Chapter 21
Twenty-One
I 'm hoping against the odds this morning. I need fifteen minutes to myself before I have to deal with William. Just fifteen minutes to go over in my head the speech that kept me up last night. The words I'm going to say must be convincing. He can't know they're a total lie.
Of course, life is a bitch and I'm not granted a second of reprieve. He's tucked behind his desk working when I enter the office.
I drop my belongings off at my workstation, fuss with a stack of papers, and rearrange the pens in their holder on the corner of my desk. When I run out of tasks to help me procrastinate, I take a deep breath and pull myself together.
I tap on his cracked door and ask, “Can I speak to you for a moment?”
William removes his reading glasses and sets them on his desk. “Of course. Come take a seat.”
I sit across from him with my legs crossed, and my trembling hands clasped together. “I thought about what you said to me yesterday, and I don't want to see anyone get hurt or asked to leave. But I don't understand why you're asking me to end my relationship. So, if you don't mind, I have some questions for you and then a request.”
He leans back in his leather chair and crosses his arms over his chest. His hazel eyes look me over with curiosity. “Go on.”
I've never been one to play the dumb girl, but in this case, I feel it's necessary. “What is it you don't like about Ryland?”
My father clenches his jaw and closes his eyes for a moment. “I am not the only member of this family who our citizens look to for guidance. I hear people talking, and you are becoming an icon for the young women of our community. They want to be like you and with that comes responsibility. From what I have been told, Sergeant Shaw is a fine soldier, but he is beneath you, Quinnten.”
Rage sears through my veins. Why? Why does William believe the birthplace of people is a factor in their value? He is so oblivious to the fact that the man who he thinks is not good enough for me is my match in every way. In fact, he's a better man than my father.
As much as I'd like to set William straight, I keep it locked in. “Ryland is one of the most fearless people I know. He's strong, smart, and can think quickly when in a bind. I would have never made it here if it weren't for him. That has to count for something.”
“And I've already acknowledged that he makes a good soldier.”
“So, it's his occupation, which was chosen for him that you don't like?”
William sits forward in his chair and says, “Our continent is under attack, and we are a dying land. It is up to everyone in this mountain to do their part to rebuild. If we are not careful, we will lose generations of Stern lines. We will become an extinct people, and we cannot let that happen.”
“I understand.” It's another lie in what is sure to be a long string of deceit. I don't comprehend the meaning behind his logic. I wasn't raised to think of us and them , we're all mere humans. As long as there are still humans, then we still exist. “Is that why River should not live in the same house as me because both of her parents aren’t from Stern?”
He smiles and his eyes alight with pride, and I want to rebuke it. I don't want his praise for coming around to his train of thought. I hate that he thinks it is even a possibility for me. “I'm not surprised that my clever girl is figuring things out on her own.”
Stupid.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
“So, why did you let the boys in? You must have known the minute we arrived they weren't from here.”
William's lips pull on the side like he's holding back a snarky remark. “That is a discussion for another time, my darling. You said you had a request, what would that be?”
“I'll break it off with Ryland, but I'm asking that he and his friends get to stay. I owe them my life, and in return, I would like for you to grant them refuge.” I hold my breath, waiting for his answer. With all that I've discovered, it's a shot in the dark. He considers the boys to be outsiders and has proven his distaste for those who aren’t as he would like them to be.
He nods. “As long as they remain productive and you keep your distance. I suggest you don't talk to them about the things you have learned. If I get wind that they are causing issues, I will not hesitate to punish them for treason.”
I shift in my seat. Traitors are always dealt with swiftly and never given a chance to repeat their offense in the Sanctuary. He'll kill them if he finds out we’re rising against him.
“I'd also like your word that River will stay with me and can continue her training in the medical field. She's brilliant, and it would be a waste to have her doing anything else.”
He flicks his hand at me. “Of course.”
“I want to know that this is all worth it, and I'm sacrificing my relationship for a worthy cause.” I don't have to fake the sadness in my tone. The thought of a father asking his daughter to leave the man she loves for a cause like William's is enough to make me emotional. But it doesn't appear to faze him and that only adds fuel to the fire.
My father gets to his feet and walks around his desk. He reaches down and takes my hand, pulling me into his arms for a hug. “I promise you are doing the right thing, Quinnten. I know this is hard for you, but it is for the good of our people.”
