Chapter 7
7
Ciaron
W e started our three-hour drive back to Dublin. Taylor was turned in her seat to face me, and I rested my hand on her knee.
“Tell me more about your farm,” I said.
“It’s called Diamond Firetail Farm, and it’s nearly two thousand acres.”
I thought hard about the size, imagining it in my head.
“It’s been in my mother’s family for generations. They named it after an indigenous bird. But we often say it has a double meaning. The diamonds are because we breed prestigious racehorses and the fire in the tail makes them run fast.”
I chuckled. As she continued to speak, it was clear how much she loved the farm. She spoke about everyone who worked there like they were family. She also told me how one day when the farm became hers, she’d like to grow it slowly and expand on their services.
There was no way someone like Taylor was destined to live somewhere like Sheriff Street. And if I wanted to be with her, I’d need to move to Australia, on the other side of the world. What about Seamus, Ronan, Billy and Tommy? Mam would need to step up if I wasn’t here for her to rely on. Maybe that’s what she needed.
The things I helped pay for now, I could continue to help with, like school fees. I could phone them regularly to check up on them and make sure they were OK. I needed to stay accessible to them. I could help with homework over the phone. All of that wouldn’t be the same as living with them. I knew that. But I also knew I wanted to be with Taylor. It was hard to explain, but it felt like a part of me had been missing without her.
Ronan was eleven now. He was older than I was the first time Mam left me alone with him. I had no preparation, but I would have time to work with them all and set things in order before I left.
The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that this could work and that my brothers would be OK. I smiled, thinking of what was ahead for Taylor and me.
The wide open spaces were filling up with houses the closer we got to the city.
“Do you like living in the city? In Sheriff Street?” Taylor asked.
I shrugged. “It’s all I’ve ever known.”
“The way Orla spoke, it sounded like it was very rough.”
“It is. If you tell people you live there, they tend to look down on you.”
Taylor nodded. “Like Orla did. You knew what her reaction would be, but you still told them anyway.”
“There’s no point in hiding who I am. I’m not ashamed of it.”
Taylor rested her hand on mine. “You are more than the reputation of the place you live.” Then she lifted my hand to her lips and kissed my knuckles.
My chest swelled. “A lot of people just see the bad about Sheriff Street, but there is community too. When my mam left me for the first time, my neighbours were the ones who alerted my grandmother.”
“The same neighbours you called last night?”
“Aye. Many of the families where I live have been there for generations. It wasn’t always as bad as it is now.”
I couldn’t explain to her what it was like living in a place where there was little hope—the violence, the unemployment, the depression. I instilled in my brothers the need for education. It’s what would help them change their destiny.
“Have you family been there for generations?”
“Aye. My grandparents live close by. They had a falling out with Mam when they found out she left me alone when I was seven. My grandmother wanted me to live with them but Mam refused. They don’t talk anymore.”
“Do you still talk to them?”
I nodded. “My brothers and I go there every week. And if I need help with the boys, I can rely on them.”
“You can’t rely on your mam?” Her tone was inquisitive.
I sighed. “Not always.” How much was I going to tell her? Everything. With other women this wouldn’t have even come up in discussion, but Taylor wasn’t like any other woman. I’d already told her more than I’d ever told anyone else. “My mam drinks a lot, and she’s not good with money. She did work when I was younger, but she skipped shifts or got there late. William, my boss, had no choice but to let her go.”
“That must have been hard for him. You two sound very close.”
I nodded. “We are like family.”
“We are family on the farm too. A lot of the people who work there have been there for years. We help each other whenever we can.”
“Sometimes I think that I’m just a pay check to Mam.” I gripped the steering wheel tighter. My chest ached when I said, “Sometimes I’m not even sure she likes me.”
Silence filled the car, pressing in on me, making it hard to breathe.
Taylor rubbed her thumb over my hand. “I like you, Ciaron.”
Calmness spread through my body. That was it. That was all I needed. She was all I needed. She made me feel complete, unbroken, wanted.
I listened as she spoke about the place that was not a piece of land or a farm, but a part of her. A place I’d never imagined I would end up. And if I could do it, if I could get out, my brothers could too.