Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
‘So,’ asked Kate, ‘what did the solicitor say? You’re not liable for Alistair’s debts, are you?’
Jen shook her head, tossed down her bag and sat down on a wicker chair on the verandah. Kate poured her a glass of lemonade.
‘No. There aren’t any, apparently.’
‘What?’ asked Kate. ‘But…’
‘I know. He was heavily in debt, even taking into account the money I left behind. I saw the paperwork. But it’s been cleared.’ She took a long swig of lemonade. It was a warm day, and she’d been dreading the meeting in Wellington to go over Alistair’s affairs. But it had taken a surprising turn.
‘Cleared? By whom?’
Jen replaced the glass on the table. ‘His grandfather. You remember I contacted him after Alistair died?’
‘Yes, of course. I remember you saying he was devastated.’
‘Yeah, he was.’ She sighed. ‘Well, it seems he took it upon himself to sort out Alistair’s estate. Paid off his debts and wants him buried in the family churchyard. The undertaker has said they’ll organise everything.’
‘Well, that’s a surprise.’
‘Isn’t it just? And it’s not the only one.’
‘What else does he want?’
‘He expressed a wish to meet his only great-grandson. And the solicitor intimated that Mr James Cameron is an extremely wealthy man and it would be in Liam’s interests for him to meet up with his great-grandfather.’
‘Financially?’
‘I’m guessing.’
‘Goodness. So, what are you going to do?’
‘Nothing yet. It’s only a week since Alistair died. I don’t want to talk about money. I don’t want me or Liam to benefit from his death. In fact, I don’t want to think about it at all.’
‘What did the solicitor say?’
Jen sighed and closed her eyes as she tried to recall all that the solicitor had said.
She’d been so shocked to find that she didn’t have to organise Alistair’s estate or settle his debts that she’d found it hard to focus on what he’d been saying.
She opened her eyes. ‘Something about a trust. That’s right.
He said I didn’t have to respond yet, and that I should wait until I’m ready.
Apparently, a trust is involved. He said he’d be in touch.
And until then, I really don’t want to think about it.
I want to focus on the present. On giving Alistair some kind of memorial service.
I need to mark his passing. The question is, how? ’
Lucy snorted. She’d been sitting quietly in the sun with her eyes closed, recovering from another long day in the café. ‘How about doing nothing whatsoever? He doesn’t deserve it.’
Kate shook her head and tutted.
‘He was Liam’s father, Lucy,’ said Jen. ‘I can’t pretend he didn’t exist, and I can’t pretend his death didn’t happen. I don’t want Liam to go through life avoiding thinking about his father. We need to do something.’
‘What did Alistair enjoy?’ asked Kate, turning her back to the sea and looking at Jen. As Lucy pulled a face and negative things ran through Jen’s mind, Kate shook her head. ‘No, I mean, there must have been something he enjoyed, maybe something he hadn’t done for a while.’
‘Like what?’ said Lucy dryly.
‘I don’t know, like’ — Kate gesticulated — ‘walking, sunbathing, swimming, picking flowers.’
Lucy and Jen looked at each and tried not to laugh. But then a sudden memory popped into Jen’s head, and she frowned.
‘What is it?’ asked Kate. ‘Have you thought of something?’
‘Well,’ she said, remembering their first date when he’d taken her to the Scottish Highlands.
She realised now that it must have been located close to where he was raised, although at the time she’d had no idea.
For all she knew, his grandfather had lived in one of the large houses they’d passed.
‘Birds. He told me once he used to birdwatch, and he took me to a place in the Highlands where he’d seen a golden eagle when he was a boy. ’
‘Did you see one?’
‘Yes,’ she said quietly, remembering. ‘We did. It circled above us, then gave the most piercing cry and disappeared over the mountaintop. I don’t think I ever saw Alistair smile like that again.’
No one said anything. They suddenly saw a very different image of Alistair. Of a life lost.
She felt her sister’s hand on her arm. ‘Are you OK?’ Lucy craned her neck to look into Jen’s face. ‘Oh, Jen, don’t cry,’ said Lucy, pulling her close and holding her tenderly. ‘It’s OK.’
‘I know it’s OK. I remembered when it was OK. And that’s something to give Liam. That memory of what his father was once like. No, what he was still like deep down. That’s something to hold on to, isn’t it?’
‘It is,’ said Kate and Lucy in unison.
