Chapter 8
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Zara
Some things didn’t make her feel good in life.
One of those was pushing Noah away and leaving town without seeing him again.
Something that did make her feel good? Being with him. Talking to him, laughing with him, having sex with him, and even verbally sparring with him. He made her feel good and that was the scariest thing she’d ever confronted in her life.
There were very few things she feared. Noah Ashe was currently at the top of the list. Not fear of him physically. She knew he’d never hurt her. It was what he could do to her heart and even her brain if she let herself get involved with him.
Wasn’t she already involved now that she’d slept with him?
Celia and her stupid ideas.
Pushing back from her desk, she went in search of Hannah. She needed more advice, and in order to get that, she needed to tell Hannah what happened and hope she had something better than what Celia had told her to do.
She found Hannah in the kitchen, making herself a coffee.
“You’re back,” Hannah said. “I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow.”
“I switched my flight.” Because she was a coward. “I need to tell you something.” She twirled a piece of hair around her finger.
“Oh shit, it’s bad, isn’t it? You’re doing that hair-twirling thing, and you only do that when you have bad news.”
She instantly stopped twirling her hair and pushed it off her chest and out of the way. “You need a new hobby.”
Hannah shrugged both shoulders. “I think sex with Edwin keeps me pretty occupied.” They strolled down the hallway toward Zara’s office, both entering, and Zara closing the door behind them.
“Oh shit, this is big. You closed the door.”
She both loved and hated her best friend. “I slept with Noah.”
Hannah had just taken a sip of her coffee and proceeded to spit it out immediately. “You what?”
“We kissed after the meeting with Power Punch, and Celia said maybe I should just sleep with him to get him out of my system because maybe I didn’t like him like I thought I did....” She was rambling, and she knew it, but she wasn”t used to being unsure about anything.
“Stop, stop, stop.” Hannah stood up, grabbing a few tissues to wipe her face. “Just stop and start at the beginning. You and Noah kissed? When?”
“In the car after you forced me to go with him to that dinner with Power Punch.” Really this was all Hananh’s fault.
Hannah smiled. “Jesus, it took you guys long enough.”
That had Zara whipping her head up. “What do you mean?”
“Are you kidding me with this? You’ve had a thing for Noah since that night of the fire. Why do you think you claim to hate him so much? You know what they say? There’s a thin line between love and hate.”
“I don’t love Noah.” What did she know about love? And Noah? No, he wasn’t what she wanted.
Except he was.
He was everything she wanted if she wanted love. Which she didn’t.
“I’m not saying you do. Yet. But you like him, and sleeping with him to get him out of your system was not a good idea.”
“Blame Celia for that one.”
“No, I blame you. Celia doesn”t have all the information like I have. You are in charge of your own life and never do anything you don’t want to do. If you slept with Noah, it’s because you wanted to.”
“There’s no if to it. We had sex.” Sex that was out of this world and made her crave it again.
Hannah let out a deep breath. “What do you want me to say here? I don’t have a magic answer that’s going to fix this. You are going to have to decide what you want.”
“How am I supposed to know what I want?” She fell into one of the chairs, leaning back and closing her eyes for a second. “He made me feel good.” She opened her eyes. “He makes me feel good. That’s not something I’m used to.”
“Why is that a bad thing?”
“I don”t know how to deal with that. I’m not used to people—guys—making me feel good. Unless it’s uncommitted sex. That I can handle.”
“I think you’re selling yourself short. You have been in my life for ten years, and in all that time, I’ve never seen you be so adamantly against anything like you are with Noah. And there have been some real douchebags that have come through, yet you’ve always given them the benefit of the doubt.”
She dropped her head on her desk. “So what you’re saying is that I need to woman up and talk to him instead of ignoring him after having the best sex of my life.” Just remembering the sex was hot. The man had demolished all thoughts of what she was used to regarding sex. And she”d had good sex. Or so she’d thought. She was adventurous and willing to try things. Noah had made her feel like a damn beginner with his dirty words and magical mouth.
She wanted to experience it all again.
