Thirteen
Jamie had been waiting for an opportunity to speak to Erica, watching her sitting at the other side of the yard, seeming to have chosen a spot as far away from him as possible. Now he’d managed to catch her alone. When he put his hand on her shoulder, he felt her tremble beneath his touch. ‘We need to talk,’ he repeated. ‘I’m your brother’s friend. We’re neighbours. We’re not exactly strangers. Can we be friends again?’
Erica stared at him for a moment, her body tensing. Then she shook off his hand. ‘I can’t do this now,’ she said.
‘Everything okay here?’
Jamie turned to see Joe in the doorway, Coco at his heels. Before he could reply, Erica said, ‘Fine, Joe. Jamie was about to leave.’ She scowled at him, her eyes wet with tears.
‘Sure,’ Jamie said, putting up both hands defensively.
‘I’ll see you out.’ Joe accompanied him to the door. ‘Sorry,’ he said when they reached it, ‘I don’t know what’s got into Erica. Did you two have an argument?’
Jamie shook his head. He had no idea what he’d done wrong. ‘I thought she’d like the Easter egg I got yesterday. She wasn’t home, so I left it on the doorstep. When I went into the kitchen, she thanked me politely, then seemed to freeze when I said we should talk.’ He left out the bit about her trembling and the tears. Her brother didn’t need to know that. Jamie wondered how much Joe knew about their teenage relationship.
‘I’m sorry, mate.’ Joe sighed. ‘I think Erica may be finding it difficult being back. It’s not long since she lost her husband… I don’t know how much you’ve heard about that. He was a cruel bastard, and the way he died…’ He shook his head. ‘Anyway, seems things didn’t turn out the way she expected when she returned to Perth, so she’s back here again, for good this time, I hope. But it’s not easy for her. I think she misses her daughter-in-law and granddaughter more than she expected and…’
‘And?’ Jamie asked.
Joe sighed. ‘I was going to say she doesn’t miss her son so much. I get the impression he’s a lot like his dad. I’ve heard you and she were an item back when…’ he cleared his throat, ‘… around the time Barb and I got together. It’s none of my business, and I know I shut you down last year when you asked about her. But things are different now. I’d love to see her settled and happy. I’m not going to play the heavy big brother and ask what your intentions are. We’re both too old for that nonsense. But I would suggest, if you have any feelings for her at all, to be cautious, to go slowly and work to gain her trust. I think she may have lost faith in her own judgment where men are concerned. A bit like Gill when we met,’ he said chuckling.
‘I appreciate that. Thanks, mate.’ Jamie said. As he walked off he reflected that it was good to have Joe’s approval, but it didn’t get him any further with Erica who seemed to want nothing to do with him.
*
‘You all right?’ Joe asked Erica who was standing at the kitchen sink lost in thought, Coco lying at her feet. ‘Jamie’s gone.’
‘Thanks, Joe. I’m glad you appeared when you did.’
‘Will you tell me what’s going on?’ he asked. ‘When I walked in, I could sense the atmosphere. It was icy. Jamie’s a good guy and I believe you and he were once…’
‘Oh, Joe!’ Erica was close to tears.
‘Come here, sis.’ He pulled her into a warm hug. ‘Let me make you a cup of that herbal tea you like – I think there’s still some in the cupboard – and you can tell me all about it.’
A few minutes later, her hands wrapped around a mug of camomile tea, Erica was sitting in Joe’s living room with him and Gill, Coco’s head on her lap as if the dog knew she needed comforting.
‘Now,’ Joe said.
‘Is it okay for me to be here too?’ Gill asked. ‘I could take Coco for a walk.’
‘No, it’s fine. You may understand better than Joe.’
‘Okay.’ Gill took Joe’s hand and squeezed it, making Erica wish she had someone to comfort her too, someone other than her brother. ‘I know you may find it difficult to speak about what’s worrying you, but it’s often good to talk about your concerns. It can help clarify things in your own mind.’
Erica didn’t respond immediately. She wondered if Gill was speaking as her solicitor, or as her friend and her brother’s partner. She was right, whichever perspective she was speaking from. Erica didn’t want to talk about her emotions, which were all over the place right now, had been since she saw Jamie in her front garden. But both Gill and Joe were staring at her with such concerned expressions, she felt obligated to say something, to share some of her worries.
She put her mug down on the coffee table and stroked the skirt of her dress. ‘When I came back to Pelican Crossing, it was as if I was starting a new life, a life free from all the stuff that had happened to me. Everything was falling into place – my job at the hospital, Livvy’s cottage. I started swimming again.’ She gave Gill a grateful look. ‘Then Jamie appeared in my front garden, and it was as if the past had risen up to haunt me, to remind me… You seem to know now,’ she glanced at her brother, ‘but at the time you were too wrapped up in Barb to pay attention to what I was doing, who I was seeing. Jamie and I were close. If I hadn’t met Geoff…’ She gazed into space. ‘But I did, and he managed to sour me for all men. I can never trust a man again, never trust my own feelings. I was so wrong before. How do I know I won’t make the same mistake again?’ She picked up her mug and took a long swallow, overcome by a sense of despair. She’d never doubted her own judgement before Geoff.
‘I know you may not believe me, but I do know how you feel, Erica,’ Gill said. ‘I see so many unhappy women every day, women like you who have suffered through an unhappy marriage. Then I had a similar experience. Max wasn’t violent but he refused every reasonable settlement in our divorce proceedings and, as you know, I almost lost my daughter in the process. It soured me for all men too. I vowed never to become involved with one again. Then I met your brother.’ She smiled at Joe and squeezed his hand again. He smiled back at her.
Erica felt a twinge of envy at the sight of their overt expressions of affection. ‘Joe may be the exception,’ she said. ‘And, even if he isn’t, I can’t trust myself to be able to differentiate between someone I can trust and someone I can’t. I’m still trying to come to terms with Geoff’s death,’ she finished, knowing it wasn’t quite true. Geoff’s death had been a relief, an end to her suffering. Then Kieren had started to exert his control over her.
‘Just remember, there are some good men out there. Don’t tar them all with the same brush as your late husband. It took me a long time to realise that, but I’m glad I did.’ She smiled at Joe again with such love Erica had to look away.
‘We’re just asking you to have an open mind, Erica, not suggesting you rush into anything,’ Joe said, breaking his silence. ‘I’d hate to see you ruining your life because of the way that bastard treated you. Gill knows what she’s talking about.’
Erica exhaled. ‘Thanks for your concern, guys. It’s good to know you’ve got my back. But I’m okay, really… or I will be. You don’t need to worry about me.’
Joe and Gill looked at each other, then Joe said, ‘Okay, sis. But we’re here if you need us, if you need to talk… anytime.’
‘Thanks,’ Erica said again, glad the conversation seemed to be over.
‘What are you doing on Monday?’ Joe asked. ‘We’re going sailing with Cam and Poppy. There’s room for one more.’
Erica experienced a flicker of disappointment. She’d have loved to join them, spend a day out on the ocean, the wind in her hair, but… ‘I’m sorry. I’m working. Easter weekend is always busy in Emergency, and I’m starting a new shift. Maybe next time.’ If there is a next time .
Erica hugged Joe and Gill goodbye, promising to see them soon. On the drive home, she reflected on the barbecue and the two conversations afterwards. It was kind of Joe and Gill to be concerned about her, but she didn’t need their concern. She was doing all right without it, she thought, despite the little voice that reminded her how flustered she’d become when Jamie found her in the kitchen. And she couldn’t help wondering what he wanted to talk to her about.