Six weeks later, Jen, Sam, Liam, Kate and Lucy climbed aboard a motorboat and set off from the beach across the sea to Kāpiti Island.
The late spring weather was warm, and the sea was as calm as a millpond, as they motored the fifteen-minute journey to the bird sanctuary.
Jen had chosen the island to hold a small memorial service for Alistair as it was home to some of New Zealand’s rarest species.
It was directly opposite MacLeod’s Cottage, and Liam would see it every day.
She hoped it would be a reminder that there was a different side to his father than the one he’d experienced.
That day there weren’t any other visitors, so it was only their small group who went ashore, and had their bags checked for predators by reserve staff before they began the trek up to the topmost peak, more than 500 metres above sea level.
For once there was no wind, and the air held a magic stillness, as if it was watching their progress through the thick bush which enveloped the island.
There might have been no wind, but the air was full of birdsong.
Saddlebacks, tuis, waxeyes, bellbirds and others Jen couldn’t identify, sent lively, discordant, trilling notes through the shade of the trees.
Luckily, Sam knew most of the birds and could answer Liam’s questions as they walked along the path, with its shifting patches of sunshine filtering through the thick overhead canopy.
They were still on the lower slopes when Sam and Liam, who were leading the party, stopped so suddenly that Jen nearly bumped into them.
‘What —’
Sam held his finger to his lips and pointed forward.
Jen looked around him to see an enormous bird, as tall as their knees, the blue and green of its plumage striking against the red hook-like beak.
It wasn’t in a tree, and it wasn’t flying.
It was taking its time walking across the path in front of them.
It stopped for a moment, looked at them, cocked its head to one side, before moving slowly on, confident that these strangers meant no harm.
‘Wow,’ breathed Liam. ‘What was that?’
‘Takahē,’ said Jen. This was one she knew. ‘I saw one once before and remember telling your father about it.’
‘Was he interested?’
‘Yes, he was very interested. He said he hoped to see it one day.’
Silence descended on the group as they all contemplated what might have been. It was Sam who made the first move. ‘Come on, we’ve still a long way to go.’
Jen remained for a few moments, letting the others continue on, not wanting them to witness the wave of grief which had suddenly swept over her. Since Alistair’s death, her emotions had been all over the place. She blew her nose when she saw Lucy retrace her steps and walk towards her.
‘You OK, sis?’ asked Lucy, tilting her head and shooting her a gaze full of sympathy.
‘Of course,’ said Jen, beginning to walk again, in step with Lucy.
‘Good.’
‘It’s just upsetting to remember what Alistair was like when I first met him, and how he’d wasted his life. How much potential there was and how it came to nothing. I want Liam to know that there was more to his father than the painful memories.’
Lucy nodded and slipped her arm through Jen’s, and they continued up the steep path to the top.
It was a long walk, and they were all breathless as they emerged above the trees on the island’s peak.
‘Wow!’ said Liam, turning a full circle. ‘Look, there’s MacLeod’s Cove.’
‘And if you look closely, you’ll see the cottage,’ said Kate. ‘See the tall Norfolk pine? It’s to the right of that.’
‘I see!’ said Liam, jumping up excitedly.
‘No jumping up here,’ said Jen, laughing, and putting her arm around Liam. ‘I don’t want you falling over there.’ She pointed in the other direction, to where the cliff plunged almost vertically into the ocean.
They were silent as they all looked away from MacLeod’s Cove into the sea, which was deeper on this side, and across to the islands which marked the northernmost points of the South Island. Today, their outlines were starkly clear against the pale blue sky.
Jen took a step back and watched as her family looked around, talking quietly, their mood suddenly subdued. She felt it too. But she also felt settled — grounded — here in the place of her birth. She was home, and she was truly safe now. It was time to do what they’d come here to do.
Each of them said a few words about Alistair before they turned to Jen. She looked out to the bright horizon and thought about Alistair, focusing on the man she knew at the beginning of their relationship. There were so many things she wanted to say to him, but this was for Liam.
‘Alistair,’ she said, before licking her lips, still unable to say his name without feeling fear.
She closed her eyes tight shut. ‘I remember when we first met, you told me you wanted a son who could be all the things you weren’t able to be.
Well, we have one. And I want you to know that he has inherited your best qualities and that we will love and cherish him here at MacLeod’s Cove. ’
Her words hung in the silent air for a few moments before she felt Liam’s arm around her waist. She opened her eyes and gave him a hug before turning to the others.
