Chapter 14
Everly
By late afternoon, I was able to change back to my human self, and I was a little sad about that.
It turned out that puppies got a lot of pets, and when you’re a puppy, even if you’re also a human, you don’t think people petting you feels at all weird.
Puppies had this love me love me mentality that was hard to shut off, even for a perfectly logical human mind.
They were also a lot more playful than I’d realized, never having owned a puppy myself. I had wanted to race, run, and play with literally everything and everyone.
I ended up barking up a storm in excitement when Zian had come slinking out from Consort Mia’s bedroom. At first, I’d been afraid he was looking at me like I was a particularly delightful mid-afternoon snack, but then I’d realized that big cats, adult or not, liked to play too.
We’d raced around the villa like our tails were on fire—chasing, tumbling, pouncing... The first time Zian had play pounced on me I’d nearly lost control of my puppy bladder right there in the marble entrance hall. Thankfully he didn’t eat me, instead we’d napped together like the best of buds.
When I’d woken up as human Everly from my nap on the floor with Zian wrapped around me, I hadn’t screamed or fainted, or felt weird about any of it, which was how I knew I was losing my mind. Zian had merely chuffed at me, nuzzled me, then left.
Zian had been drawn to me as a human. I wondered if that draw was still there as a puppy. As long as I didn’t get mauled, it didn’t matter, and I was content.
I stepped out of the limo and gaped at the cabin that Mesmer had brought us to. I had been doing a lot of gaping lately, but I couldn’t help it, these paranormals were just so extra all the time. This was not your average cabin. It was humongous!
Mesmer grabbed our bags from the trunk, and I squeezed him in a side hug in goodbye, surprising myself. It wasn’t that I wasn’t affectionate, but I’d always been more reserved than this. At least, I used to be. Being a paranormal, or maybe just being around awesome people, was changing me.
“Thanks, Mesmer. You’re sure this has all been taken care of? They know we’re coming, and they’re okay with us staying for a few days to give King Draven and Consort Mia a little bit of breathing room?”
Mesmer chuckled, patting my shoulder as Alaric took the bags from him. “It’s all been taken care of.” I nodded. I hoped so. Otherwise we were going to find something to eat, and then a hotel.
A man—err, bear shifter—opened the front door, and my eyes widened again.
He was as huge as Mesmer and Alaric, and one was a dragon shifter and the other a gargoyle!
Just how big were bear shifters? He had blond hair that was nearly white, and ice blue eyes that radiated welcome and warmth.
He was also, I noted dispassionately, very handsome.
He nodded at us as Mesmer waved, then got in the car, carefully backed out of the driveway, and drove away.
“Welcome to the Bear Clan Lodge! We’re happy to have you for a few days.
I’m Alpha Riggs Torvinder.” He and Alaric stayed well back from each other, and I couldn’t figure out why.
Alpha Riggs also stayed several paces away from me as well.
I frowned. I didn’t think they’d met before, at least, that was the impression I’d gotten from Alaric.
It’s mostly because Riggs is giving respect to Alaric as the new shifter king, and to you as his mate, Elandor explained. With shifters we don’t like anyone near our mates because their scents get mixed in with our mate’s, and it bothers the animal half of them.
But you’re very sentient, and I thought mythical shifters were different?
We are, but it’s a closely guarded secret. With most shifters, he would be doing the exact right thing. For me, as long as he’s not being inappropriate toward you, I’m fine.
Shouldn’t that be up to me to determine? I wasn’t trying to be difficult, but sometimes being the chosen mate of a shifter felt like I was losing my autonomy.
Alaric’s attention jerked toward me, cutting off whatever Alpha Riggs had been saying. He looked startled. You feel like you are losing yourself? Elandor asked gently, likely repeating what Alaric was thinking.
I clutched the strap of my backpack tighter until it gently bit into my skin.
Kind of. It’s nice, the care and companionship, but I feel sometimes as though I’m the completion to someone else’s person, and not a person in my own right.
Not that... I sighed. I’m sorry. I don’t think I’m explaining this well.
Would you mind talking about this with us later?
I shrugged. I don’t mind, but I don’t know what good it will do if it’s hard for even me to understand what I’m feeling.
Meanwhile, Alpha Riggs was staring at us as though we were collectively the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny.
“Forgive me,” he said, blinking in astonishment, “but were you communicating mind to mind prior to...” He trailed off, perhaps realizing that his question was too personal and therefore inappropriate.
I didn’t mind, though. I had a sense about people, and this guy seemed to be a good one. “I can communicate with Alaric’s dragon telepathically, and then Elandor communicates that with Alaric. Alaric and I can’t talk directly. At least, not yet.”
Alpha Riggs paled. “I hadn’t realized...” His voice had a pleasant gravelly sound to it. He shook his head. “Please come in. I’ll show you to your rooms.”
I followed, looking around in interest. Once you got through the front door, it opened immediately into the living room, which was set up with cozy-looking chairs and couches.
Above us, I could see the railing for the second floor, with the access stairs just to my left.
Alpha Riggs trod up the stairs and I dutifully followed, with Alaric on my heels.
He led us to a room on the back of the second floor, and opened the door.
The inside was beautifully decorated in sage green and pale honey oak. It again, opened directly into a living area, with a small kitchenette to the left, and two doors leading to what I assumed were bedrooms at the back.
“There are two master suites in here. I assumed, Prime, that you would want Everly to be close.”
Alaric nodded. “I do. Thank you. When you have a moment, I would like to speak with you.”
