Chapter Seven
Luca
Maybe it was because we’d spent the whole day together, but Max’s emotions were clear as day to me.
When Ben talked about the human guy, Max’s torn kind of hurt and upset rolled off him in waves.
I wasn’t the only one to notice, of course.
Brodie was such a great cousin and Alpha, that he read the situation and removed Ben from it to give him a talking to. I hoped.
Max and I retreated to their room and I held him as he gathered his thoughts.
“He was saying all those things because….” He trailed off, then sighed.
I sighed. “Maybe he was trying to gauge the situation. It’s not like any of us can ignore the fact that you and I have become much closer lately.”
Max lifted his head to look at me. “But you would’ve gotten close to Ben too if he wasn’t working every day!”
I smiled and kissed his forehead. “No, I know I would’ve. But I think he’s preparing to back away.” I squeezed his hand and gently guided him back into my arms.
His head rested on my chest, which was weird if only because with the brothers, we had had sort of unspoken roles within our…
whatever you’d call us. Friendship? Probably.
Normally Max was the one taking care of me, and Ben took care of Max.
I’d started to realize that maybe I needed to step up and close the circle.
I was capable of doing it. Hell, my bandmates had often joked about my caretaker nature.
That was partially why it hurt to not get the same back when my health started to decline.
Then again, by that time, Will and Mila were both using, and Q tried to keep his head down in order to be able to play every night on tour.
Feeling better now was…. It was everything. I didn’t think I’d ever felt as alive as I was after I’d died. Yeah, that still managed to amuse me.
That, in turn, meant I was starting to feel as if I needed to do my part. I didn’t need constant care anymore. Rian had stopped hovering and while I still experienced the hunger more acutely when the humans were around, I felt… settled.
I was pretty sure it would be a different deal if I was hungry and then bumped into one of the humans out of the blue. I knew there was a beastly side to me now, something wild and a bit unpredictable, but as long as I was fed well, I would stay in control.
We sat there in silence, until eventually, Ben got back.
We heard him approach the bedroom door, and Max sat up next to me and clutched my hand tightly.
“We need to talk,” I told Ben, and his expression looked almost… resigned.
“I know.” He sighed heavily as he closed the door. Then he glanced over at the armchair by the window.
Max tensed. He didn’t want Ben so far away. Somehow I understood that in my core.
Ben, with his connection to his brother, seemed to get it too. He got on the bed and sat down by our feet. With both of them there, the angst rolled off them in waves. I wondered if I could’ve felt this even as a human. Probably not.
“First things first,” I started, since they were quiet. I wasn’t sure what I’d meant to say, but what came out was, “You’re not Ethan’s, you’re ours.”
Ben’s eyes widened and Max gasped. Then Max squeezed my hand tighter for a moment, and Ben teared up.
“Yeah?” he whispered, as if he didn’t quite believe me.
“Ben, I know you and Max are a package deal. I know someone else might see it as a bad thing. But why the fuck would I want one of you with half of their heart, their fucking soul, missing?”
The tears escaped Ben’s eyes, and he moved fast, crawling up the bed to hide his face in my stomach.
I choked up, and I could hear Max’s breathing hitch, too. I put my hand through Ben’s hair, combing the strands as he shook. With relief, I thought.
“There’s also this thing I haven’t mentioned,” I said quietly after a while of both Max and I petting him.
“A few years ago, I was in a relationship with someone. It… it didn’t end well.
So I’m not ready for….” I sighed as I thought about how to form the words.
“I don’t know. Maybe that’s it? I don’t know what I’m ready for right now?
But I can see this, us three, being it for me. Just….”
Max kissed my shoulder. “Take it slow?”
I nodded. “Yes. That.”
“Someone hurt you,” Ben spoke for the first time in minutes. “Taking it slow is the best course for us, too. We haven’t really—not separately and not together.”
