23. Ryder
23
RYDER
I don’t feel anything as we watch the ashes scatter across the beach. I’m glad, in a way, because this chapter of my life is now over. But I can’t help but feel a little guilt ridden because my mom still suffered. I could’ve helped her. Even after all she did, or didn’t do, I would’ve done my best. It angers me that she’d rather go through all of that alone, never reaching out or responding to my calls. She was the fucking parent, not me. I think that’s what hurts the most. Even when I say I feel nothing, obviously I do because some hurts just never go away. But it’s done.
Crystal rubs my back with her palm. “How do you feel?”
I shrug. “The same.”
“It’s done now. She’s at peace, and we can move on from all of this.”
She’s right, like always. “I know. I’m glad, in a weird kinda way, that we did this.”
“Like I said: I’ll always have your back, no matter what.”
We still have tonight at the cabin until we head home, but I’ve never been more homesick in my entire life. I miss my son. I miss our life, and it’s only been two days.
I turn, wrapping her in my arms. “Are you glad?”
“About this, or something else?”
She knows me too well. “About how your life turned out.”
She pulls back, meeting my gaze. “You don’t even have to ask that question because the answers are written on my face.” She places her hands on my chest, her expression serious. “Never wonder about any of that because I’m exactly where I need to be. I’m not only glad, Ryd, I’m thankful. For you. For Ade. For how things turned out, and for what’s to come.”
“This is why I love you, because you know how much I need these pep talks.”
She laughs. “Oh, is that why? I thought it was because of what I did to you with my mouth.”
I smirk, then sober. “Never for one second think that you don’t have any power over me, because you do. You’re the reason I get up every day. You’re the reason I turned my life around, even when I left Greenlark. I wanted to be better. I wanted to do better.”
“And you’ve proved that, over and over again. You don’t have to prove anything anymore.”
I shift my eyes away. The scent from the saltwater cools my skin. I glance out toward the ocean, letting the serenity settle over me. “Maybe you’re right. I’ve struggled for a long time with self-worth,” I say. “But all of that crap growin’ up? It’s behind me now. I don’t have to carry that burden anymore.”
“You don’t,” she whispers. “You’re free of all of it. And what’s more? You have a reconnection with Stu now, if you want it. At least something good came out of all of this.”
I kiss her on the nose. “Let’s go.”
“Already? But we just got here.” She looks around the deserted beach. “We didn’t even walk anywhere.”
I thumb behind me. “See that big black cloud rollin’ in?”
She darts her eyes. “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. Storms brewin’, Sugar. Which is a good excuse to stay in bed for the rest of the day.”
“Fine, but you owe me fish and chips. A girl’s gotta eat.” She pouts.
“Anything for my beautiful wife.” I plant a kiss on her perfect lips. Not for the first time, I thank my lucky stars for my wife and all that I have. “But after I feed you, you’re mine.”
A slow smile creeps on her face. “I like how your mind works.”
We leave the cabin early the next morning, happy to be heading out. Last night got the better of us. We ended up falling asleep in front of the fire, exhausted, but in our own bubble. It’s been an emotional few days, yet I’ve enjoyed the time away with Crystal. I’m also ready to be back in New Orleans, and back to Aidan and our life. Maybe a family vacation is in order because it just isn’t the same without the little guy. He might drive us both a little nuts, but he’s ours. And I wouldn’t trade being a dad for anything in the world.
When we roll up at the bakery, we surprise Aidan when we walk in the back door. He’s at the bench with Manny, who helps out sometimes, shaking a ridiculous amount of sprinkles onto some cookies. Trust Manny to rope in a little helper. He’s so good with kids, and they adore him.
“Mommy! Daddy!” He jumps off the stool and runs toward us, his apron, which is a little too big, almost trips him up.
I scoop him up into my arms, squeezing him into a big hug as Crystal dusts his face with kisses. “How’s our big boy? Have you been good for everyone?”
“Yes!” he declares proudly. “I was helping Manny with the cookies.”
Manny watches us, taking in the spectacle with a big grin. “He’s my new sous chef, right, Ade?”
“Right!” Ade punches the air with one fist. I set him down while his momma crouches to hug him before he runs back to the cookie station. “Mommy, try a cookie!”
“They smell amazing,” she says. “What kind did you make?”
“Chocolate, and vanilla sprinkles,” he says, climbing back up on the stool.
“I think you have a budding baker on your hands,” Manny says. “In fact, I’m sure of it.”
Aidan beams proudly and my heart skips a beat. That’s all you want in life; your kid to be happy. We’re lucky we have such amazing friends and support from the club. Manny is just one shining example, but there are many more.
