Quinn
I lie in the dark of my bedroom staring up at the ceiling, and I can’t stop the dread that fills my gut.
This is happening, and as much as I’ve tried to prepare myself for what’s to come, I can’t.
I’ve no idea what to expect once the vows are said.
I’m scared that being away from home, I’ll lose the fight that I have in me.
Everything that has happened with Lorenzo has changed what I feel about going to the Mariano estate.
I thought, no hoped, that by joining the Mariano family that I’d be able to find out who I truly am.
Things between Lorenzo and I started a lot better than I had ever expected, but now, they're worse than I could have anticipated. The man threatened to kill me, wasn’t the first to do so and I very much doubt he’d be the last, but I never thought it would come from someone I was to marry.
I’m scared of what’s to come, of which Lorenzo I'll be greeted with today and for the rest of my life. In our world, there’s no divorce. You get married, and the only escape is through death.
I close my eyes and breathe deeply. In through the nose, slow and measured, out through the mouth.
I've been doing this since I was about twelve after I punched Daire after the bitch pulled my hair and burned me with hot wax that she ‘accidentally’ poured on me while she ‘accidentally’ tripped carrying a candle.
Da lost his shit, Mam was screaming and everyone was looking at me like I was the antichrist. I was twelve years old, with hot wax burning my leg, and I was crying, but everyone rallied around Daire because I punched her in the face.
Da beat me with his belt, and it was Tony who actually taught me how to breathe through the pain, how to push everything down and move past it.
It’s hard to believe that in the six years since that day of learning how to breathe through pain, that I’ve had to use that technique almost every day.
Nothing in this God-forsaken house has changed in those six years except for Daire’s antics.
They have only intensified and gotten worse.
She’s learned the art of manipulation and has managed to isolate me from my family, or tried to at the very least. Thankfully, both Caden and Daithí don’t put up with her bullshit and see right through her. I wish everyone else would too.
But that’s not ever going to happen. Daire’s beautiful and conniving. She knows exactly what it takes to turn a situation around to fit her needs and get everyone on her side without breaking a sweat. There’s no fighting that type of narcissism.
I get up before anyone comes to find me. The last thing I want is an argument about me being lazy on a day like today. Mam would no doubt love to point out every single flaw as she berates me. I won’t give anyone the satisfaction of hurting me today.
I shower, my mind running wild with every single scenario that could happen today.
I’ve no doubt whatsoever that Daire is going to do something to get the attention on herself.
Every special occasion that isn’t hers, there has to be something to turn the attention onto herself.
On my eighteenth birthday, she had ‘severe stomach pain’.
She cried out and wailed until my parents cancelled my party.
Turns out there was nothing wrong with her.
Although if you were to ask Mam or Da, they’d tell you she was in a life or death situation and the doctor had to be called.
Bullshit, that’s all that it was. If she truly was in that much pain, she’d have been in the hospital, not sitting on the sofa preening at all the attention she received.
When Caden turned eighteen, she did end up in the emergency room with a sprained ankle, although the way she tells it, she had a bad break and almost needed surgery.
When Daithí turned twenty-one, Daire ended up lost somehow, even though she had a driver and Mam and Da had to find her.
She was in West Roxbury and thought she was going to be robbed and murdered. God, she truly is dramatic.
Whatever happens today, I know that I’ll have to grin and bear it. I can’t draw attention to the fact that my sister is a bitch and a psychopath. I have to be on my best behavior and smile through it all.
"Morning,” Daithí says with a grin as I walk into the kitchen. “You need to eat before we leave.”
I raise a brow at his bossiness. “Do I now?” I drawl, trying to keep my smile at bay. I take a seat at the table between him and Caden.
His grin widens. “You do. The stylists will be here in the next thirty minutes. Once they’re done, we’ll be driving to the church.
Caden and I will be in the car with you, so there’ll be no problems.” He gives me a wicked grin and I know that whatever he has planned is going to annoy Mam and Daire and I can’t help but return the smile.
“Really Daithí,” I hear Mam’s clipped tone. “Do you have to be so vindictive? You know that it’s custom for the mother and father of the bride to arrive with the bride.”
Daithí doesn’t back down. Instead, he keeps his ice-cold stare on our Mam. “That is true, but as I said, I’m not letting you anywhere near Quinn today. Especially alone, so you can arrive with both Daire and Conn and be on your best behavior.”
