Chapter 3 – Five Months Later
I tossmy shoulder bag onto the desk in my dorm room, breathing a sigh as I climb into my bed and press my head into the pillow.
I still can’t believe my father allowed me to change schools my freshman year. I was attending a university in Boston, not too far from home, but after I was taken a few months back by someone who hated my family, everything changed. As a result, my father agreed to let me attend school in New York City shortly after.
It wasn’t until the moment of my kidnapping that I truly realized what my family was capable of. Of course, I know who we are. I’m not as na?ve as they all think I am. But it’s one thing to know it and a whole other thing to see it.
After I was freed, my sister, Iseult, told me she wasn’t just a Quinn, but an assassin for us—the Mob.
The word seems so strange to me. I don’t think of us that way. We’re just a normal family.
My mother died when I was five. I was always made to believe it was an accident, but it recently hit me that she probably died because of my father and what our family does.
I miss her terribly. How do you miss someone you never truly had?
An ache builds behind my eyes. All I have are her photos. Her deep brown hair was exactly like mine, and it’s the only connection I have to her. My eyes are as green as my father’s. Mom’s were hazel gold.
After she died, my sister was always there for me. She was fourteen at the time, and she grew up taking care of me. She still does. My three older brothers—Tynan, Cillian, and Fionn—were protective, just like my dad was, but Iseult was my person. She’ll always be the one I go to when I’m lost and need guidance, when I need a shoulder to cry on.
It doesn’t hurt that she now lives with Gio Marino on Long Island, right outside of the city. It’s one of the reasons my father agreed to let me go to school here.
But there was another reason, and I’m sure it was the biggest one.
Devlin came with me. ’Cause he’s once again my bodyguard.
Yay…ish.
I groan to myself.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. I want him here. But not as my bodyguard. I want more than that. I always will. Time hasn’t changed much about my feelings for him.
I’m doomed.
After I visited him in prison and he told me never to return, I didn’t. I was too hurt to face him. Then, soon after, his lawyer was able to get him out on a technicality.
He kept his word and texted when he was released, but told me not to visit him. He was blocking me from his life completely, so I was done.
I didn’t go see him.
I didn’t write.
I pretended he didn’t exist.
Of course, that was impossible, but I was bitter over the constant rejection. I think it finally hit me that he’s never going to want me.
He was my first crush, the first man I dreamed about kissing. But he never looked at me as more than a child.
As I grew up, that never changed.
Of course I know how ridiculous I was back then. I was young. I had no business having a crush on a grown man, but I couldn’t help myself. I still can’t seem to get him off my mind.
Except now I’m not a child, though he still seems to treat me that way. When will everyone stop treating me like I’m a little girl?
Our age difference is a huge issue for Devlin, but not for me. My father would most likely not approve either, but I would’ve fought for us.
But I’m done fighting. I can only try for so long.
When I was kidnapped, Devlin was already out of prison. He went looking for me. And once he realized I was already rescued, he stormed into my father’s home like a man straight out of hell. When those sapphire-blue eyes met mine, I felt something, and I know he did too. I could just see it. And I thought he’d finally admit his feelings for me.
But after the dust settled, he went back to keeping his distance.
It was a big deal for Devlin to show up at my father’s. No one except Iseult knew he was even out of prison. He didn’t want them to know. Wasn’t ready to face my father for failing to keep me safe, for allowing me to slip something in his water.
My father, of course, forgave Devlin for my drugging him and all that. He’d have been ridiculous not to. The man went to prison for me. That means something to someone like my father. It was honorable, and there’s nothing more that my father respects.
Thankfully, Dad hasn’t brought up marriage. Not since Gio. Yes, my sister’s husband was originally supposed to go to me. So glad I dodged that bullet.
Luckily, he was already in love with my sister. I wish Iseult would have told me right away that she met him first, way before my father arranged my marriage to him. It would’ve been easier. But she was afraid of feeling something for anyone, and of course she didn’t want to disappoint our father. He would’ve thought she was having an affair with Gio. To him, loyalty is key in a marriage, and he doesn’t take infidelity well.
But he would’ve believed her. He loves Iseult. And after what happened to her when she was seventeen, when the Russians tortured her, he would do anything for her.
It all worked out how it should have, though. My sister and Gio were meant to be. Both insane and head over heels. She was always unwilling to give herself to someone else, but it took the right person. I don’t even remember her having a boyfriend. But with Gio, she found love. And nothing makes me happier.
As for me, I’m bound to be stuck with a man who will probably be someone in the Mob or Mafia, a man who thinks of me more as a steppingstone than a wife he’s supposed to cherish. That’s how many of these men in my circle are. I’ve seen enough of them in my home when Dad didn’t think I was watching. I’d hear how they talked about their own wives, and it would make me sick.
