Chapter 18
Juli
After his abrupt departure from the shower, I don’t linger. I don’t need the scent and reminder of Cameron invading my thoughts.
As if I can magically turn them off.
I will the tears not to fall. I’m better than this. I can do casual. Even with Cameron Fairbanks. This was never a long-term situation. Even without discussing it, it always had an end date. Despite how much I wish it were different and it didn’t.
This week with Cameron has been amazing, and I should count myself fortunate for spending the time with him. For being a person Cameron wants to spend time with. For still being sexy, maybe sexier than in years past.
Believing this and convincing myself it’s true are the hard parts.
Leaving the shower running, I step out, reaching for a clean towel. I dry my face first, hoping for the end of the tears I’ll shed in mourning the loss of Cameron.
Reminding myself we can still be friends and do all the other things he mentioned, I steel my shoulders and walk to the bedroom. “It’s all yours,” I tell Cameron, who’s absorbed in his phone.
“Huh?” He looks up at me, and the guilt almost breaks my heart. I dig my feet into the floor, not allowing myself the option of going to him. “Oh, thanks. I’ll be quick. I’m famished and know you must be, too.” He springs off the bed, and I don’t allow myself to turn and drool over his naked ass.
“Kinda lost my appetite a bit ago,” I mumble into the room.
Realizing I can’t head down this path, I lecture myself with a pep talk.
“You’ve still got time to enjoy his company.
Don’t waste it being all sad. Retreat across the line back into friend territory.
It’s not like it’s an unfamiliar place.”
Giving myself exactly two minutes to wallow, I hold my head high, ready to tackle my last dinner with Cameron.
A melancholy settles over Cameron and me.
Sure, we laugh, he’s courteous to me and his staff members, but the energy’s changed from an hour ago when we were lying in bed having finished making love.
I hesitate to call it that, but there’s no other way to describe it.
I unwillingly handed over my heart somewhere between the time it started and ended. I can’t regret it, though.
Well, technically I could, but I don’t want to. Sitting on a bar stool next to him makes me want him more. Like a forbidden fruit I can’t eat.
“What time’s your flight tomorrow?”
“I leave the resort at nine to make it to the airport by ten-ish. Not sure of the exact departure time, but I arranged it to make sure I had plenty of time.” I take a sip of the Bushwacker Natasha put in front of me. “I’m going to miss these. Wonder if I can find a local bar back home to make it.”
“Probably not the way we make ‘em here. But you could try.” Reading the tension, Natasha moves on from us when we don’t react to her joke.
“I should take off tonight, so I’m not in your way tomorrow morning.”
“What, why?” My tone sounds desperate, my heart rate kicking up in my chest. I want him to be in my way. I’m not prepared to say goodbye tonight. That wasn’t my plan. Guess it’s another thing we never discussed.
He shrugs but offers no more explanation.
Tears threaten behind my eyes, but I blink rapidly so they don’t fall. “Stay. Please. I need . . . one more night next to you.”
His fingers drag through his already tousled hair. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
Cue the deflation of my heart. “Oh. Okay.”
We both stare ahead, neither of us speaking. What’s left to say?
So much, and nothing at the same time.
I’ve lost my appetite for the rest of the drink. I catch Natasha’s attention, asking for the check.
When she drops it in front of me, Cameron snatches it up. “It’s on me. Owner status and all.”
I don’t have the will to argue.
Despite the humidity still lingering in the air, my insides are chilled. I wrap my arms around my abdomen to ward it off. It does little.
“Will you have to work tomorrow once you’re home?”
“No, tomorrow’s another day off before new projects start later this week.
I’m working with a new author. She seems .
. . eccentric. We’ve only exchanged a few emails, but she’s already sent me three different ideas for the same book cover, all of which differ vastly from each other.
It’s going to be a challenge to rein her in and decide on something.
I’m already preparing for multiple changes. ”
Cameron nods along, appearing to be listening attentively. “Do you charge for every change?”
“Not little ones, like different fonts or colors or swapping out an image, as long as the new image can kind of slide into place as is. If there are major changes, for sure I do. Only one author has ever complained about the extra fees. It’s no surprise she hasn’t worked with me since.
Though I have noticed she’s updated her covers at least twice in the past year. ”
“You love what you do.”
