Samuel (Men of Clarence County #5)

Chapter 1

One

C alm the fuck down. Breathe. This isn’t a heart attack. This isn’t the end.

It was only the fifteenth time he’d had to repeat the mantra since he parked at Sal’s Bistro. It wasn’t bad enough he was stuck counting backwards in his truck trying to calm his racing heart, but the anxiety was about to make him late to dinner with his friends.

A dinner that Samuel Cooper wasn’t looking forward to attending. Because even though they were supposed to be focused on his sister’s wedding and finalizing details for late summer, he knew the attention would be on him.

And his heart.

Shit. His hands were so goddamn clammy. He should just send a text and let them all know something came up at the ranch.

“Yeah, the thing that came up is that you’re a coward,” he whispered, although that wasn’t really the right description.

When his heart had stopped, landing him in the cardiac ICU over an hour away from home, his friends and family began hovering. It was understandable to Sam. They’d almost lost him, so they were being overprotective. But he was a grown-ass man. A rancher who prided himself on being the one everyone else could count on in their time of need. He didn’t want, or need, everyone’s worry and concern.

Knowing the questions he was about to face, because let’s be honest, they were always the same, his chest tightened.

How are you feeling?

How was your last doctor’s appointment?

Are you taking it easy?

Not doing too much?

How can we help?

How can we help?

HOW CAN WE HELP?

His hands slammed against the dashboard.

It all pissed him off. He didn’t want the doting. He didn’t want the care or concern. He was rock solid. A freak heart issue didn’t change that. It didn’t change anything. Except the fact that he now had a machine implanted in his chest to shock him back to life if it ever happened again.

Oh. And now, he had panic attacks.

As if having a one-time defective heart wasn’t bad enough, his brain thought it would be fun to make him think he was having heart problems when all he needed was to calm the fuck down.

Sam turned the volume up on the music. If he focused on something other than the sound of his own breath sawing in and out of his chest, he might be able to stop the attack. He’d done a fucking good job of hiding them from everyone, he wasn’t about to make a fool of himself in the parking lot of their favorite hang out spot.

Finally, his damn heart listened and calmed down. His chest released the tightness he was getting used to, and he could breathe again. It was time to get out of his truck and face his friends. Sam grabbed his keys and headed inside .

“Hey! Sam’s here!” Johnathan Boone, his soon to be brother-in-law, patted him on the back. “Your sister was about three seconds away from sending out a search and rescue party for you.”

“Abby.”

His sister sat at the table with the rest of their friends, glaring at him. “I won’t apologize for being worried about you, Sam, so you can just save it.”

He moved around the chairs and pulled his sister into a hug. “I appreciate the worry, but I’m fine.” Turning to his group of friends, he continued. “You all know I’m fine. There’s no need to worry, or dote, or send me a million texts each day checking in.”

That last part was for his neighbor, Daisy. She’d been almost as bad as his sister with her constant worry.

“I’m trying to help you get better at using technology. Who in their thirties isn’t good at using a cell phone?”

“I have no need for one.”

“You better be carrying it on you at the ranch. What if something?—“

“I carry it, Abby. Just like I promised you and Mom I would. Can we please talk about something other than me?”

“Fine. How’s Shep?”

“That’s not really changing the subject, is it?”

“It’s not about you.”

“You’re right. It’s about that annoying puppy you forced on me.”

“He’s absolutely adorable and dogs are supposed to be therapeutic and lower your blood pressure.”

“Yeah, have you met Shep? All he does is chew on my boots and piss all over my floor. The damn dog is a nuisance. I actually felt bad leaving Mom to deal with him tonight.”

“She loves her grand-pup!”

“Speaking of kids,” Sam said, desperate to get the conversation away from him. “Didn’t you two have an ultrasound today?” His question was directed at his friends, Jackson and Grace, who were expecting their second kid together.

“We did.” Jackson smiled as Grace nodded at him. “We found out it’s another boy!”

Cheers and shouts of congratulations filled the air.

“Our group is going to be overrun by kids soon!”

“Not if Sam and Jake have anything to say about it,” Daisy teased.

“Leave them alone, Sunshine.” Daisy’s husband, Hank, the Sheriff of Clarence County, groaned.

“I’m already married!” Jake laughed.

“What?” Grace’s question was met with more indistinguishable ones.

“To my practice, guys. I’m opening that clinic in Silver Springs with Sebastian’s backing, and I still have all the clients I travel around the county to see. There is no time for anything else. And I’m sure Sam would agree about being married to his work right now.”

“Damn straight,” he grumbled.

“You need to get a few traveling nurses or home health aides to help you out,” Daisy pointed her finger at Jake. “And you better get ready to be set up on dates once your office manager gets here.”

“Oh, is your office manager pretty?” Sam’s eyes landed on the last of his friends to get there. Emma and Sebastian.

“Don’t know. Haven’t seen her.” Sam flagged down a server. Once the table had put in their drink orders, he hoped the attention would fade off of him. He should have known better, especially with Emma at the helm of the questioning. As the rest of their friends broke off into side conversations, Emma honed in like a shark.

“So, when does she show up?”

“Later this week. ”

“How old is she?”

He groaned. “I have no idea.”

“When can we all meet her?”

“Whenever you want. You know you’re always welcome out at the ranch.”

Emma threw her hands up and glared at him. “Daisy. Help me out here. How does Sam know nothing about this woman?”

“He’s in denial about her coming.” Daisy rolled her eyes. “She seemed so sweet on the phone interview, and her acceptance letter was really kind. I think she’s going to be the perfect fit for the ranch.”

“I’m not in denial. I’m just not convinced that I need an office manager.”

“Have you even been in the storage closet since the barn was rebuilt? All those records, not even in a computer system. She’s going to be a godsend!” Abby scoffed.

“We’ll see.” Sam resisted the urge to reach up and rub his chest. The tight feeling was settling back in. He knew his sister meant well, but all he heard was the constant reminder of how badly he was failing everyone. He stood, hating the way his hands grew clammy as everyone looked at him.

“I’m gonna head back to the ranch.”

“What? No.” Abby protested. “We have wedding stuff to go over.”

“Just stop over and fill me in after. I forgot I needed to pick up an order from the hardware store and they close in fifteen minutes. See you guys later.”

He walked away to a chorus of goodbyes, shoving open the doors and barely making it to his truck before his chest refused to let a breath in. Fuck! This wasn’t him. Sam slid into the driver’s seat, banging his head against the steering wheel.

Something needed to change in his life. Fast.