“How was the trip?” Manny looks up at us.
I shrug.
He frowns. “That good?”
“About as good as any funeral can go,” I say.
“Let’s just say we’re glad to be home,” Crystal adds.
“Closure can be bittersweet,” Manny says. “I get it.”
“Uncle Manny?” Ade says, pulling at Manny’s arm.
“Yeah, bud?”
“Pay attention,” my little guy scolds.
I roll my lips as Manny puts on a serious face. “Sorry,” Manny does at least sound apologetic.
“Mommy’s hungry,” Ade goes on. “Give her this one.”
“Uh, manners,” I remind him.
Aidan giggles. “Please!”
Manny ruffles his head as Aidan picks the cookie up and places it on the plate Manny sets down next to him.
“What about Dad?” I give him a chin lift. “Does Dad get one?”
“Chocolate,” Ade declares. “Daddy likes chocolate.”
“Oh yeah, he was insistent,” Manny tells us. “We had to make cookies for Mommy and Daddy coming home today.”
“Yes!” Ade laughs, waving my cookie around dangerously.
Manny rescues it before it ends up on the floor, hands it to me and I take a big bite. Crystal is already oohing and ahhing over hers. I’m pleased to say, it tastes every bit as good as it looks.
“Mmm, these taste amazin’,” I say around a mouthful of cookie.
“Tell them the best part.” Manny nudges Ade with his elbow.
He looks at Manny blankly until Manny swiftly reminds him in a whisper; “The clean ingredients.”
“The clean ingredients!” Ade shouts. “No sugar, organic flour and something else… I forgot…”
“No preservatives or colors.” Manny gives us a wink. “Well, as clean as we could get ’em… we went all out on the chocolate chips.”
Aidan grabs one, as if to prove their point, and takes a big bite.
“If the chef eats them, then that’s a good sign.” Manny smiles. “I think we should have a cook-a-thon at least once a month. Deal?”
“Deal!” Aidan laughs as they high-five.
It doesn't seem like our child has missed us all that much, and I’m glad he’s been occupied during our absence. One of his favorite things to do is hang out with Manny in the kitchen.
“Indi just stepped out,” Manny tells us. “She won’t be too long.”
“Did you hear anything else about the baby?” Crystal bounces on her toes. “Audrina stopped texting back, and I’m assuming it’s because she’s busy giving birth.”
“Last I heard from Lace was she’s in labor, but nothing since,” Manny says.
“Mommy?” Aidan pipes up.
“Yes, honey?”
“Can we go see the baby?” he asks.
Crystal walks toward the bench top, ruffling his hair. “As soon as the baby is born, yes we can go meet her.”
“It’s a girl?” Aidan looks confused.
“Yes, honey.”
“How do they know?”
“They have this special machine that the doctor uses on Audrina’s tummy to look inside,” she explains.
He looks utterly confused, scratching his head in the most adorable way. “How does the baby get in there?”
Uh, oh.
“How about we finish icing these cookies,” Manny helpfully puts in. “Before Uncle Harlem gets back and eats them all.”
That’s enough of a distraction to make him forget all about how babies are made.
Crystal gives me a ‘phew, that was close’ look and I chuckle into my hand. I don’t think we’re quite ready for that conversation just yet.
Ade is especially affectionate for the rest of the afternoon as we thank Indigo and Harlem when they get back. Casey catches us on the way out of the shop after pulling an all-night shift.
“You know that job’ll kill you,” Pipes points out. He’s on a regular afternoon bakery pick-up for the guys in the workshop. They can’t get enough of Indi’s cupcakes.
“Really? I thought it was talking to you.” Casey gives him a sarcastic smile.
There’s no love lost between these two, even though at one point I thought the two of them had a thing for one another. I don’t know what happened, and I don’t want to know. Knowing Pipes, it’s probably something to do with his revolving door. Then again, I haven’t seen him around many of the sweetbutts of late. I make a mental note to check out what’s going on there.
“Ha ha, hilarious. Why don’t you wear those cute scrubs you see on the TV?” Why he’s still talking, I don’t know.
Casey sighs like she’d rather have a conversation with a skunk than him. “Because I’m not a doctor, or a nurse, dipshit. I’m a paramedic.”
Pipes completely dismisses her tone. “Right. And the difference is?”
“Why are you so interested?” she demands, narrowing her eyes. “Thinking about a career change?”
He smirks. “Nope. I’m thinkin’ about what I need to do to get your hands on me again. Gettin’ shot isn’t out of the question.”
Again?
“What do you mean, again?” I arch an eyebrow.
“Yeah,” Crystal agrees. “Are you two, uh, hooking up?”
