Chapter 12
Delilah
I’d just gotten dressed for work when I heard a knock at my door.
I couldn’t deny that I was hoping it might be Hawk returning, but when I opened it, I found my mother standing in the hallway.
She looked like she’d just come from the gym in her sweats and loose t-shirt.
Her hair was pulled up, and she was wearing just a hint of makeup and a smile. “Good morning, sweetheart.”
“What are you doing here so early?”
“I thought I’d bring breakfast for you and Krissy.” She stepped inside my apartment as she continued, “I brought all your favorites.”
“That was sweet of you to come all this way.”
“Well, I was in the area.” A solemn look crossed her face as she admitted, “I went by your brother’s place to see if he was home. I was thinking I might be able to catch him if I went by there early.”
Already knowing the answer, I asked, “Did you have any luck?”
“No. He wasn’t there.” She placed the box of donuts on the counter as she sighed. “What about you? Have you had any luck reaching him?”
“Afraid not.” I shrugged. “I guess he’s still out doing whatever it is he’s doing.”
“Maybe it’s time we contacted the police and filed a missing person’s report or something.”
“No! I-ah ... I don’t think that’s a good idea.
” If I didn’t already know where Danny was, I would’ve insisted that she go to the police, but under the circumstances, I couldn’t let that happen.
“You know how Danny is. Like I told you before, he’s probably just laid up somewhere with a few of his buddies. ”
“No.” She shook her head. “He’s in trouble, Dee.”
“You can’t know that for sure.”
“Yes, I can. I’m his mother. I can feel it in my bones.” It made my chest ache to see the worried look on her face as she added, “And it’s all my fault.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I should’ve done more for him. He needed a father in his life. You both did.” Tears filled her eyes as she muttered, “Maybe if I’d stayed with your father ...”
“Mom, stop,” I fussed. “You staying with Dad wouldn’t have been good for any of us, and you know it.”
“I don’t know that, Delilah.” I could see the wheels turning in her head as she leaned back against the counter and crossed her arms. “I know you may not remember, especially after the way things played out, but there was a lot of good in your father. I can still remember when I first fell in love with him. He was so handsome and charming and funny. Oh, my … the way we used to laugh.” Her eyes drifted to the floor as she continued, “He would give the best hugs. Made me feel like I was truly loved … and he was great with you and your brother. You both were always crawling onto his lap, listening to him tell one story after the next.”
“You’re right. I don’t remember that.” I came off harsher than I intended when I said, “I remember the yelling ... and all the times the lights would get turned off because he’d gambled away all your money.
I remember him being gone for days on end and how worried you were that he might not come home.
But he always did, and when he finally did show up, it was only because he’d ran out of money. ”
“He was sick, Delilah. It wasn’t his fault.”
“His fault or not, he caused more harm than good.”
“Maybe things could’ve been different if I’d pushed him harder to get help.”
“What is it with you and the blame game?” I fussed. “It wasn’t your job to make Dad do right by his family and get the help he needed. If he cared at all, he would’ve gotten the help on his own. He certainly wouldn’t have entirely given up on us all.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“I’m definitely right.” I gave her a warm smile as I tried to assure her, “Besides, we did just fine without him. You were a wonderful mother. You still are.”
“It’s just so hard to be sure.” She wiped the tears from her cheek as she explained, “A boy needs a man in his life that he can look up to and respect. Danny never had that.”
“No, but he had you. That’s all either of us really needed.” I walked over to her and gave her a hug. “Everything’s going to be okay. You’ll see.”
“I hope you’re right about that.” She stepped back with a look of doubt on her face. “Are you sure we shouldn’t contact the police ... just to be certain?”
“No. I honestly think it’s best to wait.” Hoping to buy myself some time, I offered, “How about this? I’ll go by his place after work, and if he’s not there, I’ll make some calls and see if I can track him down?”
“That would be great.”
“Okay, consider it done.”
“Thank you, sweetheart.” She gave me a quick hug before saying, “I’ll let you finish getting ready for work.”
Once she was gone, I grabbed my things, along with the donuts my mother had brought, and rushed to work.
