Chapter 26
CHAPTER
Carol’s hands moved restlessly on the steering wheel as she approached the town.
She couldn’t shake the feeling that she was making a horrible mistake.
But there was always a chance she was turning her life around for the good.
The important thing was that she had finally mustered the courage to try.
It was make or break time.
The contact she’d had with the twins in these past weeks had proved two things to her. One was that there was a chance to make amends. Justin was more willing than Ben, but where the older brother led, the younger had always followed.
And the second thing she had discovered was that she had to try. She would never forgive herself if she didn’t. It might work or it might not, but at least she wouldn’t spend the rest of her life regretting her own lack of courage.
There were a few cars in town as she drove towards the pub, then turned right past the hall and the post office.
There were no cars at the fire station. She pulled up outside and stared at the big roller door that was firmly shut and, she guessed, locked.
Disappointment settled on her shoulders as she got out.
Still, she could wait until the twins came back.
She’d made it this far. She wasn’t going to give up.
That’s when she noticed the sign on the inside of the window that faced the street. The words swam into focus as she walked over.
THIS FIRE STATION IS NOT CURRENTLY MANNED.
TO REPORT A FIRE, OR IN AN EMERGENCY, PLEASE CALL OUR HOT LINE.
THIS NUMBER SHOULD BE USED ONLY IN EMERGENCIES. TO CONTACT THE RFS FOR ALL OTHER MATTERS, PLEASE USE ONE OF THE NUMBERS LISTED BELOW, AS APPROPRIATE.
A list of numbers followed.
They were gone. Her sons had left once more and this time she hadn’t even tried to stop them.
Her failure crashed down on her. Again. She slumped back against the building and closed her eyes.
Luck, or perhaps Fate, had brought the twins to this town she’d made her home and given her a chance to right a great wrong.
They hadn’t been pleased to see her. Or Ben hadn’t.
She hadn’t pushed him. Either of them. She had wanted them to come to her.
They hadn’t and now it was too late for her to go to them.
And it was her own fault. Her own cowardice. She hadn’t reached out. Had waited for them to contact her. She should have gone to them and begged forgiveness. And now they were gone from her life again.
She stood until the feel of the sun burning her face swept her regret and pain away and helped her to focus.
All was not lost. She had Justin’s phone number, but the things she had to say couldn’t be said over the phone.
She knew they were based in Tamworth. That was only a couple of hours’ drive away and even her old clunker could get that far.
But she couldn’t go to them at the fire station.
She wouldn’t be welcome. What she had to do and say was private.
She needed to talk to them at their home.
She didn’t know where they lived, but she knew someone who might.
Feeling a lot more hopeful, she got back into the oven that was her car and set off again.
***
The car park at the vet clinic was empty, although Anna’s car was parked under an awning beside the building.
Carol left her car in the shade of a tree, got out and walked towards the door before she could change her mind.
She knew that Anna and Justin had become friends, or possibly more than friends.
The knitting club’s grapevine worked well.
Carol had known Anna for a while but they weren’t exactly friends.
Carol didn’t really have friends. But she got on well enough with Anna.
It would be embarrassing to ask Anna about contacting her own son.
But that was something she was prepared to face for the chance of seeing him again.
She opened the door of the clinic and walked in before she could chicken out.
The receptionist looked up. ‘Hi, Carol. Have you brought us another patient?’
‘No. Not this time. I was hoping Anna would have a few minutes to chat.’
‘Well, she’s tending to a dog we’ve got in the hospital. Give me a minute.’ The receptionist vanished behind a door marked ‘Staff Only’.
A few minutes later, Anna appeared. ‘Hi, Carol.’
‘Sorry to disturb you.’
‘Not at all. How can I help?’
The receptionist re-entered the room and Carol lost her courage. She shuffled her feet. ‘Um … It’s nothing important.’
‘I’m glad you’re here,’ Anna said. ‘I’m making some changes to the native animal clinic. Would you mind taking a look at what I’m planning? I’d appreciate your opinion.’
‘Glad to.’ Carol followed Anna to the smaller building.
The native animal clinic was empty. All the residents had been returned to the wild or sent to sanctuaries.
Carol knew Anna was waiting for her to take the lead. When she didn’t, Anna spoke.
‘Between road victims and bushfires and people doing the wrong thing, we’ve had a lot of native animals in lately.
I think I need more space, but can’t really extend the building.
I was thinking some outdoor enclosures for the recovering.
Look, I drew some sketches.’ She pulled a sketchpad out of a nearby drawer and opened it on the treatment table.
Glad of a few minutes to gather her thoughts, Carol studied the drawings. ‘Is this meant to be a wombat enclosure?’
‘Yes. There have been quite a few spotted just south of town. I had one brought in last week. Hit by a car. Sadly, there was nothing I could do for it.’
‘There haven’t been many around for years.’
‘I want to make a wombat enclosure outside. Somewhere to keep one that doesn’t need to be in the hospital itself.’
‘You’ll need to make sure they don’t dig their way out,’ Carol said.
‘I know, and I was going to talk to Jake about sinking the cyclone fencing a metre into the ground. That shouldn’t be too hard. Or expensive.’
‘That won’t stop them—they’ll dig under that in a day. I’d lay a bed of mesh under the whole enclosure, then cover it with a good layer of dirt. Then give them some sort of above-ground place to hide. A hollow tree trunk or a low, dark box. I’ll do some research and see what I can find.’
‘Thanks. That would be great.’ Anna put the sketchbook away and leaned back against the table. ‘So, Carol, what did you really want to talk to me about?’
