Thirty-one
Jamie was humming to himself as he made his way to the marina where the sailboat he called Princess Two was berthed. His Princess was too elegant to be moored among the fishing boats and his charter vessel in the harbour. He could scarcely believe Erica had agreed to come sailing with him. It seemed only yesterday that he had been out sailing with Rory and Freya remembering when it had been Erica sailing with him.
He wasn’t sure what had happened at Joe’s last night to bring this about. He’d been positive Erica hadn’t expected him to be there; her expression when he walked in had been far from welcoming. But somehow, over the course of the evening, she’d thawed, and when their eyes met over the old school magazines, he’d known she was remembering, just as he was.
It was all down to Joe and his new lady. Gill didn’t say much, but Jamie had the impression she might have had a quiet word with Erica when he and Joe were busy with the barbecue. Whatever she’d said, it seemed to have helped change Erica’s mind which Jamie was sure had been firmly set against seeing more of him, even after he kissed her. He would be eternally grateful to Joe for arranging last night, even though it could have gone horribly wrong.
Hearing footsteps, Jamie looked up to see Erica walking towards him. This morning, she was wearing a pair of tight pants topped with a hooded jacket in the same shade of blue as her eyes. She looked good enough to eat. Thinking of eating reminded him that he had arranged to pick up a picnic basket from The Blue Dolphin Café . He’d already stashed a couple of bottles of water and a flask of coffee in the cabin.
‘Good morning.’ Erica’s smile sent Jamie’s heart racing. It was as if time had stood still, the past thirty-odd years had disappeared, and they were teenagers again.
‘Morning.’
‘You were right. She’s a beauty,’ Erica said. ‘Can I come on board?’
‘Sure. But I need to head over to The Blue Dolphin to pick up our lunch. Do you want to…?’
‘I can come with you.’ She smiled.
Jamie swallowed. This was a very different Erica from the one who had cold-shouldered him, who had pulled away from his kiss. He wondered how long it would be before she became distant again but decided to enjoy this version of her while it lasted.
The picnic hamper picked up and safely stowed in the cabin, Jamie cast off, the slight breeze helping their journey out of the harbour. Once in the open sea, he headed up the coast aiming for the small bay where they used to anchor, where they’d swim into shore and lie together on the sand. It was too cold for swimming today, though he guessed Erica might have already plunged into the ocean at the crack of dawn with the other wild swimmers.
‘This is lovely,’ Erica said, coming to stand by Jamie’s side.
‘Bring back memories?’ Jamie risked saying, mindful of her earlier comment that she didn’t want to be reminded of the past. But how could they not? The past was all around them. It was what made them the people they were today. It was impossible to ignore.
‘Mmm.’ Erica was silent for a few moments, then added, ‘I know what I said earlier. I did want to put the past behind me, start afresh. But I’ve discovered it’s not so easy. Being here, meeting you, it’s brought it all back. The good times, and the bad.’
‘There were bad times?’
Erica gazed into the distance. ‘Not here. My memories of Pelican Crossing are all good. I loved growing up here. It was after I left…’ She stopped, and it was as if she’d gone back to that place where Jamie couldn’t follow.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Jamie kept his eyes on the horizon to allow Erica the space he felt she needed, hoping she’d feel she could confide in him.
For what seemed like for ever there was silence, then Erica said, ‘As you may have gathered, my marriage wasn’t happy. That was why I came to stay with Joe last year. I intended to divorce Geoff. Gill helped me set up an AVO, an apprehended violence order. Then he followed me here. The rest you know.’
It was much of what Joe had told him, though he suspected Erica had left a lot out. She’d stayed in the marriage for a long time, longer than he and Cindy had been married. Had she been too afraid to leave him? Jamie risked a glance at her face. It was wet with tears. He wanted to pull her into his arms and comfort her, but wasn’t sure any expression of affection from him would be welcome right now. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘You deserved better.’
‘Thanks, Jamie. You always knew how to make me feel good.’
Jamie smiled. At least he’d got something right.
