Chapter Thirty-Four
Three months later.
I stretch as my eyes flutter open with a yawn. A shiver runs through me, the cold December air pricking my cheeks. I set the book I was reading on the table and watch as the snow continues to fall onto the patio.
I look over my shoulder into the room, finding Ryker asleep with the blankets kicked at the end of the bed. I let a small smile play on my lips.
Over the past three months, Ryker and I have gotten closer despite my attempt to stay distant. It’s been hard trying to keep up those walls. He’s like my magnet, always pulling me closer no matter how much I want to pull away. He won’t let me, and I can’t help but be grateful for it.
Even though Manzo still wants me as his and will stop at nothing to make that happen, Ryker has still found ways for me to enjoy the holiday season. On Halloween, we walked around a few haunted houses, got dinner, and wound-up fucking in the bathroom of the restaurant. On Thanksgiving, the whole crew: Ryker, Lincoln, Nolan, Hawkins, Jeremy, Vivian, Maggie, and I all cooked a meal to bring over to a few of the Inns that were showing the most promise. Due to there being so many, we couldn’t go to all of the Inns in both Ryker’s and Hawkins’s territory.
It’s only been a few days since Christmas has come and gone. I always hated Christmas because it always reminded me of my mother’s death. When it was just me, Nolan, and Jeremy, we would spend Christmas eating burgers or pizza while watching reruns. But this Christmas felt like the first real Christmas I’ve had in a long time.
Maggie and I decorated the tree Lincoln and Jeremy had gotten for the house. Ryker had gone up into the attic, grabbing his mother’s old decorations for us to use. After the hellish years Maggie and I had been through, decorating the tree made us feel like teenagers again. Laughing and listening to the only ten Christmas songs they play on the radio. It was a nice feeling to be worry-free, even if it was just temporary.
Ryker, Lincoln, Vivian, Hawkins, Jeremy, and I spent Christmas Eve baking cookies and watching The Polar Express. The joy of just those two simple acts gave me enough Oxytocin to ride the high for a few days. On Christmas morning, Ryker gave me a silver necklace with a lock a few inches smaller than my thumb. I told him to keep the key because I had no use for it. Lincoln has been teaching me how to use the lockpicking kit that he had gifted me. I’ve been self-taught in pretty much everything except for the few boxing lessons Nolan gave me years ago, so it’s nice to have someone care enough to teach me a skill I might need in the future.
New Year's Eve is only three days away, and my birthday is only a day after that. For whatever reason, my birthday seems to draw in the crazy. I told Ryker not to open the club Hawkins and him had been working on that day, trying to avoid telling him why. My paranoia wouldn’t be enough to stop him.
I know it will end in chaos. Manzo has been weirdly silent for the past few months. Ryker hasn’t bothered with an attack because the spies we planted in Manzo’s territory haven’t heard anything about retaliation for the bomb Ryker planted at the restaurant opening or from Ryker, Lincoln, Hawkins, and their crews returning Maggie to me .
But I know Manzo. He’s waiting. Waiting for my birthday or waiting for Ryker to give up on me and toss me out on the street. Whatever it is he’s waiting for, I know it’s all coming to an end. He will find me; he will take me. I feel it deep in my gut.
“Good morning, Angel.”
“Good morning,” I say in a flirty tone as he sits in the chair next to me.
“What are you doing out here? It’s freezing.” He glances down at my outfit. I’m in nothing but one of Ryker’s T-shirts.
I shrug, “I just wanted fresh air.”
He scoots his chair closer to me, props my legs up on his lap, and drapes the blanket over us both. I lean my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. I can’t help but lean more into him, enjoying his scent. He kisses the top of my head, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.
“Did you sleep at all?” He asks after thirty minutes of silence.
I nod sleepily. “I slept like a baby.” I lean my head back, looking into those deep brown eyes. “But you do know you snore, right?” I
press my lips together, trying to hold back a laugh, when a look of mock betrayal is plastered on his face.
“I do not,” He rolls his eyes with a slight smirk, telling me everything I need to know.
I straddle him while he tries to keep the blanket from falling. “Do too,” I say mockingly, wrapping my arms around his torso and nuzzling my head into his neck. He pushes my hair back, kissing me on my temple. I snuggle in deeper, soaking up his warmth. “I could stay like this for hours,” I say with a sigh as my eyes become heavy .
He strokes my hair with a chuckle, leaning back in his chair, and pulls the blanket up higher. “Go back to sleep.”
We both fall asleep with nothing but our body heat to keep us warm.
I’m jolted awake in a panic with strong arms holding me tight. My breathing becomes labored, my heart racing with sweat pouring down my forehead.
“Shh, I got you.” The arms around me tighten, and my eyes pop open.
I lift my head, finding Ryker staring at me with a concerned expression. He slowly releases his grip around me, letting me sit up fully.
Embarrassment quickly replaces the panicked feeling. I run my hands through my hair, shaking my head. I take another deep breath, trying to focus my breathing.
“I'm sorry,” I whisper, grabbing the blanket that has fallen to the floor.
With a groan, he sits up. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shake my head, and thankfully, Ryker has learned my tells. He knows that my mind is working a mile a minute, trying to remind itself that I’m in no danger. Ryker would never hurt me. He wouldn’t. I have to remind myself of this over and over again.
