Chapter 12. I Felt A … Thing?
CHAPTER 12
I Felt A… Thing?
The minute I opened my eyes the next morning, memories of last night immediately came rushing back. Groaning, I pulled my blanket over my face, embarrassment washing over me. How could I face him today, pretending that less than twelve hours ago, I hadn’t been practically frothing at the mouth at the possibility of him kissing me? And worse, how would I fake a loving relationship with him for the next few weeks?
But nothing actually happened. Which meant I could classify it as a nonexistent event, right? Yes. Yes, I could. We had an agreement, and my future was riding on it. I had to do this, come hell or high water. Pretending to be in love with Alec Mackenzie, and not falling for him? I could do it with my eyes closed. Piece of cake, easy as pie, as simple as ABC.
As soon as I finished that way overdue Stay on Track Plan.
Alec was already busy in the kitchen when I returned from my run. I cleared my throat to announce my presence. “Morning.”
He didn’t turn around from the stove. “Breakfast is on the table.”
My brows shot up at the spread on the dining table. There was a stack of whole-grain toast, a jar of no-sugar-added strawberry jam, a bowl of oats porridge, some apple slices on a small plate, and a tub of blueberry yogurt next to it.
“No pancakes or waffles today?”
“I’ve read that low-GI foods are better for someone with diabetes. It raises your blood sugar gradually, right? I looked up some breakfast ideas last night and thought I’d give it a try.”
Last night? I gaped at him. Was that before or after the humiliating event that shall now and forevermore be dubbed as The Kiss That Never Happened?
This was, hands down, one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for me.
“That’s very thoughtful,” I managed. “You really didn’t have to.”
“It’s not just for you.” He finally turned around, revealing the crimson tinting his cheeks. “I’m always looking for healthier options, too.”
“But I thought… aren’t we meeting Jacqui for brunch?”
Alec brought a pan over, slipping a silicone trivet underneath before placing it on the table. He’d made skillet-baked eggs with mushrooms, spinach, and tomatoes. “It’s not for another two hours. Figured you might need something to eat before then.”
My heart stumbled over and swelled a hundred times. “Thanks. I appreciate that.”
He pulled out the chair across from me, a muscle in his jaw twitching. “I need to apologize for last night. We had a business agreement, and what I did was unprofessional and unacceptable. I shouldn’t have gotten drunk at the party, especially to the point where I passed out… and even tried to kiss you.”
My cheeks felt like they had been lit on fire. No, it was me who tried to kiss you.
“I promise it will never happen again. But if you want to reconsider our agreement, I’ll understand. I’ll still honor my end of the bargain, but you don’t have to.”
He looked uneasy as he said that, but it was clear: he was giving me an out. My brain raced, frantically creating a list of whether I should accept or reject the offer, and all the points were firmly in the pro column. It was perfect, and I’d be a fool to say no.
But his deal was equally important to him. It was a huge opportunity that probably wouldn’t knock twice, and it would crush him if he lost it. And for reasons I’d rather not delve too much into, ending our agreement this way wasn’t something I felt comfortable doing.
“You sure it’s an apology?” I raised my chin at him. “Smells like a bribe to me.”
“It’s not. I don’t do bribes. Just say the word, and I’ll cancel brunch, and you don’t have to continue with the rest of our arrangement.”
It’s your chance , my brain whispered . Go ahead, nod and say yes…
“No. We agreed to do this until your acquisition is completed,” I said, as my brain cells threw their hands up in exasperation and screamed FOOL! while my heart cheered and tossed colorful confetti to celebrate. “So that’s what we’ll do.”
His gaze never wavered from my face. “Are you sure?”
I nodded, trying to portray a confidence I didn’t feel. “Positive. As long as we move on from last night. Nothing happened, so let’s not talk about it anymore. We will both be professionals from now on. Is that a deal?”
“Yes.” A smile lifted the corners of his lips. “So we’re good?”
“Totally awesome.” I hoped my enthusiastic tone convinced him.
Now all I had to do was to convince myself.
By the time we were on our way to meet Jacqui, last night’s embarrassing Kiss That Never Happened was a distant memory, securely tucked away in a dusty compartment at the back of my brain, never to be revisited. As an addendum to his apology, Alec agreed to swap his podcast for my Spotify playlist and was now humming off-key to a Coldplay tune.
I smirked with satisfaction. Boring podcasts: 0, Ellie Pang: 1 .
“Told you I’d convert you.”
Alec only grunted a response, but his mouth twisted into a smile. He was wearing a navy button-up shirt and dark-gray pants, dressed like he was going to a magazine photoshoot instead of a casual weekend brunch at a seaside restaurant. We stopped at a red light, and while waiting for it to turn green, he took one hand off the steering wheel to roll up one of his sleeves.
