1. Crystal
1
CRYSTAL
Age 16
I wake up, expecting the humiliation to be gone, but it’s not. It’s worse than ever.
How am I ever going to face Ryder again? More to the point, I’ve ruined everything between us.
He can say what he likes, but he did flirt with me, on more than one occasion.
He’s always been sweet, more so as we got older and not only that, Ryder turned from a boy to a man almost overnight. His muscular body, his bright green eyes — too pretty for a boy, with long lashes I’d die for. Then there’s his laugh. His smile. The way he looks out for me, for all of us. Somehow, for years on end, Ryder took on the role of protector, and I can’t say that I mind it.
This, however? This is humiliation at its finest.
Rejection.
His words sting, especially the ones about me being a brat. I never asked to have parents with money. I don’t think I act like I’m spoiled, but I guess he must really think that. And that does nothing for my temper. Mom says it’s my Irish blood that gets me fired up, and she might be right, but whatever happens now, I can never face Ryder again.
“Hey.”
I sit up with a start, my heart pounding as I hear Ryder’s voice from the doorway.
He came to me?
I clear my throat. “What do you want?”
“I wanted to say I’m sorry, Crys. You know I didn’t mean to push you away.”
Oh, no. He’s only going to make it worse, and now I’m going to cry in front of him.
“Go away.”
“Not until you say we’re cool.”
“Why does it matter?” My anger is masking my humiliation, but I plow on. “It isn’t like you care.”
“Can I come in?”
“No.”
He ignores me, taking tentative steps into my room, and now I’ll have the memory of him like this. Shirtless, in his boxer shorts, a contrite look on his face.
“I never meant to hurt you. You’re mad now, but in a few years’ time, you’ll see I’m not all that bad.”
“I never said you were bad.”
He drops his head, then sits on the end of my bed. I always imagined him in my room, but never like this. In my fantasies, he was doing a whole lot more than sitting.
“But I am bad, Crys. And I’m not just sayin’ this to get you to feel sorry for me. We’re different, you and I. I’m a loser who’ll probably amount to nothin’, but you have the whole world at your feet and every opportunity in the world.”
I sit up, my brow furrowed in confusion. “So do you.”
He shakes his head. “I’m not going to college, Sugar.”
“But you said?—”
“I know what I said, but kids like me don’t get to do that when they don’t have money.”
“But there are other options, community college, night classes—” I panic at the idea that he’ll be leaving, even though I know it’s inevitable, college or not.
“You had to have known that.” His eyes are so pretty in the morning light. They sparkle like diamonds, but they also look sad.
“I… I honestly didn’t think about it,” I whisper.
“I’m gonna go get a job, an apprenticeship probably. I don’t know yet, but I do know that I’ve nothing left in Greenlark.”
“Well, that’s great you have plans,” I say. “I mean, you’ve always loved fixing things, and there’s nothing wrong with not going to college.” Of course, I’ve had it beaten into me that college is the only way. My parents wouldn’t just disown me if I decided not to go, they’d probably cut me off, too.
He swipes a hand through his hair. “Yeah.” Somehow his answer isn’t quite what I expected. He seems… sad about it. His shoulders sag, his whole demeanor is off, and my gut wrenches.
“Ryder?”
He looks up.
“What do you want?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know…”
“No, that isn’t true. In all the time I’ve known you, you’ve always been sure of everything.”
“Maybe I’m not sure about this,” he says. “Maybe I really don’t know where the road is gonna take me.”
“I don’t want you to leave.”
His lips curl up. “Everything changes, Sugar, otherwise we’d never learn anything or go anywhere.”
“You have opportunities, too.” I feel I need to reiterate that. Just because he’s poor, doesn’t mean he can’t have a good education, right? “I mean, scholarships?—”
“Wayne broke my pitching arm and ruined any chances I had of baseball as a career.” He looks away, and I could cry. I could really cry my eyes out. I forgot all about that. Ryder was the star pitcher in school, and everyone knew he was destined for great things. Nobody knew what really happened, but I knew. I always knew when he’d been hurt. He’d be real quiet. Shy away from talking, and even ignore me for a while. And I’d see the bruises.