I take another deep breath as I walk to my closet, looking through the clothes that have piled up over the months. I’ve never had more than a few dresses, one or two pairs of heels, and about four wigs. I usually have a T-shirt or sweatshirt to wear when I’m not working.
Now that I have actual clothes, I can’t help but feel a bit guilty .
I’m not sure where it stems from, but it’s there, nonetheless.
I grab a pair of black boots, black loose-fitted jeans, and a dark green oversized sweater. I quickly throw everything on and French braid my hair, letting it drape over my shoulder.
Ryker comes up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist.
I turn in his arms, lifting on my tiptoes to softly kiss his lips. “We are going to be late.”
He groans, squeezing me tighter. “I don’t care. They can’t start without us.”
I raise an eyebrow, “Do you really think Lincoln and Hawkins are going to wait? You know food is and always will be their first love.”
He laughs, throwing his head back. I watch his Adam's apple bob up and down. When he collects himself, he looks down at me, my stomach flip-flopping as I search his eyes.
The three little words are sitting on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t seem to make myself say them. It’s the one thing I have left. Manzo has managed to take everything from me, but this one thing. For years, Manzo has tried to get me to say those words, and after just a few months of playing house with Ryker, the want, no, the need to say them has become overwhelming.
I step back out of his arms, and his smile drops, feeling the shift in my mood.
“Angel,” He tries to grab my arm, trying to stop me, but I just turn myself out of reach, grab my purse, and start down the stairs .
The crew sits around the kitchen table, shoveling waffles into their mouths. Thankfully, everyone is too engrossed in their food to pay me much mind. I slide between Jeremy and Nolan, then plop a chocolate chip waffle onto my plate.
“So, what do you guys have planned for today?” Vivian asks, poking at her food with her fork.
“I have my run-through today,” Jeremy says, shoveling in a few bites before gulping down his orange juice.
I pull my eyebrows together. “Run through?”
“It’s an obstacle course of sorts. We give him a prompt and he has to make it out alive.” Lincoln says with a mouth full.
I tilt my head to the side in question, “What is this for exactly?”
Jeremy meets my gaze, an apology simmering beneath the mask of indifference he’s been plastering on the past few weeks.
Since Jeremy has started training more and more with Lincoln, he’s been distant. I understand that we need to have an adjustment period, but I don’t want him to turn into a cold-blooded murderer. I can already see the signs.
He never talks about his work or training. He disappears in the middle of the night for errands Lincoln is sending him on and keeps coming back to the house covered in blood, which he seems to think I haven’t noticed. Of course, I have.
“What’s it for?” I ask again, my tone more demanding.
“He’s going to be a made man soon,” Lincoln says, a slight smirk on his lips.
My eyes widen, “What? No. Jeremy, what are you thinking? Being in the mob as an independent contractor is one thing, but branding yourself for the rest of your life is another. ”
“I don’t need a lecture. I know what I’m doing. I know it’s dangerous, but I like working for Ryker and Lincoln.”
“You like being in the mob?” I scoff.
“Yes. I do.” Jeremy stands. “You have no room to judge; you’re the one fucking a mobster. The boss of all people, the guy who runs this whole fucking city. I would love it if you would be there, but if you’re not going to be supportive, don't bother coming at all.”
My mouth parts in surprise. “Jeremy…”
Before I can finish, he’s already out the door. When I look back at Ryker he’s watching me curiously. My jaw clenches, and I scowl down at my food. “I’ve lost my appetite,” I mutter to nobody in particular as I stand and work my way into the library.
I’m not here for very long. I pick out a couple of books to bring to my room before I’m interrupted.
“Hey,” Vivian says, carefully stepping into the library. “Hi,” I say, skimming the back of a book.
“Since the boys are going to the dock for training, I thought maybe we could hang out.”
Internally, I groan. I have no issues with Vivian. Over the past few months, we have been getting closer. With the weekly dinners and the movie nights we sometimes have, the animosity between the two of us has started to wane, but sometimes, I just want to be alone. I have nothing to do in the house, and Ryker rarely lets me leave.
I know it’s for my safety. I’m so used to being locked away, but feeling the air against my skin is nice. I go out to the garden when I can, but since it’s starting to get into the negatives, I can only be outside for a few minutes before my hands turn into icicles.
I place the book back on the shelf, letting out a contained sigh. “Sure, what did you have in mind?”
Vivian spent the rest of the night showing Maggie and me old classics she grew up watching. Maggie and I didn’t have the heart to tell her we hadn’t seen Legally Blonde or Miss Congeniality. I never really got to watch anything around when those would have interested us.
As the credits roll, Vivian turns her body to face me fully. “You remind me of her.” I raise my eyebrows, and she laughs, “You are both badasses.”
I chuckle and shake my head. “No, I don’t think I could do what she did. Standing up in front of millions, I would break down on the spot.”
She huffs out a laugh. “You can handle torture, but public speaking is your weakness.”
I nod in all seriousness. “I. Would. Die. Ask me to take out a room full of armed men, deal, ask me to parade around in nothing but a bikini, and you would have to strap me to a table and roll me out onto the stage. I don’t know how you do it.”
This time, when she laughs, she laughs so hard that tears spring to her eyes. After a few seconds, Maggie and I can’t help but join in with her. We spend the next few minutes trying to regain our composure, but every time we stop and look at each other, we can’t help but burst into another laughing fit.