I don’t want someone who will be unfaithful, who will treat me poorly. I’d rather die alone with a bunch of cats, maybe a puppy or two. Sounds much better than what my father plans for me. Marriages in our circle are not about love. They’re about alliances, money, or power. Usually all three. It’s sad when you think about it.
I consider running away often. Starting a new life somewhere. But, of course, that’s a fantasy I can’t afford. You can’t live on your own with no money. And I don’t have any of my own.
Hopefully I have some time before my father finds another man I don’t love to marry me.
My mind instantly zips to Devlin. Things are so much more awkward now than they were when he was previously my bodyguard. Because now he actually knows how I feel about him.
Way to go, you. You just made things a lot worse for yourself.
In the past three months since he’s been in New York with me, he’s barely said a word, and when he does, it’s to tell me what to do.
When he accidentally touches my hand or my arm, I swear I catch on fire.
Does he feel it?
If he does, he never shows it. And my heart breaks every time.
I hear someone at my door, entering the code, and I know it’s Karen, my best friend. She’s the only one who has it besides Devlin.
She walks in, huffing as she drags her feet toward the love seat and lies on it. I swear she spends more time in my room than her own.
My father arranged for me to get the whole room to myself, and for Devlin to be allowed anywhere on school grounds. Probably donated a crap-ton of money to the university for that.
“I’m shot.” She yawns. “Wanna grab some lunch?”
“Not really hungry.” I twist my lips, and that has her sitting up, brushing her long, sunny blonde hair off her face.
Her dark eyes squeeze as she gives me a once-over. “What’s wrong? Is that hot guard giving you hell again?”
“Don’t call him hot.” I swear I get jealous every time she ogles him like she’s imagining him doing things to her he should be doing to me.
“Well, he is.” She wags her brows. “That damn simmering gaze and that long hair.” She blows an exaggerated breath. “How the hell haven’t you jumped his bones already?”
My eyes roll. “You can’t jump the bones of a man who doesn’t want you.”
She waves off my remark. “You just haven’t tried hard enough.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, remember how he tossed you over his shoulder earlier this month when you went out with Kayla to that lounge?”
“Yeah…” I shrug. “And nothing happened afterward. He brought me back to the dorm and left.”
Kayla is my other friend. She’s close with Elsie Marino, the wife of Michael Marino, the head of the Messina family. They’re one of the Italian crime families of New York, I’m told.
Iseult told me that when Kayla, Elsie, and their other friend, Jade, were nineteen, they were trafficked by one of the five families. An evil syndicate that no longer exists. A group of brothers who hated them, the Cavaleris, killed them all off.
After Kayla was rescued, nine years after she was taken, she wanted to go to college. Something she never got to do. So Michael arranged for her to attend the same school I’m attending now.
Karen giggles. “The fact that he threw you over his shoulder because you were dancing with another man obviously means he was really jealous. So you step up your game. Go out more. Dress in skimpier outfits. Make him crazy. Until he blows.” Her lips thin into a calculating grin. “You have to challenge him. See how much he can take. It’s the only way he’ll fuck that virginity out of you.”
I grumble and throw the extra pillow over my face.
“I knew I shouldn’t have told you,” I mumble.
“It’s not a big deal.” She scoffs. “I mean, I don’t know that many eighteen-year-old virgins… Actually, I don’t know any.” Her laughter echoes. “But that’s okay. You want him to be your first. I bet he’d fuck you so hard the bed would break.”
“Jesus!” I toss the pillow away. “Can you not?”
“Aww, are you blushing?”
She loves to tease me about my lack of experience. I know it is all in good fun. I do wish I was more like her, though. She has boys lining up to date her, and she knows all the tricks to make them want her. I know nothing. I once read a magazine article talking about what a man wants in the bedroom, and there’s no way I could do any of that. I’ve never even seen a live penis before.
My face heats up just thinking about Devlin naked or getting naked in front of him, touching him everywhere. Oh geez, I can’t even think about that stuff without my body tightening. He’d get so turned off by my lack of experience that he’d never want to touch me again.
“We’re going to a party tonight,” Karen announces, jumping to her feet, her face beaming with excitement. “The boys of Psi Zeta are throwing a huge bash at their house, and you will not say no.”
Devlin at a frat should be interesting…
I bite onto my lower lip. Maybe I can get him jealous enough to try something.
“I’ll do your makeup and you can borrow one of my dresses.” Karen grins.
“What’s wrong with how I do my makeup?”
“Nothing! You’re gorgeous. But I’m gonna make you all sultry and sexy. He won’t be able to resist you.”
My skin prickles with excitement. “Okay. I guess we’re going to a party.”
Can’t wait to see the look on his face after Karen is done with me.