Chapter Twenty-Six #2
“I found Andros’s lamp,” he said eventually. The lamp was a little metal dish with a piece of wire holding up a strip of cloth for a wick. Not fancy, but it would do. “But I can’t find fat cakes.”
Theos made a face. “We’re probably out. This wasn’t meant to be such a long trip, and we didn’t think we’d be sharing with the Elkati horde.”
That was another complication. Andros would need the fat for quick energy and warmth on the trail.
Finnvid reluctantly reached for his own pack.
“I don’t— I took food from the kitchens.
But we didn’t have fat cakes. Elkati don’t eat them.
” After a deep breath, he extracted one of the cloth-wrapped bundles he’d packed.
The cloth fell away from the sides, and Theos carefully stretched out and dug a finger into the creamy yellow ball, squashed on two sides but still about the size of a man’s head.
He brought the sample to his nose, sniffed, then licked it.
“Butter.” He nodded slowly, then grinned. “Almost as good, and much tastier.”
“Will it work in the lamp?”
“Probably. I don’t know. Give it a try.”
“I will. And then I’ll melt some down and fry something in it, and you can eat it.”
Theos smiled, slow and lazy, and Finnvid had to turn away again to hide his expression.
The smile shouldn’t matter so much, but it did.
He and Theos were together, and they were getting along.
Even if it all went wrong right then, if Elkati soldiers burst into the den and killed them where they sat, Finnvid would still have made the right decision when he left the castle and chased the Sacrati.
He’d gotten what he wanted, what he needed, and everything after this was just extra.
***
Theos’s stomach wasn’t as enthusiastic about food as he wanted it to be.
He forced down some butter-dipped jerky, chewed each mouthful into disgusting mush before making himself swallow it, and then fought to make sure it stayed down.
He thought he was doing a good job of hiding the problem, but then he saw Finnvid chopping jerky and dried vegetables into a small pot of water warming over the little lamp, and groaned.
“Broth? That’s not real food, you know.”
“If it’s all you can eat, it’s better than nothing. I’ve got some bread as well. You can soak it in the broth and eat it like that, hopefully.”
“You said I had to eat a lot to regain my strength.”
“Your body isn’t so sure. Take it slow. If you sip and nibble all day long, that’s just as good as eating two or three big meals, and it’s easier for your stomach to accept.”
Theos groaned again, but didn’t really argue.
He was surprised by how much he enjoyed being taken care of.
When Finnvid spread blankets out on the canvas-covered floor, Theos tugged Finnvid’s closer to his own.
He wasn’t in shape for anything really fun, and Finnvid likely wouldn’t be interested regardless, but just being near, maybe touching a little . . . that would be nice.
And important for warmth, of course.
It was hard to sense the passage of time inside the den, and Theos didn’t care enough to try.
With Finnvid there next to him, Theos found himself feeling happy and snug in a way he hadn’t for far too long.
He didn’t fuss much when Finnvid insisted on inspecting his wounds, and his groin’s response to the Elkati’s touch made it clear that he might be injured, but wasn’t dead.
Finnvid ignored that reaction, cleaned the wounds, dabbed them with some sweet-smelling ointment, and re-covered them with fresh dressings.
A sound at the entrance tunnel caught their attention, but when a scarf-covered face appeared, the eyes were familiar, and Theos and Finnvid relaxed before they’d really had time to get tense.
“It’s blowing hard out there,” Andros said as he crawled in.
He brought a wave of cold air with him, and the snow packed into the creases of his clothing was a clear indication that the storm raged on.
He looked exhausted, and Theos felt guilty for lying down while Andros was doing all the work.
Then he remembered he’d spent several days in a dark cell while Andros had been dancing around outside, free as a bird, and the guilt faded.
Still, he was happy to see Finnvid ease in beside Andros and pull one of his mitts off, wrapping the man’s cold fingers around a mug that had been sitting by the lamp. “It’s just hot water and honey,” Finnvid said. “But it’ll help warm you up.”
Andros sipped cautiously, then took a deeper swallow. “Thank you,” he said.
Finnvid helped Andros pull off his bulky outer clothes and get comfortable, then gave him some food and filled up his cup of warm honey-water and generally fussed just enough for Theos to start wondering why he wasn’t getting any attention.
Then he noticed Andros’s smug little smirk and made a face.