I pretended to look straight ahead, but I was really watching him from the corner of my eyes. I’d never thought that the simple act of someone rolling up their sleeves could be that appealing, but here we were.
Eyes away from the arm porn, Ellie.
“Hey. It’s Sunday.”
“Whoa.” He snorted. “Your wisdom knows no bounds.”
“It’s Sunday, smart-ass, and you’re wearing a shirt and dress pants.”
“Because I’m meeting a potential business partner. Let me share a free tip with you: it pays to present yourself well and make a good impression.”
“Doesn’t mean you have to be stiff and uptight about what you wear.” I gestured at my mint-green shirtdress. “Exhibit A. My casual look is still presentable and acceptable for a semiformal business meeting on the weekend.”
He spared me a brief glance. “You look nice.”
“This is how I rolled out of bed.” I ignored the warm fuzzy feels from his compliment. “You’re dressed like you’re going to a job interview. Jacqui wouldn’t judge you or your business based on what you wear on a Sunday.”
“Well… old habits die hard.”
“You mean you’ve always been this uptight? Were you born that way?”
He ignored my quip and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “Only since my dad left, I guess. A few guys I used to hang out with made fun of my family because my parents separated.” He let out a bitter laugh. “I was ashamed at first. For some people, apparently it meant that my family was somehow inferior to theirs. Like I wasn’t good enough to hang out with them, just because I didn’t have a father figure in my life, or because we weren’t rolling in cash since we had a single mother supporting our family.”
Something tugged at my heartstrings, instantly wiping the smirk off my face. I’d never heard him mention anything this personal about his father before.
“But your brother,” he smiled a little, “reminded me that those guys aren’t my true friends. That I wouldn’t want people like them hanging around me anyway. How it was better not to have a father, rather than having one who never wanted to be in my life, and that having my mother and my sisters was more than enough. That I had nothing to be ashamed of. And he was absolutely right. So to me, dressing up nicely is a way of showing people that even though my dad left us, we’re still doing okay.” He looked embarrassed. “It’s silly, I know.”
My heart broke for him. “Not silly at all. Do you miss him?”
His jaw hardened. “No. He hasn’t reached out to us, so I’m not going to try to find him.”
“How old were you when he left?”
“Just before I started college. The first few years were hard. My mother had to work a few jobs to support the family. Being a first-generation immigrant, the opportunities afforded to her were limited, even though she went to college here, and her English is excellent. So I decided to quit college and help her.”
“Did Eric and my parents know about this? It would have been easy to find your mother a job at one of the companies within Pang Food Industries.”
The minute I said those words, regret came over me. It sounded so obnoxious, like something a spoiled, privileged person would say to someone less fortunate. Like something my mother would say, and it was a stark reminder of how his family and mine were so different. I knew how lucky I was, because I’d never had to work to put myself through college or worry about student loans. But on the other hand, I envied Alec for the relationship he had with his mother, because it was something I’d never had, and probably could never have, with mine.
“No.” At my question, something resembling disgust briefly flashed across his features, but it was gone the next second. “The thought never crossed our minds. We survived just fine, without anyone’s help.” He paused, seemingly debating what to say next. “And I knew your mother never thought much of me. She’d always made it clear that I wasn’t good enough to hang around your family. That I didn’t deserve to be friends with Eric and you because of my dad.”
“Well, she’s wrong. And you more than survived, because you’re doing very well now, and you should be proud of yourself.” I paused. “Thanks for sharing that with me.”
He glanced at me, and our eyes held for a few seconds.
My brain sighed and mumbled Here we go again , while my heart urged me to reach across and give that young man who had to put up with so much shit because of his father a comforting hug.
Strictly business, Ellie. No hugs or actual feelings allowed here.
Time for a topic change.
“By the way, you never told me that Jacqui is drop-dead gorgeous.”
He was already concentrating on the road again. “Didn’t see why that would matter.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. She’s stunning, smart, and rich. Most men would probably give up a kidney for one night with her. She had her eyes on you, and you’re not tempted?”
“If I were, you wouldn’t be here, and we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
“Why not give it a shot? Just go on one date with her.”
“She’s not my type.”
“That’s not possible. Someone like Jacqui is everybody’s type.”
“Not mine. I kinda have my eyes on someone else already.” He sounded sheepish. “And before you say anything, let me clarify that it’s nothing serious yet. I’m aware that we’re not supposed to see other people, so I won’t make any move until this is over.”
Jealous Ellie reared her head, and it wasn’t pleasant. She was snarling, demanding to know who that someone else was, and if that was the case, then why the hell did The Kiss That Never Happened… uh, happened?
