Quinn
My head is still pounding. Mamie was so sweet this morning, bringing me a cup of tea when I went in search of some pain medication.
Mamie took one look at me and sent me back to bed, promising she’d deliver the pain meds to me.
The headache started last night, and the crying jag I had worsened as the evening went on.
I had hoped that sleep would ease it, but it did the exact opposite, and it’s worse than ever.
It didn’t help that I had yet another fitful sleep.
My mind just kept replaying everything over and over again.
Mam’s words hit the hardest and did exactly what I think she wanted.
They hurt me unlike anything has before.
It was a huge turning point for me. The hope of building more than a non-existent relationship with Mam is gone.
There’s no going back after what she said.
I may be a glutton for punishment with all the crap I’ve endured, but no more. I can’t keep allowing them to hurt me. Enough is enough.
Daire’s finally got what she’s always wanted: me out of the way, so she’ll have all the attention.
That fucking stupid satisfied smile and sly smirk have been replaying all night.
She loved watching Mam lash out and spew all that hateful shit at me.
Daire’s fucked up, getting off on other people’s pain.
The worst thing is how stupid I am; I let them hurt me. I let them get to me, and after all the shit that’s been said and done, I’m the only one that’s hurt. I’m not naive enough to think that there’s anything that can be done to change what’s happened. It’s done.
So why the fuck am I still hurting? Why the hell do I still care?
I finish my tea and decide it’s time to shower. I can’t stay in bed all day. If I did, it would only give Mam and Daire more ammunition. Sighing, I get out of bed and go shower before getting ready for the day.
An hour later, my phone buzzes with a reminder.
Wedding Dress Appointment: O’Shaughnessy’s Bridal Boutique. 10 am.
Crap, I forgot that was today. Damn it.
God, I don’t really feel like going. Not today.
Hell, I don’t even want to get married. Not now that Daire’s ruined everything.
Lorenzo thinks I'm a psycho bitch who drove an innocent girl to suicide. He thinks that’s who I am, and he believes that I’m capable of such a thing.
I had thought that we were getting close, that our marriage wouldn’t be cold and detached.
I had hoped that we would start to form a friendship.
Oh, there’s that stupid hope again. That’s all that I have ever done to myself. Get my hopes up only to have them dashed time and time again.
I make my way downstairs, surprised to find the house extremely quiet.
“Miss Quinn?” Mamie asks as I enter the kitchen where she’s currently cleaning. “How are you feeling? Has your headache eased?”
I give her a small grateful smile. “A bit better,” I reply. “Have you seen Mam or Daire?” I ask, trying to sound as normal as possible. I don’t really want to see either of them, but we have an appointment in an hour and I need them here.
I watch as her face pales. “I’m sorry, Miss Quinn. They left for the day. They said they were taking a trip to The Hamptons for the week. They took your father’s jet this morning.”
Of course they did. I shouldn’t be surprised, this is usually what happens when Daire gets caught up in trouble. Mam will whisk her off for a week to let things ‘cool down’ and The Hamptons are their favorite place to travel. Mam’s from New York and she and Da met while in The Hamptons.
“Oh,” I mumble as tears spring to my eyes. I don’t know why I’m crying. I dislike both Mam and Daire, but I had thought that they’d be here. God, why do I always let them and their actions affect me?
“Would you like me to find someone to come with you, today?”
Oh God, she knows why I was looking for them? Could this get any more humiliating?
“No,” I say through the tears that are threatening to fall. “I’ll be fine, thank you.”
The softness in her eyes is too much for me to bear.
I turn on my heels and leave the kitchen.
Yesterday should have made me realize that I don’t matter when it comes to my mam.
I should have known that she wouldn’t be here today.
There’s no need to keep up with pretenses, especially when there’s no one around to watch.
I make my way out of the house and grab my car keys.
If no one’s coming with me, then I may as well get it over and done with.
Walking outside, I notice that no one's car is here, not even my da’s men.
Which isn’t unusual, but there’s usually one or two men watching the house at all times, and right now, I can’t see anyone.
The drive to O’Shaughnessy’s Bridal Boutique is somber.
I try my hardest not to cry and let the crap of yesterday and today hit me.