*
Erica wasn’t sure why she’d confided in Jamie, told him things about her marriage she’d vowed to keep to herself. But there was something about being out here with him on the ocean, in this boat which was a replica of the one they used to sail in, that made her feel safe, safe enough to tell him about her unhappiness, to reveal why she’d left Geoff.
It was a glorious day. Out here on the water, skimming along with the light breeze in her hair, the sun on her face, the sea sparkling like diamonds in the sunlight, it was easy to forget the more recent past, to forget Geoff, even to forget her worry about Kieren. She made a deliberate attempt to put it all behind her and live for the moment, just as she had done when she and Jamie were together all those years ago.
Erica was glad Jamie hadn’t asked any more questions. There were still things she wasn’t prepared to share with him. It was enough they were here together.
They sailed on in silence, Erica’s thoughts on the man beside her, how he hadn’t changed from the boy she’d fallen in love with. Although she had no intention of reigniting those feelings, it was tempting to imagine what her life could be like if…
‘Recognise where we are?’ Jamie’s voice broke into her musing, and Erica realised they were entering the small bay where he used to anchor, where they had spent so many hours swimming, lying on the sand and planning their future, a future which had never come to pass.
What would her life have been like, Erica wondered, if she had never met Geoff, if she had returned to Pelican Crossing after she graduated, if she had married Jamie. ‘I do,’ she said, horrified by her choice of words. Could Jamie tell what she was thinking? ‘But it looks a lot different to what I remember,’ she added hurriedly.
‘Time has taken its toll here, like it has everywhere else. Nothing stays the same. The bushes have grown and taken over what was just rough grass last time you saw it. I often come here, and I’ve watched it change over the years. It’s changed, just as we have. But change isn’t always a bad thing.’
‘I suppose not.’
By this time, they had sailed into the bay, and Jamie had dropped anchor.
‘Hungry?’ he asked.
Erica realised she was. It was a long time since breakfast which had only been a slice of toast and vegemite. After her early morning swim, she’d been too wired to eat any more, excited at the prospect of going sailing with Jamie. After a quick breakfast, she’d called Briony, knowing she’d catch her before Kieren was up and about. The car yard opened late on Sundays, and like his dad, he enjoyed sleeping late on what was for most people a day of rest. ‘Starving,’ she said.
‘Good.’ Jamie’s face crinkled into the lopsided smile that hadn’t changed from the one which had stolen her heart at the tender age of sixteen, though now it was surrounded by wrinkles and the skin of his face was tanned by years of being out in all weathers. It was still a handsome face, she decided, perhaps more so due to the passage of years and the struggles he’d endured.
He disappeared, to reappear carrying a basket which he placed on the deck. ‘Be right back,’ he said, going into the cabin again. When he came out, he was carrying a bag from which he pulled out a flask, two bottles of water and two plastic mugs.
‘No wine?’ Erica said with a laugh.
‘Not while we’re sailing. Passengers who bring alcohol on board are the bane of my life.’
‘Sorry, only joking.’ Erica remembered how careful Jamie had always been about safety. He had never allowed alcohol on his boat.
When opened, the basket proved to contain a collection of delicacies including individual quiches, slices of ham, crusty bread, cheeses and pieces of fruit. It was a veritable feast and far removed from the corned beef and tomato sandwiches and cans of Coke she used to pack for their sailing trips.
When they had finished eating, Erica leant back against the side of the yacht and closed her eyes, letting the sun beat down on her face, the only sound the lapping of the waves on the side of the vessel and the cry of the seabirds circling overhead. ‘This is perfect,’ she said, her lips turning up into a smile.
‘Perfect,’ Jamie agreed.
Opening her eyes, Erica saw he was looking straight at her.
‘You’re perfect too, more beautiful than ever.’
Erica blushed, suddenly feeling awkward, and wishing they were anywhere but in the middle of the ocean. There was no escape. But did she want one?
‘It’s okay,’ Jamie laughed. ‘I’m not going to rush you into anything. I just want you to know that when you’re ready, I’m here. I always will be.’