Without thinking, I smile. “I do. I love the freedom it affords me, the ability to work from home or anywhere I want. Had I needed to work this week, I could have. From the pool deck or the balcony. There’s a lot to love about that.”
“And it pays the bills.”
“Exactly. I had a good foundation to start from, but business steadily increases each year. If I lose some clients, there are others waiting in the wings to take their place.”
Cameron heads for the stairs instead of the elevator, pausing outside my door.
Digging through my bag for the key, I hand it to him. Once inside the room, I place my hand on his arm. When I have his attention, I mutter, “Please stay. But don’t make me beg.”
One eyebrow peaks, one side of his lips quirking into a smirk. “Begging looks pretty good on you, Jude. At least when you need release.”
“This isn’t that,” I assure. I am all sexed out. I want one more night to lie next to him, to wake up beside him before I go back to my empty condo and have to sleep alone.
“It’s going to make it that much harder in the morning.”
He’s not wrong. I’ll deal with it then.
“I haven’t heard any good reasons you can’t.” If he truly needs to leave, I’ll respect his wishes. But I’m not getting that sense. He’s trying to protect me, as well as himself. This week has affected him, too. He hasn’t said it in so many words, but there’s no way it couldn’t have.
He kicks his flip-flops off. “You’re kind of addicting, you know that?”
My guffaw ricochets off the silent walls. “No one has ever referred to me in that way.”
“Glad I could be the first,” he mumbles drily. “I get full control of the TV tonight, and we get up early to watch the sunrise. From the beach.”
“How early is early?”
He doesn’t consider his answer. “Six-thirty should give us plenty of time to get out there to witness the splendor.”
“I have to be all packed and showered tonight.” I think of any other stipulations I want. “And you need to pack, too. Gotta check out of here before I leave for the airport.”
“If you haven’t noticed, I’m kinda a big deal around here. Pretty sure they won’t kick me out if I stay past the official checkout time.”
I don’t know if he means for it to be funny—probably not since it’s who he is—but I can’t help smiling. “Oh, are you? I hadn’t noticed.”
“Okay, so we’ll pack, you’ll shower, I’ll pick our TV viewing, we’ll sleep.” He winks, but not confidently. “We’ll get up and watch the sunrise.” He stops there, leaving off the inevitable goodbye.
On tiptoes, I stride closer, one slow step at a time, until I’m right in front of him.
My heels lower to the ground, my eyes peering up at him.
I’m not going for seduction, but I want him to honor my request, so I need some tactics.
I add one last stipulation. “Breakfast in the morning. Know a place I can get pancakes?”
His Adam’s apple bobs with his swallow. “Think I can have that arranged. Six-fifteen delivery?”
Eek, that seems early, but I nod, solidifying all my choices. It’s not like I can’t sleep when I get home. And with no distractions in my bed, I’ll do just that—sleep.
“Go take a shower. There should be a clean towel left for you.”
It takes all my strength not to burst into tears at his comment. How he’s not making fun of my quirk, but actually supporting it.
It could be so easy to fall in love with this man.
Rising on tiptoes again, I plant a kiss on his stubbly cheek. “Thanks, Cameron. For always being the man I knew you’d be.”
I turn tail, leaving him standing there speechless.
Cameron stirs early in the morning. As much as I want to stay tucked under the covers—even in the bed by myself—he makes it impossible when he pulls all of them off me. The air conditioning blasts around the room, trying to freeze me out.
“Not. Funny,” I call out, my eyes still closed as I burrow my head into the pillow.
Cameron deflects with humor. He’s always been this way, but sometimes his humor and mine differ. Like right now. But he gets a pass.
He’s not ready for today either.
Dragging my bones out of bed, the smell of strong coffee and pancakes wafts from the other room. I make quick work of emptying my bladder before rushing for breakfast. Our breakfast sits on the table, and my feet stop moving in the doorway, my eyes deceiving me.
The to-go cup isn’t familiar, and it does not match any of the ones I’ve gotten this week from the resort.
Letters adorn the side, but from this angle, I can’t make them out.
When Cameron steps in front of them, it’s impossible.
Though the sight of a sleepy Cameron Fairbanks, his hair standing in different directions, a knowing smile decorating his lips, his “cat ate the canary” expression, doesn’t disappoint.