“Daithí,” Da sighs as he enters the room, moving past Mam who seems to be stuck in position just past the doorway. “Do you have to antagonize your Mam?”
“I’m not antagonizing her, I’m letting her know the plan for today.”
“She’s my daughter,” Mam hisses as she finally comes unstuck and takes a seat beside Da at the table.
I notice both Daire and Conn standing in the doorway watching everything unfold. Conn has a weird look on his face, almost as though he’s expected this to happen whereas Daire is watching with shock and fear on her face.
“Really,” Caden drawls, and I sigh. God, this isn’t how I thought today would go.
Two of my brothers outmaneuvering Mam. “Wasn’t it you that said, and I quote, ‘if you'd been less difficult to love, it wouldn't have always been so easy to choose her.’ That’s what you said to your own fucking daughter,” Caden snaps.
“Don’t act like you give a shit about Quinn.
You never have and we’re not going to stand around and allow your bullying any longer. ”
“Bullying?” Mam rears back as though she’s been struck. “How dare you call me that?”
Daithí laughs. “That’s exactly what you and your precious daughter are. Bullies. We’ve all sat back and let it happen for far too long. No more. You don’t get to treat Quinn like she’s anything but our sister. If you push me, Mam, you won’t like the consequences.”
“Who’s we?” she demands.
To my utter shock, Conn steps forward. “We, as in Daithí, Caden, and I.”
Both Mam and Daire’s faces pale as they watch my brother step forward, his steps purposeful as he moves toward the table.
What the hell have I missed? For the past two years, Conn hasn’t spoken to me.
Hell, he’s barely looked at me. He believed the lies that Mam, Da, and Daire told him about me being the reason that Orla died.
I get it. He loved her fiercely. He felt devastated beyond words at her loss.
He took that pain and turned it into hatred, which was directed at the person he believed was responsible.
So what’s changed? Why is he suddenly on my side?
“Conn?” Mam whispers. “What?”
“Today isn’t the day for this,” he snaps. “It’s Quinn’s wedding day and it will not be ruined. Once today is over with, we’ll be discussing the bullshit of what’s happened in this house, that both you and Da have allowed.”
“I hate you,” Daire cries, slamming her foot down onto the ground. God, she acts like a bloody child who’s throwing a tantrum. “You’ve ruined everything. He was supposed to be mine.”
I sigh. “Don’t blame me for this. You lost him because you couldn’t keep your legs closed. Once again, Daire, I am not responsible for your actions and the consequences of said actions. Grow the hell up and deal with the shit you do.”
“You bitch,” she screams, tears falling down her face. “You’re such a cunt, Quinn. No one wants you, and no matter what you tell yourself, you’ll always be second best. The second-best daughter, the one no one loves. The second-best bride, because you’ll always know he chose me first.”
“Enough,” Daithí snarls, slamming his hand against the table.
My heart pounds rapidly as I jump a little at the anger that radiates from him.
“You don’t fucking speak to her like that, Daire.
We have let you get away with your bullshit for a long time.
It’s not okay and it never was. One more derogatory word from you and I don’t give a shit that you’re a girl or my sister, I’ll break your fucking jaw so you can’t speak. Do I make myself clear?”
Mam’s outraged gasp fills the air, but no one makes a sound of protest. Daire glares at me but turns on her heel and storms out of the room.
“I can’t believe you,” Mam cries as she gets to her feet, she glances around at the table before her gaze lands on Da.
“Ronan, you need to fix this. You can’t let your children speak to my daughter like this.
” She doesn’t stay around for a response as she rushes out of the room after her precious daughter.
“Nice to know she doesn’t think of us as her children, just Daire,” Conn mutters as he reaches for a muffin. “Hey Quinn,” he says with a teasing grin.
Tears spring to my eyes as my heart fills with so much joy. “Hey,” I whisper, unable to say anything else.
This feels like a dream. Never in my wildest imagination did I think that Conn would be sitting opposite me smiling at me.
“Dick,” Caden laughs, throwing a muffin at Conn. “That’s all you’re going to say to her. Two years you’ve ignored her like she’s got the plague and now it’s ‘Hey Quinn?’ Are you for real?”