“I understand.” They’d grown up in such a miserable environment, and then the addiction and just keeping their head above the surface had consumed their lives. “Can I make a suggestion?”
“Of course,” Ben said.
“Always,” Max added.
Gods, I could see myself falling in love with them both given time, and I wasn’t ready. It scared me, but I wouldn’t, couldn’t give them up.
“Whatever we decide, we talk about it.” At their nods of agreement, I continued, “And we talk right now about what our expectations of intimacy are in the long run. How it’s going to work and all that.”
Max hid his face on my shoulder. Sometimes he seemed so young for being almost thirty. I was twenty-five and most of the time, I felt as though I was older than him.
“Of course,” Ben repeated. He sat up next to me and took Max’s hand, resting them on my stomach. I put my hand over theirs.
“You work a lot, but Max and I are at home most of the time. We’d never do things you’re not okay with. Ever.” I lifted my hand to stop them from talking. “There isn’t going to be much happening either way, because we’re taking things slow, but I want to know what the limits are.”
Ben shook his head quickly. “It’s not a competition. Not something we need to keep an eye on in case you and him make out three minutes longer than you’d do with me.”
Max groaned and blushed hard enough that I could feel the heat off his cheeks. Ben and I shared a fond look.
“Okay. That’s what I wanted to know. I’d very much like to be free to let everything run in the fluid, natural way it has so far,” I confessed. “And down the line, I think….” I bit my lip, trying to think about how to say what I was thinking in a way that didn’t sound… weird.
“What?” Ben asked, squeezing my thigh. “You can tell us.”
It was eerie how much of my discomfort he picked up when I barely could recognize it as such myself.
“Even if I had one on one time with you both, down the line. When things get more… intimate?” I hated how it sounded like a question, but I couldn’t make myself say something like ‘having sex’ out loud yet.
I wasn’t shy, but Max was, and I wanted to make everything less explicit right then.
Sure, we were all grown men, but our balance was still delicate.
“I wouldn’t mind if we were all in the room when… something like that happened.”
Max swallowed hard enough that his throat clicked.
Ben smiled, but there was a blush on his cheeks now, too. “Okay.”
“It’s not a fetish thing, I swear. I don’t have some sort of—”
Max pressed his fingers over my mouth. “We know. You’re not like that.”
“What he said,” Ben confirmed.
I kissed Max’s fingers, and he pulled his hand back to my lap.
“I know human sensibilities are what they are, still. That wolves and vampires are different in many ways from humans. So I just want to say that however close you are to each other, it’s between you two.
I don’t have any opinions on that either way. ”
They avoided looking at each other, and I wondered how this would go in the long run. They clearly were closer than close, but I doubted it went into anything physical. It wasn’t my business, either, unless they wanted it to be, and we wouldn’t be getting to that point anytime soon.
“Okay!” I said brightly. “Good talk?”
They both laughed.
I squeezed Max’s hand, then reached with my other one to wrap my fingers around Ben’s neck as I tugged him closer. “Can we start with a kiss?”
Ben’s gaze flicked to his brother and then to me. “Uh, yes?”
“No pressure,” I promised quietly.
Instinct told me that I needed to kiss him first. That it would’ve been so goddamn easy to have kissed Max already, or to kiss him now, but Max knew how I felt about him. Ben… I wasn’t sure he was convinced that he belonged with us in the same way.
He came to me easily, his beautiful blue-gray eyes locked with mine until he dropped his gaze to my lips. I scratched his stubbly jaw and smiled, then raised a brow in a challenge. He rolled his eyes, then pressed his lips to mine.
Oh, the spark was there. I made a helpless sound as I opened my mouth to accept his tongue. He cupped the back of my head as Max’s hand twitched in mine.
It was clear that Ben had kissed people before. He didn’t go for control, but I hadn’t expected him to. I didn’t want it, either. We kissed for a moment longer, until I slowly pulled away and gazed at his awe-struck expression.
“Good?” I asked, my voice raspy.
