34. Chapter 34
Aspen
You know what I love? Target. Target has everything.
Need a coffee? Don’t worry, there’s a Starbucks when you first walk through the door.
Want a book? Got it. Milk? Got it. Furniture?
Got it. The worst thing about Target is that there isn’t one in Windy Peaks.
Truly a crime. Or maybe a gift. I’d be working more to afford my shopping addiction.
We are officially on baby registry duty. We have one on , and a couple other stores, but I will never miss an opportunity to step inside a Target. Plus, shopping for baby stuff in person makes me feel like a kid on Christmas morning.
“Rhett, do you have the list of things we need?” I ask as we step out of the car.
“Yes, both the physical list and I put it on my phone too just in case,” he says as he jiggles the phone in his hand for emphasis.
“Okay, we might want to think about bringing home a crib today. We don’t have one and I could technically pop here very soon.” I rub my hand over my very pregnant belly. I think our little guy grows an inch per day.
It’s become incredibly uncomfortable to do literally anything.
Standing up is hard. Trying to get comfortable while sleeping?
Literally impossible. Plus, if I’m not within a thousand-foot radius of a bathroom, I have to restrict myself from liquids in fear of a sneeze attack.
Peeing yourself at this age isn’t really fun.
Rhett laces his fingers through mine, and I suddenly feel a bit lighter. It’s been a rough road getting here. I still wouldn’t change it for the world.
“We should wait and make sure no one surprises us with one. If we don’t get one after the shower next weekend, we will come back up and get one.”
“Great idea, I might even get a bonus Target trip out of it.” I wink up at him. He hates Target. He’s never said it. He smiles when he shops with me, but I can feel the misery oozing out of him. That’s pretty much how I know for sure he loves me. “How was work with West this week?” I ask.
“Well, after we talked, it was better. It’s not like it was yet, but I think we’re getting there. We hurt him, and I take accountability for that. He at least cracked a joke with me yesterday, so I'll take the wins where I can.”
It was unfair and unrealistic of me to think that West would just wake up and be over it one day.
He’s forgiven me so easily, and I can’t figure out why he won’t do the same for Rhett.
My hope is that someday we will sit around the dinner table and it’ll feel normal again.
West will make fun of Mav for something, Rhett will chirp in and make fun of them both, and we’ll all laugh.
Tonight is the first family dinner everyone will be at in months. We’ve never gone this long without all of us circled around. Between my work schedule and Weston avoiding seeing us together like the plague, it just didn’t work out.
Nerves flutter in my belly just thinking about it. It’s the same family sitting around the same table, but I feel different. I’m in love. Better yet, I’m in love with my best friend. I dreamed of that for so long. I just envisioned it playing out differently.
We walk through the front doors, and the chill from the blasting AC as the automatic doors open is welcome. Blowing away those thoughts and reminding me of what's important. The man beside me and this baby.
We walk through the aisles, and my heart warms every time I see Rhett pick up a baby onesie.
The way he runs his thumb over the fabric, lost in thought, almost as if he is imagining our little guy in it.
It’s like I can get a small glimpse of how much he is going to cherish our son.
Rhett is larger than life, quite literally.
My whole hand is encased in his when he holds it, and yet, seeing him now, be so soft. A gentle giant.
I didn’t walk into Target thinking I'd fall even deeper in love, but here I am. Staring at my baby daddy with tears filling my eyes in the baby aisle while he is completely oblivious. I love my life, I really do.
Rhett's truck comes to a stop in front of my parents. I’ve missed this.
Getting together with everyone I love once a week.
This baby will be here before we know it, and more than anything, I want him to come into a family that loves each other.
It’s not a cookie-cutter family. Only half of us share blood, but that is the special part of it all; we chose it.
“You ready?” Rhett asks.
West’s truck is outside, so he’s already here.
Mav and Ava are, too. My stomach flutters with a wave of anxiety.
I haven’t been around Weston while with Rhett, hardly at all.
Rhett has had to take the majority of the heat.
West has avoided my house. Most of our meetings have been run-ins at our parents’ or when he visits me at work. All Rhett-free spaces.
Things will have to get better. There is no way it will stay like this forever.
The start will involve acting like things are normal.
My brother is a wonderful person; I know he will come around.
I think seeing me being happy next to Rhett will help.
So, I’m going to walk in there with my head high.
“Yes.”
He walks over to my side of the truck and helps me out. It’s pretty hard to get out of it now. Doesn’t help that by six PM my energy levels are one with the floor, so I need all the help I could get.
We walk through the door hand in hand. The smell of garlic bread wafts through the air. I hear my mom’s laugh floating from the kitchen and those nerves I was feeling fizzle out. This is still my family, and it’s okay if it’s not perfect right now. No family is picture perfect at all times.
I look over and see Weston holding baby Grace while Willow frets over both of them. It’s incredibly cute.
“Getting your baby-holding practice in?” I ask.
His eyes lift from the baby to me and then to where Rhett and I’s hands are linked together. His smile falters but only for a second. “Yeah, we’re going to have babies overtaking the joint soon, figure I better get it figured out before we’re outnumbered. Did you guys have fun at Target?”
Rhett asks, “Define fun?” Poking fun at his own hatred of shopping.
I hip check him lightly. “WE,” I overly annunciate, “had a great time. Lots of items added to our wishlist. And I got a coffee.”
Weston rolls his eyes. “I’ve seen your wishlist; I think you’ll be set for life.”
“Well, if you’re nice to me, when it’s your turn, I can give it to you and save you from shopping,” I offer.
“You’re right. Have I ever told you you’re pretty?”
“Kiss ass,” I mutter. Internally, it feels like flowers are blooming in my chest because this does feel normal. Poking fun at each other, laughing together.
I look around the room and realize Ava and Mav are missing. “Where are the other two?” I ask.
My mom’s head comes into view over the kitchen breakfast bar. “They’re in the spare room sleeping. Can you actually go get them? The spaghetti is about done.”
Rhett volunteers. My guess is he wants to scare the shit out of Mav, which isn’t a joy I want to take from him.
I walk over and take a seat on the armrest of the couch my brother is sitting on. “Did I just see you halfway initiate a conversation with Rhett?”
West rolls his eyes, the fake annoyed one that all brothers do. “Wow, you are so in tune with the room. I am so proud of you,” he deadpans before continuing, “We talked the other day and it helped. It also helps that you’re annoyingly happy.”
“If you weren’t holding my favorite girl, I would smack you for that sarcasm.”
“No hitting your brother, Aspen,” my mom hollers out from the kitchen. “Also, you are getting too old for me to be yelling at you from the kitchen,” she tacks on.
I lean into Weston, a bit more lovingly this time. Also, this belly is heavy and makes it hard to balance, so this is easier. “Thanks for trying. It means a lot to him. And to me.”
“Anything for my annoying little sister,” he jokes, but his weight shifts into me, an armless hug since his are occupied.
My entire pregnancy I've been chasing a sense of peace. With Rhett’s health, with our relationship, and then with Weston, and for the first time, I feel a bit of it trickle in, like a soft blanket; it covers me and warms my heart.
My baby is going to be so damn lucky to have this family.
I know that, because I feel like the luckiest girl in the world right now.