Chapter Nine
Drew
He was selfish and he was going to hell, but he didn’t care.
Not in this moment at least, with Alana in his arms and the sun streaming in through the windows like liquid gold, casting her skin in a golden shroud.
He hadn’t had sex like it. Not sex with a connection, not sex with more than just pleasure, like there was something connecting them, pulling them together. Sex with Alana was heaven.
She stirred in his arms, opening her hazel eyes and squinting against the light.
“Good morning.”
Her groggy morning voice brought a smile to his face. He was an early riser, typically at the gym by five in the morning. It was clear he was going to need to be the one who woke her up, made her breakfast—
Except, he wouldn’t be. Not if he didn’t take care of Max. And did he even really know how she felt? People say things during sex. Crazy things they don’t mean.
He felt his muscles tense. He wasn’t used to this. He didn’t like feeling this way. Vulnerable. Ripe for the picking. Only one person had made him feel this way before.
“Good morning,” he echoed.
She sat up on her elbows, casting her eyes over him, studying him. He exhaled, something like a laugh combined with frustration. Was he fucking stupid? This was Alana. She knew him.
“This ... don’t worry if you—” He waved a hand, like that finished his sentence.
She wrapped the sheet around her, clutching it tightly.
A flush began to spread over her cheeks, and he longed to warm himself on it, to stroke away the worry between her eyebrows.
But he couldn’t move, the world was waiting for the words about to fall from her lips.
Like everything stood still, no chirp of the birds, no rush of cars, nothing, everything and everyone was waiting for this woman.
Her eyes flew to him, and she said quickly, hurriedly, “I meant every word I said to you and more. I’m not sure what I can offer, I’m scarred inside from my childhood, from everything, this is my first time falling for someone.
But I am healing, and I am trying, and I’d like to try with you.
I love you, Drew. But this love is scarred.
Can you accept it? Me?” Her eyes were saucers, so round, hope swimming in them.
Nothing could quell his racing heart. He reached out and intertwined their fingers, pulling them up to his scarred cheek.
“You’re in good company, love. I won’t leave you.
I promise.” Tell her. Now. “I love you. I think I always have done, since the second I saw you in that red dress brandishing that come at me I dare you face at that shitty event. I couldn’t have cared less about what you were offering, I would’ve bought it.
It turned out to be a perfect coincidence that what you were offering was just what I needed, and, even better, I could visit you whenever I wanted.
I don’t need to be in that fucking club day in and day out.
Why do you think I’m there every day?” He ran his thumb over her cheek, catching the tears that pooled there.
“I did wonder.” She laughed. “I just figured you loved the club.”
“No, I loved its owner. Always have, always will.”
With that, words were no longer needed or wanted.
Her legs opened for him like they had been doing this for years.
Why hadn’t they been doing this for years? What a waste of time. He would waste no more, he would treasure it.
She shuddered as he entered her, and he cupped her face, wanting to memorize this moment, memorize her. When he moved his hips deeper, harder, until they both fell toward release, he made sure to say, “I love you,” as they both went over the edge.
He cupped her beautiful face in his hands and looked at the love reflected back there.
Yes, he was selfish. Selfish in coming back to her, but she was a target now, whether he was with her or not, and joining up with Max before he could make his move on him could keep her somewhat safe for the time being.
So, with her he would stay.
****
“What are we going to do?” she asked, bringing over coffees for them and sitting next to him at the dining room table.
He closed his eyes. “I have to get rid of him.”
Her hand stilled, but then she said in a small voice, “I know.”
He twisted to face her fully. “You know what I mean? You understand what I’m saying.”
Her lips quivered. “I do. But you’re no killer, Drew.”
That he knew. Fuck, did he know that. The punishments and beatings he’d doled out on Max’s request still haunted him, like the blood still stained his hands.
The eyes of his victims, the sadness, the anger.
The worst were the ones of acceptance. Like they understood why he had to do it.
A few had even told him it was okay, when they’d witnessed his shaking hands. ..
Alana tilted his face to her. “Hey, where did you go?”
“Nowhere good,” he admitted. He kissed the top of her head. “We still have a few days, go to work, carry on with your normal routine, and I’ll figure something out.”
“We’ll figure something out,” she insisted.
He nodded. He couldn’t bring himself to say the words.
To lie. After he’d just told her he’d never leave her, but there was no way he was letting her be involved in any part of the plan.
There was a risk he wouldn’t come back, and she had to run, fast and far if that happened.
He also didn’t want her there to ... see it.
Either way, it would change her view of him forever.
Forever...
But if he could do it, if he could plan it right, they could have a little slice of forever, together.
He pulled her onto his lap, and she protested, nearly spilling her coffee over him. “Drink up,” he told her. “I’ll drop you off at work.”
He didn’t like the determined look in her eyes as she drank, staring off into the distance.
“Hey, where did you go?” It was his turn to ask.
Her lips quirked. “Nowhere good. I just can’t lose you. Not now that I’ve found you.”
“I love you,” he answered, because that’s all he could think of to say. He didn’t want to break any promises, not to her.