Chapter 22
Twenty-Two
“ H ave you had anything to eat today?” He stepped out into the hallway to thank Jake again for checking out Evie while she went to the bathroom. But once he was back inside the apartment, Sam couldn’t stop himself from pacing back and forth in front of the couch, desperately needing something to do with his hands.
“I was about to?—”
Sam held up his hand. “So, the answer is no. I’m going to make you a sandwich. Christ, I wish I would have demanded you talk to me last night.”
“You’re mad at me?” she snapped.
“What? No, I’m not mad at you! I wish I could have been here with you. That I could have taken care of you. You’ll never know how sorry I am that I messed everything up.”
“You couldn’t have known what was going to happen.”
He raked his hand through his hair. “Doesn’t matter, Bluebell. You’re my responsibility?—”
“Right. I’m your responsibility. Here on the ranch. That’s what this is about? You failed in some made up duty to me? I absolve you of your guilt, Sam. Go. Be free. Don’t let it hurt your heart.”
“Fuck. I don’t just think of you as a responsibility.”
“Then why?” She swiped away a tear and he felt like the world's biggest asshole as he watched another run down, right over her bruised flesh. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Christ. The last fucking thing he wanted to talk about was his heart. He saw the dark circles under her eyes. The way her body was slightly swaying even though she was sitting down. She was exhausted, and it was taking every ounce of restraint he had to not pick her up and take her to get some rest in bed.
If she needed to hash out everything from the night before in order to be able to rest, it was the least he could do for her. So, Sam took a deep breath and got ready to bear his soul.
“I didn’t want you to see me any differently. I saw the way you looked at me that first day when you were on the ranch.” He smiled, remembering the tension he’d felt with her from the very beginning. “You saw a cowboy standing in front of you. Not a broken man who was dead not even six months before.”
She nodded. “We were the perfect storm. I wanted someone to see that I was breakable. And you wanted to feel anything but that.”
Sam sank down onto the opposite end of the couch, letting his head fall into his hands. “Everyone in my life has been walking on eggshells around me. Treating me like a baby who can’t even wipe his own ass. I get it. Abby watched me die. I know how fucking awful that is because I watched our dad die the same exact way. Except I came back. I came back. And I’m the same person I was before. It doesn’t matter how many doctors I see or how many times they tell me I’m okay. They all refuse to see it.”
A warm hand landed on the back of his neck, drifting up to play with his hair. Sam lifted his head out of his hands as Evie shifted closer, their legs now touching as she ran her hand up and down his back.
“I see it, Cowboy. I see how strong you are. Carrying the weight of the world on your back. Not asking for help, just asking what more you can do to help the people you love. I’m not saying that I’m not still hurt because you didn’t tell me, but I am telling you that I understand wanting someone to see you for who you truly are.”
“Evie, I?—”
“No. I don’t want another apology. I want that pickle and peanut butter sandwich you promised me and a few hours of sleep. It took so long last night to put everything back in its place. I feel like I could fall over right now.”
Sam stood, scooping her up in his arms. He smiled at the little squeal that Evie let out. “You don’t have to carry me.”
“You just admitted to me that you aren’t feeling well. I’m not letting you walk anywhere until you’ve had something to eat and gotten some rest. I see you. You’re breakable right now, but I promise I’m not going to let you shatter.”
“How did you get back to the ranch last night?” Evie asked him as he draped the comforter over her legs and belly.
“John and Abby drove me back.”
“You were drunk.”
It wasn’t a question. Somehow, she knew. “I haven’t had any alcohol since… my heart. I had two drinks last night, but they were strong and I wasn’t about to do something irresponsible like drive. I already fucked up things with you beyond repair.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “How did you know I’d been drinking?”
“I heard you, when you knocked and tried to apologize.”
“Evie, why the hell didn’t you open the damn door? I would have made sure you were okay then and there.”
“I-I was scared.”
“Sweetheart.” He should have been there to protect her. Whoever was waiting there for her would have had to go through him. “Just close your eyes and wait for me to come back. It’ll take me only a minute to make your gross sandwich,” he teased. “And then you can eat and get some rest.”
Evie smiled and snuggled down into her bed. He was back not even five minutes later, pickle and peanut butter sandwich with the crust cut off and a glass of lemonade in his hands.
“Thank you for this, Sam.” Evie brought the napkin to her mouth and brushed away a few stray crumbs. “You don’t have to stay any longer. I’m fine now.”
“I’ll stay.”
“You really don?—”
“I’ll stay and make sure no one comes through that door. You said you couldn’t sleep last night because you were afraid. Well, you can sleep now. Because no one is going to get to you with me here. No one.”
“You can’t do that. I know you have things that need to get done on the ranch.”
