Chapter 14
Frankie
After a long, agonizing day, the kids and I piled up in the living room to watch TV.
Sean was sitting next to me on the sofa when I checked my phone for the hundredth time.
I was hoping I might hear something from Roman, but there was nothing.
I let out a disappointed sigh, and seconds later, Sean asked, “What’s wrong? ”
“Oh...ah,” I mumbled, quickly pulling myself from my thoughts. “Nothing, honey. I’m fine.”
“No, there’s something,” Sean argued. “You’ve been acting weird all day.”
“I’m just tired, sweetie.” I wasn’t exactly lying.
I really was exhausted. I’d been up all night thinking about Roman and the promise I made him.
It was all I’d been able to think about.
I hated the idea of something happening to him, but there was no way I could tell Sean that.
“We’ve been really busy down at the coffee shop, and I didn’t get much sleep last night. ”
Corry looked up from his phone as he asked, “So, there’s nothing going on with you and Widow?”
“No, what makes you ask that?”
“I don’t know.” His freckled nose crinkled as gave me a slight shrug. “You’ve just been different since he started coming around.”
“Different how?”
“You’ve just seemed happier or whatever, but ever since he left last night, you’ve been all bummed out.” He looked down at his phone as he muttered, “I figured y’all must’ve broken up or something.”
“Broken up? Wait, you know that he and I have been talking?”
“Come on, Mom,” Sean piped in. “We’re not little kids anymore.”
“Yeah. We know you’re into him,” Corry added.
“And how do you know that?”
“It’s pretty obvious. You act all weird around him.”
I sat up on the sofa as I gasped, “Weird how?”
“You know, all that stuff girls do. Your face gets all red and you smile a lot. Even your voice changes,” Sean teased.
“It does not!”
“Um-hmm. It gets all soft and sweet, like you do when you’re about to fall asleep.” Sean chuckled, making it clear he was having himself a grand old time goading me with all my little idiosyncrasies. “And you’re always staring at him and stuff.”
Corry sat across from me nodding his head at everything his brother said. “Yep, there’s no way he hasn’t noticed.”
“Oh, yeah. He’s definitely noticed,” Sean snickered. “But don’t worry. He’s always staring at you, too. Y’all both have it bad.”
I’d thought I’d done a good job of hiding my feelings for Roman, but clearly, I was wrong.
I’d hoped to keep this thing with him under wraps until I knew how things were going to play out, but the boys knew me too well.
I knew they both liked Roman, but I wasn’t sure how they felt about us dating.
“Well, since you brought it up, how do you feel about me seeing him?”
“It’s okay with me,” Sean answered without hesitation. “I like Widow.”
Corry wasn’t as quick to answer. In fact, he didn’t answer at all.
He just sat in the recliner studying his phone.
I waited a few moments, hoping he’d finally say something, but he remained silent.
“Corry, you can tell me how you feel. It’s okay.
I’ll understand if you don’t like the idea of me seeing Widow. ”
“I don’t know.” He fidgeted in his chair for a moment, then said, “I know you like him and he seems nice and all, but how do you know he won’t turn out like Dad?”
It was a good question—a question he had every right to ask.
After what he’d been through with his father, I understood his concern, but I didn’t have a good answer for him.
So, I answered the only way I could. “I can’t really answer that.
I don’t think he’s anything like your father, but I’m still getting to know him and that takes time.
Right now, I really like him a lot, and I’d like to find out if I’m right about him. ”
“Yeah, but he’s not like most guys, Momma.” It was hard to tell if he was worried or enamored as he said, “He’s kind of a badass. I mean, dang. You’ve seen the guy. He could totally kick Dad’s ass.”
He was right. Roman was big and strong. He was a member of a dangerous MC, and if I was being totally honest with myself, I didn’t really know him all that well.
We’d never even had a real argument. I didn’t know how he fought or how he made up.
We hadn’t even been on a real date, but in my heart, I knew I’d found something special in him—something I might never find again, and I simply wasn’t ready to walk away.
