Chapter 10
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Zara
To say she was busy was an understatement. She kept herself that way so she wouldn’t think of Noah. So she’d stop wishing she was with him. Stop thinking about them together.
Just stop any and all thoughts of him, period.
The only way to do that had been working. From the time she got up until the time she went to bed. She worked through lunch and dinner until she was so tired that her head hit the pillow, and she had no choice but to fall asleep.
That”s not to say that she didn”t dream of him, because she absolutely did dream of Noah Ashe. Dirty dreams. Hot dreams. Sexy dreams. Dreams of them doing all kinds of things in all kinds of places.
“Gah!” she shouted, dropping her head down onto her desk with a loud thud. She’d done that more than once in the last couple of days and was afraid she would have a bruise.
Not thinking about him was getting to her. Really she hadn’t stopped thinking about him. She was always fucking thinking about him.
It was out of control.
She was out of control.
She tried to find ways to blame this on him, to say that he’d pushed her. To find a way to make this his fault. Only it wasn”t his fault. He was nice. He was fun. He made her feel good. His only mistake was existing in her world.
That he fucking existed was only wrong because she wanted him.
She both wanted him to disappear from her life and yet also to be there, day in and day out.
These were all things she thought about thirty or so times a day. She hadn”t seen her friends or even her clients in days. Other than taking calls, handling problems, writing contracts, and trying to get new clients, she didn”t do anything that would have her interacting with people face-to-face. If she went to dinner with her friends, she”d be forced to tell them all about Noah, and they”d read her like a book.
They”d know instantly that everything she said she didn”t want was what she actually wanted.
Noah.
“I don’t want Noah.”
See, she could say it. No problem.
It might be a lie, but she could still say it.
Would her friends believe her if she sat across from them at dinner and told them that she did not want Noah? Doubtful. They’d call her on her bullshit, tell her to get on a plane and go see him.
God, did she want to get on a plane and go see him?
To walk into his hotel room, see his eyes go wide when he opened the door. To have him reach for her and then kiss her like she”d been away at war for the last four years.
Yeah, she was a fucking idiot.
Grabbing her phone, she texted Allana.
Allana was the one person who could gather the troops and help her figure out what she actually wanted or didn”t want. Or, in this case, who she wanted or didn’t want.
See, she couldn”t even figure it out for herself. She needed someone else to figure it out for her.
Zara:
I have a problem that requires as many people as possible to help me.
Alana:
Does this problem have to do with a guy?
Zara:
If you want to find out, gather everyone, pick a time soon, and I”ll tell you.
Allana:
Give me a few minutes.
Zara put her phone down, dropped her head back on her desk, and sat there until her phone dinged five minutes later.
Allana:
Tonight, my house. Drinks (for those who aren”t pregnant), and gossip. We”ll figure out your life if it”s the last thing we do.
As far as she knew, only Allana and Mae were currently pregnant. Although at the rate they were all getting married, there were sure to be more soon.
Zara was too afraid to send anything but a thumbs-up emoji and then she dropped her phone once again.
Celia knew, Hannah knew, and now everyone else was about to know how dumb she was being, how afraid she was of an actual relationship. And how much she liked Noah.
That was the part that scared her the most. In fact, like was a pretty tame word for what she felt for him.
He made her so angry and so frustrated. He also made her hot. He made her smile, made her laugh, and he made her think. Those qualities outweighed the anger and frustration. In fact, she actually sort of liked the frustration he caused her. It was definitely foreplay. She could imagine the kind of hot, sweaty sex they”d have after a shouting match.
She definitely wasn”t normal. That wasn”t normal.
How had her life come to this? Worrying about a guy? About the future of her love life instead of worrying about her career. Love was never in the books. That was never the plan. She loved her career and her job. She loved helping her clients get what they wanted out of life. There had been no time for anything else. Why was she willing to risk that now?
She asked herself that question many times throughout the day and even again as she walked up the steps to Allana and Shane”s house.
More like their mansion.
Shane was the owner of the Valley Falls Strikers Soccer Club and, from what she knew, a billionaire.
Billion with a B.
