Chapter 4
Chapter Four
Athena
P ain eviscerates me from all angles as I stare at the pregnancy test, wishing I could erase the NOT PREGNANT result and replace it with the right one. A sob builds at the back of my throat, and I can scarcely breathe over the massive lump clogging my throat and the pressure sitting on my chest.
I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this. Getting the same result every month is soul-destroying, and it’s slowly stripping all the joy from my life.
Which isn’t right because I have the best life.
I’m married to the most incredible man. A man who loves me intensely and completely, flaws and all. Our sex life is the stuff of dreams. His family wholeheartedly embraced me and Arlo, and I adore every single person.
Arlo graduated from RU last year and he’s working with his father at Manning Motors. I know he has demons from the trauma of everything that happened, but he seems happy even if I can tell there’s something on his mind.
Career-wise, things couldn’t be better too. My business is thriving, and we’ve massively expanded over the years, adding more staff and new clients.
Everything is amazing except for one thing: I can’t give my husband a baby.
And it’s slowly killing me inside.
I give myself another few minutes to deal with my shit, and then I pull myself together and head out to the kitchen. My husband is at the stove, raising a wooden spoon to his lips to taste the sauce he’s making. Fuck, he’s so hot. Still every bit as ripped as he was the day I met him. There may be a few gray strands in his hair and some fine lines by his eyes, but he’s every bit as gorgeous to me.
“Hey, Vixen.” Drew drags his gaze over the length of my fitted black dress. “Fuck, you look edible. Come here.” He beckons me with possessive eyes loaded with dark promise, and a delicious tremor tiptoes up my spine.
Drew reels me into his arms when I reach him, planting a passionate kiss on my lips, and it’s everything I need. I get lost in my husband, melting against Drew and clinging to him with a desperation that isn’t me.
“Hey.” Drew cradles my face in his hands. “What’s wrong?”
I stiffen in his arms. “Nothing’s wrong,” I lie. I can’t tell him I’ve failed him again. I just can’t.
“Darling, please don’t do that.” His thumbs smooth out the creases in my brow. “Don’t shut me out.” His eyes pop wide for a split second, and I know he’s figured it out.
Tears spring to my eyes unbidden, and that sob I trapped earlier makes a break for freedom. A strangled inhuman sound tears from my throat, bouncing off the walls of our silent home. Drew mentioned Arlo is joining us for dinner, but he’s gone home to get showered and changed.
“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.” He holds me closer, pressing my face to his chest as he discreetly turns off the stove. Drew lifts me effortlessly, carrying me over to the dining table. He pulls out a chair and sits down, placing me on his lap. “It was negative?”
Tears slide down my face, and I sob as I nod in confirmation. I bury my face in his neck and cry my heart out. Drew holds me during it all, running his hand up and down my back, dotting kisses into my hair and whispering comforting words.
“I’m sorry,” I say when I’ve finally stopped crying. “I’m sorry I’m failing you.”
“You’re not, Thena.” He dabs at my eyes with a tissue. “You could never fail me. You’re perfect.”
“Except I can’t give you the one thing you want.”
“Athena.” He holds my face firmly, forcing my tearstained gaze to his. “I have you and Arlo, and that’s all I want and need. We can stop trying right now if this is too much. I don’t need another child to feel complete. I have the best life, and yes, a baby would be amazing, but if it’s not meant to be, I can live with that.”
His features soften as he caresses my face with the tips of his fingers. “It’s only been a year, honey. The doctor said it could take that long,” he reminds me.
“I feel like such a failure as a woman,” I admit, toying with the ends of his hair. “Jane gave you a child, and I want to give you one so badly. I want a child who is a little bit of you and little bit of me.”
“This is about Jane?” he inquires.
I shake my head. “No, not really.” I grab the tissue and blow my nose. “It’s not like it’s a competition, and you know how much I love Arlo. He’s always been more like a son to me than a brother. It’s just—” It’s so hard to articulate how I’m feeling. Sometimes I don’t even understand it myself. “She gave you something I can’t, and it’s killing me.”
“I didn’t know you felt like this. I know you’ve been disappointed, as I have, but you didn’t tell me any of this.”
