Chapter 16
Rachel
Jenna came flying out of the door, fists swinging. I had to admit, I was pretty impressed with the way she was able to swing at Vienna without so much as jiggling the sleeping baby in her arms.
Vienna ducked her punch like a seasoned pro, but she managed to catch him with a well-timed knee to the groin, which had him promptly falling to the ground and clutching his “jewels” as he called them with a gasp.
“Rachel!” Jenna beamed, stepping over Vienna’s body, who was now curled in the foetal position, muttering under his breath.
I tensed as she jogged over to me, fully expecting her anger, since Shark had made it seem she was beyond pissed at me.
However, she threw her spare arm around my neck and pulled me close.
“You look good,” she murmured down my ear.
“You too,” I replied as I pulled away. And I meant it as well. Her purple hair was as vibrant as ever, and it looked as though there was an extra piercing in her lip. But the biggest change with her was the shine in her eyes. She radiated happiness and bliss.
God, if I could just jar all that energy she’s currently radiating, I’d make a fucking fortune!
When I was done using it all for myself, that is. I’d need all the happiness and bliss I could find if I was going to survive the next six months.
“Sure, perfect Rachel gets a hug, but I get kicked in m’goods!”
“Perfect Rachel didn’t bang on my fucking door like the police doing a raid!”
“She told me to!”
“Aye, so I did, Vienna. That sounds like something I’d tell you to do,” I laughed.
“Well, she let me hold the baby!” He said, pointing an accusatory finger in my direction.
“Rachel!” Jenna gasped. “You didn’t!”
“And she let me push the pram!”
“Oh, fuck off!” I hissed back at him. “Don’t you have club business to attend to? Why do you have so much free time all of a sudden?”
“Amazing what not being at war can do for your schedule,” he replied with a grin. “And it’s one of the perks of not being the peacemaker. The whole club can go to shit, and it’s not my responsibility to resolve it.”
“It kind of is as the vice president…” I said, rolling my eyes at him.
“Who died and made you a know it all?”
“You’ll die soon.”
“Charming. And in front of the babies as well, Rachel. You’re despicable. But fine. Since I’m clearly not welcome here, I’ll go visit the lads in the garage.”
“You do that,” Jenna said, her lips pursed.
We both watched Vienna jump the wall, rather than using the gate, and then make his way down the busy streets, flirting with any woman who looked his way—which was pretty much all of them.
“You know, the budget for equipment has tripled in the last few months,” Jenna told me.
“Oh?” I frowned, not knowing where this was going. “What for?”
“For the garage!” She hissed, sounding at her absolute limit. “Either Vienna breaks something, or the other guys break it by throwing things at him! He needs to find an old lady instead of being under everyone else’s feet.”
I said nothing. I didn’t know how much the other old ladies knew about Gabriella, and I wasn’t going to gossip about Vienna—not even with the woman who had been closest friend when I last lived here. It wasn’t my story to tell.
“Come on in,” she said with a sigh, turning away from watching Vienna.
“I’ll put the kettle on for you and you can relieve me of the baby for five minutes whilst I play with the little guy,” she beamed down at Axel, who grinned back up at her.
I didn’t bother with introductions, since he had spent most of his morning here already.
Yet another thing Dante had robbed me of. I would have loved to introduce Axel to Jenna. But I suppose, in the interest of showing growth, it didn’t really matter who did the introductions and sweating the small stuff.
“That sounds nice,” I replied, unbuckling Axel from his pram and following her into the house.
Jenna popped the baby into his bouncer and went straight into the kitchen. I popped Axel on the floor, who immediately went to crawl towards Shark’s motorcycle helmet, and followed Jenna into the kitchen.
“Feel free to pick Trex up whenever you want.”
“Trex?”
“The baby? Dante didn’t even bother telling you his name?”
“He did… But he said T-Rex, like the dinosaur, because he bites?”
Jenna grinned. “Yeah. Trex, T-Rex?”
“Oh,” I grinned back, a semi-awkward silence falling over us.