Many, many times.
“Was it the best sex of your life?” Hannah said it with humor in her voice.
She picked up her head and gave her friend the death stare. “Don’t be fucking smug. You obviously knew it would be that way before it even happened.”
“Only because I’d been watching you bitch about Noah from the day you met him. You always talked about him even when you didn’t know who he was. Hello, we nicknamed him SFG, and you remember what that stands for, don’t you?”
“Sexy Fire Guy.” They’d given him that nickname a few days after the fire, and it had stuck. Maybe she had talked about him too much.
“You don’t need to get Noah out of your system,” Hannah said. “You need to see what this is between you and if it can lead anywhere.”
That was not what she wanted to hear.
Except with Hannah’s advice, she got to see Noah again.
Maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing.
A few hours later, she was finishing a new contract for a current client when her phone went off.
Hannah:
Do with it what you want, but here is Noah’s phone number. I figured you didn’t have it.
The message was followed by Noah’s contact information, including his phone number and address.
This was Hannah’s way of pushing her without pushing her. She knew her friend well, just like Hannah knew her well.
The question was, did she want to contact Noah?
The answer: Yes, yes, she did.
The problem was she didn’t know if she had the courage to actually call him. Would a text be sufficient? Was that too cowardly? She hated being a coward. If her dad were here, he’d tell her to stop worrying about other people”s thoughts and do what she wanted. Her mom would be the opposite. She’d tell her to think about it, and the answer would come.
She’d been much more like her dad for her whole life than her mom. Jumping in with both feet and worrying later. As she grew older, she was starting to think that her mom’s way might not be so wrong.
While she’d love to talk to them about this and get their advice, that was never going to happen. She’d never talked to her parents about boys, and she wasn’t going to start now. Their Punjabi heritage meant she kept certain things to herself. Even if they’d both been born in California, just as she had, they still had some of the older beliefs from their culture. They had no plans to arrange a marriage with someone of her own culture, but they did want her happy. To keep them off her back, she never brought up dating or guys and immediately changed the subject if their conversations veered in that direction.
The last thing she needed was a nice Indian boy who could provide for her.
She could provide for herself.
Clicking on Noah”s info, her thumb hovered over it for long minutes until she chickened out and put her phone away.
She wasn’t going to go down that path. Not yet.
Instead, she grabbed her bag, deciding she’d head over to the Strikers stadium. She knew training was going on and could be there for the end and to check on a few of her clients.
When she arrived, she found the team out on the pitch, deep into training. Ruby, Celia’s sister and the PR director for the club, waved her over from her perch against the wall.
“I thought you were out of town.”
“I got back yesterday. Too much to do to stay away.” Partial truth. A light-haired, tan-skinned, sexy baseball player that drove her wild was the main one.
“How was Celia? I can’t wait to see her in a couple of weeks.” The Strikers were playing Phoenix, and Ruby was traveling with the club so she could spend time with her sister. One of the perks of working for Shane Bradley. He was good to his employees.
“She was great. I missed seeing Jasmine, though. Apparently, she’s loving camp.”
“Oh, I’ve heard. She’s emailed me daily about all the fun things she’s doing.”
“I’ve gotten them too. She’s going to come home exhausted. I get tired just reading the emails.”
A whistle was blown, indicating that training was over, and players started gathering things up and walking toward the locker room. Several of the guys she repped stopped to talk, and she made sure things were good and that they didn’t need anything. The last two waiting were Edwin and Dallas.
Dallas scooped up Ruby and gave her a sloppy, loud kiss while Edwin rolled his eyes. “Zara, I didn’t think I’d see you before this trip.”
“I got back early and thought I’d come by and see if anyone needed anything.” She was getting sick of explaining that to people. Why the hell did she tell them her schedule anyway?
“I think I’m good. And If not, Hannah is traveling with the club, so she’ll be on hand for anything I might need.”
That was news to her. “Hannah is going with you guys?”
He nodded. “She has a meeting with a potential new client from Boston. Duke Stoll? Do you know him?”