Carol was frantically trying to find an answer when a car with an alpaca logo on its door pulled up outside. Bree emerged from the car holding a large envelope.
‘Anna. It’s here!’ She stopped when she saw Carol.
‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. But I think you’d like to see this too, Carol.
’ She opened the envelope and pulled out the contents.
‘It’s the RFS calendar that was shot at my place,’ Bree said excitedly.
‘It’s great. Justin and Ben look amazing.
And my twins are so cute. They put them on the cover. Look.’
Carol looked at the glossy colour calendar Bree was holding.
The front cover featured two firemen crouched beside two young alpacas.
Each man had an arm draped over an animal’s back.
The photographer’s skill was evident in every highlight and shadow on both the men and the animals.
Ben and Justin were smiling. To anyone else, they might look identical, but Carol didn’t have a moment’s hesitation over who was who.
This photo captured the essence of both her boys—Justin’s sense of responsibility and Ben’s sense of humour—and tears pricked her eyes.
Tears of pride and regret as she struggled to find the right words to say to Bree.
‘They sent me about a dozen copies,’ Bree continued, obviously unaware of the emotions raging through Carol. ‘So I brought one over for you, Anna. And you should have one too, Carol. Val said that Justin and Ben are your sons?’
Carol stammered something that could have been interpreted as a thank you and took the calendar from Bree’s outstretched hand.
‘I want to give them to the guys too,’ Bree explained. ‘I hear they’ve gone back to their base in Tamworth. Do either of you know their postal address? I could post these to them.’
‘No. Sorry,’ Carol managed to say.
Anna simply shook her head.
‘Okay. They’ll probably get copies anyway because they were models. Jo sent me some copies of our final couple of photos, all together.’ She reached back into the envelope. ‘Here are your copies, Anna. I’m sorry, Carol, but she only sent enough for the people in the photos.’
Carol held up one hand and shook her head to indicate that didn’t matter.
Bree barely paused for a breath. ‘Well, I’m going to dash. I can’t wait to take these into town to show Rose and the knitting club members. We should get some to sell in the shop. Talk soon.’ She bounced back into her car and drove away, leaving behind two women who looked a little stunned.
‘I should go, too,’ Carol said.
‘Yeah. But what did you come over for? Sorry, we got distracted.’
Carol shook her head. She had the answer she’d wanted. Anna didn’t know where her sons lived either. ‘It was nothing. I’ll see you later.’
***
Anna watched Carol’s car turn onto the road, but her mind was a million miles away.
She took a deep breath and looked down at the photos in her hands.
There she was, standing next to Justin, her head tilted in the way she’d learned so painfully over the past few years.
The way that hid the left side of her face.
Her eyes passed over that part of the image to linger on Justin.
The photographer had caught him laughing at something she had said.
He was looking at her with that look she had never expected to see again.
The look that said he saw her, not the scar.
She tucked the photo carefully inside the calendar to protect it.
Justin and Ben looked back at her from the cover.
They were wearing their uniforms—or some of their uniforms: both had removed their shirts and their braces hung loose.
Two muscular bodies gleaming with sweat or some other photographer’s device.
They were handsome, identical men. But not to her.
Justin was easily distinguishable from his brother to her eyes.
Her heart skipped and ached for something she would never have.
It wasn’t just the handsome face or the muscular body or the come-to-bed eyes.
When she closed her eyes, she could see the way he moved with strength and confidence.
She could hear his low laugh, joyful and oh so sexy.
But while those things stirred her body, they weren’t what stirred her heart.
It was the way he looked at her that had taken her battered heart and made it beat again.
She looked at Ben. They might be identical twins, but he was so different.
He lacked Justin’s kindness and understanding.
There was obviously something he struggled with.
She understood struggle. She’d struggled with looking in the mirror every single day for more than three years.
For that reason, she had already forgiven his rudeness to her.
She wasn’t good enough for Justin, but one day Justin would meet someone who was.
Someone he wanted to be with. He’d never let his brother down, and as long as his brother needed him, Justin would always put himself last. Which meant Ben was spoiling any chance Justin had of happiness.
And for that, Anna would not forgive him.
She barely noticed the door of the surgery open until a voice called her name.
She shook her head to clear it. ‘Do I have a patient?’
‘Not exactly,’ her receptionist, Liz, replied. ‘I’ve got a little girl on the phone wanting to know when she can come and see Olaf. And when can he come home.’
Anna let the hand holding the calendar fall to her side. ‘On my way.’ Telling a little girl that her beloved dog was going to be fine was one of the best parts of her job.
After she’d finished the call, she looked at the clock and the empty waiting room. ‘I’ve got it from here,’ she told Liz. ‘You may as well head home.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yeah.’
When she was alone at the desk, Anna opened a search page.
She typed in a name and a familiar blue and white site appeared.
She gently touched the side of her face as she heard again the words she’d heard in that restaurant.
And on the street when buying groceries.
Words she’d heard far too often and everywhere she went.
‘Terrible …’
‘Poor woman …’
‘You’d think she would do something …’
‘… plastic surgery …’
She didn’t want to hear those words again.
To feel the pain and shame she felt every single time.
She had learned to live with the way she looked, but the world still judged.
Maybe it was time to do something about her face.
She didn’t know exactly what could be done and she wasn’t sure she wanted to relive the experience of hospital and surgery and recovery, but it couldn’t hurt to find out what her options were.
She picked up her phone and dialled the number on the screen.