Chapter 37 #2
“I worry less about them and more about you.” This time, Mother caught my elbow and used her grip to pull my head around.
“I want to be happy for you, but I must wonder if what I thought was a good thing isn’t a good thing at all.
The idea of an apprenticeship was hard enough, but now, I fear you’ve been led astray, that this stranger has taken advantage of your kind heart and easy trust… ”
I couldn’t hide my scowl, but Mother was not to be deterred.
“I know you’ve felt like you didn’t have many”—she paused to consider—“options, but the world is large. There are other men—”
“I don’t want another man, Mother,” I interjected, shaking free of her grasp. “I don’t want another anyone. I chose Kit. I pursued him.”
Memories surged of the way I’d cornered him in Forstford, dreamed of him while lying in my bedroom in Ashpoint, then grabbed him by the shirt in the pecan orchard when I could no longer ignore my own desires.
That final thought came with the vivid image of Kit’s stunned expression, slack-jawed in the moonlight, and a laugh bubbled out of me. “I pursued him relentlessly, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop.”
She remained unconvinced, I could tell, ready to write this off as a foolish fantasy, and our plans for Ashpoint failed before we’d even begun.
I may not have been able to persuade her to care for the community hidden in that mountainous town, but I knew she cared for me, and I cared so much for Kit.
“I love him,” I told her.
She shied back like the profession wounded her. “It’s only been a few months—”
“And in that time, Kit has shown me more care and compassion than anyone I’ve ever met. He’s shielded me from some of the worst things imaginable. He makes me feel safe.”
“You wouldn’t have been faced with such things if not for him.” She sounded bitter, maybe angry, as I’d told her she had a right to be. But that was for me. She could be upset with me, but she needed to leave Kit out of it.
“You misunderstand. I’m the one who took him there. I sought him out and convinced him to lead me to that dark place. He tried to send me home months ago, and several times since, but I refused to go. I chose to stay.”
My volume was climbing to the point that it must have carried across the fields. “Kit has done nothing but protect me, even from myself. Please don’t blame him. He’s a good man, and I trust him with my life. I want you to trust him, too.”
I wanted her to love him. To welcome him. To accept him. Anything less felt like a personal slight. But that may have been too much to ask, even after five days of silence. Still, her features softened.
“Well, I’m glad you’re here now,” she said, “but I still worry for your wellbeing. I always have.”
I tucked in beside her again, taking her arm and draping it over mine. “You don’t need to worry about me. Kit does enough of that for everybody.”
We resumed our walk, and Mother looked across the landscape. I knew she was pleased at the state of the farm. She had to be. It was a rebirth, life in the wake of my father’s death, a fresh start for us all.
“You really are sure about him,” she said after several moments of silence.
I patted her hand where it rested atop my wrist. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. I would do all of this again, every bit of it, just to have him.”
We fell into quiet once more, and I let my attention wander to where Kit steered the plow and horse through the field.
I knew he was watching me, too, and likely fretting over how this was going or how I was feeling.
He’d always been such a careful guard of my heart, earning my trust and my affection a dozen times over.
Mother and I slowed as we reached the edge of a patch of tilled earth. To go any farther would take us toward the woods and the clearing inside where Father’s remains had been laid to rest. But that place had nothing for us anymore. It was time to turn back.
We took the longer way around, being sure to take in the scope of the property and all the progress that had been made. There was days’ more work ahead, but I couldn’t help but feel a flush of pride seeing all that had been accomplished thus far.
“Will he be staying here then?” Mother’s question cracked the shell of quiet. “With you? Together?”
With me, yes.
Together, always.
Here?
I was less certain of that than I had been a week ago. I fancied the thought of a life elsewhere and freedoms the likes of which I never dreamed. For so long, the farm had been my entire world. It was getting easier to see past it, but still hard to fathom existing outside this plot of land.
Kit said we had time to consider that, so it didn’t bear addressing. But I could answer her other questions.
“The moment we finish things in Ashpoint, I plan to marry him. Though, even that may be too long to wait.” I smiled at the thought, but a check of my mother’s expression found it aghast.
“You’re going back?” she whispered.
I stumbled in my stride.
Had Sayla not told her?
“I-I have to,” I stammered. “The people there… they need a leader, and Kit…”
Mother threw herself at me, arms cinching around my chest and face buried in the muslin of my shirt. “Oh, Penny, no,” she begged. “I’ve already lost your father. I can’t lose you too.”
“I’m not lost,” I said, brushing a hand through the gray-streaked locks of her hair. “I won’t be. I told you already nothing will keep me from you. No curse. No cult. I'll always come home.” As the words tumbled out, I felt my hopes of moving or settling anywhere but here slowly wicking away.
I was needed here, and Kit said he would stay if I did. He would give up his home in Forstford to settle with me. Together.
So, yes. That was the answer to Mother's question. Kit would be staying here, and so would I.
After Ashpoint was put to rights, we would marry and settle in Eastcliff.
I would run the farm, as was my responsibility, and Kit would be with me.
It was as settled as it should have been long ago, and I should have been relieved.
There was peace in certainty, after all, and honor in keeping one's promises.
But then why, as Mother collected herself and we trudged back to the house, did I feel neither peaceful nor honorable? The fields stretched wide around me, golden in the morning light, steady and unchanging. They had always been here, always waiting.
Maybe it was time I stopped trying to outrun them.
Time. Kit had said that. We had time to figure things out.
He may have had time, but I had responsibilities. A farm that wouldn’t run itself and a family that needed me.
Dreams were for boys, and I wasn’t one anymore. I was a man—the man of the house—and I needed to start acting like it.