Chapter 21
Ryan
I’m sat at the bar with a pint in front of me that I have absolutely no intention of drinking – mainly because of my incessant stomach ache.
I’m set apart from the crowd, people-watching.
Almost all the guys from the team are here, my brothers, some of Riley’s friends, and obviously the birthday girl.
Everyone’s laughing, dancing, having fun.
They’re all happy – it makes me want to go over to them, one by one, and shake them by the shoulders, ask them why the hell they’re so cheerful.
Why they’re laughing instead of screaming, pretending that life is one big party, instead of admitting that it’s actually all just shit.
“You not joining in?” Ian appears behind me.
“With what?”
“You’re at a party, Ryan, you could at least make an effort.”
“I’m here, like you wanted. Don’t expect me to jump onto the dancefloor and shout with joy.”
“No, of course not – I wouldn’t ask that much. But you could at least go and talk to someone.”
“I’m fine over here.”
“You’re so… Jesus! I could punch you right in the face sometimes.”
“Go for it.”
“When you act like this, it really makes me want to come at you with a chainsaw.”
“I’m faster than you – you’d never catch me.”
“Let’s test that, shall we?”
“Don’t you have someone to love over there?” I say, pointing to Riley who’s chatting to her friends.
“I do have someone to love. And I love her. You know something, little Ryan?” he asks, winding me up, although I don’t react – Riley would never forgive me – “We’re really happy.”
He finally leaves me alone, and I can get back to my favourite pastime: watching other people get on my nerves.
I glance over at the stairs up to the exit, considering going out to get some fresh air, when I see a pair of legs coming down slowly.
My stomach ache immediately gets worse.
She places her foot on the last step, standing there for a few moments as she looks around, lost.
I grip my pint tightly – I have to grab hold of something.
She takes a few steps into the room and tucks her hair behind her ears. She’s wearing a black, figure-hugging dress that doesn’t quite reach her knees, and a pair of heels that show off her legs. That damn smile is framed by two deep eyes, illuminated like headlights in the fog.
I’ve drunk half my pint without even realising. I didn’t even want to drink tonight.
When she sees Riley and goes to greet her, I follow the movement of her legs until they stop, my eyes climbing further and further up.
When she turns around then, giving me a view of her butt, I don’t know whether to keep my eyes glued there, or move them up to her bare back, left on display by a dress that dips right down to her lower back.
I stay sat there, staring at her like a hormonal teenager, as she says hi to Riley, Riley’s friends, Ian, and then… him.
Of course. How did I not see this coming?
A few minutes later, after laughing at his jokes, they head to the dancefloor. Together. He brushes against her, touches her, slides his hands all over her: just like the bastard he’s always been.
And she’s okay with it. Man, is she okay with it. Every woman is okay with him.
I jump up, pulled forward by an inexplicable anger, urging me to finish what I started all those years ago.
I storm up the stairs and head outside, I lean back against the wall and let my head fall against the brick.
No – I smack it back against the brick, hoping to batter the memory of what I’ve just seen out of my brain.
“What are you doing out here?”
Bloody fantastic.
He’s just who I wanted to see.
“What are you doing out here? You were so busy in there…”
“Mmm?”
“Just leave it.”
“I have left it,” he says, leaning on the wall next to me. “You’re the one who shouldn’t do it.”
“Me? What?”
“You know what I’m talking about.”
“I don’t have a fucking clue what you’re talking about.”
“Okay, let’s see… I’ll refresh your memory, shall I? Black dress, bare back, red hair…”
“Go fuck yourself, Nick!”
“I think it’s you who needs to fuck something.”
“You’re a piece of shit.”
“No, Ryan. I’m not the piece of shit here. Not this time.”
“You’re always a piece of shit,” I say, peeling myself off the wall and turning to face him.
“Wow… don’t tell me you’ve finally decided to grow a pair?”
“It’s just us out here. Don’t make me finish what I started.”
“Go on, then,” he says, opening out his arms. “You don’t have the balls anyway – just like you don’t have the balls to go back downstairs and act like a man, instead of like an upset little boy crying in the corner because he thinks the world is against him.”
I grab him by his shirt collar and drag him towards me.
“Do it, Ryan. Do something for fuck’s sake! Do anything, but just snap out of it!”
I drop him back down. It makes no sense to waste my energy on him.
“You know what, Nick? Fuck you. Go back to where you came from, no one wants you here. No one needs you,” I growl through my teeth, before heading back downstairs and ignoring the growing pain that I know has nothing to do with Nick.
But everything to do with me.
It’s always me.