Chapter 11
CHAPTER
Carol didn’t move. She couldn’t. She could barely breathe.
Justin. Standing a few feet away. Staring at her as if she had appeared from outer space. Half of her wanted to put the car into reverse and leave as quickly as she could. The other half wanted to wrap her arms around her son and hold him so close to her heart that he would never break away.
With a huge effort of will, she let go of the steering wheel, opened the door and stepped out of the car, one hand holding the vehicle’s doorframe as a drowning woman might grip a lifeline. She couldn’t speak. Nor could she shift her gaze from Justin’s face.
‘Justin was asking after you. So that’s …’ Anna’s voice trailed off. She shuffled her feet a little, looking from Carol to Justin and back again. ‘I have to get back to my patients, so I’ll leave you two to it.’ Anna walked swiftly away, and still neither Justin nor Carol had spoken.
The silence stretched to the point where Carol wanted to scream.
‘You called me the other day,’ Justin said at last.
Carol nodded, still uncertain of her control over her voice or the words that might pour from her heart at finally being with her son.
‘Ben took the call. He hung up on you. I’m sorry about that,’ Justin continued. ‘It was rude.’
‘He’s still very angry at me?’ The words, when they finally came, were little more than a whisper.
‘Yes. He is.’
‘Are you?’
‘I am furious at that stunt you pulled at the fire.’
The question hadn’t been about that day, and they both knew it. But it was a safer place to go than what was foremost in Carol’s mind. And Justin’s too, she imagined. ‘There was an injured animal. It was going to die. I had to save it.’
‘Dashing into the fire like that means one of my men has to follow. You’re not just putting your own life in danger to rescue that animal, but someone else’s as well.’
She hung her head. ‘I didn’t really think of that.’
‘You never did, did you? People always came last with you. Ben and I, we always came last.’
The bitterness in his voice was like a knife in her soul. ‘No …’
She stopped. She knew why Justin felt that way.
She couldn’t really deny it, but the truth was different depending on where you stood looking at it.
‘It wasn’t only me. It was the way …’ She bit the words back.
She deserved all her sons’ anger and trying to push some of the blame onto the twins was not going to make things better.
It didn’t matter that they had pushed her away and closed the door on their shared world.
That they deserved some of the blame for tearing the family apart.
She would happily take all the blame on her own shoulders, if only the rift could be healed.
‘I’m sorry. For everything. All of it.’ Carol turned back to the car to hide the tears that were streaming down her face.
She needed to get better control of herself, so as a distraction, she opened the tailgate and reached for the bundle of leafy branches she’d picked earlier in the day.
She pulled the bundle with a strength driven by hurt and anger and the bailing twine holding it came apart.
The branches fell to the gravel. She dashed the tears from her eyes and knelt to gather them back up.
Justin knelt beside her, also reaching for the branches. As he did, their hands touched.
Carol stiffened, trying to keep the feeling of touching her son alive for another second or two.
It was the first time she had touched him since that terrible day when her boys had walked out the front door and never returned.
She looked at Justin, his face so close to hers, and saw in his eyes the same uncertainty that she felt.
For a long moment, the two of them stayed like that, crouched behind her car, their arms full of eucalyptus branches.
Justin was the first to rise to his feet.
Carol followed. ‘Thanks for the help. I’ll get these sorted for Anna, and then …
’ She let the words hang. And then what?
More than anything in the world, she wanted to stay with Justin.
To sit and talk to him. To ask him about all the missed years.
To ask about Ben. But it didn’t seem appropriate to simply suggest they have coffee.
She didn’t even know if Justin drank coffee.
‘I’ll give you a hand.’
It was more, so much more, than she had hoped for.
Together they carried the branches from the car to Anna’s native animal clinic.
Carol started removing the old branches from the enclosures where two koalas were recuperating.
She placed new food in each, very conscious that Justin was standing silently, watching her. She jumped when he finally spoke.
‘Is this the koala you rescued that day?’
‘No. This is another one. He was attacked by a dog. He’s doing really well. I’ll be releasing him back into the wild eventually. As soon as Anna says he’s ready to go.’
Silence followed before Justin spoke again. ‘He was lucky you came along, I guess.’
Carol’s heart lifted. It wasn’t much. But it was a start. ‘How long have you been with the RFS?’
‘Five, nearly six, years now.’
‘And Ben?’
‘The same. We joined on the same day.’
‘You always did everything together—on the same day.’
‘Not everything. Not anymore.’
He hadn’t forgotten. How could he? A lie that had existed for seventeen years didn’t just fade away.
‘I am so sorry for that. I was wrong. And if I could, I would go back and do it right.’
‘I’m not the one you have to say that to.’
Carol felt a surge of anger. She spun to face her son.
‘How can I? He won’t talk to me. You wouldn’t be talking to me either if you hadn’t seen me at that fire.
You left. Both of you. But that’s how it always was, wasn’t it?
The two of you and me on the outside. Yes, I did something wrong.
But the two of you pushed me away and then you left. So don’t blame me for everything.’
Before anger turned to tears, she left the building and walked back to her car.
She listened for the sound of Justin following her.
But he didn’t. Her steps faltered as anger faded, replaced by regret.
Had she destroyed any hope of a reconciliation?
She should go back, but she didn’t have the strength.
Before she got into the driver’s seat, she reached inside the car’s glove box and removed a flyer. It was for the animal rescue group, but her phone number was there for people who might find an injured animal.
She tossed the flyer into the seat of the car she assumed was Justin’s. There was more than one type of injury, and the ones you couldn’t see were the hardest to heal. She got into her car and drove away.
***
Justin watched through the clinic window until his mother’s car pulled out of the driveway and on to the road.
Then he went to see what she had put in his car.