“Jesus, I’m sorry, Ryd.” I move to my knees, forgetting my previous annoyance at him for rejecting me. I lean over to squeeze his hand. “I didn't mean to bring that up.”
He shakes his head, bringing his eyes back to mine. “You don’t have to feel sorry for me. It wasn’t meant to be. I wasn’t destined for an easy life. I’ve come to terms with it.”
A tear leaks from my eye and he reaches toward my cheek, catching it on his thumb. I want to tell him that I love everything about him. That he’s beyond perfect and he won’t have to worry. He’s got a good head on his shoulders, despite his horrible parents.
“I want to make it better,” I whisper.
“That ain’t your job.” He brings the pad of his thumb to his lips, and licks the moisture from the tip. “Your job is to make something of yourself. Be a good girl. Stay in school. But do one thing for me?”
I’d die for him, if that’s what it took. “Anything.”
He nips my chin. “Don’t go throwing your virginity at just anyone, you got me? Don’t let a precious gift go to the wrong guy, because guys are gonna try, Sugar, and they won’t care once it’s gone. They’ll move on to the next available girl.”
Oh, God. I want it to be him. I want it to be him so much.
“But I want you.”
He shakes his head. “You’re not destined for a small-town life. It won’t be enough for you.”
“Then I won’t stay.”
“Of course you won’t, but with me, that’s all you’ll have.”
“No.”
He goes to stand.
“Please don’t go,” I whisper, clinging to him.
He bends, and I almost think he’s going to kiss me. His head dips, and then he plants his lips on my forehead. “Take care of yourself.”
“No! Please Ryder, don’t go!”
“What the hell is going on here?” my dad’s voice booms from the door.
I look over and my eyes go wide. “Dad?”
“Uh, I was just leaving.” Ryder looks like a deer caught in headlights.
“You’re not going anywhere, young man!” he yells. “I think I can see exactly what’s goin’ on here.”
“Sir, it’s not like that,” Ryder starts but my dad holds a hand up to him to shut him up.
Mom appears in the doorway and gasps, her hands flying to her face. “Oh, my God!”
“Mom! Dad? It’s not like that. Ryder was just saying goodbye?—”
“Dressed like that? With your sister sleeping next door?” Dad’s hands are balled into fists. Is he going to hit Ryder?
I dive off the bed, and in a bid of desperation, I fling myself in front of Ryder. “He didn't do anything. I swear to God, he didn’t!”
“You don’t have to protect him.” Dad pokes a finger in his direction. “He’s always been trouble. Now you’re in my daughter's bedroom, half naked? While we were gone for one night?”
“I swear this isn’t what it looks like.” Ryder still isn’t going to tell them anything about what I did. This is how he is. He’s never going to throw me under the bus. “Nothing happened.”
“It’s my fault,” I cry. “I’m the one who made a pass at him, and Ryder rejected me. He respects me. He would never do anything!”
But my dad isn’t listening. His face is red and contorted as he directs his anger to Ryder. “You’ve always been a bad egg,” he spits. “But to creep into my innocent daughter’s room while we’re away? This is a new low, even for you.”
My mom starts crying.
“I didn't do anything!” Ryder spits, gritting his teeth. “I’m not a liar.”
“He’s telling the truth!” I cry. “Dad, stop it! I’m not a child!”
Dad turns his angry gaze to me. “Be quiet! Ryder, get the hell out of my house and never come back.”
“Gladly,” he mutters.
“No.” Tears stream down my face. “Please don’t go.”
Ryder doesn’t even look at me, but when my dad won’t move from the doorway, I know this is going to end badly. He swings and hits Ryder in the face. Ryder sees it coming. I know he had time to block, but he didn’t.
“Dad! Stop!” I cry, getting between them before he can swing again. Ryder doubles back, flinching as one hand reaches to his face. There’s a bruise already forming. My dad’s not Rocky Balboa, but a hit’s a hit.
“Robert!” my mom screams.
Ryder doesn’t fight back. He could. I’ve seen him wrestling. I know what he’s capable of. He’s strong. But he doesn’t do anything. He just hangs his head.