He wasn’t jealous. He didn’t get jealous.
It was just . . . “That honey-water sounded good,” he hinted.
“I think maybe my stomach would like some of that.”
“There’s only your broth mug to put it in,” Finnvid said sternly. “Finish your broth and you can have honey-water for dessert.”
Theos couldn’t help himself. “Andros didn’t have to drink any broth.”
“Andros will soon be eating a full meal, and not looking like he’s going to puke it up on my blankets. Andros just came in from the cold and has been walking all day.” Finnvid smiled at Andros and then added, “Andros didn’t punch me in the face for no reason.”
Well, that was a pretty hard string of points to argue with, so Theos drank the worthless broth and then held his mug out greedily.
When Finnvid took the cup, his self-satisfied grin made Theos want to pull him down and kiss him until he stopped being so pleased with himself and started being pleased with Theos.
Unfortunately, he had no strength for such nonsense. Not yet, at least.
They rested cozily after that, eating and talking.
But when Andros came back in from a trip outdoors and said, “The moon’s rising,” Theos pushed himself more upright.
While he’d been imprisoned, he’d made a litany of the names of his brothers, chanting them in his mind, swearing revenge for their deaths.
They would be avenged, but this was something else.
He and Andros sat facing each other, cross-legged, with the lamp between them. Then Theos looked over at Finnvid, and back to Andros. “He knew them too,” he said, and Andros nodded.
“We need to say good-bye,” Andros told Finnvid.
It was a simple ceremony, one developed for men who routinely lost comrades in battle. There was no need for any officiant, or any remains. Instead, Theos and Andros took turns saying the names of the dead, and after each name, they sat silently for a few moments, remembering. That was all.
These men had lived and laughed, fought and fucked with Andros and Theos since they were children. And now they were gone, and those left behind could only remember them and wish their souls a smooth journey to the next world. It didn’t seem like enough. It never seemed like enough.
They talked for a while after they were done, mostly sharing memories. When it seemed like they were wearing down and ready to sleep, Theos crawled outside on his own to pee, although he knew Finnvid was close behind him, keeping a watchful eye.
They stayed on their knees in the trench Finnvid had dug, and even so the wind was fierce and icy.
When they crawled back inside, Finnvid was quiet for a while, then said, “I wonder if they found shelter. The soldiers following us. There were so many of them . . . and they wouldn’t know about denning up. They could all be freezing to death.”
Theos was already close beside him and edged in closer before saying, “They’ve probably got the Elkati we traveled with.
Maybe even Gunnald. They’ll take care of the others, make sure they make it through the night.
And if they get cold and scared? That’s good, really.
Maybe they’ll send themselves home when the storm breaks. ”
Finnvid relaxed a little, his warm shoulder tight against Theos’s. “I hope they do,” he said.
Then they lay down and slept. Theos dreamed, just as he had every night since the ambush, bloody visions full of betrayed, dying friends, but this time when he woke up trembling there was a warm body next to him, a soft voice whispering reassuring words, and a gentle, tentative kiss on his forehead to soothe him back to sleep.
Later, he woke again with Finnvid pulled in close to him, Finnvid’s back against Theos’s chest, Finnvid’s ass against . . .
Theos made himself ease away, at least with that part of his body.
Finnvid had made his feelings on the issue clear, and while Theos might hope those feelings were changing, while their encounter in the woods might suggest those feelings were changing, there wasn’t sufficient evidence to allow Theos to lean in the way he wanted to.
Besides, even if Finnvid had changed his mind, Theos was in no condition to do anything the way it deserved to be done.
So he eased away a little more, trying to ignore his morning hardness, and that was when Finnvid stirred and shifted backward, his ass seeking the warmth it had so recently lost.
By the sword, Theos wasn’t strong enough for this. But he found some hidden reserve of willpower and made himself move away again. He was at the edge of his blankets now, his own ass cooling against the icy wall of the den, and still, Finnvid shifted toward him.
Shifted, and then rolled over, and the Elkati’s eyes were open and aware. He’d been doing it on purpose.
“Are you trying to get away from me?” Finnvid whispered.
Theos shook his head, then reconsidered, and nodded. “I was,” he admitted. “But not anymore.”
“Good,” Finnvid said, and he leaned forward and brought their lips together.