Chapter 37
Rachel
I pulled up outside Iris’ house and took a deep breath. It was far too late to turn back now, but that didn’t stop the voice in my head from screaming at me that this was a terrible idea.
I should have rung in advance, but then that would either give me a chance to talk myself out of it, or give Iris the chance to plot her evil fucking schemes.
I would never subject my children to her nastiness.
And I also didn’t want them to see me retaliate and say shit to her that couldn’t be taken back.
Axel had never seen me like that, and I wouldn’t let Iris be the first person he saw me lose my shit with.
I picked a time I knew she would be out of the house—she was always out of the house at this time.
She liked to pretend she was part of a book club, when in actual fact she was attending her weekly bitch meeting, slagging off the rest of the community and plotting some weird homeowner’s association thing.
It wasn’t enough that she controlled her own home like a dictator, she wanted to control the rest of the neighbourhood as well. The woman would love it in America, but this was England. We didn’t do that homeowner’s association shit here.
I felt a small hand tap my shoulder, and I turned my head to see Bee frowning at me.
“Hey, sweetheart,” I beamed at her. “This is where my mum and dad have been staying. You remember my mum, right? She was there the night we did the practice lockdown.”
Bee nodded her head, but she still eyed me with suspicion.
She’d known even then it wasn’t a drill—but I didn’t want to dig up that memory.
“I thought it would be nice for you both to get to know your grandparents.”
“They’re not my grandparents,” she signed at me.
“They’d like to be. Come on,” I said, before she could argue any further. “Help me unbuckle Axel, and we’ll go say hello.”
“Why?” she signed, ignoring my request.
“Because… Well, because they’re my parents, and I’m—”
“Leaving soon,” she signed back.
I sighed, my heart breaking. “I’m not leaving, honey. We explained this to you the other night. Even if me and your dad decide we’re not in a relationship anymore, we’re still going to be friends. And Axel and I will still be living in the compound.”
We hadn’t given her the full details, but when Dante was tucking her into bed the day I arrived, he had briefly explained what was happening.
We had hoped that it would help with the transition of me coming back into her life, but she still didn’t trust me.
I can’t say I blamed her. I knew it was going to take time to earn that back, but I just wished she’d believe me when I promised I was never going to abandon her again.
She’s been burnt too many times before, my inner voice said, reminding me to be gentle with her.
“Come on,” I repeated when she didn’t sign anything back. I climbed out of the car and unbuckled Axel myself, and after a moment’s hesitation, Bee unclipped her seatbelt and climbed out of the car.
The walk up the driveway filled me with nerves, but I forced the feeling down, knowing the kids needed to see me be happy and strong.
Axel picked up on my emotions so easily, and Lord knew Bee was fragile at the minute.
They didn’t need to see me a nervous wreck when they were probably already filled with nerves themselves.
I knocked on the door, shifting Axel onto my other hip, and waited.
Ever the punctual hostess, I saw my mother’s blurred frame appear through the frosted glass a moment before the door opened and her lips pursed in dissatisfaction.
“Rachel,” she said simply, not bothering to open the door all the way.
Forever shielding me the fuck out!
“Hi, Mum!” I said brightly. Too brightly. I sounded like a Saturday morning children’s TV presenter. Even my mother frowned at me, not expecting any sort of friendly greeting from me. And I never called her “mum” either.
“Can we come in?” I asked when she gave no further response. The word “we” had her snapping out of her trance, her eyes skipping down to Bee, and then Axel on my hip. Her face brightened a mere fraction before she shut it down, closing off to me again.
“Your dad needs his rest,” she said. “You can’t stay long.”
“They can stay as long as they like!” I heard my dad boom from behind her, his loud voice carrying down the hallway. He rushed to the door, pulling it out of my mother’s death grip, and opened it wide for us. A grin immediately split his face from ear to ear.
“Rachel!” He beamed. “And who’s this?” he looked down at Bee and held his hand out to her.
Bee grinned and took his outstretched hand and shook it.
“What a strong grip you’ve got there!” He grinned at her, and I sent a thankful prayer above that he picked up on the situation and didn’t press her for her name.
“You’re definitely Dante’s girl with a handshake like that.
What a pleasure to meet you! Is this your…
brother?” He asked, earning himself a proud nod from her as she looked up at Axel.
“This is Bee’s brother, Axel,” I said, and my dad nodded, doing his best to hide the look of hurt on his face.
God, I’m such a fucking asshole. Will I ever stop hurting him?
“Well, Bee. It’s a pleasure to meet you, and you too, Axel,” he said, gently tickling Axel’s stomach.
I looked down at Bee, hoping she didn’t feel sad that she didn’t get a physical greeting, and that she didn’t feel second place to her brother. But my dad was already miles ahead of me.
“How blessed am I to have two beautiful grandchildren come to visit me!” he crouched down to Bee, but kept a respectful distance from her.
“I already know you’re the boss here,” he winked at her.
“I can see you’ve already got the same take charge attitude as your dad and Rachel.
So as the boss, I’m asking your permission to invite you both inside, and spoil you rotten with hot chocolates, toys, and cookies. Would that be okay with you?”
I fucking loved my dad.
He hadn’t been perfect when I was growing up, and I often felt neglected because he was so far under my mother’s influence and lived very much by her rules.
But that stint in prison had seen him become a new man.
He immediately recognised Bee’s vulnerability, and her need to be included, and he played on it in the best possible way.