“Ryder!” I cling to his arm. “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”
Mom grabs me, pulling me to her chest. “Let him go, Crystal. Don’t make this any harder than it already is.”
Then my sister's bedroom door opens and she appears sleepy eyed at the doorway. “Mom, what’s going on?” She’s only eleven. Now I feel even worse than I did before and I want to scream.
“Go back to your room,” Mom tells her. “Now.”
Ryder finally meets my eye. All I see there is pain, and not from my dad’s hit.
I’m sorry, I mouth. I’m so sorry.
His lips curl up as Dad finally moves and lets him pass us by, but my mom is still holding me. “Remember what I said.” Ryder’s tone is cold. His eyes have lost some of their shine. “Promise me.”
“I promise,” I whisper.
“Promise what?” Dad bellows, but Ryder is already gone.
I collapse, huge sobs wrenching my body as I watch him run down the stairs. A few moments later, the front door slams and he’s gone.
I can’t even form words.
“Did he hurt you?” my mom’s saying. “Did he force you?”
“F-force me?” I garble. “He didn’t do anything! I keep telling you that but you won’t listen!”
Mom crouches down. “I know you think you’re in trouble, honey, and you’re not. None of this is your fault. You just have to tell us what happened.”
I glare at my mother. “I told you the truth,” I grit. She doubles back at my tone. I’ve never talked back to her or used this tone before. “He didn’t do anything. He came in to see if I was okay because I… I was the one who…”
“I don’t want to hear any more.” Dad is pacing now, tearing his hands through his hair. “Why would you do something like that? With him of all people?”
His words cut me deep. He dislikes Ryder for all the wrong reasons. His prejudice isn’t warranted because Ryder is a good boy, he always has been despite his shitty circumstances.
“What’s wrong with him?” I fire back. “We’ve known him since we were little kids.”
“And we didn’t like your brother playing with him then,” Mom pipes up. “He’s a bad influence.”
I shake my head. “But it was fine when he was rich, right? When he lived in the right neighborhood? Things changed when he moved across town and you know it.”
“Don’t talk to your mother like that!” Dad warns. “We just want to get to the truth of what happened here, and like your mom said, you’re not in any trouble. He’s an adult, he should know better. We were stupid to trust Luca to be in charge for one goddamn night.”
I wipe my eyes, standing as I fold my arms over my chest angrily. How dare they treat him like that?! Like he’s a piece of scum to be stepped on. I know his dad ripped a lot of people off, but that wasn’t his fault. Why is he paying for the sins of his father?
No matter what my dad says, they hate him for reasons beyond his control. He’s never done drugs, or got into trouble with the law. In fact, when Luca got caught stealing cigarettes, Ryder took the wrap for him.
“Why won’t either of you listen to me?” I grip my scalp tightly, frustrated and angry. “Ryder didn’t do anything, and that’s the truth.”
“Then why was he half naked, on your bed, and you were touching him?” Dad demands. “We weren't born yesterday, Crystal. This is exactly what it looks like.”
“I already told you. You might not think your daughter is nothing but a perfect angel, but that’s where you’re wrong. I like Ryder… He’s a good person…” I love Ryder, but I’m not telling them that.
My dad laughs, but it looks almost menacing as his eyes glint with rage. “He’s never allowed back in this house ever again. Do you hear me, Crystal? Never.”
“That’s great, because he’s leaving town anyway!” I fire back.
Hot tears spring in my eyes at the revelation that I may never see Ryder again. He’s never going to come back here, not after this. And they’ll no doubt poison Luca’s head, but I’ll set him straight.
“That’s the best thing a loser like him could do!” Dad yells.
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “You lied to me.”
Dad turns his gaze on me. “What?”
“You lied to me.” My voice is louder, firmer. “You always told me to treat people with respect and kindness, but you meant people like you.”
“Crystal, go to your room,” Mom says, hugging herself.
I ignore her. I’m already in my freaking room. Where else am I going to go?
Dad scoffs. “I know you and Luca have some strange fascination with that boy, but he’s just like his father and he’ll amount to nothing, bringing you down along with him!”
“Get out of my room,” I demand. “I want to be alone.”
“Don’t speak to your father like that.” Mom’s voice is dripping with disappointment.
