Chapter 20 #2
I blinked several times, seeing spots for a moment, before I could make out anything that was happening.
Only to witness Everly, as if she were tuned to Shay’s same frequency, also start glowing.
It was like they were two excessively bright nightlights illuminating the dark.
Rays of light and power danced from Shay’s hand and into the dragon, before they both reached out into open air, and yanked.
The dragon jerked, his deep, sonorous breaths stuttering for a moment, before resuming again.
His breathing evened, sounding like the waves of the sea crashing on the seashore, powerful and peaceful.
I hoped we were doing the right thing. We knew nothing about this dragon. If he’d been cursed or spelled because he’d been terrorizing a country? We’d have to put him down again. I’d have to put him down. Dragon or not, kin or not, I needed to protect my mate.
Shay and Everly slumped against each other, utterly exhausted from whatever magic they’d used. I moved to catch them, forgetting for a moment that I was useless. But it didn’t matter, because Elandor caught them with a foreleg, letting them lean against him until they regained their strength.
“That is one really old dragon,” Shay said faintly.
There were no lights in the cavern but the lights from the cracks in the cavern letting it the sunlight from outside.
That and my excellent shifter eyesight were enough to see that my best friend looked like he needed a three year nap.
His skin was pasty, and he was slow blinking enough to make even me, a ghost, drowsy.
Everly nodded in complete agreement. “If him being old is tied to the level of difficulty moving him from one realm to another, then I’d say yes.” She put a shaking hand to her face. Her complexion was even more ashen than before, and I wasn’t the only one worried about her.
“Treasure,” Elandor said in concern, “come rest here for a moment. Let Shay finish and do what he needs to do.”
She nodded gamely and moved to rest against Elandor’s warmth and bulk, settling against him with a sigh.
I watched them, feeling like someone was taking an axe to my heart.
I had no frame of reference for what I was feeling. I’d never dated, never been interested in anyone other than my mate. Over the long stretch of my lifetime, Elandor and I had sent away many females hoping to pair with us, and we’d never felt like we were missing out on something.
We’d certainly never been jealous.
Yet... I was. I fully knew it was absurd. Elandor was a part of me, and I part of him. It was only here in the dreamscape that we were separate. Well, and Everly could make him non corporeal in the living world, which was definitely new and strange for us.
We’d existed together, as one unit, always.
But now we were two.
My mate could separate us. Enjoyed separating us because she cared about us both, and by separating us she could spend time with both.
I closed my eyes and swallowed.
I didn’t like this feeling. It felt like a ball of pain was trying to swallow my heart and throat. I felt like crying, but also like shoving Elandor away from her. I wanted to declare that she was mine... but she was ours.
We were one.
I turned away. “I’ll go scout out the rest of the cavern; make sure we’re alone in here,” I said.
“Okay,” Everly said sleepily, clearly fading, tucked up as she was against Elandor’s warm scales.
I clenched my fists.
I wanted Everly sleepily cuddling with me so much that it physically hurt.
I’d waited so long for her. Lifetimes. I had to constantly caution myself to go slow, to not scare her with the intensity of my feelings.
To be patient and not push her. It had only been weeks but I felt like I was slowly coming undone.
Soon, I told myself.
Just give her some time. She hasn’t spent a lifetime waiting for her mate. This is all new to her.
I moved silently across the main cavern, and started poking around in the many offshoots around us.
A few of them led to an underground river.
One of them led to a waterfall. Some dead-ended, and others were so dangerous that I was probably the only one able to pass through.
Ghostly as I was, my feet weren’t making tracks in the dirt and debris of the cavern floor.
It felt like I was stepping my foot down onto the rock floor, but maybe the feeling was all in my head.
Something I was used to, and therefore expected and imagined.
I moved around a huge boulder blocking the path, and walked through a trickle of water entering one side of the cavern, and exiting somewhere far below. I came to a sheer drop off, and, being careful not to get too close, peered over the edge.
My eyes, even though Elandor wasn’t with me, were shifter eyes, so I could see everything.
A massive city opened below me with streets, trees, houses, gardens, factorites and businesses, everything a troll would need to live in their massive cave systems.
But it was empty.
Abandoned.
I’d have to ask Garyyk why the trolls had left this location. I doubt it had to do with the dragon we were trying to save.
Dragons were the strongest shifters, but a handful of fully grown trolls could damage a dragon without too much difficulty. Trolls were both hard to damage—like their gargoyle cousins—and amazingly strong.
As I moved, I tried to quiet the thoughts clawing at me, but they followed anyway.
I was too old to be this jealous. Too disciplined. Too aware. But love changes things. I’d always known I would be protective of my mate—that’s part of being a shifter—but I hadn’t anticipated the depth of it. The aching need to be near her, to shield her, to touch her.
Over the years, I’d studied human psychology, relationships, even communication theory—anything to help me be a better partner someday. I thought I understood love in principle. But theory doesn’t prepare you for the real thing.
Falling in love with my mate had not been difficult. It was life that was difficult.
And my jealousy...
I sighed.
I knew that jealousy most often came from fear and insecurity.
Having been sick—and having anxiety as part of that sickness—had taken me down some dark roads, roads I had no desire to walk again.
