Chapter 39
I tune out the voice of Master Jackson, focusing only on Saint and the feelings in my arse as the vibrations stimulate my prostate. If I can keep my thoughts off coming, I can hold on until I’m given the command.
It’s only when the buzzing stops that I realise that it’s just me and Saint in the room, and as much as this has been exhilarating, I’m exhausted.
My erection droops the moment the plug is gone, and Saint lifts me up from my position on the floor.
It feels like I was on my hands and knees for hours, but I can see the wall clock, and it’s been about twenty minutes.
“Hey, you,” Saint says to me, sounding like my boyfriend, not my Dom, and it’s all very overwhelming. Embarrassment rushes through me as tears well in my eyes, threatening to fall unchecked down my cheeks. “Noah? Hey, what’s wrong? Did I fuck up?”
“No, no, not all. It was all great, but it was—more. It was a lot. Hot, but exhausting. I never thought it would be so emotional, subbing, I mean.”
He pulls me into his arms, and we sink down on the sofa.
“I’m sorry. It was a spur of the moment idea.
Jackson was my last client of the day.” He wipes the tears away from my face.
“He was very impressed with you, and a little envious at our commitment and trust with each other. I’m beyond proud of you. Shall we have a shower?”
I nod but keep my head buried in his neck for a while longer. He doesn’t seem to mind, because his hand strokes up and down my back as he presses kisses to my head. “I thought you were going to fuck me in front of him,” I mumble.
“No, I would never do anything with you like that, a, without talking to you first, and b, in our home.”
I don’t think that he realises he’s called this our home, not that I mind.
I’m not ready to move in here, not yet. It will happen, but I like my little flat.
I need to stop letting him tempt me here upstairs after work.
I’d like to go out on a date, a proper one, dinner and maybe a club, for dancing no sex.
I wonder if he likes that kind of thing.
There’s only one way to find out. “Shall we go out for dinner, then hit up a gay club on Friday? I bet your brothers would meet us there.”
“I’m crap at this boyfriend side of us, aren’t I? I wouldn’t’ve thought of doing anything like that with you. All my nights out are either at a club, usually Bound, but others too. Or a few beers with my brothers. I never thought we should do anything else.” He looks disappointed, but I smile.
“I think you’re doing okay, but it would be fun. Don’tcha think? You still get to run your hands all over me; we just need to keep our clothes on when you do it.” I think he’s going to agree but wants to be a little sulky about it.
“Okay, we can do that.” He smiles and pops a kiss on my mouth. “Shower time, boy.”
I snuggle up next to him, all warm from the hot water and the kisses and the roaming hands from my horny boyfriend. I have some questions from this evening’s scene, but I’m not sure if now’s the time, or should I have asked him when it ended.
“Why don’t you get whatever you’re thinking off your chest,” Saint murmurs into the darkness.
“Sorry, I um, I have some questions about this evening. Is it okay to ask?” The hesitancy in my voice is obvious, but he doesn’t react except to pull me tighter against him.
“Of course, there’s no time limit on asking questions, boy. Talk to me.” Saint is, as usual, level-headed and calm.
“Okay, I want to know what you got out of it. I was the one being looked at, spoken about. I told you I thought it was hot. I love the objectification of it, but I don’t understand what you found hot or exciting about it all.”
He’s quiet for a while, I can tell he’s thinking it over.
“It’s hard for me to explain. I love watching you obey.
For some subs, it’s hard to be spoken to the way we did to you.
They squirm with embarrassment or turn difficult or defiant.
Those are the subs that prefer punishment over humiliation but like to do it purely to get the spanking or whatever the Dom wants to do.
And as much as I like the thought of punishing you, I know I don’t need to think about it with you in this situation.
You probably don’t realise how you react to the dirty or shameful talk, but you preen, you come alive, and your body reacts as if it’s praise. Do you see?”
“Not really, that still doesn’t tell me what you get out of it sexually.” Lifting my head to look at him, he has a small smile that makes his eyes shine, even in the dark.