He doesn’t move. “I’m doing this to protect you. Everything we’ve ever done is to protect you.”
“Dad?” Casey says again.
He turns to her. “Your mother told you to go back to bed. Now do it.”
Casey gives me a sad look as I try my hardest not to break down in front of her. I fear it’s a little too late for that. As for Luca? He’ll get wind sure enough, and I know he’ll have questions. He loves Ryder like a brother, and once I explain, I know he won’t do a Dad and go postal.
“Kicking Ryder out wasn’t the answer,” my words are barely audible. “I will never forgive you for this.”
Dad moves out of my way to join Mom just outside my door. It’s then that I hear my brother’s voice from downstairs. I can’t. I close the door in their faces, locking it behind me as I run to my bed and dive onto it, face down. I scream into my pillow. Then punch it. Then scream some more. Hot tears stream down my face at how unfair all of this is. They hate Ryder even more than ever now. Not that it matters.
He hates me.
My father punched him!
I hear voices on the stairs; no doubt my parents are filling my brother in on what they think they saw. I don’t listen to Luca’ s pounding on my door. It eventually subsides, but my tears don’t.
I will never love anyone like I love Ryder Cane. Never.
Then an idea springs to mind. I jump up, grabbing my phone off the charger on the nightstand. I try to call him but it rings out. I quickly send him a text, my heart racing in my chest.
Me
Ryder. Plz don’t leave like this. My dad doesn’t know what he’s saying. He’s wrong. I’m sorry
Me
Plz don’t ignore me. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry
Me
Plz pick up
I wait and wait and wait, but no reply ever comes. When I check again, I see he’s read the messages. My heart pounds so loudly in my chest, I’m sure it’s going to explode.
Me
Ryder. Don’t go. I need to see you, please!
Me
ILY. No matter what
The gray bubble appears, then it disappears again. Please, please don’t let this be the end.
Ryder
Forget me, Sugar. That’s the best thing you can do. I don’t blame you. Don’t ever think that. But I’m leaving town tonight
Me
Don’t go. Not like this
Ryder
I have to. I’m sorry
Me
Ryder, don’t
Ryder
Goodbye, Crystal
No! I want to plead with him, beg him, tell him it isn’t true. But I don’t. The damage is done.
I throw my phone across the room, my heart feels like it could break through my chest.
The tears flow freely. I still can’t believe my dad punched him. He’s no better than Ryder’s stepdad, not that my parents are even aware of the abuse Ryder has suffered. I doubt they’d care, but I stand by what I said. My dad is a hypocrite. He believes in giving to the poor and the less fortunate, but not people like Ryder. He is prejudice against a boy who didn’t do anything wrong, just because of what his dad did and because he lives on the wrong side of town. It makes me sick to my stomach. I vow there and then that I’ll do better.
I won’t be like them. I can be a better person, a good person. I try to never judge anyone. Just because Ryder had a tough upbringing, does not make him a bad person.I retrieve my phone, taking a breath.
Me
I’ll keep my promise, Ryder. I’ll do it for you. One day you’ll find me again, and I’ll be waiting. You think I don’t know what I want, but you’re wrong. I do know. I love you. I will always love you. Know that. No matter what happens, press your hand to your heart and when you feel the beat, know that it’s me, thinking about you. Always. ILY.
I hit send, knowing there is no way out of this room to get across town to plead with him. Ryder was never one to be kept down. He’s too good for Greenlark. They’re all wrong. He’ll do great things. He has a heart of gold, and why my parents can’t see that, I’ll never know.
I know he thinks I’m just a kid, but I know myself. I may only be sixteen and I haven’t lived yet, but I know right from wrong. I know how I feel when I’m around him. Nobody can compare to Ryder Cane, and even if I never hear from him again, I’ll never stop reminding him that he’s worthy. He’s somebody. Despite what my parents and everyone else says. They don’t know him. They can’t see past their own noses.
“I’ll wait, Ryder. I’ll wait forever to be with you,” I whisper out loud to nobody. “Nobody can take away your memory. I won’t let them.”
I had no idea that it would be years until I saw my favorite pair of green eyes again.