He was also a nice guy who cared about the city of Valley Falls, cared for the players in his club, and loved his wife madly.
That”s the part that stuck in her head.
This man, who for so long only cared about his job, now would happily leave it all behind for Allana if that’s what it came to.
It just didn”t make any sense to her.
“Are you going to stand out here all day, or are you going to go in?” She looked behind her and found Mae. Mae was Allana”s best friend and was also married to Cooper Holland, a superstar in the soccer world. And even though he was at the end of his career, he was still one of the best players ever.
“I was thinking about just standing out here. Maybe I could somehow get advice through osmosis through the door.”
“I guess there’s a first time for everything,” Mae said with an eye roll. “Get your ass inside.” Mae pushed open the door as if she lived there, and they both walked inside.
“Finally,” Allana said with her hands in the air. “All day, all I thought about was what in the world Zara is going to tell us.”
“Zara’s going to tell you, but first, she needs a drink,” Zara said, talking about herself in the third person.
“Don‘t be a smartass. You know where they are.” Allana pointed behind her toward the fully stocked bar. “Get what you want and then get back out here and be ready to tell this story.”
“You are bossy as fuck,” Zara said, then made her way to the bar. On a typical day, she”d choose beer or even a margarita. Today called for something a little stronger. She found a bottle of very nice and very expensive scotch and poured herself a glass.
Spilling her heart to her friends required courage, the kind of courage you got from scotch. She took the glass of liquid courage back to the living room, where she found not only Allana and Mae but also Ruby, Hannah, and Cassidy, Allana’s sister-in-law.
Looks like the gang was all there.
“I guess you”re ready to talk now,” Ruby said. “I’m seriously dying to know who your mystery man is.”
“Wait,” Allana said, standing in front of Ruby. “You knew about this?”
“We ran into each other a couple of days ago at the stadium, and she opened up just a little bit.” Ruby put up her hands in surrender. “But I promise I don”t know who the guy is. She would not tell me.”
“So there is a guy?” Mae asked and then looked over at Hannah. “You”re suspiciously quiet over there. I take it you know who this guy is?”
“Not my horse, not my race,” Hannah said.
“Damn it, just tell us,” Allana said. “The suspense is killing me.”
Zara took a huge sip of her scotch, found an empty spot on the couch, sat down, and leaned back, taking a deep breath. “It”s Noah.”
Why the hell was voicing it so hard?
“As in Noah, Noah?” Cassidy asked. “The Noah Ashe who came to my wedding, and you danced with you while you looked like you were chewing on glass?”
“Is there another Noah Ashe?” Zara knew she was being defensive and short, but she just couldn”t help herself.
“This is a huge development,” Mae said. “I’m not sure what to do with this information.”
“Have you had sex with him?” Allana asked.
Zara nodded, sort of afraid to speak.
“Guys, back off for a second,” Ruby said. “You remember how it was when all of us fell in love. It was overwhelming at first. Give her some to breathe and come to terms.”
Zara sat up, her back straightening. “I never said I was in love.”
“Give it up,” Hannah said. “I”ve seen you the last few days, remember? If you didn”t love him or at least like him a lot, you wouldn”t have a problem talking about him. You always talk about the guys you”re sleeping with.”
“She”s never liked anybody, though. It”s always just been sex,” Allana said.
Cassidy stood up, moved around the couch, and sat beside her. “We aren”t judging you. We want to help, but to do that, you have to tell us what the problem is.”
Zara sighed. “I don”t think I know how to do this. I”m all business. All work all the time. I love sex, you guys know that. I like to have sex, I like to have fun, but I don”t want anyone to rely on me outside of business. Ever. Something about that makes my palms sweat, my head hurt, and my heart race.”
“I can understand all that,” Alana said. “You know my story with Shane. It wasn”t easy for me to give up control or let go and let him be in my life. I had to drop a lot of walls, some with a sledgehammer.”
“And, of course, you know my story,” Ruby said. “Dallas helped me smash my own walls, and we figured things out together. Can’t you talk to Noah?”
“I have talked to Noah. That’s part of the problem. When I talk to him, I want to do more than talk to him.”