“Doesn’t matter. They’ll be there tomorrow. Zeke and Derrick can handle the stuff that absolutely needs to get done today. I’ll have Mom come over and get Shep so I won’t even have to leave when the little terror needs a potty break.”
“Please don’t tell her what happened.”
“You need support, Evie. And anyone here at the ranch needs to know there’s a threat out there.”
“You’re right. I just… just for today. You can tell her to be safe, but please don’t tell her what happened to me.”
Sam nodded, bending over to press a kiss against her temple before taking the plate from her hands.
Fuck. Those goddamn numbers still weren’t making any sense. Evie hadn’t finished transferring the information from the ledgers into the software program he was still struggling to understand, and now they would be even further behind. Dozens of pages were missing, that fucking asshole who’d been in her apartment apparently ripped them out by the handfuls.
It had been a few hours since he left her tucked into bed, and he was fighting every instinct that told him to stay by her side and not let her go. She must have woken up, though, because he’d heard the water turn on for her shower. But it had been about twenty minutes since the water shut off. Maybe he should just peek in and make sure she was okay…
Sam looked up from the laptop, his heart skipping a beat at the sight in front of him. Evie was leaning against the wall, wearing a long t-shirt that stopped right at the top of her thighs. Her legs were bare, and the swell of her belly looked more pronounced than usual with the way the fabric draped over her body. Seeing her cheeks flushed and her hair still damp and wild from her drying it off with a towel was quite the sight.
“Are you okay? How long have you been standing there?”
She nodded, yawning deeply before leaning back against the door frame.
“You’re supposed to be sleeping.”
“I can’t. I don’t know why, I’m exhausted. I just… do you think you could…”
Sam stood and was by her side a second later. He’d been running through every possible way he could think to lay down with her in his arms, but was afraid that all she wanted was some space.
“I’ve got you.” He laced his fingers through hers and led her back into the bedroom. Sam walked Evie to the side of the bed farthest from the door and pulled back the comforter. Then he walked around and climbed onto the other side of the bed, staying on top of the blanket. He’d let her make the first move .
She rolled to face him. “Can I?” Evie pointed to his chest.
“God, yes. Come here.”
He wrapped his arms around her as she melted into him. Her fingers slid under the edge of his shirt and ran up to his chest, stopping right over his heart. His breath went still as her fingers traced over the scar from his surgery.
“I’m sorry, Sam.” Her voice came out so small, a sniffle not far behind, as wetness seeped into his shirt. Fuck, her tears ripped at his soul.
“Don’t. Don’t you dare apologize. I needed this, too. Needed to hold you in my arms.”
“Why?”
“I told you before. You mean everything to me, Evie. Seeing you hurting, it’s like there’s a boiling vat of sticky tar churning in my stomach. And it’s my fault. All of it.”
“No—”
“If I had brought you home last night, I would have walked you up here. I would have kissed you goodnight and I would have made sure you were safe. There’s no way in hell I would have missed a grown man attacking you. When I find out who he is, I promise he’s going to pay.”
“You don’t have to worry about it, Sam.”
“Like fucking hell I don’t. You were hurt when I was supposed to keep you safe. I’m never letting you out of my sight again.”
They laid together like that, her fingers continuing to dance over his heart, until her breathing evened out.
“I want you to move into the main house with me,” Sam whispered.
He felt her go still in his hold. “No.”
“No?”
“You and Sylvie don’t need me taking up space in your home. This apartment is where I belong. I know it’s weird, but I don’t want to leave here. I left the door unlocked. It was my fault someone was able to get in so easily.”
“I don’t ever want to hear you say that again.” His voice rumbled low in his chest. “It is not your fault that someone came into your space and assaulted you. I’m not leaving you and Jellybean unprotected here. I can’t. Until we know who this guy is, fuck, until we know if he’s working with anyone else, I don’t want you here by yourself.”
“I can’t lose my independence, Sam. It’s just a lot all at once.”
“Then you won’t move into the house.”
“Thank you.” She sighed and relaxed against him.
“I’ll just move in here.”
She buried her face into his chest and growled. “That’s not really maintaining my independence, Sam.”
“It’s not that crazy of a thought, though, is it?”
“Yes, it is! Where are you going to sleep? There’s only this bed.”
Exactly.
“The couch is fine. I want to be close to the door anyway.”
“That couch is going to kill your back and you know it.”
“Look, I’ll sleep on the couch, on the floor, outside the apartment door. I just want to make sure you are safe. Now, close your eyes and try to rest. And don’t worry. As soon as you fall asleep, I’ll make my way back out to the living room.”
“Don’t go anywhere. At least for tonight.” Her fingers tightened their hold on his shirt. “It’s not beyond repair.”