“Uh, yeah. Everyone knows Duke Stoll. Rumor has it that he’s looking for new representation.” Duke was a professional football player who played for the Boston Blues. He was still young but had already broken several league records and won a championship ring. “I can’t believe Hannah got a meeting with him. Good for her.” While she was a little envious, she was happy for her friend.
Plus, having Duke Stoll at Sports World would be a big deal.
“Zara,” Dallas finally acknowledged her as he had Ruby tucked into his side. “Did you get my email?”
“I did, and it’s taken care of.” He was looking for a gift for Ruby, and she’d helped him secure something that was just out of his reach. All part of a day”s work.
“I’d ask,” Ruby said, “but I don”t think I want to know.”
Dallas kissed her head. “Smart, babe.”
“Want to join us for dinner?” Ruby asked.
“Nah, I’m going to put on my comfy pajamas and relax on my couch. I always miss my couch when I’m away.”
“Me too,” Edwin said.
“You just miss that you’re not on it with Hannah,” Dallas said.
“Can you blame me?” Edwin grabbed a water bottle off the bench. “I’m out of here, guys.” He threw a hand above his head, waving as he walked away.
“I’ll go shower.” Dallas leaned down to kiss Ruby, giving Zara a wink as he left.
Zara watched Ruby as she watched Dallas walk away, smiling from ear to ear. “You look happy.”
Ruby turned to face her. “I am happy. Every day, I’m thankful that Dallas forced me to talk to him and didn’t just leave when I pushed him away. I love him so much, and he makes my life better.”
That last part was what Zara wondered about. “How does he make it better?”
Ruby studied her for a few seconds before answering. “He’s there. For support, for help, for anything I need, the same way I’m there for him. I’m not doing anything alone. And sure, that’s not technically true because I do a lot alone. But he”s there if I need him just to bounce ideas off of or encourage me.”
Sounded sort of...nice. She had friends she did that with, but what would it be like to have someone who was always there? Who could comfort her or talk her down when she needed to rant and be happy for her when she succeeded?
Or when she needed to cry from the stress of it all.
Noah would probably be good at being a shoulder for her to cry on.
Not that she cried very often, but when she did, she felt alone and sad.
“Is something going on?” Ruby asked. Her eyes went wide. “Is there a guy?”
“Maybe, I don’t know. I don’t know anything right now.”
Ruby stepped forward, wrapping her arms around Zara in a hug. “You know you can talk to me. Or any of us.”
She wasn’t a hugger, but having someone give her one felt good just then. “What if I’m not built for that?” That was her biggest fear. She’d never wanted a relationship. There wasn’t any reason behind it. It had just never appealed to her. She wasn’t sure why it sounded so appealing now.
And with Noah.
“For what?” Ruby stepped back.
“Being with someone. Letting them help and support me.”
Ruby laughed lightly. “You might be the exact replica of me a couple of years ago. I never wanted that and refused to admit it, even when it was right in front of my face. My only advice to you is to try. That’s it. Try. If someone makes you happy, give it a chance. It might work out, and if it doesn’t, what did you lose?”
She was afraid she’d lose her heart.
She let out a deep breath and squared her shoulders. She had no idea what she would do, but Ruby made things sound so easy. “If it were as easy as that, no one would have relationship issues.”
Again, Ruby laughed. “That’s true. Do you have relationship issues?” Ruby was always inquisitive.
“Possibly.” She bobbed her head a little. “More likely, probably.”
“As much as I want to pry, I won’t. Even though it might kill me not to.”
Zara couldn”t help but laugh. “There’s this guy, and I think I might have liked him for a while even though I told myself I hated him. Long story short, we had sex, and now I can’t stop thinking about him even though I told him it was once and only once.”
“Long story short? No, that’s not happening. You do not get to long story short me. I want to hear about the sex. Was it bad, good, weird?”
“How is sex weird?” She rolled her eyes.
“I don’t know, but I’m sure it can happen. Maybe he wanted to use props or do it upside down.”
“You have an active imagination.” She’d use props or do it upside down if Noah wanted.