Yes, I was afraid for Everly’s safety, and yes, I was afraid I might make a poor Prime.
But those fears, too, were rooted in insecurity—because that’s what jealousy really was.
Insecurity. The need to measure up as a king, as a mate, as a father.
Each of those roles touched something deep inside me, a quiet terror of failing the people I loved.
And more than anything, I just didn’t want to fail them.
“Alaric?” Everly asked hesitantly from behind me. “Are you okay?”
I spun around and found her at the mouth of the V-juncture I’d just passed. I tried to wipe my tears away surreptitiously, but my hands wouldn’t make contact with my face; they just skimmed right over it.
How did it make sense that I could cry, but not wipe away my tears?
This whole Casper thing was bordering on ridiculous. And the worst part? They’d been right—Everly and Elandor. They hadn’t needed me at all.
“I’m okay,” I said, lying through my teeth. I wasn’t okay. I felt like I was breaking apart inside, all of the little pieces of me scattering to the far corners of the world.
Everly carefully found her way over the broken stones, wincing as a rat screeched and crossed her path, but she persevered until she came level with me and looked carefully at my face.
“You’re not,” she said quietly.
I glanced away from her too perceptive gaze. “I should have listened to you and Elandor. I shouldn’t have come.”
“I’m glad you did, though.”
I turned in surprise. “Really? I thought...”
“What?”
I shook my head. “I just feel pretty useless here.” And then, because I was tired of trying to hide everything from her, I turned fully to her and said, “I’ve been jealous of Elandor.
” She blinked in surprise and I chuckled darkly.
“I’ve never been jealous of him a day in my life.
He’s my other half. But being able to separate us like this.
.. with me not having my normal form, I’m jealous that he can touch you and I can’t.
That he can help you. That he can comfort you.
” My shame burned through my chest. I was disappointed with myself, and I hurt Elandor.
I could tell as I walked away from the group that he was stewing over something. “I’m sorry, Everly.”
She bit her lip. “I’m sorry, too. It must be difficult, having two halves.
You’re whole, he’s whole, but together you’re complete.
There are no halves. And... with my ability to draw Elandor out of you, I can only imagine the maelstrom of new and uncomfortable feelings that’s brought up for you.
” She looked at me intently. “But, Alaric, I think under the circumstances, those feelings are normal. And I think when you get the chance to speak with Elandor about all of this, he’d probably tell you the same thing. ”
She’s correct. Listen to our mate. She is wise.
My insides unclenched.
You’re not upset with me?
He chuckled. Not even a little. Surprised, yes. But that’s a good thing. I’ve long thought we were past surprising each other.
I smiled faintly. So, I’m adding some interest to the sameness, is what you’re telling me.
His chuckle echoed through our connection. Yes, fledgling.
I’m the same age as you, I protested.
And yet I’m wiser, he teased. Focus on our mate, not me. She is standing before you, sweet and beautiful.
I gratefully did as he asked. Everly’s beautiful blue eyes were full of compassion. She didn’t hate me. She didn’t even seem disappointed.
I reached out, brushing an incorporeal fingertip along her cheek. “What did I ever do to deserve you?” I murmured.
She grinned. “I’m sure you once saved a puppy from being kicked, or a bag of kittens from a river or something.”
I chuckled, then sobered. “One more thing.”
Apparently, I’d decided that the middle of a rat-infested cavern with a snoring dragon was the perfect time to spill my insecurities, because I was going for it.
“I’m also… struggling with anxiety and fears about being a good mate to you. I don’t want you to end up hating me, Everly. And I want to be a good king, and a good father. I just… I don’t want to let any of you down.”
She was quiet for a long moment, then smiled softly.
“Alaric, you’re going to fail me and disappoint me sometimes.
And I’m going to fail and disappoint you.
That’s just life. But I’m not afraid.” She reached out instinctively, her hand passing through mine.
“Because I know you. I know the kind of person you are. You love completely. You protect fiercely. And you care enough to worry—that alone tells me that you’ll keep trying, even when you sometimes get it wrong. ”
Then she smirked faintly. “Besides, we don’t even have kids yet. Where has your head been?”
I couldn’t help laughing. The heaviness in my chest eased, replaced by a warmth that spread through every part of me.
I reached for her again, out of instinct, then sighed when my hand went straight through her shoulder. “Mate?” I said dryly.
“Yes?” she said, smiling.
“We need to finish this mission and get home. I want my body back.”
She laughed, heading back the way she came. “On it.”
Back in the main cavern, Shay looked grim. That was never a good sign.
“He hasn’t woken yet?” Everly asked.
Elandor shook his head. “Shay’s doing everything he can, but it isn’t helping.”
Everly stepped closer. “What can we do?”
Shay turned, his face pale and drawn. “I don’t know if he’s going to make it,” he admitted quietly. “If he has a chance, I’ll need to stay with him around the clock. We should move him to your castle, Alaric—it’s both private and safe.”
This dragon might be the last of his kind. Whatever it took, I would see to his care.
I nodded. “If that’s what you think is best.”
Everly blinked, stunned. “Wait. You have a castle?”