“You remember the day he came here, and you helped him change the tire?”
“Yeah.”
“He went out of his way to help us, not once, but three times. He talked to you and took the time to teach you how to fix a flat tire. He picked you up at the park and made sure you got home safe, and just so you know, he’s never told me exactly what happened that day.
He didn’t want to break your trust. All those little things will eventually grow into big things. ”
“Yeah, I get it. You’re right. I just want you to be careful.”
“I will be.” I could tell by his expression he was still feeling skeptical, so I told him, “I’ll make a deal with you.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll take things slow. I’ll make sure he’s the man I think he is, and if there ever comes a time when he’s not, then I’ll reevaluate things.
And you can do the same. If something comes up with him that you don’t feel good about, you tell me, and we’ll talk about it.
” I got up and walked over to him, then knelt down so we were eye to eye.
“I’m not going to make the same mistakes I made with your father, Corry.
I’m a different person now. I’m better, I’m stronger, and I will not be with someone who isn’t good to us. All of us.”
“You promise?”
“Yes, sweetheart. I promise.” I reached over and gave him a big hug. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
“I really hope so.”
“It will. You’ll see.” I released him from my hug, then turned to Sean. “That sound okay with you?”
“Yeah.” He smiled, “I already told ya. I like Widow. And I think it’s awesome he could kick Dad’s ass.”
“He’s not going to kick your father’s ass.”
“Wish he would,” Corry grumbled. “Especially after last weekend.”
“What are you talking about? What happened?”
“Trust me.” He rolled his hazel eyes with disgust. “You don’t want to know.”
After all they’d been through with their father, there was no way I was just going to let this go. “Actually, I do. Tell me what happened.”
“Gah.” He leaned his head back and groaned, “I should’ve never brought it up.”
“But you did, so spill it.”
“Fine, but it’s gonna gross you out.” He looked down at his phone and started flipping through his pictures. Once he found what he was looking for, he offered it to me. “It’s already been burned into my brain, so it might as well be burned into yours.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’ll see.”
I took the phone from his hand, and my mouth dropped the second I saw what was on the screen. It was a drawer full of various sex toys from dildos and strap-ons to lubricants and butt plugs. Yes, butt plugs. I couldn’t believe my eyes. “Oh my God! Where did you find all this?”
“In Dad’s sock drawer.”
“Why were you looking through his sock drawer?”
Corry looked at me like I had three heads as he answered, “Cause I needed a pair of socks.”
I knew Marc had a thing for porn. He was always sneaking around to watch it when we were married, but I’d never known him to have an interest in these kinds of toys.
He was always too proud for anything like that.
If I even joked about it, he’d twist things around and make me feel like a whore for wanting more than her husband could give.
It was like I’d insulted his manhood. Apparently, that wasn’t the case with Lila Jo.
I shouldn’t have been surprised. Marc was never good in bed, so he’d have to be creative to keep a woman like her satisfied.
I glanced back down at the picture on the screen and cringed at the sight.
“Why in the world would you take a picture of all this?”
“Figured if I had to be mentally scarred, so should Sean.”
“You showed Sean?” I gasped.
“Well, yeah. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Cause he’s too young for something like this!”
“I know about sex, Mom,” Sean complained. “I’ve known about it since about third grade.”
“That doesn’t mean we don’t need to talk about all this.”
“Nooo,” they both chimed in.
Corry sat up with a look of panic. “We know all about this stuff, Mom. Dad’s a perv, and we don’t need to be like him.”
“There’s more to it than that.”
“Don’t make a big deal out of all this, Mom. Please.”
“It’s hard not to.” It seemed my animosity for Marc would never fully go away. He wouldn’t let it. He continued to make things difficult, and I despised him for it. “I hate you had to see that. Your father should’ve been more careful. I’m so sorry he wasn’t.”
“Mom, it’s not your fault.” Sean tried to console me by saying, “You can’t help what Dad does.”
