Chapter 16 #2
‘I’m curious,’ she said, ‘why here, when you could buy anywhere?’
He didn’t answer immediately and then shot her the kind of look that reached deep inside her. ‘Because I wanted to build in a place where I felt happy and whole. A place full of good memories. I couldn’t imagine building a home anywhere else.’
Jen wondered if some of those memories were of her. But she didn’t ask. She didn’t know what she’d do with the answer.
The thick band of trees suddenly parted to reveal the sea and Kāpiti Island beyond. He parked, switched off the ignition and looked out at the view through the windscreen. ‘I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be.’
‘I’m not surprised,’ she said, leaning forward to have a good look around. ‘It’s an amazing spot to have a house.’
‘Come on, I’ll show you around the estate,’ he said with a grin.
She laughed. ‘Shouldn’t take long!’
She jumped out of the car and followed him over to the front of the section.
‘Hey, you can see the chimneys of our house over the dunes.’
‘And you can see the rest of it from the beach. And all of MacLeod’s Cove.’
‘You don’t want to be closer to the village?’
‘It’s there if I need it, but it’s nice to have some space, too. I’m not so keen on people knowing my every move.’
She nodded, clamping her hair against her head as the wind picked up. ‘Yeah, I can understand that. In London, no one knew me and no one cared.’ She looked at him. ‘It’s weird coming back here where the opposite is true.’
‘No one cared?’ he asked.
She grimaced. She’d walked right into that one. But she couldn’t avoid giving an answer, and Sam deserved the truth.
‘Alistair only cared that we did what he wanted us to do.’
Sam’s face tightened, and he looked out to sea.
Maybe too much truth, thought Jen, turning her back to the waves.
’So,’ she said with false brightness, ‘there’s your caravan, and some pillars, but where’s your house?’
‘In my head,’ he said, walking over to it. ‘I moved the caravan on six months ago, began work on the foundations and then,’ he scratched his head, ‘kind of stalled.’
‘Why?’
‘Well, there’s a lot of work.’
‘You’re not intending to do it all yourself, are you?’
‘Yep.’
‘Why?’
‘Because…’ He gave a deep sigh and looked at Jen. ‘Because… a lot of reasons. But one big one.’ He shrugged but didn’t continue. Jen didn’t need to guess what it was he couldn’t say. Lucy had told her.
‘Your sister, Laura?’
He nodded. ‘Yep, Laura. Her death coincided with my divorce coming through, with Sarah doing whatever she could to stop me seeing Ailsa, and me getting sick of business meeting after business meeting.’ He swallowed.
’The last words Laura said to me were to ask me what I was running from.
’ He scoffed. ‘Can you imagine that, Jen? My little sister is dying of breast cancer, and she’s not thinking of herself but of me. ’
‘Yes, I can imagine that because that’s what Laura was like. Always thinking of others. How did you answer her question?’
‘I didn’t. And it kills me I didn’t give her an answer. And that’s what I’m doing here now, trying to figure out an answer.’
‘Have you found one yet?’
‘Only the one she supplied herself. That I was running away from my feelings. My heart.’
He looked up at the mobile of hearts, which swayed in the breeze, dangling from a corner of the caravan. He pointed to it. ‘She gave me that. As a reminder, she said.’
‘So you gave up everything and came here.’
‘That’s it in a nutshell.’
‘Seems we’ve both returned home to lick our wounds.’
‘Or to find ourselves again. Because one thing I have figured out,’ said Sam, ‘is that I left the best of me behind, here in MacLeod’s Cove.’
Before she considered what she was doing, she reached out and put her hand gently on his arm. ‘You’re a good man, Sam. Always have been and always will be.’
‘I haven’t always been, Jen. For a while I got lost in Sydney, working, playing, hardly seeing my wife.
No wonder even the flash apartment in Wellington wasn’t enough for her, and she went off with someone else and divorced me.
But’ — his gaze softened — ‘I know I was always there for my girl, Ailsa. And would be still if Sarah would give me a bit of leeway.’
‘But you’re catching up with her from time to time?’
‘Yes, and online, but I’d prefer it if Sarah would stop trying to punish me for being a rubbish husband and make it easier for us to meet.’
‘Perhaps if you talk to her?’
‘I’ve tried.’
‘Well, I hope Sarah lets go of her anger sooner rather than later. It can’t be good for Ailsa or her.’
‘You’re right there. Ailsa hates it. I’d love you to meet her sometime.’
Her surprise must have shown on her face.
‘No, of course not. I’m sorry. You’ve got your own stuff to deal with. And besides, it’s not like there’s…’ He stopped speaking as if he realised, if he continued, he’d dig himself a hole too big to get out of.
‘I’d love to,’ she said. ‘Does she live in New Zealand?’
‘No, but she’ll be back next month.’
‘It’s a date.’
‘Cool. You’ll like her. She’s a good kid. And she’d like to meet you.’