I need to push it to the side and try to move past it.
I don’t know how, but all I know is that I can’t continue living by pretending that I have ‘normal’ parents.
Really, I don’t have any at all. Mamie and the other staff were the ones to raise me.
They’re the ones that gave a fuck about me and my wellbeing.
They’re the ones that know who I really am and what Daire is truly like.
To me, they’re my family. Not Ronan and Bridget Delaney and certainly not Daire.
I just need to make peace with that and I’ll be okay.
Parking my car in O’Shaughnessy’s Bridal Boutique’s lot, I notice a car that’s familiar. My heart starts to hammer against my chest as I exit my car and lock it. I see the door opening and I bite back a sob when I see Daithí climbing out of his car.
“You didn’t think I’d let you do this alone, now, did you?” he asks with a wry grin.
I don’t answer, because the truth is, I did think I’d be doing this alone. He notices my pause and comes to stand in front of me. Within seconds, I’m wrapped in his arms as he holds me against him.
"You're not okay," Daithí says softly, pulling back so that he’s watching me. “I’m so fucking sorry, Quinn. I should have done better on so many things when it comes to you.”
"I'm managing," I tell him honestly. I’m managing in the only way I know, by burying everything down deep so it won’t escape and break me. I have a feeling if the emotions that I’ve buried escape, it’ll bring me to my knees and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to recover from it.
"That's not the same thing, Quinn, and we both know it’s not."
"No," I agree. "It's not."
He glances at me. "We have fifteen minutes before your appointment begins. I want you to talk to me, Quinn. You have fifteen minutes to let everything out and not let it fester. I am here with you, you’re safe."
I breathe in, not letting a single minute pass.
"I hate my life, Daithí. I hate who I am because it’s not really me.
I don’t know who Quinn really is, I've been molded to be different people and play a part." I take a deep breath, my tears falling and I don’t stop them. “I’ve been lied about. I’ve been hurt both physically and mentally by my family.
The very people that are supposed to love me.
Caden was the only one I could fall back on when things got hard but even that had its limitations.
Both you and Caden have to put the organization above everything which means doing exactly as Da says.
I don’t have a single person in this world that I can fully trust. Do you know how lonely that is? ”
He pulls me into his embrace once again.
“I thought marrying Lorenzo would be my escape. His family were so welcoming to me. They seemed so nice, I truly thought I’d find some peace there, but now Daire’s ruined it.
” A sob escapes from my throat and I can’t hold it back.
"The thing that's killing me," I say, my voice scratchy and raw.
"Is that I don't know if it's fixable. Even if Lorenzo investigates what Daire’s told him, even if he finds things that don't match what Daire said, the seed is already in there.
He looked at me last night like he was seeing something different.
" I pull back from his embrace and look up at him, my eyes filled with tears.
"I hate that his opinion matters this much.
I didn't think it would. I thought I'd done such a good job of not letting it. "
Daithí doesn't say anything immediately, he just stares at me with those big green eyes of his, which are now filled with pain and anguish. "I'm going to talk to him," he tells me.
I try not to laugh, but I end up smiling at him. It’s a sad one. "You said that yesterday."
"I know, and I mean it, Quinn, after we finish here, I’m going to speak with Lorenzo."
"I know you mean it." I sigh heavily. "But Daithí, what you have is your word against Daire's version, and her version has my name all over the buried evidence that Mam and she planted. He's going to think we’re trying to trick him."
He scrubs his hand against his face. “With Daire getting pregnant with Rurik, he’ll think that our family is playing them. God, this is a cluster fuck and it’s always got Daire at the fucking center of the mayhem. I’m so sorry, Quinn.”
I frown. “Why are you apologizing to me?”
“I was stupid. I was young and all I wanted was being da’s right hand man.
That was what I had been groomed for. I always wanted it and I wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of me achieving that.
Not even protecting my sister. I failed you.
I knew what Daire was like. She’s always been jealous.
She hates sharing attention with anyone and when you were born she became bitter and twisted. ”
“So she’s always been a bitch?” I say with a nod. “Got it.”
He chuckles lightly. “I wasn't protecting you, and I should have been."
I look at him and I can’t help but wonder why he’s doing this now?