Chapter 2 #2
“You know damn well I watch them, Marc.” I’d made a lot of mistakes with the boys—one of them was staying with Marc as long as I had.
I should’ve never let them be exposed to his madness for so long.
I should’ve gotten out of there. I should’ve ignored Marc’s threats about killing me and packed my bags.
At the very least, I should’ve talked to my parents and told them what was going on.
I should’ve gotten help from someone, anyone.
Something. Anything. I was simply too ashamed.
Too embarrassed that I’d married someone so awful, and I didn’t want to be a burden.
I was the one who had to figure it out. I kept telling myself it would get better, that I’d make it better, but I’d failed—I’d failed them and I’d failed myself.
And I was still paying the consequences for that failure.
I stomped out my cigarette, then tossed it into the trash as I snapped, “I’ve always tried to do right by Corry and Sean, and you know it! ”
“That’s the fucking problem right there! You coddle them too damn much. They rule the roost over there, and you let them get away with it!” Before I had a chance for a rebuttal, he snarled, “To think you let my boy go out and buy fucking marijuana!”
“I didn’t let him buy marijuana, Marc! Had I known he was even thinking about buying it, I wouldn’t have let him go!
” I clinched my fist at my side, trying my best to steady myself.
I knew it would be like this, but that didn’t make it any easier to hear his harsh words.
I knew I had to redirect the focus of our conversation from me and back to where it truly belonged, so I said, “We’re getting off track here.
Right now, we need to be figuring out what we are going to do about Corry. ”
“We’re gonna beat his ass. That’s what we’re gonna do.
At least, I know that’s what I’m gonna do!
I’m sure you’ll want to just give him a little slap on the wrist, but if you do that, it will be the mistake of a lifetime!
That boy needs some real fucking discipline, and I’m about to give it to him. ”
If I were talking to a rational man, I might agree with what Marc was saying, but he wasn’t a rational man—even when he was dealing with his own child.
He had a short fuse, and when he blew, he didn’t care who he hurt or how badly.
I couldn’t imagine putting Corry through that again, so I did my best to try and calm him down.
“I don’t think beating his ass is the answer.
Not with this. Corry is just fifteen. The very idea that he would even think about buying marijuana is a real problem. I think it’s a cry for help.”
“Oh, I guess this is where you’re gonna say he needs more counseling or some shit like that.”
“Actually, I am.” I’d tried talking to Corry.
I’d taken him to one counselor after the next, but he simply wouldn’t open up.
He kept all that hurt bottled up inside, and it was utterly heartbreaking to know there wasn’t anything I could do to help him.
“Corry is a good kid. He’s just lost his way, and if we can find the right person to help him, then maybe he can find his way back. ”
“It’s time to face the facts, Frankie. The boy’s just a bad seed. No counselor or any amount of guidance is gonna change that.” The angry tone in his voice had suddenly been replaced with disgust and resentment. “We’ve just gotta do what we can to keep him from screwing up Sean.”
“Corry isn’t a bad seed, Marc. He’s a good kid who made a bad mistake.”
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that shit. Your na?ve bullshit is why we’ve found ourselves in this fucking mess in the first place. If you’d laid down the law and made those boys do right around there then none of this would’ve happened.”
And just like that, we were right back where we started.
The blame fell back on my plate once again.
I wanted to turn the tables on him and remind him about the years of abuse he’d put us all through and all the vile and malicious things he’d said, but I knew it wouldn’t do any good.
Marc had never once taken any responsibility for the things he’d done wrong.
I was used to it. When we were married, he’d beat the hell out of me, and in a matter of seconds, he would find a way to convince me it was my fault.
So much so, I’d end up apologizing for the whole ordeal.
It was sick. I knew that, but at that moment—when I was actually there and living it, I couldn’t see how insane it all was.
I was too brainwashed. I let myself believe that if I tried harder I could make things better, but there was no making it better.
Sadly, it took Marc punching Corry at one of his baseball games for me to see that. It was one thing to hit me, but there was no way in hell I was going to let him hurt my kids—not any more than he already had.