Our people. Not all people, just those born to Stern parents. I can’t comprehend his thinking at all.
William’s embrace makes my stomach turn, and I must force myself to return the hug. Everything from the feel of his clean-shaven cheek resting on the top of my head to the smell of his expensive cologne makes me sick. William Spencer is irredeemable, and I'll never consider him to be anything beyond the man who impregnated my mother.
Ryland decided our “break up” should be public so word would get back to William. I put up a small fight, even though I knew witnesses would solidify our story. There is just something about making others believe that I don’t love him that I loathe.
Ryland stands, waiting for me at the corner of the marketplace. Still dressed in his military uniform, he leans casually against a lamppost, watching people go about their day. He's the embodiment of composure and total sex appeal, and I'm not the only one who notices. A group of girls across the street steal glances in his direction with their hands blocking their lips. I don't blame them for being fascinated by the man. He's captivated me since the minute I met him.
He pushes away from the post as I approach and gives me a weak smile. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I reply, my unhappiness on full display.
Taking a step forward, Ryland pulls me into his arms, and his lips brush against my ear as he whispers, “How did it go today?”
“William has never been so proud to call me his daughter,” I say with disdain.
His arms tighten around me. “If only he knew, it won’t be that simple, and you have no plans of keeping your hands off me.”
I stifle a laugh. That statement holds a lot of truth. “I love you,” I whisper against his shoulder. I need to remember that what I'm about to say isn't at all how I feel about him. It's a necessary evil that must be done to keep us all safe for the time being.
He presses his lips under my ear. “I love you too.”
As I pull away from him, I set my mouth in a hard line and struggle to look him in the eyes as I say what I must. “I've been thinking and this”— I point between us — “it's not working. I think it's time we let it go.”
“What are you saying?”
“I don't want to see you anymore, Ryland.”
He stops breathing for a second and swallows. Even though this is a fabricated moment, I can see that he's having as hard of a time with it as I am.
“Why?” he says, his voice hoarse.
“Things have changed since we got here, and I don't feel the way I used to.”
He reaches out for my hand, but I move away. “We just need more time to adjust,” he pleads.
I shake my head, removing the ring from my finger, and place the token of his promise to me in his palm. “I don't want to waste my time on something that's never going to change. I'm sorry, but I'm not in love with you.”
He lifts his gaze from the ring, his eyes glassy with unshed tears. “Quinn?”
I turn my back on him, fisting my hands at my sides and trying not to shake. We didn't talk about me giving back the ring, and I question if I took it too far.
“Quinn!”
The sound of him calling for me brings back a clear image from the day I left him behind at the Oscuros border. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, leaving him confused and heartbroken. I don't doubt that we have given a convincing performance. It's painful for even me.
That night at home, I pack my laptop and hand it over to River so she can take it to Noah. As we stand by the door saying our goodbyes, there's a knock. I open it to find my brother standing on the other side with a carton of ice cream.
He holds it up and says, “I thought you could use some ice cream.”
River and I exchange nervous glances. It appears the first stage of our plan worked. Now comes the hard part—keeping the facade up.
River clenches my laptop case to her chest. “I gotta run. Good call with the ice cream, Ridge.” She brushes past us, hurrying out of the house.
He closes the door, unaware of what happened. “Dad said you two had a deep conversation today, and you could probably use some company this evening.” He walks straight to the cupboard and pulls out two bowls.
I join him in the kitchen and get spoons for us. “I'm fine with him, but I broke up with Ryland,” I lie. It's one thing to deceive William, but with Ridge, I feel terrible. I wish it didn't have to be this way. Our relationship is so new, and he’s done nothing to deserve my betrayal. But I can't risk him running back to his dad with the truth.
“Really? I thought things were going well with the two of you,” he says.
“It needed to be done,” I flatly say, the lie like sand on my tongue. I won’t lie to him more than I have to. Besides, he most likely knows the ultimatum William gave me.
“Sorry about that, sis. Hopefully, some chocolate can lessen your heartache for a bit.” He ruffles the hair on the top of my head and leads me to the couch where we sit side by side.
“Ridge, can I ask you a question?” I say, placing my spoon covered with ice cream in my mouth.