As soon as I walked into the nursing home, I dropped Mom’s donuts off in the work room, and after I put my things in my locker, I headed out to do my rounds.
I hadn’t been at it long when my mind drifted to my conversation with my mother.
It had been years since she’d talked about my father, and I was surprised that she had anything positive to say about him.
He’d caused us all so much heartache, and as far as I knew, he’d never tried to set things right.
Not that it mattered. I found it doubtful that I would ever be able to forgive him for the things he’d done.
I wished I could. It would be nice to finally let go of all that anger and resentment, but it was just too hard.
Maybe in time I’d see things differently, but for the time being, it was easier to blame him for the things that had gone wrong in our lives—including Danny’s ordeal with the Ruthless Sinners.
Maybe if my father had been around, then Danny wouldn’t have taken to dealing drugs.
It was a thought that had me thinking about Zander.
I’d always promised myself that I wouldn’t make the same mistakes my mother had made with my father.
I didn’t want to spend my life constantly looking over my shoulder or waiting for the next bomb to drop like my mother had.
I wanted a man who’d be honest and good—a man who’d love me and always be there when I needed them.
I wasn’t sure where exactly Zander fit in that promise I’d made to myself.
Every instinct I had screamed at me to walk away, but my heart just wouldn’t listen.
I knew he was involved in bad things. I’d seen that with my own eyes, but I also knew there was another side to him—a good side.
I’d seen it, felt it, but deep down, I wasn’t sure it was enough.
I was still trying to wrap my head around it all when Krissy snuck up behind me and asked, “Well?”
I glanced over my shoulder and found her standing behind me with a big goofy smile spread across her face. Even though I knew she wanted to know what happened after she’d left the bar, I feigned ignorance. “Well, what?”
“You know what! How did it go with your guy last night?”
“It went okay. More than okay.” I couldn’t help but smile as I said, “I think we got things sorted or, at least, partly sorted.”
“So, my girl got laid again.” She teased. “I couldn’t be happier for you.”
“Don’t get too excited. I’m not sure if I’ll be seeing him again.”
“What? Why not?”
“I don’t know. I’m just scared, I guess.” I shrugged with doubt. “I don’t want to end up with a broken heart.”
“There’s always that chance with any guy, Dee, but I gotta tell ya”—her smile suddenly faded—“I’d give anything to have a guy look at me the way he was looking at you last night. Damn. He’s got it bad for you, girl, and if I didn’t know better, I’d say you felt the same way about him.”
I wasn’t sure I was ready to admit it to her or myself, but she was right.
Right or wrong, I was falling for Zander.
There was something about him that got to me in a way no man ever had, and it terrified me.
There was no way I could explain it all to Krissy, so I decided to try and change the subject.
“What about you and your guy from last night? Did you have a good time?”
“He was all right, I guess. He seemed like a nice guy and all, but there were no fireworks or anything.” A look of indifference crossed her face as she chuckled. “I don’t think he’s the one, but I’ll go out with him again just to be sure.”
“You’ll have to let me know how that goes.”
“I will, and I expect you to do the same with your fella. I think you might be surprised by how things will play out between you two.”
“We’ll see.” There was a commotion in one of the resident’s rooms down the hall, so I used the opportunity to cut our conversation short. “I better get down to Mrs. Williams’ room and see how she’s doing.”
“Okay.” When I turned to leave, she called out, “I’ll be expecting an update soon.”
“I know you will!”
After I checked in with Mrs. Williams, I spent the rest of my day staying busy with rounds and paperwork.
By the time I made it back home, I was exhausted, but that didn’t stop me from checking my window every few minutes for any sign of Zander or his brothers in my parking lot.
When I wasn’t checking my window, I was glancing down at my phone, hoping that by some chance I might actually hear from him before I went to bed.
Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. I knew he said he would be gone for the day, but I was hoping that he might touch base with me, especially after our little discussion the night before.
After hours of foolishly waiting and hoping, I finally gave up and went to bed.
Consumed with frustration, I tossed and turned for hours, questioning over and over whether I should simply end things with him and relieve myself of the constant fretting.
Even though it might’ve been easier, the thought didn’t set well with me.
In fact, the mere thought of never seeing him again made my heart ache with dread.