“Oh yes,” he breathed out, then dramatically flopped to lie down next to me on the bed while I laughed.
I turned to Max. “Hi,” I breathed out.
He looked flushed, turned on, and hesitant all at the same time. Before I had time to tell him we didn’t need to kiss right now, he made a wounded little sound, cupped my face, and kissed me.
Ah, my sweet, sweet boy.
I pushed my fingers into his hair that was darker and longer than his brother’s. Then I touched his lips with my tongue, and he opened his mouth for me. This time, I controlled the kiss. I licked into his mouth and the groan he was holding back vibrated through his chest against my palm.
Then it hit me: he wasn’t just tasting me, he was tasting Ben, too.
I pulled away from the kiss slowly, giving him time to react, and I reveled in the moment his eyes fluttered open, awe in the blue depths.
“There you are,” I murmured.
Max smiled, then his gaze flicked to his brother and his blush deepened.
I chuckled and pecked his lips once more. Then I let go of him and turned to Ben.
“Seems only fair,” I said, and leaned down to kiss him, too.
Ben’s calloused hand clamped around the back of my neck and held me there as our tongues tangled. I don’t know which one of us whimpered, but I reveled in the sound.
When he let go, I raised a brow at his dumbfounded expression. Yes. The amount of emotion between all three of us was insane already. The nuance was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. Now I just needed to not let my newly healed body get too horny before my brain caught up with everything.
We fell into a heap on the bed, then Ben snorted. I guffawed. Max started to laugh. I felt like kicking my heels with giddiness.
There on the bed, we laughed until tears were running down our faces. I’d never been so content, and we were only just beginning.
The next day, I finally bit the bullet and called my mother. I’d been putting it off, because I knew what she and my father both would think about my recent… life changes.
I’d sent them messages that I was alive and doing well and staying with a friend since I fled New York after coming back to the States.
I curled up on the window seat in the kitchen.
Nobody else was there. I knew Carys, Kye, and Brodie had gone to do a grocery run.
Max was studying for his GED. He’d fallen behind a little, but both he and Carys were supposed to finish around Valentine’s Day.
Rian was doing laundry for everyone because he enjoyed being useful that way, and I could occasionally hear him talking to Cindy the cat who was helping.
Holden and Ben were at work as usual on a weekday.
I sighed and tapped her contact, then swiped to call.
“Luca?”
“Hi, Mom,” I replied as I stared out of the window at the snowy yard. It struck me that this was the first time in months that I’d been able to talk to her without gasping for breath.
“Are you okay?” she asked, and I could immediately tell what she was actually asking.
“Yes. I’m perfect.”
She gasped quietly, clearly having made the connection, but the sound carried over to my new ears anyway. “Y-You know what—”
“I know.” There was a tickle around my eyes that signaled imminent tears. “I know. But I chose to live.”
“Your Nonna—”
“Will be thrilled that I’m still around. Your prejudice is on your own, Mom. As is Dad’s. Nonna has nothing to do with your beliefs, and you know that.”
She was quiet for a while. It was as though she didn’t know what to say.
So I spoke instead. “I’ve paid your mortgage. Aunt Rose and Uncle Joey’s, too. I’ve also put some money into your account. That’s the last you’re getting from me.”
“Luca you can’t be—”
“Would I and my two partners who are both male werewolves be welcome at your table?”
Maybe Max and Ben weren’t quite my partners yet, but I was making a point.
The deadly quiet at the other end of the call was enough of an answer.
“Va bene, Mamma,” I whispered. It was okay. It had to be. Because I couldn’t undo anything, nor did I want to. “Ciao.”
I ended the call.
Closing my eyes, I let the tears fall. I thumped my head against the wall behind me. After a couple of thuds, a hand cushioned the next contact. Then Rian wrapped his arms around me.
“It’s going to be okay. We love you, Luca. Just as you are.”
I knew that, but boy was it good to hear the words out loud.