Casey visibly shudders. “He’s delusional, obviously. I wouldn’t touch him with a ten-foot pole.”
“Right, Case, you keep tellin’ yourself that.” Pipes gives her a side eye and she looks like she might just go right ahead and punch him. That I would pay to see. Pipes is a good guy, but his mouth gets him into trouble all the time.
“Clearly all those fumes from the workshop are going to your head, because it’ll take more than you getting shot for me to put my hands on you,” she retorts casually.
Pipes puts a hand over his heart. “Ouch. That cuts deep. I don’t really think you mean that.”
“Oh, but I do.”
“So if, God forbid, I get shot right here, right now, you wouldn’t do anythin’? Isn’t that breakin’ some kind of code of ethics?” Smartass little shit.
“The only code of ethics I’ll be breaking is knocking you on your ass.”
“You know she will,” Crystal sings. “She’s a black belt in karate. I’d give up now while you’re ahead.”
“You two good or do I need to referee?” I laugh.
This new knowledge only seems to spur Pipes on. He just won’t quit while he’s ahead. “I have a black belt in origami. Maybe we could swap moves?” He grins.
She gives him a decent amount of eye rolling before she quips, “Has that lame pickup line actually worked?”
“Not even tryin’ to pick you up, but if that’s the way your mind went, then that’s not on me.”
Damn douche canoe.
Casey ignores him, turning to her sister. “I’m free tonight if you want some company?”
Crystal smiles. “I’d like that.”
The two of them text constantly, but Crystal has always been close to her sister. Ever since the kidnapping, they’ve been inseparable. “How about you two take off. Me and Ade will pick up some pizzas for dinner on our way?”
Crystal smiles gratefully. “Sounds good.”
“Yay!” Ade jumps up and down, almost dropping the container of cookies Manny batched up for him to take home.
I kiss Crystal chastely. “See you at home?”
“Sounds good.” She bends to kiss Aidan on the head. “Be a good boy for Daddy.”
“Bye Mommy. Bye Aunt Casey. Bye Uncle Pipes!”
“See ya later, bud,” Casey says.
Pipes fist pumps him and shoots Casey a devious look, which she continues to ignore. I don’t know what the fuck is going on there, but it’s news to me.
I take Ade by the hand and head to my truck. I harness him into his booster seat in the back. Once I’m done, I jog around to the front seat and hop in. Of course, Ade hasn’t stopped talking the entire time out to the truck about Manny, and Uncle Harlem, and all the things they’ve been doing while we’ve been away. Hearing him chatter is like the butter to my bread. He doesn’t come up for air.
I dial for the pizzas through Bluetooth as I start the engine and put the order in. Pulling out of the back of the bakery, I head downtown. Traffic isn’t too bad, but it’s not peak hour just yet. I manage the trip in ten minutes, much to Ade’s glee.
We head inside together, and because I knew he’d be hungry, I added a couple of mozzarella sticks for the journey. Ade beams when I hand him one as we’re leaving the shop.
“Dad, I love these!”
“I know.” I grin. “Can Dad have a bite, too?”
He waves it up toward me and I bend down to take a bite off the end. He laughs, waving it around again because that’s what Ade does with most of his food before he eats it. I strap him back in his seat and place the pizzas down on the seat next to him.
“Mommy likes pineapple,” he tells me.
“She does. Even though we both know pineapple has no place on a pizza, right?”
He screws up his nose. “Yuck. We like pepperoni!”
I chuckle, closing the door as I head back to the driver’s seat. I hop in, start the car and just as I’m about to drive off I turn to see someone at the passenger window. He’s wearing a ski mask, dressed in black.
“Holy fu?—”
I hit the central locking but it’s too late. The man is already opening the passenger door, pointing a gun at me. “Don’t move,” he barks at me.
“Daddy?” Ade wails.
“Get the fuck out of my car,” I grit. “I’ve got money… I’ve got my kid.”
He does the unthinkable and climbs in, and I curse myself for not carrying a piece. Not that I’d have a chance to pull it out with a gun pointed at my head.
“Drive.”
I stare at him. “You don’t wanna do this.”
Ade starts to cry.
“I know exactly what I’m doin’. Shut the fuck up and drive or the kid gets it.”
My heart is beating so hard in my chest, I think it’s going to explode.
“I said I’ve got money,” I say. “Or the truck, take the truck.”
“This ain’t about money. Drive. And don’t even think about any funny business.”
“My kid,” I whisper. “Don’t do this in front of him. Please.”
“Drive!” he bellows.