“Jenna—” I began, not wanting to spend another second in this awkwardness. I wanted things to go back to the way they were, and if that meant I had to grovel, I was going to do it. Jenna’s friendship meant a lot to me, and I knew I was going to need her in the coming months.
“Don’t!” she snapped. “I know that tone of voice, and you’re about to apologise.
I can tell. Just don’t. As far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing to apologise for.
I would have liked you to say goodbye, but…
I get it, okay? I get it. I’m five months post-partum, and if you start with the apologising, I will start crying, and you’ll never get me to stop. ”
“Okay,” I said, nodding as I watched her with a cautious eye. She was like a tightly coiled spring, ready to go off with no warning.
“Let’s just… Start where we left off, okay?”
“Sounds like a plan… And I promise to follow the plan in a minute. But first, I need to ask, are you okay, Jenna?”
“Yeah, I’m just…” she shook her head. “I’m fine.”
“How about I finish making those brews, you go and sit down, and then I’ll ask again? Only this time, you can tell me the truth.”
“I… Okay,” she said with a sigh, stepping out of the way.
She knew when she was defeated, and I wasn’t going to let this go.
I had no business coming in here after all this time and ordering her around, but I also recognised when someone was suffering.
She needed to vent, she just didn’t know where to start.
I knew it as surely as I knew the sky was blue.
I nodded my head in the direction of the front room without another word and then made the promised brews before following her.
“He’s cute,” she said, grinning at Axel, who was using the sofa to pull himself up so he could peer at the baby she had lifted into her arms.
“He is. He looks like Dante, doesn’t he?”
“Apart from the blonde hair, green eyes, and the lack of tattoos, he could be Dante’s mini twin, yeah.
His features are all Dante. Even the way he looks at people sometimes.
I noticed it this morning when he was staying here.
He kept throwing this look at Trex, and it was like watching Shark and Dante in miniature form. ”
“Just my luck. I carried and raised the kid, but I may as well not have been in the delivery room. You’d never know he was mine.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t say that. Bee isn’t yours, but I see a lot of you in her. You left your mark on that one, and you’ll soon start seeing more of yourself in Axel, too. You’ll see.”
I smiled at her and then frowned as I watched her fuss over the sleeping baby.
“You know…” I began, trying to figure out how to say my next words without sounding insensitive.
“You don’t need to be holding him all the time.
He was content in his bouncer, fast asleep.
Take whatever time you can for yourself. ”
“I know,” she sighed, as though people had been having this conversation with her for the past five months. “He’s my miracle baby, though, you know? I don’t want to miss a single minute of it.”
I sat down in the armchair, still holding both the brews.
“I get it, and I’m not criticising you in the slightest. But you’re not missing anything when he’s asleep.
All you’re doing is risking losing yourself.
However, if you want to hold him, I get it, and I’ll support you.
Just let me know when you want a drink, and I’ll tip this to your lips.
” I raised the cup at her with a small smile.
She hesitated for a moment, and then got up to place the baby back in his bouncer, pulling it closer to her as she did so. I handed the cup of tea to her without a word, but watched how she couldn’t take her eyes off her sleeping son.
“It’s hard,” she said softly, so softly I wasn’t even sure I heard her.
“What’s hard?”
“This,” she said, gesturing at Trex. “All of it.”
“I know—”
“But you did it on your own! I have an entire village of people, and I’m still struggling.”
“Well, first of all, we’re not going to do that.
We don’t compare ourselves to others. We each handle things differently, and we each have different experiences.
I worked with children for years, and then there was Bee…
I had that to rely on. Whereas you became Shark’s old lady after Bee was born, you have no younger siblings, and you don’t use that village you speak of.
No one would think any less of you for taking a break, you know?
It does take a village to raise a child, and if you have that support system, fucking use it.
Don’t suffer. You’re not a better mother because you became a zombie to make sure you can hold the baby all day long.
You’re already a brilliant mother, but you’ll be the best one possible if you give yourself a break and be kind to yourself. ”
“You didn’t have a village with Axel.”
“No, I didn’t,” I paused, bringing the cup to my lips and taking a sip. “But I did have a nanny.”
“You did?” She breathed, her face brightening.