‘Thanks.’ Erica swallowed hard. She’d known she could trust Jamie. He seemed to understand. It was just that out here, if anything did happen, there was nowhere to run. She had always been in the habit of ensuring she had an escape route when Geoff’s anger built up. Sometimes, it had only been the bedroom, at others the backyard. Once, she’d even taken Kieren, who was a toddler at the time, and spent an hour in the park, till she judged Geoff would have calmed down. Sometimes, she didn’t manage it. Those were the times she ended up with bruises which she explained away as her having been clumsy.
Jamie didn’t respond. He merely smiled.
It was late afternoon by the time they reached the harbour again. It would soon be dark. Erica helped Jamie tie up and secure the boat. ‘Thanks for a wonderful day,’ she said, as they stood together on the dock. ‘I’ll…’
‘We’re going the same way,’ Jamie said. ‘Why don’t we walk together?’
‘Okay.’ Erica wasn’t sure what she’d expected, perhaps that he’d have work to do in his office before returning home. She wondered how he normally spent his Sunday evenings, the weekday evenings too. Like her, he lived alone and… hadn’t he said something about not getting out much? Should she invite him in for a drink when they reached Livvy’s cottage? She glanced at him out of the side of her eye, noting his cheerful expression. What was he thinking?
When they came to a halt at her front gate, Erica, having made the decision to move out of her comfort zone, asked, ‘Would you like to come in for a drink?’ and held her breath waiting for his reply.
‘Thanks,’ Jamie said. ‘I’d love to some other time, but I promised to catch up with Rory this evening. He has something he wants to discuss with me.’
‘Right. Another time, then. Bye, and thanks again.’ Without waiting for Jamie to make any other sign of farewell, Erica pushed open the gate.
Her heart was thumping as she fitted the key into the door, forcing herself not to look back to see if Jamie was watching. She wasn’t sure if what she was feeling was disappointment or relief. She knew it should have been the latter – she didn’t want the complication of a relationship with Jamie Whittaker again – but suspected it wasn’t. It had been so good to go sailing with him again, so good that she’d forgotten herself sufficiently to invite him into her home for a drink. Then what, she wondered. She trusted Jamie, but did she trust herself? It had been so long since she’d found a man attractive, since anyone had told her she was beautiful. That was it, she told herself. She had only responded to the first compliment anyone other than her brother had paid her. It was nothing to do with Jamie’s undoubted attraction, how he had matured over the years to become hot , just as Gill had said.
Having decided that to her satisfaction, Erica dropped her bag on the hall table and went through to the kitchen to pour herself a much-needed glass of wine. She needed one, even if Jamie didn’t.
Taking the wine through to the living room, Erica retrieved her phone to check her messages, pleased to see one from Briony. When they’d spoken earlier, Erica had broached the subject of her daughter-in-law’s promised visit, telling her how much she missed both her and little Ava, singing the praises of Pelican Crossing, and offering to pay their airfare if Kieren objected. She didn’t want to cause trouble between her son and his wife but wanted Briony to know she was there for her in the event she needed an escape route. Erica wished she’d known of one herself when Kieren was a baby, though perhaps she wouldn’t have been sensible enough to take it, always hoping things would get better.
Erica opened her phone, took a sip of wine and read Briony’s message.
Good to talk this morning, Mum. Would love to visit you. Pelican Crossing sounds perfect. Didn’t get a chance to see it properly last year with Dad dying like that. Spoke to Kieren and he’s okay for me and Ava to visit for a few days – maybe a week? No need for you to pay our fare. Will let you know dates as soon as. She finished with a smiley emoji.
Erica smiled too. She quickly replied.
Fantastic. Look forward to hearing from you. Give Ava a hug for me. Mum x
She’d concentrate on Briony’s visit, Erica decided. Anything else was the sure route to disappointment or worse. And while she wasn’t quite sure what worse might look like where Jamie was concerned, she didn’t want to find out.