Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Zayn
I slip out of the bed like a ninja, careful not to wake my sleeping beauty. I worked Em over good after we got home, and though a herd of elephants stampeding in the bedroom most likely wouldn’t wake her, I’m not taking any chances. It’s rare she allows herself a day off and I want her to sleep in late.
I hover over the bed, just drinking her in. Her fiery-red hair fans over the pillow in thick lustrous waves like the brightest flames. With one hand tucked under her face and her knees slightly curled into her body, she looks so young, so content, so beautiful, and she steals the air from my lungs every damn time I look at her.
Leaning down, I press a feather-soft kiss to her brow, closing my eyes briefly as I inhale the scent that is uniquely my wife. I’m so lucky she forgave me for all the crap I pulled when we were kids. So lucky to have her in my life.
Tiptoeing out of the room, I stifle a yawn as I walk along the hallway. When I enter the kitchen, the clock on the wall confirms it’s four fifty a.m. Way too early to be up. We fucked for hours, and my body is exhausted, but my brain just won’t switch off. It’s been a familiar pattern these past few months, and I know stress and guilt are the reasons I can’t sleep.
I put the kettle on to make herbal tea, locked in my insidious thoughts while I fix my drink.
Grabbing a blanket off the back of the couch on my way through the living room, I settle on the window seat to wait for the sunrise. My thoughts are troubled as I nurse the mug in my hands, resting it on the blanket covering my elevated knees.
“What’s wrong?” Emery asks in a sleep-drenched tone, and I almost fall off the seat.
Blood rushes to my ears, and butterflies race around my chest. “Holy fuck, Em. You scared the hell out of me.”
My wife pads toward me wearing my shirt from last night. It’s too big, and it falls off one shoulder, revealing an expanse of pale creamy skin I’m more than partial to. Her hair is tousled from my hands, her lips swollen from my kisses, and pride mixes with yearning and love as I watch her come toward me.
“Please tell me what’s going on, Zayn,” she says, climbing up onto the seat with me. She kneels before me, reaching out to run her fingers lightly through the stubble on my chin and cheeks. “You’ve been preoccupied for weeks, longer maybe. Don’t shut me out. Let me help. Even if it’s work stuff I don’t understand, I can still listen.” Leaning in, she kisses me softly. “I love you so much. It hurts when you hurt and you won’t let me help.”
“You’re going to think less of me.”
She arches a brow. “Have you murdered someone? Stolen anything? Cheated? Taken up drug trafficking or sex trafficking?”
“What? No! Of course not.”
“Then I won’t think less of you.” She snuggles into my side, and I put my empty mug aside, wrapping my arms around my wife.
“I’m not worthy of you.” I press my lips to her soft hair.
“Of course, you are.” She kisses the underside of my jaw and my skin tingles. “We’re worthy of one another.”
A heavy sigh emits from my lips. I’m done holding this inside. I need to talk to my wife. Maybe she can help me to make this right. “I’ve done something at work behind the guys’ backs. Something they specifically said no to, yet I made my own decision to do it, and now I’m wracked with guilt and stressing because it could come out and possibly ruin everything we’ve built together.” My arms tighten around her. “It feels so disloyal to them after everything they’ve done for me.”
Emery cups my face, directing my gaze to hers. “What is it?”
“Are you really sure you want to know?”
“Yes. If it’s troubling you and I can help, I want to.”
“A few months ago, this guy came to us for help.” I wet my suddenly dry lips. She’s not going to like this. “He’s part of the Italian mafia in New York.” Her eyes widen like saucers, but she keeps quiet, urging me to continue with her expression. “We have done the odd favor in the past for some of the mafia leaders, but we mostly steer clear of involving ourselves. They have their own tech department with highly skilled resources, so they handle most of their shit in-house anyway, which suits us.”
“So why did this guy come to HDAK? Why didn’t he use the mafia resources?” Her eyes widen as she answers her own question. “Shit. It was something he didn’t want them to know, right?”
“Correct.” I peck her lips. “I didn’t just marry you for your beauty.”
Her lips curve up. “Go on.”
“There is an unspoken agreement between us and The Five Families that we don’t step in their shit and they don’t step in ours. We have mutual professional respect for one another, and this guy coming to us threatened to tear that apart. To be fair to Hunt, Daniels, and Kennedy, they gave it lots of consideration, but after lengthy discussion, I was the only one who wanted to help. My business partners felt it was too messy and risky. Even agreeing to keep what the guy told us confidential and not to disclose to his leadership that he’d come to us is dangerous. If they find out, our professional respect might go out the window.”
“Who is this guy, and what does he want that’s so important he has to hide it from his people?”
“It’s better you don’t know his name. As for the why…” Air expels from my mouth as I rest my head back against the wall. “He discovered his adoptive parents have lied to him for years about how his bio parents died. Worse than that, they were both directly and indirectly involved in their deaths.”
“That would fuck with a person’s head,” she quietly admits, stretching her legs out in front of her.
I’m momentarily distracted by all the smooth, creamy skin in front of me.
“Zayn.” She waves her hand in front of my face.
“You’re beautiful. Do I tell you enough?”
“All the time.” Her features soften, and her eyes moisten as she stares at me. “You’re the most amazing husband and father, Zayn, and I’m the luckiest woman in the world to call you mine.”
I bundle her against my chest, squeezing my eyes shut and smothering her with my love. “I’m the lucky one, Em. You make everything better.”
