Chapter 24
KATARINA
If Hallow Hall was spooky at the best of times, with harsh fluorescents, TVs blasting from rec rooms, and radios blaring at nurses’ stations, it was downright eerie in the tomb-like dark.
Candles were dotted along the corridors, but not enough to illuminate the gloom, since there was little to no light coming in through the windows.
The snow swirled angrily. Would this sudden snowstorm kill all those brave snowdrops pushing through the frozen ground?
Would it kill the buds on the tree outside?
I stared out at the white filling the air like cotton wool, strangely transfixed by it. It was beautiful and dangerous. The most alluring combination.
Without my meaning to, my mind shifted to Massimo.
His words from before were pinned in place in my mind, never far out of sight. Our agreement was just that, a deal I’d struck with a devil. It wasn’t something real.
Right?
“But there are so many firsts to cover . . . an infinite number, really. First apartment . . . first trip abroad. First marriage and first honeymoon . . . first boy, and first girl. First retirement . . . first funeral.”
My pulse thudded hard at the thought of him. I’d started to look for him in every room. I felt safe knowing he was nearby. Tendrils of feelings had started to stretch out between us, invisible but strong. I’d thought those creeping feelings had only been going in one direction, from me to him.
What if I was wrong? What if he felt it, too?
“Good night!” Tatiana called to me as she walked down the hall with one of the nurses, holding her hand.
I nodded to the nurse. She was one of the good ones.
One of the ones who was clueless about the darker side of Hallow Hall.
She mostly cared for the very elderly, the patients whom Benedict and Pavol didn’t mess with.
Hallow Hall’s function as a nursing home was its only positive contribution to the world, and I was pretty sure it was only used as a cover for its real purpose.
“Good night, I’ll see you in the morning,” I called back to her.
She nodded. “Maybe we’ll get to go outside and make a snow bunny!”
“A snow bunny? Why not a snowman?”
“A man is too big,” Tatiana said wisely, and waved one more time before skipping off.
She nearly ran right into Dr. Blackwood, who was coming the other way. He approached and stood at the window beside me.
“Some storm, isn’t it? The heavens are angry.”
I slid him a sideways look. “So, you believe in all that? I never pegged you for the religious type.”
“I suppose I believe as much as you, or any other bystander. In a lofty, esoteric way.”
I considered those words and shook my head. “My faith isn’t lofty or esoteric. I believe in God. I believe in a wrathful, vengeful God. I believe in hell for sinners. I believe they burn. Do you?”
I turned to look at him.
He chuckled and shook his head. “No. I don’t believe I do, at the end of the day. I don’t believe in any of it, when you put it like that.”
“Then why work here?”
Blackwood raised an eyebrow at me. “To help people.”
I stared at him for a long time. “I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.”
He sighed and tilted his head to the side. “I don’t want to upset you, Katarina, but the way you’re acting is very close to how you do when you’re off your medication. Are you sure Father Lucciano has been diligent in making sure you take it?”
I simply nodded.
“I noticed he was conspicuously absent when the police were here,” Blackwood continued.
“Why would he get involved with Hallow Hall business? He’s barely been here a minute,” I said as casually as I could.
“And yet, two men in charge have either died or disappeared in that time.”
I shrugged. I felt like Blackwood could see right through me.
He shifted and checked his watch. “It doesn’t matter. I’m here to come and get you. Father Pavol wants to talk to you.”
Fear immediately streaked through me. Go and see Pavol now? There was nothing I wanted less. Did he suspect me? Did he know what we’d done last night?
An orderly appeared beside Blackwood.
“Come on now, Katarina, don’t be difficult.”
I bit my tongue as the orderly took my arm in a firm grip. Running away wasn’t going to help matters. I had nowhere to go. Massimo was around here somewhere. Just the thought comforted me. After three years alone in this place, having an ally felt better than I ever could have imagined.
“Okay, sure. Let’s go.”
Pavol was in his treatment room. As soon as I stepped in, the claustrophobic air suffocated me. Candles burned on every surface. Pavol sat at his desk, drinking from a wineglass and tapping at the surface of his phone.
“Why is nothing fucking working?” he snapped as Blackwood stepped in.
The orderly stayed by my side, his gaze blank and uninterested in the scene before him.
Whatever Hallow Hall was becoming, it was clear that the veneer of professionalism was fading day by day.
Pavol looked at me and narrowed his eyes. “Weren’t you the last person to see Benedict? What do you know?”
I put a hand to my chest, feigning shock. “Father Benedict? I have no idea. Has something happened to him?”
Pavol glared at me and stood. He rounded the desk, slurping down more of the wine, and stopped just in front of me.
“You know, Katarina, you are one of the longest-residing patients in this place. All these years and all these treatments, and it seems you still lie like a sinner . . . and look like a siren, ready to steal the soul of the good men who try to help you.”
He reached out and touched my hair. When I flinched, he grabbed a fist of it and yanked my head forward. The sudden attack had my pulse hammering. I hadn’t expected it. I’d gotten so used to the usual routine of abuse from Pavol that I had stopped thinking of him as someone capable of strength.
That had clearly been a mistake.
“You, bitch, have been a thorn in my side and a fucking cocktease for years. ‘Katarina’s off limits’—it’s all I’ve heard for years and years.” He sneered at me. “Like you’re so special.”
“Why am I off limits?” I burst out, desperate to finally know. It was a question that had haunted me for so long, I couldn’t stand not knowing the answer.
“You really don’t know? You’re such a dumb bitch.” He yanked my head farther down, and it was now nearly between my legs. “Blackwood,” he snapped. “Hurry up. Let’s see if Benedict really made any progress or not.”
Before I could open my mouth to scream or try to move . . . I felt it.
A sharp prick in the back of my neck and then a piercing feeling.
I finally got the scream out, but my head was pushed down too far for it to be a loud one. Blackwood injected something into my neck, and Pavol held my head there until it started to swim. He let go when my body slumped, tension leaving my muscles.
A veil of fog descended over my mind, heavy and thick, coating things and leaving me numb.
I couldn’t think. I couldn’t focus on anything. Pieces of me were falling through my fingers and I couldn’t hold on to them.
They fell, and so did I.