerie smiles. My mom nods and scurries away and into the kitchen. As soon as both of my parents are out of earshot, I pin her with a glare and bombard her with my own questions.
“What’s wrong? Why are you here? Did something happen?”
“Harper, I feel like this is all my fault. If it weren’t for me using your insurance, this whole mess never would’ve happened.”
I frown, “Val… it’s not your fault. He should’ve talked to me.”