Chapter 40
Rachel
I was drunk.
No. I was absolutely off my trolley pissed.
After attacking Vienna, we were banished back to our table in the corner, and Dante had assigned one of the prospects to keep an eye on us.
Bambi grumbled the entire time, but he still hung on our every word.
My eyes drifted to his right hand, noticing the two missing fingers, and I quickly turned away, my stomach churning at the thought of this man spying on me for months without me ever being aware.
The conversation with the old ladies quickly spiralled, and had become more and more depraved the more drinks we had.
I found out that The Birds took part in a “wife swap” situation with Rooster and Chicken.
To each their own, but as far as I’m concerned, thou shalt not jizz where thine brother has jizzed.
Although… Macbeth had been pretty good looking before he lost half his flesh…
Yeah, you’ve definitely drank too much!
Gemma went next, and told us she liked to be fisted, which made me a bit queasy as I had seen the size of Ant’s fist and I could imagine a baseball bat would hurt less. She said it was like he was wearing her as a puppet, and I burst out laughing at the way Bambi blanched and turned away.
Steph told us Monster had once barked like a dog whilst chasing her up the stairs. I asked her if he howls when he cums, and she just smirked at me. I was taking that as a yes.
And Sasha said that she and Sunshine had fucked in almost every car that customers brought to the garage.
It dawned on me that Sunshine had worked on my car only a few days ago, and I dipped my fingers in my beer and flicked the foam at her.
She laughed and let me know that there was plenty of room in my back seats if Dante and I ever got bored of the bedroom.
I made a mental note to get that car a wet wash ASAP.
And now we were discussing love languages. I didn’t believe in love languages, but the ladies were adamant everyone had one.
“Shark is acts of services, for sure,” Jenna announced, downing the last of her pint.
“Meaning what?” I asked, determined not to roll my eyes at her.
“Meaning,” she said, bringing her face close to mine and hiccupping at me. “He likes to make my life easier.”
“I think you’ve drunk too much. None of these men care about how easy our lives are.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, my little negative friend. I think you’re close minded,” she replied, swiping up my drink and taking a big gulp. “He’s always doing thoughtful little things for me. Like, he changes the toilet roll in the holder instead of just putting the new one on top.”
“Fuck me!” I gasped. “Does the King know about this? We should write to him! This deserves a knighthood, surely?!”
“Okay, Miss Sarcasm, what’s your love language?” Imogen challenged, raising her eyebrows at me.
I was saved from having to answer when Vienna came stumbling over to us, dragging his feet, his head hanging low.
“Ladies,” he whined, pouting his lower lip. “Can I sit with you for a while? Dante’s cut me off.”
“You’re not taking our drinks, Vienna,” I shook my head, covering the top of my glass with my hand. “In case it escaped your notice, this is a sin meeting. Old ladies only.”
“I can be an old lady.”
“If anyone was going to be an honorary old lady, it would be Chris,” Gemma countered. “And he already told us to go fuck ourselves when we offered.”
“I would never speak to you like that!” He gasped, clutching his chest. “I would talk makeup with you, and ten tricks for the perfect bikini wax. I’d even let you have a pillow fight in your underwear, no objection.”
“I’m sure you would,” I laughed, reaching over to pull a stray animal out of his beard. “But the answer is no. Now off you pop.”
He pouted even harder, and one by one we all pointed our fingers, silently banishing him. He turned around and took two steps before looking over his shoulder with sad puppy eyes. I bit my cheek to stop myself from laughing, because I knew he would see that as a victory.
I looked at the other old ladies, raising one eyebrow in silent question.
Jenna sighed heavily. “Fine!” She huffed, and the rest of the old ladies nodded.
“Vienna,” I called, not even bothering to look in his direction. I already knew he wasn’t far from us.
He let out a whoop and shuffled next to Jade, almost shoving her over in the process. She shoved him back, and his response was to climb over her. But in typical Vienna fashion, he climbed over her whilst standing, bending his legs slightly so his crotch was directly in her face.
She pushed him again, and he fell over, landing on Imogen and Gemma, who promptly pulled his hair and beard. He finally got settled next to Jade and Imogen and proceeded to elbow them both as hard as he could, which earned him one nip to his arm and one smack around the back of the head.
“You’re gonna love this, Vienna,” I told him when they finally finished squabbling over the seats.
“Oh?”
“Mhmm. We were just in the middle of discussing the act of love.”
His face brightened. “Well, ladies. You’re in luck. This just so happens to be my area of expertise. Ask me anything.”
“Oh, really?” I asked innocently, placing my elbow on the table and resting my chin on my hand. “So tell us, what would you say your love language is?”