“Hold up, hold up, hold up. Can we just take one second before we fix her problem and find out how the sex was?” Mae was never one to beat around the bush.
Five sets of eyes turned to her, and something about the situation made her laugh, which felt good after days of no laughter. “You guys have seen him. There”s no possible way he could be bad at anything.”
“Not an actual answer,” Cassidy said.
She gave in. “It was amazing. Bells went off, and fireworks lit up the sky, everything that you could possibly imagine when it’s the best sex of your life.”
“Whoa!” Allana shouted. “Are you saying it was the best of your life, as in the very best sex of your life?”
Hannah started laughing, making Ruby laugh which in turn made Mae laugh. Zara shook her head, thankful she’d ever found these fantastic women to be her friends.
“Yes, the best of my life,” she answered entirely honestly.
“Well then, I have no answers for you,” Allana said. “I mean, if you just had the best sex of your life and you like the person, you either want to be with them, or you don”t. I can understand if the sex was bad, or I could understand if the sex was great but the guy was an asshole. When you have both points together, and there are no red flags, you figure it out.”
“Wait, are there red flags?” Mae asked.
Zara shook her head. “No,” she said emphatically. “There are no red flags. If anything, it”s green flags for the foreseeable future. It’s like a damn Nascar race telling me I’ve got green all the way.”
“I”m starting to think Allana”s right,” Cassidy said. “If there are no red flags, the sex is great, and he”s a good guy, we are not the people you need to be talking to.”
“I”ve tried talking to Noah. Like I said, all I want to do when we talk is do anything but talk. He lives in California and is on the road all the time. I live in Valley Falls, and I”m sometimes on the road. How could we even make something like this work?” Was she really trying to think of ways to make a relationship with Noah Ashe work?
“Those are the least of your problems,” Ruby said. “Dallas travels, my job requires some traveling, but we make it work. It”s the same with Cassidy, Hannah, Mae, and Allana. We all have people in our lives and a lot of moving parts. We all make it work. When you want to make it work, you make it work. Only you can answer the question if you want to make it work.”
She groaned, dropping her face into her hands. “All I wanted was a night of good sex. Somehow I caught feelings.”
Hannah patted her back. “It’s not a virus. But when you think about it, you”ve always had feelings for Noah. I know it, and you know it. Anybody that”s heard you talk about the night of the fire knows it.”
“But all we do is fight.”
“Cooper and I fight,” Mae said. “It”s fun, and we don”t really mean it. We just do it because it’s fun, and we enjoy getting a rise out of each other.”
“Please don”t say rise when you”re talking about Cooper,” Allana said. “Because all I can picture is Cooper rising to the occasion.” Allana pointed to her crotch and simulated a dick with her hand.
“Gross,” Ruby said. “Why did you even have to put that image in my head? Now I”m never going to unsee it.”
Mae shrugged. “It’s not my fault if you have dirty minds.”
“Says the woman with the dirtiest mind of everyone here.” Ruby rolled her eyes.
“Wrong,” Mae said. “That honor goes to Allana, who has sex in public places.”
Allana fake gasped, putting a hand to her chest. “How dare you.” The stories of Allana and Shane getting it on in public were not secret. At least to their little group.
“Thank God we”re talking about anything but me and my ridiculous problem,” Zara said. “Please keep talking about Cooper”s junk and how it rises to the occasion.”
Everyone in the room laughed, and from there on out, it was just a fun night with friends.
When she returned home, she stripped out of her clothes, put on pajamas, and slid into bed. She’d purposely left her phone in the kitchen because the temptation to call Noah was strong. If her phone was anywhere near her, she’d cave. She tossed and turned for several hours until she decided it was futile. Throwing off the covers, she got up, pacing her bedroom. She knew Noah”s schedule backward and forwards and not for any other reason but because she’d studied it many times over the last few days. Right now, he was in California on a ten-day home stretch. And he just so happened to have the day off.
A crazy thought ran through her head, and she let it take hold before she could shut it down. Before she could talk herself out of it, she was online buying herself a plane ticket to Los Angeles.
She was going to go and see Noah.