I’ve been hiding my true emotions from him and trying not to stress because that doesn’t help. “I didn’t want you to worry, and at first, I wasn’t too concerned because I’ve been on birth control for so long and I’m older too, but it’s been a year now, and every month, I die a little more inside.”
“What the doctor said is true. I backed it up with online research, so this isn’t completely unusual. It can take that long for couples in our situation. You’re only thirty-eight, and women are having babies well into their forties, so there is still plenty of time.”
“Infertility runs in my family.” It hurts to say those words because it dredges up painful memories of my parents. “What if it’s me? What if I can’t have kids?”
“Here’s what we’re going to do.” Drew’s eyes shine with determination. “We’ll both get tested, and if there is an issue, we’ll look at our options. IVF and surrogacy offer ways to have our own baby. It’s not insurmountable, honey. If you want a baby, I’ll give you a baby.”
“You want a baby?” Arlo asks with surprise threading through his words as he appears in the kitchen doorway.
“More than anything in the world,” I admit, circling my arms around Drew.
“I didn’t think you wanted kids.” Arlo claims the seat beside us.
“I didn’t. But then I met your dad, and I changed my mind.”
“This is awesome.” His wide grin threatens to split his face in two. “You’re gonna be the best mother, Thena. You basically raised me, and I didn’t turn out so bad.”
I lean over and hug him. “Understatement of the century.” I mess up his hair. “You’re incredible, and that’s all on you.”
“See.” He waggles his brows. “Perfect mother material right there.”
Warmth mixes with pain in my veins. “That’s one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me, but I don’t know if it’s in the cards for us. We’ve been trying for a year to no avail.”
His expression softens. “I’m sorry, sis. That must be hard, but don’t give up hope. I heard what Dad said, and we both know how stubborn he is. He’ll make it happen.”
“Thanks, Arlo.” I lean over and hug him again. “Have I told you how proud I am of you?”
“Don’t start. I got enough of the mushy-gushy stuff earlier.”
Drew chuckles as he lifts me off his lap. “Just keeping it real, son.” He sets me on my feet and hauls me into his chest. “Better?”
“Yes.” Talking it out with Drew has helped. The crying was cathartic too. I fling my arms around his shoulders and plant a fierce kiss on his lips. My husband, being the man he is, takes it and raises it, dipping me down low as he kisses me deeply.
“Should I go warm up shit in the sex room?” Arlo quips, forcing us to break apart.
“We’ll restrain ourselves until after dinner.” Drew smirks, tapping my ass, and the look he gives me is loaded with wicked intent.
My core clenches in anticipation, and I shiver all over. My man is still a beast in the bedroom, and I’m a very lucky girl.
“Fucking gross.” Arlo turns a sickly shade of green.
“You started it.” Drew slaps him on the back as he walks toward the kitchen. “Go sit outside. I’ll bring wine and beer, and dinner will be on the table in twenty.”
We do as we’re told, and a few minutes later, we’re seated on the couch sipping our drinks. “So, catch me up on your life,” I say in between mouthfuls of the crisp white wine.
“Nothing much to say.” Arlo shrugs before swilling from his bottle of beer. “Work is fine, and things are cool at the house.”
“Are you running into any issues at Manning Motors?” I ask, wondering if this is what he wants to talk to us about. Drew said he has something to tell us.
“Not really. There’s always a few jackasses who throw the nepotism card my way, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“I don’t see how they can justify throwing that shade at you. It’s not like your father appointed you to a management position. You’re starting at the ground and working your way up, just like all the other college graduates.” It’s not quite the same thing, but it’s unfair to level those kinds of accusations at Arlo when he is having to prove himself. Drew could have elevated him, but he wants him to learn the business from every angle, and I supported the decision. Arlo didn’t have any issue with it either.
He winces before he’s quick enough to disguise it, and I’m guessing whatever he has to say is about Manning Motors.
“How are you getting on with Jake?” I ask, purposely switching the topic.