There was only one plausible explanation: he had been very, truly, incredibly drunk, and hadn’t realized who was in front of him. He’d probably been imagining that other someone, which explained why he’d been so horrified to find me instead. After all, to him, I was only Eric’s little sister, wasn’t I? He had nothing but substitute-big-brotherly feelings for me. Wasn’t that what he had told me all those years ago?
But there had been nothing brotherly about the way he was looking at me last night. I was 100 percent sure of that, because I’d replayed that moment a thousand times in my head, over and over again.
Well, duh. Of course, because he was thinking of someone else, wasn’t he?
Goddamn it. I needed to get out of my head, because even I was going mad listening to my neurotic thoughts.
“Good for you!” My voice came out squeaky and high-pitched, so instead of seeming like I was genuinely thrilled for him, I sounded like a frog was stuck in my throat. “She must be a saint, if she’s willing to put up with you.”
Alec let out a strangled laugh. “She must be.”
“Why don’t you ask her to be your date to all these Goodwin functions, then? Saves you from having to put up with me.” I pointed at myself and made a self-deprecating face to emphasize what I meant.
“I don’t mind spending time with you. You’re not so bad. Somewhat tolerable.”
“Aww, look at you, being so generous with your compliments.”
“And besides, she and I are very new. I don’t think we’re at that stage yet.”
“Which stage?” Mine is currently at the lusting-over-your-fake-boyfriend stage.
“Introducing her to my colleagues and business partners. It seems too… serious. We’re still getting to know each other. I don’t want her to get the wrong idea.”
“Tell me about her.” Why am I torturing myself? “What’s her name? What does she do? Does she know you’re pretending to be someone else’s boyfriend?”
“Too many questions.” He indicated left, his eyes scanning for a free parking spot. “I can’t choose which one to answer first, so I’m ignoring them all.”
“But I’m intrigued about this woman who voluntarily agreed to date you. Was she under duress? Is her experience with men so limited that she didn’t realize there are plenty of other fish in the sea? Oh, wait. Are you her first boyfriend ?”
“She’s not my girlfriend yet. Are you always this chatty?” He slid the gear into park and turned off the engine. “I don’t remember you talking this much when we were younger.”
Probably because I had always been too nervous to speak when he was around. And right now, because my chattiness perfectly disguised my disappointment at knowing he was in terested in someone else. “Compared to you, Sir Grouchiness, a rock would be considered chatty. And you have answered none of my questions.”
“Maybe one day. When I have ten free hours.”
I rolled my eyes as we got out of his car and started walking toward the row of restaurants along the Waterfront. “If you expected me to spare ten precious hours of my life for you, you’ve got another thing coming.”
“Three at the party, and ninety minutes today. They all add up.”
“Speaking of the party,” I said, suddenly remembering a moment from last night, “what’s the deal with Jacqui and Phil? I thought I picked up some tense vibe between them.”
His eyebrows quirked up. “Did you? Very observant.”
“One of my many talents.” I twirled my hands with a flourish. “It was something Jacqui had said about how marketing a property isn’t her expertise. Phil didn’t look very impressed.”
“Word on the street is, Anderson Real Estate is in some serious financial trouble. They’ve had to close three offices alone in the last year. Rumor is, he’s approaching Jacqui to invest in his company so he can save the business.”
“And she wasn’t interested, judging from what she said last night?”
He shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine.”
We walked in comfortable silence for a while. It was a cool but beautiful sunny day, and the Waterfront was packed with tourists and locals wanting to enjoy a slice of sea and sunshine. Families with kids frolicked on the sand, while couples young and old strolled hand in hand along the gorgeous white-sand beach.
“Can I ask you a question?” I broke the silence.
“If I say no, you’re still going to ask, aren’t you?”
“Why is the Goodwin deal so important to you, anyway?”
“Didn’t you write all this down? Check your notes.”
“I mean, I know it’s a great opportunity,” I said. “But from what Phil mentioned yesterday, you seem to be doing well for yourself. I understand that GPG could open new opportunities for you, but you’re giving up half of the business you’ve worked so hard for.”
“Because they’re the Holy Grail of the construction industry. Imagine if Martha Stewart knocked on your door tomorrow and offered you five million dollars for half the stake in your bakery. I bet you’d jump at the chance.”
“I wouldn’t take anything less than fifty.” I grinned.
But he wasn’t listening. “Jacqui is a savvy businesswoman. People like her do their research, their due diligence, and they don’t just offer to invest in any business unless they’re certain it’ll be profitable. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and it will give me a chance to branch out of Port Benedict and expand the business all over the country.”
“You could open an office back home. Be closer to your family.”
His face clouded. “No. Not back home.”
