Chapter 15
Ryan
It’s chilly for the second week of September, at least compared to last year. Gray clouds drift across the sky, partially blocking the sun. The cooler weather might make the run easier for Eli.
He texted me last night, asking if I wanted to go to breakfast. But I didn’t want to give up my routine. Running clears my head. But then he suggested we run into town to Sweet Mama’s. Been there once. Great portion size. So, I agreed.
Didn’t think I’d be excited, but I am.
It’s nice to have friends.
Connor’s still asleep. Kind of glad, more so because I want this time for myself. Last night was a lot. Getting off with another person wasn’t what I’d imagined it would be like. Not even close. Definitely not like the porn I watch.
It was good. Nice, even. And I didn’t break.
Because he didn't touch me. Not once. And he kept making sure I knew he wouldn’t.
I hate that I even need that. Hate that I can’t just be normal.
Still can’t believe it was the same Connor Walsh, the one who broke into Coach Harper’s apartment, who threatened my scholarship and my life.
And he didn’t say a word about the stupid door wedge. He just accepted it. I’m the one who’s embarrassed I need to use the thing to feel safe enough to shower.
The rest of the night, I waited for him to demand to know why I am the way I am. But I’m not ready to talk to him about it. Or anyone. It’s why I haven’t gone to therapy here yet. Don’t want to open up to a new person, to relive that night all over again. And it won’t change what happened.
But Connor . . . didn’t ask.
And it bothers me. Backward as fuck, but it does.
Up ahead, Eli is waiting for me . . . with Merci? I chuckle to myself. This is going to be an absolute shitshow. But maybe that’s what I really need—time outside my head.
They’re stretching against the stone base of the fountain. Eli’s wide awake and smiling while Merci gives him the finger. He looks like he just rolled out of bed in black short shorts and an oversized hoodie, hair all over the place.
Merci glares at me as I approach, hands on his hips. “I think I hate you both more than Novotny.”
I blink a few times. “What did I do?”
He rolls his eyes. “Oh, you know. Claim we’re going for muffins and milkshakes. Still too early. But then I’m told I have to wear these.” He gestures dramatically at his running shoes as if they've personally offended him.
I look at Eli. “You didn’t tell him?”
“Tell me what!”
Eli giggles. “Oh, we’re running to get breakfast.”
Merci’s eyebrows shoot up, mouth agape. “Hell to the fuck no.”
Eli bats his shoulder. “It'll do you good. Get your blood flowing.”
I reach up, stretching my arms. “It’s only thirty minutes. You won’t die.”
“That’s what you think, you giant asshole.” He pokes me in the chest. “I'm going to complain to Zach. You two are torturing me.”
Shit.
The last thing I need is for Knight to come after me. Again. I was only trying to help Merci the last time and ended up getting punched for it.
Eli shakes his head and shoves Merci forward to start jogging. “You're being dramatic.”
“Dramatic?” Merci stumbles slightly but quickly recovers. “You're both psychopaths. There's no explanation for this running bullshit. Who runs to breakfast? We’d better be taking an Uber home.”
I shorten my stride to keep pace with them. It’s not easy being six-foot-seven sometimes.
Despite his complaining, Merci keeps up as we jog down the tree-lined path that leads off campus. It's peaceful out here. Just the sound of our footsteps against the pavement, the distant noise of morning traffic, and birds chirping.
“So,” Eli says, slightly breathless but easily keeping up. “How are things going with Connor?”
My stride hitches. “Better.”
Better.
That’s one way to put it.
“Is Zach being nicer to you? He's in a fuck ton trouble if he’s not.” Merci huffs between breaths, glaring at me as his sneakers slap the pavement.
“What?”
Merci rolls his eyes. “I like you, so I threatened him. It's called friendship, Ryan. Look it up.”
He says it like it’s simple, like I’m worth protecting just because he decided I was.
“Thanks.”
Eli’s chewing his lip as we jog. “Is it weird for you? Being married to a man?”
I glance at him. “Weird how?”
He stumbles, face turning red, then speeds up, like he can outrun the question.
Behind me, Merci lets out a dramatic “ugh.” “Do you even like men, or did Connor not give a shit? He probably didn’t even think about how fucked up it is to force someone straight into marrying him.”
“I’m bi. But no, he never asked.”
Merci pants out a laugh. “Wish Zach would let me accidentally back over Connor with my car. Just once. For science.”
“Jesus fuck. How violent are you?”
Eli giggles, glancing back at us. “You have no idea.”
“Surprised he even married you.” Merci huffs, slowing down a bit. “Connor’s so fucking uptight about his sexuality.”
Eli shakes his head, slowing down to keep pace with us. “Don’t make Connor sound homophobic.”
Merci shoots him a glare, sweat running down his temple. “Oh, because he doesn’t have some internalized issues going on? He can’t even handle getting his dick sucked by Raiyne. Looks like he’s about to murder someone every time it comes up.”
Eli’s cheeks blaze as he flicks me a quick, embarrassed glance.
Heat crawls up my neck, and I hate that it’s not from the run. “Rua? From the Serpents?”
“Yup.” Merci pops the ‘p’ like he always does.
My throat tightens. “W-what happened?”
“Fucking dickhead Raiyne helped those assholes kidnap me.” Merci goes quiet for a second. “I was working a sex party with him. I used to be a sex worker. One thing led to another, and Connor got a blowjob from Raiyne.”
“Oh.”
My heart hammers against my ribs. Last night . . . I thought it was his first time with a man.
But Rua? Our rival?
I'm so fucking stupid.
Tears well in my eyes. Five things I can see. The sidewalk. Eli's worried face. Rua—No. Fuck it. I pick up speed, pushing myself hard until my legs burn.
“Ryan, slow down!” Eli calls from behind.
But I can't. The image of Connor with Rua wedges itself into my brain like a splinter. So I run faster.
I wish I had my music, had Joan Jett in my ears telling me not to care what people think. Except I do care. I care about what Connor did.
And who he did it with.
“Ryan!” Eli’s voice cracks high.
I stop and turn. Merci’s flat on a patch of grass by the sidewalk, arms stretched out. His chest rises and falls fast. I jog back toward them. “You okay?”
“Do I look okay?” Merci doesn't even lift his head. “I'm dead. Tell Zach I loved him. Tell him to avenge my death by murdering you both. Slowly. With cardio.”
Eli presses his lips together, gaze flicking to mine. “Sorry if we made you upset. About Raiyne.”
“I’m fine.”
Merci groans from the grass. “Yeah, you sound about as fine as I feel.”
Eli bites his lower lip. “Do you like Connor?”
I rub the back of my neck. “We should go. I'm hungry.”
Merci sits up, blinking. “Holy, shit! You like your husband.”
I duck my head, digging the toe of my shoe into the dirt.
No way I’m answering that.
Merci launches off the grass like he’s been shocked. “Let’s fucking go! We got shit to talk about!” He takes off down the sidewalk in a full sprint, arms pumping, leaving Eli and me behind.
Eli sighs. “Sorry for being invasive.”
“It's okay.”
He shakes his head. “No, you don’t get it. Merci’s relentless. He’ll hound you for every detail. Just. . . be ready.”
I look down the block. Merci’s still sprinting like he didn’t spend the last twenty minutes bitching. “If he makes it. Bet he throws himself down at least three more times.”
Eli chuckles. “One more time, then he calls an Uber.”
We jog after him. This almost feels normal, like the kind of life I used to think I could have.