Quinn
TWO WEEKS LATER
My cellphone buzzes on the library table. My entire body freezes at the sound. God, I have come to hate that sound. Most days I put it on silent because I can’t deal with the floods of incoming calls, messages, and voicemails.
I’ve had two weeks of bliss living in this home. I no longer have to worry about walking into a room and wondering what mood Daire’s in and whether or not I'm going to have hate spewed at me. Or if I’m going to have to brace for an argument.
Being here at the Mariano estate has brought a calm over me that I haven’t ever experienced.
It’s so nice to wake up and be free of the drama and mood swings.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty of arguments in this house.
There’s so many people who have amazing personalities, they’re bound to clash, but nothing is vicious or vindictive and within minutes they’re back to normal.
Christ, who would have thought that it would be the Mariano’s who’d teach me what a normal family is?
The phone buzzes again. I glance down at it. It’s lying face down on the table beside my cup of tea. I don’t know if I should look at what is being sent or just ignore it. No matter what, the buzzing isn’t going to stop. It never does. Not since I got married.
I don’t know why, but since the wedding, Daire has become unhinged. It’s truly fucking frightening and I don’t know what to do about it.
It started while I was still in the hotel. The morning after our wedding, Lorenzo had gone outside, and my phone lit up with an unknown number. I was stupid and read it, unsure of who was messaging me or what it was about.
I read the first part and then deleted it.
Unknown Number: 9:43: He’ll never love you. You’ll never be wanted. You will always be second best.
I know it was Daire. She’s the only unhinged person I know and the messages read exactly like her. As soon as they come in, they get deleted.
I deleted it without reading the full thing, but she’s getting persistent.
At first it was every few days, then it’s grown to every day, and now it’s multiple times every day, and I don’t respond.
It’ll only cause more trouble, and I’m done with her.
I don’t need to be dragged back into her toxicity.
I’ve been dealing with it the best way I know how, quietly deleting them.
I haven’t told anyone about it. I know that's my worst habit, that I keep everything bottled up and don’t let anyone help.
But the truth is, I don’t trust anyone to help me.
When I was being belittled, beaten, and lied about by my parents, no one was there to help, so it’s hard for me to believe that someone will help me now.
Once again, my phone buzzes, my heart thrums against my chest, and I know that she’s not going to stop. The crazy bitch is working my last nerve. I look at the ceiling for a moment, take a deep breath and pick up the phone. I instantly regret it as I read each and every message.
Unknown number: 10:14: You ruined mam's life just by existing. She told me that herself. You know that, right? You've always known.
Unknown number: 10:15: Da would have been happier without you. We all would have been. You were never supposed to be here.
Unknown number: 10:17: You ruin everything just by being in it. You always have. Lorenzo will figure that out too, and then you'll have nowhere left to go.
I put the phone face down again, and I breathe through my nose and out through my mouth, counting through each of them. My hands are shaking and I try to slow my breathing.
Why is Daire such a bitch? That’s something that I’ve never understood. I don’t know what I did to her or my mam for them to hate me so much. I can’t wrap my head around the thought that someone can be so damn evil for no reason. She is loved dearly by both mam and da, so why is she a raging bitch?
I reach for the book that Valentina and I are buddy reading and open it to the page that I finished reading last night, but it’s not working. I read the page over and over again, but none of the words are sticking.
Damn it!
I put the book down and look at the window. I replay Daire’s message over and over again: You ruined mam's life just by existing.
She knew that would cut me deeply. I’ve always wanted Mam and Da to acknowledge that I exist, to love me just a fraction of how they love my siblings, and they never have. I doubt they ever will.
I’m glad that she’s not using Orla’s death against me anymore. I bet it’s because everyone knows that it was her fault. That she was the evil bitch that drove Orla to be so isolated and devastated that she had nowhere to turn, no one to ask for help.
Now she’s using Mam and Da against me, using their lack of love as a weapon.
My phone buzzes with more incoming messages, but I continue to ignore it.
I don’t want to read anymore today. I keep my gaze out the window, watching the breeze blow the beautiful flowers in the gardens below.
I’ve enjoyed sitting out there in the cool evenings, I bring a blanket with me and just let the silence calm me when I feel overwhelmed and that happens very little while in this home.