“Which is why you should’ve told me this weeks ago.” Her voice is muffled against my chest, and I reluctantly ease back when her small hands push on my chest. “Continue with the story so we can work out what to do.”
Lifting her hand, I raise it to my face, placing it against one cheek. “I love you.”
“I love you too. You and Darcy are my world.”
“You ever regret not having more kids?” I ask, and yes, I know I’m deflecting.
She does too, but she answers anyway. “No. I’m happy with our life and the decision we made to just have Darcy.”
“Same.”
Her shoulders relax. “Good, now stop deflecting, and tell me the rest.”
“He wanted to know exactly what happened to his bio parents and find out who else was responsible. He can’t use the mafia tech resources as he’s now estranged from his family and he doesn’t want them to stop him or stand in his way.”
Em slowly nods. “I get why you wanted to help.”
“I know what it feels like to be betrayed by the people who profess to love you. I know what it’s like to need answers, like I know the rage that burns inside for vengeance. I couldn’t turn my back on him. I just couldn’t.”
“I understand fully, and you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t offer to help.”
“The guy was dejected when he came back to hear our decision. Oh, he hid it well. All those mafia guys have the best poker faces, but I could tell. That was the first week I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stop seeing his face, and it resurrected a lot of shit I thought I’d buried. I knew what I was doing when I called him from a burner cell and arranged to meet him. I didn’t want to betray the guys, but they don’t get it. They don’t understand. I just couldn’t let him down.”
“Did you find the people responsible?”
I nod. “I’ve helped him with a lot more than that.” She doesn’t need to know the specifics.
“Do you regret it?” She rubs a hand up and down my arm.
“I don’t regret helping him, only doing it behind my partners’ backs. I should have told them I was going to help him on the down-low. Even if they kicked me out for risking our company, it still would’ve been the right thing to do.”
“Are you in any danger?”
I smooth the creases in her brow with my fingers. “No. I have covered my tracks. No one will ever know it was me who helped him. I don’t take risks with my family, so I have a couple of guys watching over things in case anything should lead back to me, but I’m confident it won’t, and mostly, I’m finished working with him now.”
“So, it’s unlikely Keven, Sawyer and Xavier would ever find out.”
“Yes and no. If this guy confronts his family in the future, they’ll know he had help outside the mafia.”
“Jesus, Zayn.” She sits more upright. “That sounds pretty fucking dangerous to me.”
“They won’t harm us, Em. This guy’s dad is one of the leaders, and he swears he’ll ensure nothing blows back on my family. Like I already said, it would cause bad blood between us and the mafia, but they won’t take me out because I helped one of their own.”
“You don’t think you should have talked to me about this before agreeing to help?”
“I didn’t think I needed to, but it’s just another way I completely mismanaged the whole situation.” Tension bleeds into the air, and I hate I’ve disappointed my wife.
“It’s not like you can undo what you’ve done, so I guess we just have to live with it and hope for the best.”
“We’re not in danger, Em. And if we were, I have the Elite and the Luminaries to call upon, so please don’t worry because I’m not.” That is the least of my concerns, and I’m not lying. We’re not in danger. “But if it makes you feel better, I’ll hire a protective detail for you and Darcy.”
“If you say it’s not dangerous, I believe you, but are you really sure?”
“Yes.” I tuck hair behind her ear. “I would never put you or Darcy at risk.”
“Okay, but promise if anything changes you’ll let me know.”
“I promise.”
Em clings to my arm. “So, all the stress and sleepless nights are because you’ve kept this from the guys?”
“Yeah. It doesn’t sit right with me.”
She presses a hard, quick kiss to my lips.
“What was that for?”
“For being you. Lesser men wouldn’t lose sleep over it. That speaks volumes about your character, and I’m proud of you for wanting to do the right thing.”
“I have to tell them. I can’t live with myself any longer.”
“Is it possible they might already know and they’re waiting for you to fess up?”
“I’ve considered that though the guys haven’t dropped any hints or given me any indication they’re aware of my extracurricular activities. But we’re the best in our field. We trade in secrets, so it’s not inconceivable to think they might already know. Which means I really don’t have any choice. I need to tell them.”
“You do.” She bobs her head. “I support your decision, but you should wait until after Olivia’s party to tell them in case things get awkward.”
“Agreed.” My fingers sweep over the freckles dusting her nose and upper cheeks. “This could hurt your relationship with Cheryl.”
“It won’t.” Her voice resonates with confident conviction. “The guys will be pissed, as they should be. Things may be a little frosty for a while, but they’ll forgive you, and things will move on. You just can’t do anything like this again. If you do, there’d be no coming back from it.”
“I know, and I wouldn’t. I’ve learned my lesson.” A huge layer of stress lifts from my shoulders. “Fuck, I feel so much better now.”
She jabs me in the chest with one slender finger. “Good, but you should have told me from the start.”
“I didn’t want you to have to keep secrets from Cheryl, and I didn’t want you thinking less of me.”
“That’s an impossibility, Zayn.” She nestles into my side as the first rays of sunlight illuminate the sky, painting it in magnificent shades of yellow, orange, and red. “You’re my person. The other half of my soul. I could never think less of you. Now, let’s watch the sunrise, and then I’m taking you back to bed.”
I waggle my brows and grin. “Now you’re talking.”
She pokes me in the chest again. “To sleep, mister. You need rest, and my pussy needs respite.”
My arms wrap around her, and my chin rests on her head as we hold one another close and watch a new day dawning outside.