“That’s easy: it turns me on because it turns you on.
I love the hunger in your eyes as you beg for more or for release.
I love the control I have over your body, that I get the say in whether you come or are left unsatisfied.
It excites me to see other men want you, especially when you preen the way you did tonight.
That it’s only me you want, but like tonight when another Dom touched you, you let him because it pleased me.
I guess it’s the control I have that does it.
I’m sure a therapist would put it down to my crappy childhood, but I don’t. It’s simply the way I am.”
“Does that make you a sadist, because inflicting pain is pleasurable to you?” It’s not an accusation. I’m interested to know how he classifies himself, if he does at all.
“Does enjoying pain make you a masochist?” He chuckles.
“Touché,” It’s my turn to chuckle. “I’ve never thought about it.
I never thought I would want the things you want.
I didn’t even know this kind of lifestyle existed in some peoples’ everyday life.
It’s you that I want and that means everything that goes with it.
You bring out the exhibitionist, the slut, the pain-whore in me, and I love you for it.
You’ve enriched my life in so many ways.
If I’d known this about you before I set out to come here, I don’t know if I would’ve had the courage.
Wouldn’t that have been a shame for both of us. ”
“Tragic. Have I answered your question or are there more?” Saint shifts so I’m under him, his elbows off the bed keeping his weight off me, but our groins touch, eliciting a moan from me as I shake my head.
“No, no more questions.”
“Good,” he says and kisses me.
The bell over the door has me looking up from my sketchpad. Robin walks in, smiling brightly when he sees me and walks up. I put my pencil down and step around the counter to meet him. “Hi, it’s good to see you. What brings you to our neck of the woods?” I ask as I step into his embrace.
“Nothing sinister. I wondered if you were free for lunch today?” He’s laughing, but I’m guessing this is how Saint felt when Kip called in ‘just passing by’.
This isn’t something he’s ever done before.
Saint walks out from the back with a box of inks in his arms. He’s spent the morning doing an inventory and placing orders.
“Fuck! Not you as well.” He dumps the box on the counter next to my sketches, looking at it as he does.
“That’s stunning, Noah. He’s going to be thrilled.
” He puts his hand on my back, rubbing up and down my spine.
I know it’s because of Robin standing here, he’s keeping me steady. “So, Pops. What’s going on?”
“What do you mean, me as well?” Robin says, his cheeks developing two pink circles. Are they from annoyance or guilt?
“Dad came in earlier in the week, just passing. Are you just passing too?” Saint lifts his hand away to cross them over his chest.
“I didn’t know that. I thought I might take Noah to lunch.” He still looks a little flustered, caught off guard. His eyes flicker to meet mine. “Can you, Noah?”
I look at Saint, not as my boss but as my Dom. I hope he can see that I want him to take control of this situation. I love Robin and have so much to thank him for. He’s done so much for me, especially when it came to my flat. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but this isn’t my decision to make.
“Maybe another day, Pops. Noah can check his diary and block out some time for you. Am I included in the invitation?” Saint smiles, but I can hear the edge in his voice, and by the rigid smile on Robin’s face, he does too.
“Okay, no problem. I’m sorry to interrupt your day. I’ll see you on Sunday for lunch.” His words are clipped, and I feel bad. Maybe I should’ve just said yes. I don’t have a client until later this afternoon.
“Yes, we’ll be there, won’t we, Saint?” I look at him; his smile is genuine now.
“Yeah, sure.”
Robin leaves, and I step up closer to Saint. “We’ve hurt his feelings, and I hate that.”
“He’ll survive, and trust me, he was going to grill you for every bit of information about our relationship and whether you’re being coerced into my lifestyle. I’m getting pissed off with them. They’ve never interfered with who I play with before.”
“I think it’s because they know the levels you go to with a sub. You know that, and so do I, and I love what we do together. I want to do so much more with you. Can we go to the club tonight?”