She shrugged. “So, which was it?”
“It was...” She was about to say fine but that wasn’t even close to how it was. “It was amazing.” There she’d put it out in the universe again. The more she said it, the easier it would get. Right?
“And you want to have sex with this mystery guy again? Wait, is he the reason you’re home early?”
Of course, Ruby put two and two together. “Yes to both.”
“Ohhh, this guy has you all tangled up. Who is it?”
“I’m not telling you. Not yet. I need to sort some things out.”
“If you’re not telling me, that must mean I know him. Do I know him?” She tapped a finger against her lips as if she was thinking.
“I’m not answering that. Go find Dallas and enjoy your dinner. I’ll untangle my life and let you know if or when things change.” She shoved Ruby toward the tunnel entrance while she stayed on the pitch”s sidelines.
She wasn’t sure how long she sat out there, just looking up at the sky and thinking, but when she saw the sprinklers come on, she knew it was time to go.
Her phone buzzed on her way home, but she ignored it while she drove. When she got home, she changed into her favorite loose shorts and a tank, made herself a frozen pizza, and snuggled into her couch with the remote to watch something on TV. Her phone buzzed again, and when she picked it up, she saw two texts.
From Noah.
She fumbled with the phone, almost dropping it, before finally clicking on his messages.
Noah:
Heath gave me your number. Don’t be mad at him. I just wanted to talk to you.
Noah:
I take it from your radio silence that you don’t want to talk to me. I’m putting my phone away now to prepare for the game, but if you ever want to text me back, I’ll answer when I’m not playing.
Her heart was thumping in her chest. He thought she didn”t want to talk to him. Damn her for not checking her phone as soon as she got home. She checked the time and saw that it was after nine her time, and since his game was in Texas tonight, it was getting ready to start.
She might not be able to talk to him, but she could watch him on TV.
And she could text him back, so he got it when his game was over. She typed and retyped until she finally settled on something simple.
Zara:
I was driving and forgot to check my phone when I got home. Play hard.
She got comfortable on her couch to watch the game. She told herself it was for work since she had clients playing, but that was a lie. She was watching for Noah.
When the camera panned to him in the outfield while he chased a fly ball, she held her breath, sitting forward and never taking her eyes off him. He caught it easily, his strong, powerful arm, throwing it to the second baseman to stop the stolen base. She breathed a sigh of relief.
It mainly went the same way for the rest of the game. Fly balls he caught, ground balls he fielded, and a few powerful throws to stop runners. On offense, he hit a single, knocked in a run, struck out, walked, and at his final at-bat, hit a home run with two guys on base.
The Emperors came out on top six to two, with Noah being the game”s strongest player. It was like the universe was trying to tell her what she was pretty sure she already knew.
Noah Ashe was an all-around good guy and quite possibly the guy for her.
Just as she turned her TV off and headed to bed, her phone buzzed in her hand. She flipped it over, not thinking anything, and then almost tripped over her own feet when she saw it was Noah.
Noah:
I think your message to play hard reached me out on the field.
That made her laugh. She flipped off the light and quickly padded to her room, jumping into bed before texting him back.
Zara:
Seems like. That home run at the end was pretty.
Noah:
You were watching?
She rolled her eyes and snuggled lower into her bed. She knew he was wondering if she watched the game for him. It made her feel warm and fuzzy inside that he seemed to want her to watch.
Zara:
Of course, I was watching. I had clients playing.
Take that. She could imagine his boyish expression of sadness when he read her words.
Noah:
Way to wound a guy”s heart.
Zara:
I think your heart will be fine.
Noah:
Really, though, thanks for texting back. I wasn’t sure if you would.
Zara:
We’re friends, right? Why wouldn’t I text back?
Even after she hit send, she wanted to take the words back. They weren’t merely friends, even if that’s what she’d told him. If they were only friends, she wouldn”t miss him so much. She wouldn’t crave his touch or wish he was there in bed with her.
If they were only friends, she wouldn’t want him to fuck her brains out again and again until the end of time.
Yeah, they were not just friends.