“What in the teen magazine, take this quiz to see if you're in love, is this?”
“You mean you don't have a love language?” Jenna gasped. “Oh, Vienna…” all the old ladies pulled a sad face and shook their heads at him. Vienna looked at us all as we murmured noises of regret, causing him to frown even harder.
“Do you all have a love language?”
Perfectly in sync, we all nodded and said, “mmhmm.”
“Where do you learn this shit?”
“We talk to people outside this club, Vienna. We have lives outside of you lot, believe it or not. How can you not know this?” I asked.
“Yeah, it’s kind of concerning. How are you supposed to communicate with your old lady if they don’t even know your love language ?” Jade asked, catching my eye and shooting me a wink.
“Nah. I’m not having this. You’re freaking me out. Oi, Dante!” He called. Dante ignored him, so Vienna stood in his seat and shouted him again, waving his arms around like a lunatic.
“Will you sit down, for fuck's sake? What do you want?”
“Do you have a love language? These all have a love language,” he pointed an accusatory finger at the table and waved it around at us.
“The fuck sort of question is that?” Dante laughed, pulling a pint of beer. “You gonna ask me what my star sign is next?”
“Maybe,” Vienna muttered and then sat back down. “Is sarcasm a love language? Because I think Dante has that nailed.”
We all stayed quiet, content with letting Vienna figure out on this own. “What do you think my love language is?” he asked.
“Oh, you’re an act of service guy for sure! Look at the way you’ve just willingly donated your drink to me. You’re so sweet!” Imogen said, snatching up Vienna’s pint and downing what was left.
“Nah,” Gemma said, shaking her head. “He’s a quality time guy.”
“Ooh, maybe he’s physical touch. Do you like to be touched, Vienna?” I laughed, leaning over the table and wrapping my arms around him.
An awkward silence fell over the table, and my stomach fell out of my ass when I heard Dante clear his throat behind me.
I dropped Vienna like a bag of scalding hot coals and sat back down, sinking down in my seat several inches.
Jenna kicked me under the table and I dared to sneak a glance at her, only to find her throwing pointed glances my way, her eyes wide, discreetly nodding her head in Dante’s direction.
Bit fucking late for the warning now, mate!
“I saw that, Jenna,” Dante said, causing her to shrink down in her seat, throwing him a sheepish smile as she did so. He placed fresh drinks on the table, and then, completely deadpan, informed us: “My love language is quality time.”
I scoffed before I could stop myself, earning another kick from Jenna.
This time it was my turn to shoot her a look, silently warning her that if she kicked me again, I was going to stick pins in her eyelids.
“Do you object to my love language, Rachel?” Dante asked innocently, raising his eyebrows at me.
I turned to face him, sitting back up in my seat. There was a strange look on his face, and I couldn’t decide if it was playful, or if Jenna was right and I had poked the bear once too often tonight.
But fuck it. I may have had one too many to drink, and poking the bear was my speciality.
“Well…” I began, and all the old ladies, including honorary old lady Vienna, stared at us, completely agog. “I happen to think you wouldn’t know the meaning of quality time even if it suddenly grew sentient, developed arms and smacked you in the face.”
“Excuse me? Who was it that insisted on an hour a day in the contract?”
I scoffed again.
“Well, that’s attractive,” he muttered.
“That wasn’t a love language thing. That was all about control. Nothing to do with quality time.”
“I kidnapped you, didn’t I? How’s that for quality time?”
I didn’t get the chance to respond, because Vienna chose that moment to link arms with Jade and eyeball Dante up and down. “I think you’re a physical touch kind of guy. Am I right, ladies?”
Vienna leaned over Jade to stroke Dante’s arm, and she took the opportunity to shove him with all of her strength, sending him tumbling to the floor.
“Well, it’s obvious you are not acts of service!” He snapped at her, scrambling to his feet. “You haven’t even offered to relieve my burdens and get me a new drink.”
We all picked up our snacks and threw them at him.
“Come on, Dante. They’re all nasty little wenches. You’ll pour me a pint, won’t you, brother?” he said, throwing an arm over Dante’s shoulder.
“It was me who cut you off in the first place.”
“The past is the past. I’ll let bygones be bygones if you make it two pints. I’ll even let you stroke my beard if you play your cards right.”
The two of them walked away, and as they were out of hearing distance, Imogen said, “he’s not wrong though. Dante is definitely a physical touch kind of guy. Eh, Rachel?”
I turned back to the table and gave them a soft smile. “You can’t have a love language if you don’t know what love is. And Dante? He doesn’t even meet the entry requirements.”