Adian struggles in his seat as I check the review mirror. “Buddy, it’s okay. I just need you to be a good boy for Dad, okay?”
“Daddy, who is that man?” He can barely get the words out. “He’s scaring me.”
“Just remember what Daddy told you about bein’ super quiet and what to do when a stranger approaches and you get scared, okay?” His eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror. He’s fucking five, he’s not gonna remember what I told him. He reaches for his headphones next to him.
“Is the man gonna hurt you, Daddy?” he stammers before putting them over his ears.
I want to throat punch this fucker until his voice box is caved in, then rip his eyeballs out from his sockets. If I get out of this alive, he’s a dead man.
The man next to me snickers as if he’s enjoying the sound of my child’s terrified voice. Sick fuck.
“No, bud, he’s not. We just gotta be quiet for a little bit. Maybe you can play a game. You like Jumping Egg, right?”
We got Ade a GPS tracking watch with games. It also doubles as a personal alarm. That’s if he remembers what to do. Again, he’s fucking five, so I doubt it. They don’t retain information, and why should he have to at his age?
He wipes his face. I watch the road as I pull out onto the street. “Or Duck Duck ,” I add.
“I like Duck Duck ,” he snivels, then, “My tummy hurts.”
Yes. We’ve been through stranger danger and given him safe words. I grip the steering wheel harder. He’s getting it. ‘My tummy hurts’ is a safe phrase for him letting us know he’s uncomfortable.
My heart thuds faster. “Just a little bit longer, okay? You remember Dad’s favorite game? Crocodile. Why don’t you play that one and put your headphones on?”
“Okay, Daddy.” His little tongue hangs out of his mouth as he pulls the headset on, then concentrates on his watch.
Fucking, please. If there’s anyone on my side, let him hit that alarm right fucking now.
“You about done?” the asshole next to me sneers. “Kid talks way too much.”
“He’s five, asswipe, and terrified. What do you want?”
“We’re gonna play a little game called shut the fuck up or I’ll shoot you, got it?”
“You’re not man enough to show your face?”
He shakes his head. “Oh, I’ll save that surprise for when we get to where we’re going.”
“Which is where?” I bark.
“Just keep driving, and if anyone calls and you do or say anything, I’ll put a bullet in his brain.”
I swallow hard. This fucker isn’t messing around.
A few moments later, Crystal’s calling me.
Did he send the signal?
“Answer it, but don’t say shit or I’ll shoot your brains out right in front of your kid.”
I clear my throat. “Hey, honey.” For fuck’s sake, hear what I’m about to say.
“Is everything okay? You’ve been a while.” She knows. We’ve barely been any time at all, and she knows not to outrightly ask if Ade’s personal alarm goes off.
Did his alarm go off? Or is she just calling me and I’m wishful thinking?
“We’re fine, babe. But we stopped off for ice cream and got a little held up.”
There’s a long pause.
Ice cream.
It’s our family code word, and just in case she didn’t get the memo, “And before you ask, he’s fine. He’s playin’ Crocodile on his watch.”
Another long pause. Crystal’s voice is slightly higher, which sends me into an instant panic. “Okay, well, drive safely. I hope you got extra ice cream. I’ll see you soon.”
“Be there soon, Sugar.”
I hang up.
“There, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” the man sneers.
I want to laugh in his face. She knows. And if Crystal knows, the MC is about to know, too.
My son, for all of his quirks and craziness, might have just saved both our lives.
“Just tell me what you want,” I bark.
“Throw your phone out the window.”
“Fuck you.”
“Do it!”
I swallow hard, then press the window down and do as he says.
He sits back in the seat, the gun still pointed at me. “You got a GPS tracker? Don’t lie to me.”
It’s fine. He won’t even know about Ade’s watch… I hope…
“In the glovebox.”
He finds it easily, then tosses that out the window, too. “Don’t need that pesky wife of yours getting nosy when you don’t make it home tonight, do we?”
“What do you want?” I repeat through gritted teeth. “Let me drop my kid off. Do what you want to me, but not him.”
He hums an annoying tune. “You really don’t get it, do you? You owe me, and I’m here to collect.”
“Just show me who you are, stop hidin’ behind a fuckin’ mask.”
He shakes his head. “You callin’ the shots now?”
“It’d be nice to know who I pissed off.”
He contemplates for a second, then rips the mask upward, facing me.
I frown. What the….
“Pleased to see me?” He smiles. “It’s just like old times, isn’t it?”
No. It can’t be. “You’re s-supposed to be d-dead,” I stammer. “How?”
His eyes back on the road a slow grin spreads across his face. “I guess the dead have a way of sneaking up on you, don’t they, Ryder?”