“Fine. He’s a good guy, and Vera seems happy.” Poor Vera hasn’t had it easy. She told me once that Arlo saved her. He gave her a purpose, a reason to survive. They are super close, which isn’t that surprising considering there’s only four years in age between them. She dated a little, but mostly it was a disaster. Until she met Jake. They’ve been together a year, and he’s just moved in.
“Do you think you’ll keep living there?” Vera was lonely rambling around that big house by herself, so she asked Arlo to move in at the start of his junior year of college. Drew was devastated, but he didn’t hold his son back, and it’s been good for Arlo and Vera. We still see a lot of him; he’s always popping back and forth. Drew and Arlo have an incredible relationship and a strong bond. They’ve fought hard for it, and it’s a delight to see. Abby positively glows every time she sees them together, and Olivia dotes on Arlo like he walks on water.
Moving here was the best decision, and I’ve never regretted it.
“It’s fine for now. The house is big enough that we don’t step on each other’s toes. If they decide to get married and start a family, I’ll probably move out, but for now, I’m happy there.”
“Any girls on the scene?” I ask, lifting a brow.
Drew pokes his head through the double doors. “Dinner’s ready.”
“Perfect timing.” Arlo waggles his brows, grinning as he stands. My brother-slash-stepson is forthcoming about most things except his love life. Any time I mention women, his lips glue tight. There hasn’t been anyone serious—to my knowledge—and I’d love for him to meet someone special.
Dinner is delicious as usual. My husband is a fantastic cook.
Arlo clears his throat and finally speaks after we finish eating our meringue dessert. “I have something I want to talk to you about. Before you say anything, just let me get this out.”
“You have the floor.” Drew slides his arm around the back of my chair as we give Arlo our undivided attention.
“I’m resigning my role at Manning Motors and joining a new joint task force the Luminaries are setting up in conjunction with the Elite.”
Shock splays across Drew’s face, and I’m sure my expression is similar. Arlo joined the Elite at eighteen, and he’s trained extensively in the ways of our world. However, he hasn’t shown any real interest in getting more deeply involved, which has suited us. Neither Drew nor I want him actively involved, so this is definitely coming out of left field. But it’s not our choice. He’s twenty-three now. A grown man capable of making his own decisions. We couldn’t stop him even if we wanted to.
“What kind of task force?” Drew inquires, finding his voice first.
“This new team will focus solely on identifying sex traffickers and shutting down their operations. You know they’ve been doing it for years but making little headway. They are putting more resources into it, both bodies and funds, and going harder at it.” His brown eyes dance between us, pride shining through. “Ares wants me to head up the Massachusetts group, reporting directly to him.”
“It will be dangerous.” Drew curls his hand around my left shoulder.
“I’m aware of the risks, but I want to do it. I need to do it,” he adds in a quieter voice, and we know why. He doesn’t need to verbalize his thought process.
“I’m guessing it will involve a lot of overseas travel,” I say, and he nods.
“Have you thought about it fully? Weighed up all the pros and cons?” Drew asks. “This isn’t something you agree to do on a whim.”
“It’s all I’ve thought about for months since Ares first mentioned it, and before you bust his balls, know that I made him keep it a secret. I wanted to make this decision myself without outside interference.”
A pregnant pause ensues.
Arlo’s shoulders turn rigid, and his mouth pulls into a grim line. “I’m doing it. The decision is made.”
“That is your call to make, and we’ll respect your choices,” I say.
“I’m going to miss you, but I’m proud of you. Your mother would be proud too,” Drew says, and Arlo visibly relaxes.
“You don’t mind I’m walking away from my legacy?”
“I want you to be happy. If this is what you need, you should do it. I’d be a hypocrite to try and stop you given the years I spent hunting monsters. As for Manning Motors, it will be there if you choose to come back to it at some point. And if you don’t, Abby and Kai have kids. It’s not just my legacy. I’m sure someone will want to take over when I retire. I’m not concerned.”
“Thanks, Dad. Thank you both. For everything.”
“Just promise me two things, Arlo.” Drew straightens up, staring directly into Arlo’s face. “You won’t take unnecessary risks and you won’t lose yourself in the process. You still have a life to live, and I want you to live it.”
“That’s an easy ask, Dad, and one I’m happy to promise.”