Epilogue
Vienna
Everyone knows me as the joker. The smart mouth. The man who would do anything for his club.
I’ve killed people with my bare hands and then gone to sleep with a smile on my face.
I’ve cut out a man’s heart and carved my initials into it before posting it to their wife.
I’ve done a lot to keep my club safe. The Devils are my life.
They are my home. They are the only people I can truly be myself with. Even Rachel.
I didn’t like her to begin with, and I thought Dante was making a huge mistake, but she soon became one of my favourite people in the entire world. Despite the fact that she was still avoiding me after our… well, she was ignoring me. I would still lay down my life for her if I needed to.
But the one thing I wouldn’t do for my club was give up the very reason I could breathe.
Everyone wondered why I was always at the clubhouse so early. Everyone asked why I was always drinking at silly o’clock in the morning.
And this was why.
Every morning, I was here, waiting for my sign that she was okay.
I took a draw of my cigarette, wincing slightly at the pain in my lip thanks to my fight with Dante.
That shouldn’t have happened. I had always pushed my luck with Rachel—sitting on her knee, hugging her, having private jokes.
Dante was willing to give me an inch, and I ran a whole fucking mile when I went and kissed her.
It was a stupid mistake, and I deserved every one of those punches.
I was glad they were getting their happy ending. Those two would never be a fairy tale, but they were perfect for each other. Even if they couldn’t always see it.
It’s not as if I was any better. I had found the perfect woman years ago, and yet she was always out of reach. Always one step ahead. Always running from the one thing that would make us both happy.
And so here I was, waiting for the flash of the light to tell me that she was okay. If I couldn’t have her in my life, I had to be content with this.
This had been our symbol since we were stupid teenagers, and I had made a vow that I would always be here. Rain or shine, if I didn’t see that light by five thirty, I would tear the house down brick by brick until I saw evidence that she was unharmed.
She must have believed it, because she had never missed a day either. Despite what had happened between us, she knew I was out here, hidden in the woods, watching and waiting.
I snuck a glance at my phone, seeing it was now a quarter past.
Fifteen minutes, Gabriella.
Back when we were just stupid kids, sneaking around behind our parent’s backs, this had been our signal to let me know she had managed to sneak back into the house without being seen. We were out all hours, because it was the only time we were able to be together.
Her dad was the president of the Rough Riders, and Crash, who may as well have been my own father, was the president of the Devils. We could never openly be together, but we always had the night.
As we grew older and bolder, the light became more than something for us to laugh about, praising ourselves for having snuck around successfully. The flickering light became something so much more.
The Devil’s became bigger, the Rider’s became bolder, and the tensions grew dangerous.
Her father had wanted to sell her to a rival gang to form an alliance. On the days we couldn’t see each other, the light became her way of letting me know she was okay. That she was still there.
Eventually Crash found out about us, but he never cared.
Gabriella was welcome in our home, and we spent some lovely years together.
It got easier with the club supporting us, helping us sneak around.
The light just became our symbol. It reassured both of us.
Me, because I knew she was safe. Her, because she knew I was always here. I would never leave her.
Until I fucking did.
And now Nico was here, and I could no longer get through to her. She wouldn’t speak to me. She wouldn’t even so much as look at me if we crossed paths. She had her life, and I had mine.
And yet she always flicked the light on and off. Even to this day.
It was the one thing that made me keep my sanity.
I looked at my phone again, my heart jumping when I saw it was now twenty past, and the light had still not flickered.
Half past had always been our cutoff point.
Since the very first days as teenagers, when she had whispered in my ear to watch the bedroom window at the back of the house, the furthest to the left, top floor.
My club wouldn’t like it, but they would accept it. I had never called in a favour before, but for Gabriella, I would have every man here within fifteen minutes, regardless of the early hour. She had ten minutes to flick the switch and reassure me.
My eyes stared at the window so hard they grew blurry, but I refused to look away. I remained still, keeping hidden within the trees, but inside… inside it felt like my entire body was on the edge of a cliff. It felt as though the ground was about to open beneath me.
Eight minutes…
And then she appeared, as though out of nowhere.
The light didn’t come on, but she was there. I could make out the white of her dress ( “Nico likes me to wear white, Vienna.”) I knew her body as well as my own, and I recognised every curve and every line.
She couldn’t see me in the dark, and yet she looked right at me as though she knew exactly where I was.
I brought the cigarette to my lips, letting her see the small red dot as I took a draw from it.
Even from this distance, I saw the way she shook her head, and then, in one smooth movement, she pulled the curtains closed.
Turn the light on, Gabriella. Turn it fucking on.
Six minutes…
Time seemed to stand still and yet fly by at the same time. It was four minutes, then three, then two, and still the light did not flick on. My cigarette had burnt to the end by this point and I dropped it to the floor, crushing it under my foot with a growl.
One minute.
My mind raced, thinking of all the possibilities.
Was this her final goodbye, or did she need my help?
I couldn’t even entertain the thought of it being goodbye.
Not after all these years. I would always want more.
Always. But I was content with our routine.
I was content with her living her life away from me, so long as she was safe.
I would do this to my dying day, but she had to turn on the fucking light.
Thirty seconds…
Nothing. The room remained pitch black.
Ten seconds…
Nine…
Eight…
Seven…
I pulled out my phone again, ready to make the call.
Six…
Five…
Four…
Three…
Two…
As quick as a flash of lightning, the light flashed on and off. I was almost sure I imagined it, but then she did it again, for a split second longer.
The air left my lungs in a rush of relief. I turned around and walked back to my bike, swinging my leg over it.
She was fine for today. But I would be back here tomorrow, and I would be watching.
And waiting.