21. DANIELLE
For the first time since my parents died, I didn’t wake up in fear. Misery wasn’t waiting for me like an unwelcome friend. Hopelessness wasn't the first weight on my chest. This time, I fell asleep in absolute pleasure and woke to real comfort.
I turned toward Cody, taking in the steady rise and fall of his chest, his arms locked around me as if I didn’t belong anywhere but here.
I soaked in the moment for as long as I could, until a growl from my stomach shattered the silence.
I slipped out of his arms, careful not to wake him, got dressed, grabbed my purse, and headed into town.
Outside, the air carried the distinct, refreshing scent of clay, and the sky was a beautiful, clear blue.
The world carried on around me, but I was in my own bubble.
I thought it would be a nice gesture to put together a little breakfast for Cody, since he is usually the one taking care of me.
These past few months couldn’t have been easy for him, and I knew there were times I’d made things harder.
This was a chance to show my appreciation.
The corner store charmed me with its quaint, almost storybook atmosphere. It was nothing like the corner stores back home, stocked with gas station snacks, phone chargers, and rows of air fresheners. Instead, this place felt more like a cozy bistro.
Sunlight highlighted a display case piled high with freshly baked pastries.
The warm, buttery aroma drifted through the air, comforting me the moment I walked in.
In a quiet corner by the window, two plush chairs and a small coffee table created a perfect reading nook, complete with a bookshelf overflowing with well-loved novels.
I selected an assortment of pastries, some fresh fruit, and a carton of orange juice before making my way to the counter.
“Your total is $24.67.” The cashier began bagging my food as she read me the total.
As I reached into my purse, my fingers met the usual clutter—lip balm, loose change, an old receipt—before I realized that I had forgotten to grab any cash from Cody’s wallet before leaving the house.
For a moment, I hesitated, mentally retracing my steps and weighing my options.
Would it really be worth pushing my newly healed leg to its limits?
The thought of hobbling back to the car, driving all the way home, searching for Cody’s wallet, and then making my way back to the store felt exhausting just to imagine.
I glanced back at the cashier and decided it wasn’t worth the trouble.
With a sigh of resignation, I pulled out my wallet and slid my credit card from its slot. As I handed the card to the cashier, I reminded myself that sometimes it’s best to take the easier path, especially on days meant for small pleasures.
After my quick trip to the corner store, I pulled into the driveway and gathered my bags, careful not to drop the juice balancing in my arms. Fumbling with my keys, I pushed open the door and felt relief at the sight of our comfortable living room.
I hadn’t even set one foot back in the house before Cody came rushing out of the bedroom, sweating and panicked.
“Where the fuck were you?!”
I froze in fear.
The only person who had ever spoken to me like that was Landon. Like an instinct I couldn’t rid myself of, I dropped the bags in my hand and shielded my face, bracing for impact. The only impact I felt was Cody’s arms wrapping around me.
“Oh my God. Danielle…I’m…I’m so sorry. I was freaking out because you weren’t here and I thought…” One arm anchored me against him while his fingertips brushed through my hair and across my cheek. His eyes searched my face again and again, like he was afraid I might disappear if he looked away.
Cody didn’t even get a word out as I lowered my hands and relaxed into him.
Calm down, Danielle.
I felt the apprehension subside almost as fast as it had appeared.
“I was scared something had happened. I wasn’t thinking. I’m so fucking sorry.” Cody cupped my face in his hands and kissed my forehead before reaching down and picking up the bags.
I didn’t know if I’d ever get over this fear that every man was going to hurt me, but the way the stress response drained from my body the minute he put his arms around me, something in me just knew that if anyone could, it’d be him.
“Cody,” I said quietly, helping him pick up the groceries I’d spilled, “thank you.”
He stopped, mid-picking up the box of pastries, and looked at me. “For what?”
“For caring about me. For being patient with me. I’m sorry I reacted that way.”
“Hey. You have nothing to apologize for, okay? You’re going to get through this, and I’m going to do what it takes to make you feel safe.”
As I unpacked breakfast and made us two plates of food, I couldn’t help but spiral.
I had done nothing to deserve someone like Cody.
For years, I lied to my brother, kept secrets, sat idly while Landon broke the law, pushed away everyone I knew, and yet, Cody saw none of that part of me.
He didn’t care. And when I tried to apologize, he took the burden away from me.
I brought the food out to the deck where Cody was waiting, and he smiled at me as I put a plate down in front of him, but there was still a heaviness I had to get off my chest.
“Cody, it’s not okay that I did that.” The words came out blunt and bare. I was not about to let him take on my issues or think that I had placed him in the same realm as Landon.
“Danielle, it’s fine. It’s all still fresh. You’re gonna have those moments. I know damn well you’re gonna have a lot of them. The only way, and I mean the only way, that we’re gonna get through it is if you show me what wounds you’ve got. I can take it. I promise. You’re not gonna scare me away.”
I sat in the quiet that settled between us, and Cody allowed it. Every conditioned instinct screamed at me to distrust him, yet beneath that, a deeper truth resonated.
Somehow, my soul knew that he wouldn't shy away from my broken parts. This should have been a moment of ecstasy, this burgeoning connection, but instead, all I felt was fear.
It wasn't until Cody stood and gathered my plate that I realized I hadn't spoken another word through the rest of breakfast. And still, he wasn't bothered. He planted a soft kiss on my forehead before disappearing back into the house.
Is this love?
The question repeated in my mind, insistent.
I thought I'd been in love before, believed I was loved.
But it took just one person, someone who wasn't even trying to love me, to expose the hollow charade that I had never truly been loved.
Love isn't secrets, or pain, or the suffocating grip of control.
Love is witnessing every facet of a person, the brilliant and the broken, and choosing kindness through it all.
The sudden shriek of the garbage disposal from inside snapped my train of thought, and I went inside to join Cody.
“What do you want to do for the rest of the day?” Cody asked me, not even looking up from the dishes, but hearing me come in.
You. I want to do you.
“I don’t know. Relax. Nap?”
Cody laughed. “You always want to nap.”
I smiled, placing myself behind him and wrapping my arms around him as he finished cleaning up. “What can I say? I’m a sleepy little baby.”
“Okay, okay, fine. Relaxing and having a nap. I have an errand to run, but then tonight, I’m planning something.”
“Oh?” He was always up to something. This time seemed different. Usually, he’d tease me about surprises nonstop for days on end, but not this one. This one seemed sudden, serious, and unplanned.
“Yeah, but it’s a surprise. Mostly because I don’t know what it is yet.”
“And the errand?” I was trying as hard as I could to pry information out of him. He kept doing this as if he got some sick pleasure watching me squirm up until the very moment a surprise is revealed.
“Nice try, but that’s also a surprise.”
“Well, in that case, I’ll go shower and get to relaxing.” I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek before leaving him to his planning.