He picked up the leaflet advertising a number to call to report injured native wildlife.
His mother’s number, he had no doubt. Well, that was something.
‘Are you all right?’ Anna appeared at his side.
‘It depends on what you mean by all right.’
She didn’t answer.
‘She … she’s my mother. And today’s the first day we’ve really talked for nearly fifteen years.’
‘I know.’ Anna’s reply was soft.
Justin spun to face her. ‘How?’ He immediately realised the answer. ‘She told you.’
Anna nodded. ‘I don’t know what to say. I’m sad for you. For both of you.’
Sad? Justin turned to look at Anna. ‘I’m not sure it’s sad. It’s … well … the way our family is. Broken.’
‘And that’s not sad?’
He shrugged. He wasn’t feeling sad. Watching his mother sorting food for the injured animals had brought back memories he’d long tried to forget.
Sitting in the car with his brother, waiting for their mother to collect food for the animals.
Not getting his homework done because the twins were too young to be left home alone and there was a wombat somewhere in need of rescue.
Listening to people praise their mother’s good work, while his stomach rumbled because they hadn’t had dinner yet.
They were not sad memories. They were angry ones.
‘I’m sorry,’ Anna said. ‘It’s none of my business.’
‘That’s fine. It was just such a surprise to see her again after all these years.’
The silence between them was not exactly comfortable, but not uncomfortable either.
‘Well, I suppose I’d better see to my patients,’ Anna said.
‘Want some company? If it’s all right?’ Justin didn’t say that really he was the one who wanted some company.
He didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts.
He didn’t want to start anticipating what he might say to Ben, because despite Ben’s distancing himself, the conversation with their mother would come up.
And he didn’t want to face his brother until he had given himself some space.
‘Sure.’ The smile on Anna’s face was a genuine invitation, and Justin felt his mood lifting already.
Inside the tiny clinic, Anna stepped over the low enclosure to the large tree trunk and the koala he’d seen a few minutes ago. The creature was eating the leaves Carol had given it.
‘Carol brought him in last night,’ Anna said.
‘She told me he’d been mauled by a dog.’ That sounded so normal, as if he had conversations with his mother every day.
‘Yeah. It caught him on the ground.’ Anna gently picked the koala up and carried him to an examination table.
Justin saw the wounds on the animal’s hind quarters.
They were neatly stitched and covered in what he assumed was an antibacterial cream.
The animal blinked, but didn’t struggle as Anna examined the wounds and applied more cream before putting the creature back in the fork of the trunk.
‘You’re going to be fine,’ she told the koala.
‘But you’re going to stay here until those stitches are ready to come out. ’
For half a second, Justin almost expected the animal to reply. It didn’t, of course. It reached out with one paw and pulled some leaves close enough to munch.
‘You’d see a lot of injured animals in your job,’ Anna said as she pulled on a set of thick leather gloves.
‘Some. Usually we’re so busy we don’t have time until it’s too late. But we do what we can.’
‘We all do.’ Anna reached into a large wire cage and pulled out a huge white bird with one wing strapped tightly to its body. The cockatoo squawked its objection.
Justin understood the leather gloves as the bird grabbed at Anna’s hands with a powerful beak.
‘Oh, shush you. Mind your manners.’
The bird turned its head on one side to look up at her. The squawk this time was more of a squeak.
‘I should think so, too.’
As Anna checked the bird, Justin watched with fascination. Her hands were so sure. And kind.
The bird seemed to respond. It squawked again. ‘Pretty,’ it said.
Justin had to agree. Anna was pretty, despite the scar. He wanted to ask her what had happened, but he couldn’t. She had given him the privacy he needed with regard to his mother; could he show her any less courtesy?
‘Where did it learn to talk?’
‘I think he was probably a pet. Or hung around a house where he was fed. He listened to the radio a lot, I think.’
‘Why do you say that?’
Anna grinned and Justin’s heart did a curious swoop through his chest.
‘Aaannnddd … They’re racing,’ she said in a sharp, nasal tone.
The bird turned his head on the side and started to talk. It was mostly gibberish but Justin recognised the occasional word. What was immediately clear was the tone and rhythm of the bird’s chatter.
‘He’s calling a horse race.’
‘Yes.’
‘Up the outside,’ the bird said clearly. ‘And the winner.’ Before subsiding back into silence.
Justin laughed, the stress starting to leave his body. ‘What are you going to do with him?’
‘I can’t release him back into the wild. Not with that wing. I’ll try to find him a good home. If not, there’s a sanctuary that will take him.’
‘I hope they like listening to the races.’
Anna’s work done, they left the animals to rest and walked back to Justin’s car. He glanced at his watch. The afternoon was done. Maybe …
‘I was wondering if—’
Before he could finish, Anna’s phone rang.
She held up her hand in apology as she answered it. She listened for a couple of minutes. ‘All right. I can leave right now. I’ll be there in about fifteen minutes.’ She ended the call.
‘A patient?’
‘Yes. Sorry to dash.’
‘I understand. More native animals? Or something more mundane, like a cow in labour?’
A shadow passed over Anna’s eyes, so fast he barely noticed it before it was gone. ‘I don’t do cattle. This is a horse.’
‘I’ll get out of your hair. Good luck.’
‘Thanks.’ She turned to go, then hesitated and turned back. ‘Are you going to be part of this photo shoot next week?’
‘What photo shoot?’
‘I’ve been asked to be onsite vet cover during a calendar photo shoot for the RFS.’
Ah. Justin nodded. ‘We do one every year as a fundraiser. I hadn’t heard about this year’s, but I usually get involved.’
‘Well.’ She hesitated and smiled at him. ‘I might see you there. I’ve got to run. Bye.’