Alpha Riggs nodded, as if he’d expected the request. “My office is just before the stairs, on this floor.”
“Let me get Everly settled and I’ll meet you there.”
Alpha Riggs left us then, and Alaric immediately turned to me. “I’m sorry, Everly, if I’ve ever made you feel like you don’t matter.” He sounded both weary and heartbroken, and I almost flinched at the pain in his green eyes.
I reached out and laid a hand on his warm forearm. “I think part of it is me. I’m used to my life being very small, and your life...”
“Isn’t,” he finished for me.
I nodded.
“Is that... a dealbreaker for you?”
I thought about it. Was it a dealbreaker? I set my backpack down on the kitchenette table, and slumped down onto the couch. Alaric followed.
“Before I tackle that answer, does my being sick bother you?”
“It only bothers me because you’re sick and in pain and I can’t fix it.”
I shook my head in frustration. I wasn’t sure he was thinking about this clearly.
“I will be sick for a while, Alaric. Possibly after we’re.
.. mated or whatever. That means I will be sick as your queen.
Think about what that means. I would struggle to be the queen you and your people need.
Also, don’t certain animals pick off the weakest and the sickest of a herd? ”
His eyes blazed with what looked like literal flames. “If anyone dares to lay a hand on you they will lose their life, no exceptions,” he said angrily, then the flare of heat in his eyes dimmed. “You will be protected.”
I bit my lip. “What about the day-to-day stuff?”
He reached out and took my hand, rubbing circles with his thumb over my knuckles.
“Even if you never get better, I would still want you to be my mate. Whatever you can and cannot do is immaterial to who you are. You’re enough, just as you are.
This is true even if you never decide to be my mate.
You as a person, as Everly, are exactly right to be the shifter queen, and I would feel like the luckiest man in the world if you consented to be with me. ”
“It will be inconvenient for you at times,” I tried to warn.
And in so many ways. It was difficult to understand for the person in a relationship with someone who was sick, but my illness would make things difficult for Alaric.
There would be times I would be too weak to do much.
There would be conversations that might get a little confusing and frustrating for him because I couldn’t think clearly.
I needed a wheelchair some days because my body couldn’t stand easily.
These were all things he needed to take into consideration.
Then there was also the emotional fallout. He’d have to put up with my tears, my pain, my emotional struggles. Sometimes even my depression. My depression had lifted since I’d met Alaric, but it could and probably would come back.
All of these and more were a part of my daily life. Alone, I’d inconvenienced few people other than myself. But in a relationship? It would be a whole different matter. I just didn’t want to disappoint him.
There was also the worry that being in a relationship would be too difficult for me until I healed.
How did you even begin to allow someone else into your life when you could barely take care of yourself?
When it took all of your energy, health, and determination simply to exist?
My mind was willing, was ready, was hopeful, but my body. .. I sighed. My body was an issue.
What made it tricky was that he wouldn’t really know how he felt about any of this until we were knee deep in a relationship.
You couldn’t know, not unless you’d experienced it somehow yourself or with a loved one.
I was worried he would eventually grow to resent me. That he would see me differently.
“We’ll take it one day at a time,” Alaric promised.
“You’re not and never will be an inconvenience,” he said, tapping precisely into my fears.
“And if there are times, days, weeks, months, where you’re too sick to do much, that’s okay.
Yes, our life will adjust around that, but that doesn’t mean I will resent you because of it.
Are there going to be disappointments? Yes.
But that’s life. It doesn’t mean that I will be disappointed in you.
” He smiled. “Maybe just a little disappointed I can’t spoil you in certain ways. ”
I huffed a laugh, even as I blinked back tears. “You spoil me plenty.”
He pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me, but I was still worried. It was hard to prepare someone else for what my life was. Then again, he was a dragon shifter who currently couldn’t shift, so maybe he understood a little about how our bodies failed us sometimes.
I pulled away and studied him. I didn’t see the flaws he’d warned me about—only the warmth in his eyes when he looked at me, and his kindness, tenderness, and playfulness. None of that required him to shift into a dragon.
On the outside, Alaric didn’t look like he had ever experienced a drop of anxiety or had ever second guessed himself, and yet back at the cabin he’d told me he struggled with those things daily.
It just went to show, you never knew. You never knew what someone else was going through. We all wore masks to cover our struggles. And when you took the mask off, and saw the real person underneath... You began to understand that we were all going through something difficult.
We all needed kindness and comfort.
We all needed love.
Maybe the point wasn’t to close myself off because I felt unworthy or broken. Maybe the point was to try to love anyway, and to try to let others love me.
As if he was echoing my own thoughts, Alaric said, “You are enough, Everly. Exactly as you are.” Then he chuckled. “Now me on the other hand.”
I bit my lip as I leaned my forehead against his chest. “You’re enough too,” I whispered.
He sighed. “I don’t feel like I am. Even though I’m healing, I’m still struggling with anxiety. We also still can’t shift.”
You will be able to soon. We’re getting stronger every day.
I blinked, assuming Elandor had broadcasted that to us both.
“Yes, but will it be in time for me to be crowned Prime?”
Have faith.
Maybe that was the answer for both of us—faith.
Faith that Alaric and Elandor would heal completely.
Faith that I would, too. And faith that everything in our lives would work out—not perfectly, I knew better than to expect that, but well enough.
Because I was falling in love with Alaric, and I hoped life wasn’t so cruel as to bring me into his world only to rip me out of it again.