Chapter Eleven #2
Finnvid hesitated for the first time that day. “Actually, I was thinking . . . hoping— It’s not that I disapprove! I understand that you do things differently. Not worse, not better, just different. But I’m really not comfortable with it. Not yet. I was hoping maybe I could stay here.”
Theos frowned. He was supposed to keep an eye on the boy.
“No, you should come with me. It’s not like the bathhouse, you know.
The partners go off to private places. There’s a bit of kissing, maybe, on the festival grounds, but that’s all.
There are lots of children present.” He grinned.
“You could probably make friends with them.”
Finnvid was quiet for a moment, then looked away quickly.
“It’s not the generalities,” he said. His voice was tight and all the easiness was gone from his face.
“It’s . . . I don’t want to see you going off with some woman.
I mean, with the men . . . I can stand it.
Barely, but . . . I know you don’t feel that way, but for me it’s not real, with them.
With a woman it would be . . . for me . . . and . . . I don’t want to see that.”
Theos stared at him. “What are you talking about?”
Finnvid kept his gaze locked on the floor somewhere behind Theos’s feet. “You know,” he mumbled.
“No. I don’t know. Are you saying . . . are you saying you’d be jealous?”
Finnvid snorted, then darted a glance at Theos.
“Maybe,” he said finally. “I don’t know.
I’m trying to understand it. I know . . .
I know I’ve never felt like this before.
Not about a man, certainly, but . . . not about anyone, I don’t think.
And it’s strange, and new, and I don’t know what to think, and I just need some time!
I need a few damn hours where I can’t hear you and smell you and when I don’t feel tempted to reach over and touch you.
Just a few hours of peace to get things straightened out. ”
“I don’t know if I want you to get it straightened out. Not if having it crooked means you want me.” Theos took a cautious step forward. Finnvid’s body tensed, but he didn’t move away. “Look at me,” Theos said quietly.
Slowly, reluctantly, Finnvid raised his eyes. There were too many emotions on his face for Theos to decipher them all, but his confusion and desperation were obvious. Theos raised his hand and brushed the backs of his fingers against Finnvid’s freshly shaved cheek.
Finnvid breathed out, a tense, shuddering sound, and then gasped as Theos ran his thumb over the boy’s lips. Could this be real? If Theos continued to be patient, could he make this work?
“A few hours,” he said gently, and he stretched his fingers to cradle Finnvid’s jawline, then leaned in. Slowly, careful not to scare the boy . . . but Theos needed something.
His stomach was tight, waiting for the disgust, the refusal.
It didn’t come. His mouth found Finnvid’s, just a quick brush of skin against skin, and he felt the desire churn through his whole body.
The boy was his, and Theos ached to grab him, tear off his clothes, and throw him on the bed.
He knew exactly how it would feel, his own strength and Finnvid’s lithe grace, and he needed it, needed to break through the boy’s stupid ideas and show him how they could be together.
By the sword, had he not been tested enough? Did he not deserve his prize?
For a moment they were frozen there, their lips a breath apart, Theos fighting with himself, Finnvid .
. . maybe Finnvid fighting with himself too, but on a different battlefield.
When Theos finally trusted himself to move, he began to pull away, only to find strong fingers wrapped around his neck, holding him still.
Theos opened his eyes as Finnvid leaned back and whispered, “Thank you.” Then the boy brought their mouths together again.
This time, there was more. Finnvid’s lips were softer, and Theos let himself lick, just a taste. Finnvid drew in a shuddering breath, then sighed into Theos’s mouth as his whole body relaxed and he leaned toward the kiss.
It didn’t last long. Theos was still savoring the first wash of sensations when Finnvid pushed away, his hands flat on Theos’s chest, cheeks flaming, eyes wild and staring anywhere but at Theos.
“You okay?” Theos asked softly.
Finnvid’s smile was too quick, too wide. “Yes! I’m . . . sorry, I—” He took a deep breath, then said, “I definitely do need that time alone. I just need to catch up to some things, I think.”
“We don’t have to go fast,” Theos promised, and made himself add, “or at all. Not if—if you decide this isn’t what you want. We don’t have to do anything.”
The smile he got in return was still automatic. “I appreciate your patience. Your forbearance. We don’t have the same customs in Elkat . . . We don’t give our prisoners jobs, we just keep them in cells.”
“Easier to treat them that way when you rarely take prisoners,” Theos observed.
Finnvid shrugged. “My point was, it is the custom of your people. One of many ways we differ. Nobody here would have blamed you or even been surprised if you’d . . . done whatever you wanted with me. Right?”
“Well, there’s people who’d be surprised, I think. People who know me well enough to think I’d be kind.”
Finnvid nodded. “Well, now I’m one of those people. And I appreciate your kindness. Thank you.”
Theos couldn’t resist. He smiled as winningly as he could manage and said, “I could be kind in a whole lot of ways you haven’t experienced yet, if you’d care to open your mind a little and let me in.”
“I believe you. I just . . . It’s customary for the men to stay in the city overnight, isn’t it? I’ll see you tomorrow morning when you return, and I’ll be much calmer. I just need some time to get my head sorted out.”
Theos frowned. “You said a few hours. When this started, you said a few hours.”
“I guess I was thinking in terms of the time we’d be awake for. I mean, you do normally sleep in the city, don’t you? I don’t want you to insult your partner by leaving early.”
Nodding slowly, Theos agreed, “Aye. Tomorrow, then.” He tugged his tunic back into place and smoothed his hands over his trousers. “I look presentable?”
“You do.”
Theos left. He headed down the stairs with a crowd of rowdy young men, but stepped aside so he wouldn’t have to walk into the city with them. He needed his own time alone to think.