Before I could ask why, he lowered his head. “We’re almost there, and Jacqui and Phil are sitting outside, looking in our direction. I think they’re talking about us.”
I snuck a glance at the restaurant we were heading to. He was right: the two of them were at the outside dining area, chatting as they watched us approach.
“They definitely are.” We were walking too far apart for two people who were supposedly in a loving, committed relationship. “Should we hold hands or something?”
“Sure.” Without hesitation, he laced his fingers through mine. “Maybe you could also gaze adoringly into my eyes.”
I turned my scoff into a cough, then forced out a bright smile to avoid looking suspicious to our audience. “Why should I be the one to gaze adoringly at you? It’s an equal opportunity world, so you can gaze into my eyes.”
Alec suddenly came to a complete stop and turned me around to face him. He cupped my face with both hands and stared deeply into my eyes.
“Is that better? Is my gaze adoring enough?”
I struggled to contain my giggle. Giggle? I don’t do giggles. Be professional, Ellie.
So I returned his stare, gazing back into his eyes, only that was a mistake, because standing this close, I could see every single brown fleck in them, and could count each and every strand of those long eyelashes.
“Your hands are hanging by the sides of your body.” His voice was low, husky.
“Of course they are. Where else are they supposed to be?”
“We look awkward. Not like two human beings who are passionately in love.” Alec took a step forward, closing the small distance between our bodies, his hands still holding my face, his eyes fixed on mine. “Put your arms around me.”
I wanted to protest, but his thumbs began to stroke my cheeks, and my hands moved on their own volition, circling around his waist. We were now standing toe-to-toe, staring into each other’s eyes, with squawking seagulls soaring above and the glistening ocean as the backdrop, as if we were the main characters in a romantic movie scene.
“There. Happy? Now what?”
Instead of answering, his eyes dropped to my mouth, lingering there for a while, then back up to my eyes. The longing in them was so intense, I might have forgotten to take a breath.
Okay, this was clearly getting out of hand, but luckily, what little was left of my brain cells decided to take over. Let’s not embarrass ourselves again here. Remember yesterday? And what he said in the car, about being interested in someone else? Well, news flash, girl: he’s intensely longing for her, not you.
“Are they still watching?” Alec asked.
I stole a stealthy glance at Jacqui and Phil, and the two of them were craning their necks, practically trampling over each other trying to get a better view of us. “Yes.”
He sighed. “What should we do now? Will it look suspicious if we break apart?”
“How should I know? You’re the one who got us into this position.”
There was a flash of hesitation in his eyes, but it solidified into steely resolve the next second. “Then we better give them something to talk about.”
“Are you… wait, what are you going to do?”
“I think I might have to kiss you. But I promise, it will be quick and painless. Just a one-second peck on your lips. You won’t even feel a thing. We’re both professionals, and this is strictly business. Is that okay?”
I nodded. Strictly business. One-second peck. Got it.
The next thing I knew, he brushed his lips over mine, and not that I was counting, but it was certainly more than one second, and I definitely felt something. A lot of things, in fact, and none of them were even remotely close to the words “business” and “professional.” My knees buckled, and my heart thumped so loudly I wondered why it hadn’t burst out already, then it whooped and cheered, because someone sighed (me), and someone else deepened the kiss with a soft groan (him). Nothing else in the world mattered but those perfectly warm lips devouring mine. I didn’t know how anyone could taste this intoxicating, and I wanted to stop time, right here, right now. Obviously I had no dignity and self-respect, and I should rethink all my life choices, because my immediate thought was, I want more .
No. This wasn’t real, and nothing positive could come out of this.
But there was nothing wrong with enjoying the moment while it lasted, right?
Someone passed us and let out a wolf whistle. “Get a room, guys.”
That snapped me out of… whatever the hell this was. It took all my willpower to pull away, and when we finally broke apart, I was dazed and breathless, and my remaining brain cells had packed up for early retirement.
Alec was staring down at me with glazed eyes, as if the kiss had affected him as well. A flash of guilt crossed his face, but it was gone the next second.
“Thanks for playing along.” He was the first one to speak.
I only nodded, not trusting myself to say anything.
Alec let go of my face and took a step back, and I curbed the irrational urge to grab his hands again. Placing one hand instead at the small of my back, he gently prodded me to start walking, because my feet were cemented to the ground. “You ready?”
Another quiet nod, because my brain cells had decided that retirement was so much more fun than dealing with this blasted nonsense, so coherent words had escaped me.
He stared at me for a few beats, then linked his hand through mine again. “Time to convince them we’re madly in love.”
Of course it was only to convince Jacqui. What else would it be?
I had the sinking feeling that it had also convinced my poor, unsuspecting heart.