‘She knows about me?’
‘Er, yeah, I might have mentioned something.’
She laughed. ‘Sam Boyd. I don’t know if I want to know what you told her or not!’
He didn’t say anything, just searched her face. Her laughter died away.
‘I told her you were the one I let slip through my fingers when I was too young to understand that I should have done anything, said anything, to make you understand how much you meant to me. I told her you were back, but you’d changed.’
‘Oh.’ She tore her gaze from him and stepped away, raking her fingers through her hair. Her hopes had risen sky high, only to come crashing down again. ‘I guess I have,’ she said shakily.
‘Jen —’
She held up her hand to stop him. ‘It’s OK, of course I’ve changed, it’s only…’ There was a part of her that wished, just this once, Sam wasn’t so honest.
‘We’ve both changed. It would be odd if we hadn’t. But under those cool defences you’re still the girl I fell in love with.’
‘I am?’ she asked faintly.
‘Yes. Jen McLeod, would you come on a date with me?’
She opened her eyes wide and immediately shook her head. ‘No, I can’t do that. I’m still legally married, for one thing.’
‘You’re separated, and you told Lucy you have no intention of ever returning to Alistair or to England.’
‘Lucy told you that?’
His lips tweaked into a grin. ‘Yep. I’m afraid she wants you to be happy.’ He paused. ‘Don’t think of it as a date, think of it as a caring act to an old friend to escort him to the village dance.’
She laughed. ‘A dance? I haven’t been to one in years.’
‘Me neither. But there’s a gig at St Andrews Hall tomorrow night. You’ll be doing me a favour. I won’t have to answer questions about why my house isn’t progressing. They’ll all be too busy fussing over you.’
Her face fell, and he took her hand.
‘OK,’ said Jen, ‘I’ll come if you think it’ll help. No doubt I’m more of a legend than I imagine.’
‘Infamous, more like,’ he teased, his smile widening. ’So you’ll definitely come?’
‘Happy to save you from your public, Sam.’
‘I don’t have much here — no food — but I have a bottle of malt whiskey. Would you like a glass?’
‘Any mixers?’
‘Lightweight,’ he teased. ‘Some ginger wine?’
‘Oh, potent but nice. Yes, please.’
They sat companionably together on the steps of the caravan, talking about the old times, watching the sun go down and drinking. It was only when the darkness pulsed from daylight into twilight that Jen looked around.
‘I’d better be heading back.’
In the end, Sam, who’d limited his drinking, wouldn’t hear of her walking home and so he drove her back. It was only when they pulled up outside MacLeod’s Cottage that she realised she was empty-handed. She’d completely forgotten the CRC.
She opened the car door and immediately heard a sound, which sent a wave of fear through her. Liam was screaming.
‘What the —’ said Sam, before following her up the garden path and into the house.
Inside, the scene was one of chaos. Liam sat in the middle of the hall floor, tears streaming down his face, a picture of abject terror illuminated by the harsh overhead light. Kate was crouched beside him.
‘What happened?’ Jen demanded as she dropped to her knees and gathered Liam into her arms. ‘Hush, Liam, it’s OK, it’s OK. What’s wrong, baby? Mum? What happened?’
Kate rubbed her fist against her mouth and looked up with a worried expression. ‘Nothing that I saw. One minute he was sitting at the window seat looking outside and the next he was screaming as he came running into the hall to find me. Inconsolable.’ She shrugged again. ‘He wouldn’t tell me why.’
‘Come on, Liam, let’s get you off the floor,’ said Jen, as she sensed her reassurance calm him, his cries beginning to peter out. But still he refused to move anywhere but the hall.
Jen glanced across at Sam, who stepped forward, crouched down beside Liam, and caught his eye.
‘All right, mate?’ he said in his no-nonsense way.
Liam sniffed and nodded automatically, responding to Sam in a way that was quite different to how he responded to his mother or grandmother.
‘Good, then what say we all go into the other room and get a drink?’ Sam said.
But Liam shook his head vigorously, his thumb finding his mouth as he hadn’t done in years.
‘Why?’
‘I want to stay here,’ he said, looking around.
Sam considered for a moment. ‘Why here?’
‘Because there are no windows.’
‘No windows?’ repeated Kate looking around her, puzzled. ‘Liam, why don’t you want any windows?’
‘Because he might be there again.’
Jen swallowed down the dumb terror that threatened to roar through and overtake her. She couldn’t afford to be paralysed by fear. Not now. Not anymore.
Instead, she took a deep breath, determined to continue with Sam’s easy conversation. ‘Who, Liam?’ She licked her lips, waiting for a reply, but Liam traced the pattern in the rug. ‘Liam, who did you see?’
‘Dad.’
‘Your dad?’ asked Jen, the words sticking in her suddenly dry mouth.
Liam nodded. ‘And I don’t want to see him again.’