I was trying to think of my response to his slam on my parenting when he blurted out, “Those boys know how things are in my house and wouldn’t try this kind of bullshit under my roof. Time for you to make it clear that it’s your house, your rules.”
“Okay. I’ll be sure and do that.”
“You best hope that you do because otherwise...”
“I’ve got it, Marc. I’ll talk to them.”
“Good. I’ll be doing the same when they come to my house next weekend.”
I cringed at the thought. It was bad enough to send them there when things were going well.
I still got late night calls and texts from both boys pleading for me to let them come home, but my hands were tied.
The judge made sure of that. I cleared my throat before saying, “Okay. I’ll keep you posted on things here, and I hope you’ll do the same when they come there. ”
“Um-hmm. Sure thing...And Frankie?”
“Yeah?”
“Hammer down on him. Seriously. I meant it when I said it’s your house, your rules. It’s time to prove it.”
I didn’t respond. Instead, I said a quick goodbye and hung up the phone.
I took a moment to collect myself, but I didn’t take long.
It was time for me to have a talk with Corry.
I hadn’t spoken to him since we’d gotten back from the police station.
I was too upset, too mortified, to even speak, but I’d put it off long enough.
After letting out a deep breath, I stood and headed to his room.
I tapped on his door, and when I stepped inside, I found him standing in the middle of the room holding an armful of dirty clothes.
His eyes were full of remorse as he muttered, “I thought I’d pick up a bit. ”
“It could definitely use it.” I glanced around the room and was surprised to see that most of the trash had been picked up and all the dirty dishes were piled by the door. “I don’t see how you get it so messy in here so fast.”
“It’s a talent of mine,” he joked. While Sean looked more like me, Corry was the spitting image of his father.
He was tall with dark hair and soft olive skin, and his beautiful, dark eyes could melt the coldest of hearts.
Thankfully, his demeanor was nothing like his father’s.
Corry was sweet and thoughtful, never wanting to let anyone down.
“But don’t worry. I’ll get it all cleaned up. ”
“I’d appreciate it.” I walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed. “We need to talk about what happened tonight.”
“I know.” He carried his pile of dirty clothes over to the hamper and dropped them inside. “I’m really sorry.”
“What were you thinking?”
“I don’t know.” His eyes dropped to the ground—a clear sign he wasn’t telling the truth when he said, “I just didn’t think it was a big deal.”
“You didn’t think it was a big deal?”
“Don’t get mad.”
“Too late. I’m already furious!” I snapped. “You know better than this. I’ve taught you better than this.”
He looked up at me as he replied, “This doesn’t have anything to do with you.”
“Are you kidding me?” I threw my hands up in disbelief. “This has everything to do with me. You’re my son. My child to raise, and clearly, I haven’t done a good job.”
“That’s not true.”
“Then, explain it to me. I need to understand why you did this, Corry, cause right now, I don’t feel like I have a clue what’s going on with you.” His dark eyes filled with tears as I said, “I never dreamed you would be vaping, much less smoking marijuana.”
“Mom, everybody vapes. So, yeah, it’s not a big deal.”
“No, it is a big deal,” I argued. “You are fifteen years old, and you have no clue what those vapes are doing to your lungs. They are dangerous.”
“It’s just a little steam and nicotine, but whatever.” He turned to look at the wall, avoiding eye contact as he mumbled, “I knew you wouldn’t understand.”
“I’m trying to, Corry. Really I am.” I reached out and took hold of his arm, tugging him over to the bed. Once he was seated next to me, I placed my hand on his knee and said, “Was buying the marijuana your idea or your friends?”
“It was theirs, but don’t go and get it in your head that they’re bad or something ‘cause they’re not. Evan and Jace are my friends, and they’re good guys. Really good guys.”
“Good guys don’t use drugs, Corry.”
“Everyone smokes pot, Mom.”
“No. Everyone doesn’t smoke pot, Corry. Especially when they’re only fifteen and too young to know how to deal with the side effects of a narcotic.”
“I just...”
“This isn’t okay, Corry, and there’s nothing you can say to make me believe otherwise. Not only is marijuana illegal, it’s a mind-altering drug, and I will not have you using it. Not now, not ever. Is that understood?”
“Yeah...understood.”