“Sure.”
“You told me to forget about what I saw the other day, but I have to know. Are we looking for a cure?”
He slowly sets his bowl on the coffee table and says, “Sort of.”
“Are they working on ways to kill the Afflicted?”
“Nothing is more effective than shooting them in the head, so no. Although, I will tell you that the subject you saw that day did die.” He leans back into the cushion and drapes his arm on the back of the couch. “There are reasons for everything going on here. I swear to you, what we're working for is going to give all of us a better life in the long run.”
It's a strange thing to say. Living inside of a mountain hardly feels like something better than what once was. Children are limited in their exposure to direct sunlight, and the adults have had their livelihoods chosen for them. We justify the loss of our freedom by telling ourselves what we're doing is for everyone here. But is it?
I place my hand on my brother's arm. “Help me understand. What are the reasons?”
“To rebuild and pull out of this stronger and better than before. Just because things won't be the same, doesn't mean they won’t have improved. One day, we will step out of this mountain and return to basics without all the convoluted bullshit.”
Ridge speaks with such passion about what the future holds. He believes in something bigger and greater, and he's on a mission to convert me to his cause. My only hang-up about diving straight in is that I never viewed Stern or anyone in this world as weak. We are all just a little lost sometimes. I'm down with a positive outlook in the face of tragedy, but nothing is perfect, and the death of millions of people will not set things right.
I sit straight and challenge him by saying, “I don’t understand. This continent became its best when it helped to lead the world in eradicating some of its biggest problems. Hundreds of thousands of people were saved from hunger, and children were receiving the best education possible. We were caring for the sick, making scientific advancements, and working toward total peace. But we were also keeping the differences that made each continent unique. Stern wasn’t perfect before the Affliction, but I believe we were always trying to be better. I don't want to go backward.”
He leans into me and with a smile says, “One continent shouldn’t carry most of the weight for the other four. We were making the advancements, we were farming the food, we were healing the sick. Stern is the best, and the people should be rewarded for that. And they will be. We're starting over with the best of our people—bright, strong, and resilient.”
I finally get it—the riddles, the physical challenge of finding this place. It was meant to leave what they consider the weakest people to die. They want the perfect society that is focused on itself. It shouldn’t be surprising to me. Certain sectors of Stern’s political environment before the Affliction were reflecting this. So many felt resentment that we gave so much to help the other continents instead of becoming a world powerhouse.
I hate it. And I hate that I'm going to pretend I condone these actions and make my father and brother believe I want the same thing they do.
It nauseates me.
What William and the leaders of this place want goes against everything my family taught me. We spent summer vacation in Bogati, not just because it is Amara’s homeland, but because it was the continent that still had the biggest problems to overcome. We dug trenches for fresh water and brought boxes of school supplies. It was important to us that a child growing up in a small village like Amara’s would have the same opportunities as River and I did.
I stifle my compassion and disregard my conscience, acting like I'm on board with what I have been told. “It makes sense. We can't afford to take care of the weak when we're in the process of something bigger. It's a sacrifice that has to be made.”
“Exactly.”
As the night goes on and I continue to talk to Ridge, my heart breaks. Over the past few months, I've grown to love my half-brother. He's been the only good thing about finding out that William is my father. Yet with every word he says, I lose respect for him. He's very matter-of-fact and he follows the rules, but I had no idea he was so apathetic towards others. It's my first actual glimpse of William's influence over him, and it makes me despise my father even more.
Ridge will most likely never be untaught the ideals that were passed down to him. I have a feeling he is just like his father. So much so, that he doesn’t really approve of me dating a man from another continent. Honestly, it's the most asinine thing I've ever heard of.
And it’s not just Ryland, Aiden, Noah, and Wes that he looks down on, but River too. She and so many others in this place don't meet the Sanctuary's standard of perfection. Whether or not they know it, they're considered less than those who come from a Stern linage. This whole concept is ridiculous, and I can't wait to get away from here.
Of course, things aren't so simple. I have a part to play. Bonding with Ridge and William over their ideals will give us the space we need to devise an escape plan. They need to believe I stand with them if we are to get away.
Until that day comes, I'll keep my mouth shut and play the part of William Spencer's perfect daughter. But I have no doubt that in the end, this will take a massive toll on my soul.