They’re all big personalities who like to talk, a lot, and I love it, but sometimes it can be a little much.
It’s not something that I’m used to but I know with time I’ll get used to it.
"You've got that look on your face again," Valentina says, and I look up at her. She’s smiling at me as she stands by the table, two cups in her hands. I wonder how long she was standing there watching me, while I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t notice.
"What look?" I ask.
"The one where you're a million miles away," Valentina walks over and hands me a cup. "You're staring out the window pretending you're looking at the flowers when really you're thinking too much. What happened?”
I shake my head. No, I don’t want to get into this. "Nothing."
"Quinn," she says, her voice soft with concern. "You know you're terrible at pretending everything's fine, right?"
"I'm fine, Val."
She looks at my phone, face down on the table, and then she looks at me.
"Does this have anything to do with whoever keeps making your phone vibrate every five minutes?"
I glance at it and immediately look away.
"No."
“As I said, you’re a terrible liar, Quinn.” She takes a seat opposite me. “Please let me in,” she whispers.
I stare down at the phone on the table. "I don't even know where to start." I reach forward and pick up my cell phone and hand it to her.
Valentina takes it slowly, confusion flickering across her face before she looks at the screen. I watch as her eyes move across the screen and then her expression hardens. "What the fuck?"
A humorless laugh escapes me. "Yeah," I say with a wry smile.
She keeps scrolling, reading message after message, reading all the vile and despicable things my sister has been sending me, I’m glad that she can’t read the deleted ones, God knows what was said on those.
Valentina sets the phone down carefully, like she's afraid she'll throw it across the room if she holds it any longer. "How long has this been happening?"
I shrug because the answer is embarrassing. "Since the engagement was announced."
"And you didn't tell anyone?"
I laugh softly. "Tell who?"
Her face falls and I instantly regret my words. "Quinn..."
"It's fine."
"No," she says immediately. "It isn't."
"Daire's always been this way, Val. She’s always been a crazy bitch. We’ve known that. Now that I’m no longer in the house, she’s found a new way to get to me."
Silence stretches between us. When I finally look back at her, her jaw is clenched so tightly I can see the muscle jumping. "Has Lorenzo seen these?"
"No."
"Good."
I blink. "Good?" I didn’t expect her to say that.
"Because if he had, there'd be bodies in the garden."
Despite myself, I laugh. God, I needed this. I needed Val. "You're exaggerating."
"No, I'm not." Valentina folds her arms. "Quinn, you've never seen Lorenzo genuinely angry. Trust me, if he'd seen these messages, somebody would be having a very bad day."
I shake my head. "You're all insane."
"Possibly."
"Possibly?" I repeat with a grin.
She shrugs. "It's a Mariano family trait."
I laugh despite myself and for the first time since I picked up my phone this morning, the tightness in my chest eases.
Valentina's smile softens. "Quinn, none of what she's saying is true."
I look away. "Some of it feels true."
"No." Her voice is firm. "Your parents failed you. You are not to blame for their behavior. You didn’t ruin their lives, you were a blessing, one that they didn’t truly appreciate."
I wish I could believe that, but growing up in that house the way I did, without love or affection shows me otherwise.
"You're not second best," Valentina says quietly. "And one day you're going to stop letting her convince you that you are."
She’s right. I've spent so long being compared to Daire, being told I wasn't enough, wasn't pretty enough, wasn't smart enough, wasn't wanted enough, that sometimes I don't even question it anymore. I just accepted it.
I stare down at the tea in my hands. I wish I knew how to stop letting it affect me.
I hear laughter as Val and I exit the library. I look at her with wide eyes.
"Is that Marco laughing?" I ask. "I don't think I've ever heard him do that before."
Valentina grins. "Miracles happen."
Another burst of laughter reaches us and I immediately recognize the voice responsible.
Caden.
My heart does a stupid little leap.
"That's my brothers."
"That would explain the noise," Val says dryly.
I roll my eyes and head for the entrance hall.
Caden spots me first. "Quinny."
I barely get a word out before he wraps his arms around me. "Jesus," I laugh. "Hello to you too."
"How are you?" he asks as he steps back.
"Good."
His eyes narrow. "I'm serious."
I grin at him, he’ll never stop being overprotective. "So am I."
He studies me for a second before nodding. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Something in his expression eases. "Good."