“Yeah, it’s not your fault Dad’s a total perv,” Corry snickered as he took back his phone. “Widow should totally kick his ass.”
“Stop cussing!” I dropped my head in my hands as I fought the urge to scream.
Between what was going on with Widow and what I’d heard about their father, I’d reached my limit.
I just needed to stop, so I dropped my hands and looked over to the boys.
“Stay out of your father’s drawers, and the next time one of you says a curse word, I’m taking your phone for the day. ”
“What! Seriously?” they both complained.
“Yep. Completely and totally serious.”
“That’s so unfair.” Corry sank back in his chair with a pout. “I hate it when you’re in a bad mood.”
“Well, don’t give me a reason to be in a bad mood, then.”
“I didn’t. Dad did.”
Without replying, I turned and started walking to the kitchen. When I got to the door, I shouted, “I’m going outside to check the mail.”
I went over and grabbed a cigarette from my secret stash, then went out to my hiding spot.
I lit it, and after smoking for only a second or two, I realized it wasn’t going to help.
Nothing was. Frustrated, I tossed it on the ground and stomped it out.
I tossed what was left of the cigarette into the trash and headed back inside.
I wasn’t ready to go back in with the boys, so I went to the bathroom and started a bath.
I hoped a long soak might help take my mind off things.
Once it was ready, I took off my clothes and slipped down into the hot water.
I closed my eyes, and it wasn’t long before the tension in my shoulders and back started to fade.
I inhaled a deep breath and tried to savor the moment, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to stop the storm of thoughts from raging in my head.
There was just too much going on. The coffee shop’s weekly inventory, Corry’s counseling, Roman and our last conversation, and the boys and their father.
I just wanted a momentary escape, but there was none to be had.
The water was still hot when I got out and dried off.
I threw on my pajamas, and after I got something together for the boys dinner, I got in my bed.
I didn’t even turn on the TV. I just lay there in the dark, and it wasn’t long before I finally drifted off to sleep.
I’d like to say the next few days were better, but they weren’t.
In fact, they were even worse. Not only had I still not heard anything from Roman, I had another run-in with Marc.
I was just about to close the shop when he came barreling through the front doors.
As he started towards the counter, I asked, “What are you doing here?”
“Lila Jo was cleaning the boys’ rooms yesterday, and she found Sean’s basketball uniform on the floor.” He tossed the uniform on the counter as he grumbled, “You really should teach them to take better care of their things.”
“I’ll have a talk with Sean when I get home.”
“Good.” He turned and took a few steps towards the door, but quickly stopped and whipped around to face me once again. There was a wild look in his eyes—a look I knew far too well. Knowing he was about to lay into me, I tried to brace myself as he snarled, “I always knew you were a fucking...”
He cut himself short when Sydney came strolling into the room. Looking like she’d smelled something bad, she grimaced as she grumbled, “Hey there, asshat. Wish I could say it was good to see you.”
“Hello, Sydney.”
She rolled her eyes as she came over and stood next to me. “Why have you graced us with your presence today, Marc?”
“He stopped by to drop off Sean’s uniform, but he was just leaving. Isn’t that right, Marc?”
“Yeah.” He glared at me like he wanted to strangle me, then turned and started out the door. “We’ll finish this conversation later.”
Before I could respond, he walked out and slammed the door. Sydney let out an exaggerated sigh as she said, “Well, isn’t he just a ray of sunshine.”
“That he is.”
“Is it just me or did I just interrupt something?”
“Nothing that didn’t need interrupting.” I wasn’t sure what Marc was about to blast me with, but I just didn’t care. “You know Marc. He’s always got something to be pissy about.”
“Yes, I know all too well. I’m so glad you got away from that man and all his toxic nonsense.”
“I divorced him, Syd. That doesn’t mean I’m done dealing with him and his stupid, toxic nonsense. He’s the boys’ father, and as long as he’s in their lives, I’m stuck with him.”
It was a sad reality that I hoped would improve over time. Sadly, it hadn’t, and I feared it never would.