He gave her complete control, he made her feel special, made her feel included , and did it all without overwhelming her.
Bee nodded her response and my dad grinned at her, standing back up and holding his arm out towards the hallway. “Lead the way, little lady.”
When my dad said he was going to spoil them, he fucking meant it!
Within ten minutes, the coffee table was piled high with crisps, biscuits, cookies, finger sandwiches and a platter of chopped fruit and vegetables.
He came in a few minutes later with a steaming cup of hot chocolate for Bee, complete with cream and marshmallows, and a bottle of milk for Axel.
I had to force him to accept the bottle and all but bribe him into putting milk into it, but we got there in the end.
My mother had stood behind the sofa the entire time, her face like a slapped ass, tutting with every piece of food my dad brought out of the kitchen.
“Iris won’t be happy,” she muttered when she saw the hot chocolate.
“Iris hasn’t had chocolate in over ten years. I’ll replace anything we use. These are our grandchildren, Becky,” he glared at her. She pursed her lips, but she nodded all the same.
My dad handed Bee the remote control and showed her how to work the TV, immediately signing up to Disney+ for her when he found out she loved princesses.
Bee clung to the remote like it was a lost treasure, and I added another brick to my resentment wall. Her needs and wants were so easy, so simple, and yet the club hadn’t noticed at all. So long as she was clean and fed, they left her alone.
They didn’t even realise she was yearning to be included.
I noticed my dad getting teary-eyed every so often, but he did his best to hide it, sniffing the tears away. I hoped they were happy tears, but I also knew there must be a tinge of sadness in there somewhere.
He had missed so much of their lives already, and he hadn’t done a thing to deserve it. I felt a pang of regret that I hadn’t stayed in contact with them, but I quickly pushed it down.
I did what I thought was best at the time, and after Dante’s threats to harm my parents the other day, I firmly believed I had done the right thing, even if it hurt them.
Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind!
I couldn’t change what had happened in the past, but I could do my best to make up for it in the future.
Just like my dad had. Prison had given him a new outlook on life, and he was nothing like the absent parent I had been used to growing up.
He was present. He was interested. And he was fucking sorry.
That’s all I wanted. I wanted my parents to recognise where they had failed me. To understand I had been through something horrific, and to actually show some form of fucking regret for not having recognised the signs of a groomed and abused teenager.
My dad had it nailed. My mother left a lot to be desired. As per usual.
“And how have you been?” My mother finally asked.
My dad was on the floor next to Bee, driving toy cars across the carpet.
He had dug through the attic, finding a bunch of toys from his childhood, and had even discovered a vintage wooden Harley Davidson model that Axel had immediately taken a liking to.
He was driving it along my dad’s back, and he was trying to convince Bee to take a marker and draw roads on his shirt for Axel to drive along.
Bee had laughed, an actual laugh that made my heart sing, but she hadn’t accepted the offer yet.
But the laugh was enough. It was so rare, and so bloody beautiful.
“Fine,” I replied, taking my eyes off the kids to glance in my mother’s direction. She was sat on the armchair near the sofa I was sat on, legs crossed at the ankles, her back as straight as a rod. “And how have you both been?”
“Your dad has missed you,” she sniffed, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at her. Even if I wanted to do it so fucking badly.
This was typical of her. She couldn’t resist small, hurtful digs. She reduced me back to being a bratty teenager, and I didn’t like the way I was around her.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured, even though I didn’t mean it. “I should have told you I was going away. There wasn’t a lot of time.”
“Mm,” she said, uncrossing and crossing her legs again, this time in the opposite direction, turning away from me. “Although that man of yours did send us a very abrupt text, so at least we knew you weren’t dead.”
“He did? When?”
“I don’t recall. He said his father had passed away around two months ago and that you were taking some time away to get your head around everything.”
That was right around the time I had sent my letters to everyone after I had left the Gellers. Even though I hadn’t sent him one, he still took the time to let my parents know I was safe.
Why?
Honestly, Dante’s actions confused me. We ended on bad terms. Why did he go out of his way to make sure my parents knew I was okay?
The cynical side of me wanted to say it was him making sure he was protected from them ringing the police. The softer, more stupid side wanted to believe he actually cared.
“Did he say anything else?” I asked, not wanting to contradict whatever story he had told.
“Nope. Like I said, it was abrupt. You and him have that in common. You were always overly rude in your text messages.”
“Mother…” I warned.
“I’m not insulting you, Rachel. Why do you always have to assume I’m attacking you?”
“I—”
“How about I take the kids to the park?” My dad interrupted, jumping to his feet. “Supplies here are a little low, anyway. We can stop off at the shops on the way and get some more snacks.”
I looked at the table, still brimming with food.
“If they want to go to the park, I don’t mind. Keep an eye on Axel. He’s a flight risk,” I smiled at him.
“He takes after his mother then,” my mother muttered under her breath.
“You know where the park is if you need us. We’ll only be around an hour.” My dad said, shooting a warning glare at his wife.
“No problem. Have a good time, kids,” I quickly scurried over and gave Axel a kiss and Bee allowed me to give her a small hug before I watched them leave.
I waved at them down the hallway, and the second the door closed behind them, I turned on my mother with a vicious snarl.
“What the fuck is your problem with me?” My voice trembled with fury. I’d put up with this shit for years—years of her pretending none of the bad shit we went through actually happened. Years of her refusing to own up to her part. Years of her smug disdain for me.
I was fucking done.