Chapter 12
Ryan
I peel myself away from the sofa to go and answer the door.
“Who let you up?”
Ian and Nick come through the doorway, uninvited.
“I know the code,” Ian says casually.
Why the fuck did I give it to him?
“Let’s go, put some clothes on.”
“Why should I?”
“Because we’re going out.”
“Why do I have to come with you?”
“Come on, move your arse,” Nick says, flicking off the TV.
“I was watching a film,” I protest.
“Well, you’ve watched enough now. Time for you to come out and get some fresh air.”
“With you two?”
“Do you see anyone else queuing up?”
“Luckily, no.” I cross my arms over my chest.
“Why do you always make everything so difficult?” Ian says, losing his patience. “Come on, we’re going out for dinner. The three of us.”
“You must be kidding.”
“Do I look like I’m kidding?” he steps towards me, menacingly.
“You don’t scare me.”
“I could snap your leg in half,” he threatens.
“I’d like to see you try,” I shoot back.
“Guys, enough,” Nick says, trying to pull us apart.
“Has Mummy given you a time out?”
“He just knows that my brother needs a good kick up the arse.”
“Stop it, both of you! Ryan, get dressed. Now! And you, Ian, grow up!”
Nick’s decided to come back and play the pain-in-the-arse big brother. “We’re going out tonight and I don’t want any more bullshit, from either of you, okay?”
I hold my hands up and step away from Ian. “Okay, got it, I’ll go and get dressed. I hadn’t eaten yet anyway.”
We leave the car in the car park of The Comet, one of the neighbourhood’s only pubs, and we head inside looking for a table.
The place is basically empty. During the week in this kind of pub you can only find the die-hard drinkers, locals who’d rather go out for a pint than sit at home and get pissed.
We sit down and the waitress brings over our menus straight away. We all order a burger and a beer each – except Ian, who’s the designated driver.
“So, what’s with this brotherly night out?” I ask, sipping at my beer.
Ian and Nick glance at each other.
“What? What’s wrong?”
Nick clears his throat. “I took Mum and Dad to the hospital a few days ago. Things are a bit…”
“Tell me, for fuck’s sake!”
“Ryan,” Ian touches my arm. “He’s getting worse, you know that.”
I can barely swallow.
“He’s going to need help pretty soon.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Mum can’t handle it on her own.”
“So what are we here for, then?” I ask, raising my voice. “Didn’t you make us come back so we could help them?”
“I made you come back so that you could be here for his last moments.”
I shake my head, upset.
“Did you know things were getting worse?” I ask, looking at Nick. I can already see the answer etched across his face.
“So you just left me out of the loop. As always.”
“That’s not true.”
“You always treat me like a little kid.”
“We just want to protect you,” Nick says, calmly.
“Protect me? From what? I’m a grown man, you don’t have to lie for me anymore.”
Ian sighs. “I’m sorry. We didn’t want to lie to you.”
“But you always do. Both of you.” I point at them. “You leave me out of anything important, any decisions. You just leave me out.”
“That’s not what we were doing,” Nick intervenes.
“Actually, it’s exactly what you’ve done.” I get up. “You and your ‘exclusive’ friendship…”
“Sit down, Ryan,” Ian holds my arm.
“Look, you see? You’re doing it again.”
“If you just calm down, I promise…”
“You’ve done it, too, Ian. You always try to cover for him,” I say, pointing at Nick.
“That’s not true, and you know it.”
“You wanted to kiss his arse, like you always do.”
“I don’t need someone to kiss my arse,” Nick stands up, too.
“Everyone just sit down and calm down,” Ian growls. “You’re making a scene.”
I look around me, realising that the few other customers are watching us, and probably listening to our argument, which resonates around the half-empty pub.
I sit down, and Nick follows suit.
“I never asked Ian to cover for me,” Nick begins. “I wanted to be the one to tell you, but with everything you’ve been through…”
“Oh sure, you wanted to protect my heart, and not your own arse.”
“Fuck, Ryan! Nick made a mistake. No one’s trying to justify what he did, and you’ll probably never forgive him for it. We know that. But now we have more important things to worry about. We need to make a decision.”
“Haven’t you two already made one?” I ask, my stare icy.
“No,” Nick sighs. “We wanted to discuss it with you.”
I cross my arms and lean my back against the chair.
“Well, that’s new.”
“It’s never too late to make things right,” Nick says, serious now. From the look in his eyes, I can see that he’s not just talking about our family issues.
He’s talking about me and him.
Nick and I had the usual kind of relationship that you find between brothers: we were close, but at a distance.
He’s the oldest, and always treated me like his annoying little brother that was constantly running around his feet.
But if I ever needed help, he’d come running, without me even having to ask.
When Ian joined our family, our balance was thrown off-kilter.
There were only two years between Nick and Ian, they trained together in the school team, and so they had a relationship that I was always cut out from.
Ian was an intruder, someone that stole my brother’s affection from me.
But, growing up, Ian showed me what a real brother could be: a rock, a shoulder for everyone to cry on.
For me and for Nick. And after the first few years, he became the glue that kept us together.
It was through him that Nick and I really became brothers, united, a real family.
Until the day that Nick destroyed everything.
We grew apart, didn’t speak for years, until Ian forced us to come home. Now, we limit ourselves to brief meetings, always about family issues, or when Ian once needed us, after losing Riley.
And now, Nick’s here, sitting opposite me, asking me to give him a chance. Asking me if he can go back to being the brother I’ve been missing – the brother I’d really like to have back.
But I know that nothing can ever be the same again, because I’m not the same person I once was. That sensitive, fragile boy who everyone wanted to protect doesn’t exist anymore.
He’s been replaced by a man, wild and angry; one who never forgives, or forgets.