Tears streamed down Kate’s face, and Lucy moved away abruptly and cleared her throat.
Her gaze came to rest on Sam, who simply nodded his approval.
If Jen didn’t know her sister better, she’d have said that she’d shed a few tears, too. But this was Lucy, who never let her emotions rule her brain.
‘Time to get going,’ said Lucy, looking out towards the lowering sun. ‘We don’t want the boat to leave without us.’ She stretched out her hand. ‘Liam?’
Liam took Lucy’s hand, and they led the descent back down the path, with Kate following. Only Jen and Sam remained at the summit.
‘You can see my place from here, too,’ Sam said.
She followed his gaze out to the small clearing which marked his land, and where his new house would be.
‘You should spend your time working on your own house rather than MacLeod’s Cottage.’
‘I can do both. And I have been. I picked up where I’d left off on the footings last week.’
‘You did? That’s really great. So, what’s changed? You said you’ve been sitting on this project for months.’
His gaze continued out to MacLeod’s Cove, his eyes watering a little in the bright light. ‘Remember what my sister said to me?’
‘How could I forget? She told you to find your heart.’ Her own heartbeat quickened as she said this. ‘And have you?’ she asked quietly.
‘I have. And it’s full,’ he said, his eyes shifting to hers. ‘And I’m ready to move on. With my house… with you. Question is, are you?’
She knew what he was asking. She could see it in the shadow of insecurity which lingered in his eyes.
‘Sam, you know I can’t. Not yet. As friends, sure, but anything else’ — she shook her head — ‘no. I need to heal first. Or at least begin the process.’
‘Yeah, sorry, of course.’ He looked away, and she could feel his pain, but there was nothing she could do to ease it.
‘Sam, my feelings for you run too deep to allow you to believe I’m over everything that has happened. But I really believe I will be. And when I am, I really hope you’ll still be around.’
He smiled then. ‘I’m not going anywhere, Jen MacLeod.’
A shout from Liam further down the path made them both look out to sea, in time to see a spout of water and a whale arc through the water, its V-shaped tail slapping the surface before disappearing into the depths.
‘Wow,’ they heard Liam exclaim.
Wow indeed, thought Jen as she and Sam went to join the others in their descent back down to the beach.
It might not have been a traditional memorial, but it was something positive Liam would associate with his father and remember all his life. No one wanted a monster for a father.
Kate and Lucy went ahead, talking quietly about the café and Lucy’s worries about a proposed development in the village, while Jen followed, partly listening to their conversation and partly listening to Liam, whose questions to Sam never stopped.
‘Sam,’ Liam said, ‘what happens when someone dies? Where do they go?’
‘No one really knows for sure, Liam,’ said Sam. ‘Some people think their souls fly to heaven and are with God. And others think they become part of the universe from which they came.’
‘Part of the universe? What do you mean?’
She glanced over her shoulder and saw that Sam wasn’t in his comfort zone but, to his credit, he carried on. He wasn’t going to ignore or divert Liam.
‘Just that the tiniest parts of us are absorbed into the tiniest parts of the universe, things like the air, the sea. So that it’s all one.’
‘I don’t get that.’
‘No, I don’t really, either. Not in a practical sense, but I guess that’s what I believe.’
‘What, that part of my dad will become the sea?’
There was silence.
‘Or the whale, or a bird?’
‘Yes, I guess so.’
‘So people aren’t really gone when they die, they just change into something different.’
‘Yeah, well, maybe.’ Sam cleared his throat. ‘At least I think it could be like that. As I say, no one knows for sure.’
‘Oh. So, why do you think that if no one knows?’
Sam wiped away a sheen of sweat from his forehead, which, Jen was sure, was totally unrelated to the physical exertion of descending the hill.
‘Because that’s what I feel in my heart. Sometimes it’s hard to get your head around things, but you can trust your heart to understand things a little better.’
They all continued walking in silence as Liam considered this.
‘So you mean my heart is better at understanding things than my head is?’
‘Yeah, you got it.’
‘And what does your heart understand better?’
Sam glanced at Jen, suddenly aware she’d been listening. He smiled. ‘So many things.’
She returned his smile and continued down the path, knowing she couldn’t wait to find out the entire contents of Sam’s heart. And she would. Slowly. Even if it took her a lifetime.